Software is hard! Get it?  It’s a nerd joke.  See it’s called “soft”ware :: but it’s actually not soft at all … wait for it … wait for it … it’s hard! {lolz} And of course :: “hard” could also mean boner :: and what’s more funny to a nerd than a boner? {lolz x 1023}
Okay :: nerds aren’t funny.  Shut up nerds :: your jokes are pissing me off.  Try sticking to math :: graph paper :: and World of Warcraft {4 the Alliance!} :: I’ll take care of …

When we last checked in with Doctor Harlan Kilstein :: he was not a doctor … but he was a perverted :: d-bag :: know nothing :: sick-o :: fucking lunatic who was stealing money from the weak and vulnerable.  Let’s check in on him again shall we?
{uses chopsticks to slightly part Kilstein’s Pee ‘n Sweat ‘n Jizz™ stained curtains :: Up Periscope [ten foot pole edition] :: deep breath :: open eye and look}
Yep yep! Same same :: but now with even more fat and salt.
Do you {insert anything}?  …

James Arthur Ray :: ball-less wind bag :: can’t be satisfied with just stinking up Twitter.  He’s decided that :: “I just killed four people” :: is the perfect platform for a little video blogging.
Who doesn’t want life advice from a herpes ridden middle age man living alone and facing bankruptcy and a 36 year prison sentence for crimes he most definitely committed?  Exactly :: this is sure to be the second wind of his inglorious career … like Beaches was for Bette Midler {and forever friendships}.
But the first entry …

CNN blows fishy chunks!!  Has CNN’s suck-a-tude ruined America? A non-commissioned panel of panelists issues a report saying maybe/probably :: more after the break!!
{begin break :: insert CNN sponsors}

Dow Chemicals :: you’ll love our yummy chemicals.

BP :: Green … Environment … Sustainable … Adorable Babies … and just a dash of burning stuff.

Lockheed Martin :: killing just got a little easier.
{end break}
The autopsy reports were released in the James Arthur Ray manslaughter case.  You’ll never guess what they said.  Do you want to guess?  I’ll wait … waiting … still waiting … let’s go to …

I’m sure you’ve heard by now that my good friend Frank Kern has just launched a hot new product that has everybody and their mothers {literally!} talking.  I mean if you can’t feel the HEAT that’s emanating off this thing deep in your loins :: then you probably don’t have any loins. All the top guys are promoting it :: followed closely by all the wannabee bitches :: and the wannabee wannabees.  Everyone who is anyone :: and everyone who is no one :: they can’t ALL be wrong. Can …

A fine piece of {shit} Internet Marketing recently featured on The Colbert Report. Congrats to Bill Heid for being mocked on cable :: an honor for which there should be an associated medal or something.
Bill has been running commercials during Glen Beck’s totally reasonable show for his totally reasonable product :: The Survival Seed Bank.  $150 for some seeds that will finally allow you to plant that “Crisis Garden” that you’ve always dreamt of in your nightmares {Disclaimer:  The preceding should not be interpreted to imply that a “Crisis …

>> bleep :: begin 80′s musical intro …

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin’ tough, stayin’ hungry
They stack the odds ’til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive
It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the cream of the fight
Risin’ up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he’s watchin’ us all in the eye of the tiger

>> bloop
Now I’m pumped!  Are you pumped?  Greg Hartle is pumped :: he’s the “cream of the fight” :: it’s …

It’s best not to have Great Expectations :: as they only lead to great disappointments.  The moment you start believing that you are going to end up with the pretty girl :: Miss Havisham will intrude and bollix all of your fondest hopes.  Wouldn’t it be better to fly by the seat of your “I eat too many processed foods” pants?
James Arthur Ray “thinks” so :: which is why the Spiritual Warrior Participant Guide :: sent out in July of 2009 :: contains almost no useful information about what to …

Three days after The Droid’s first post about the Church of Scientology :: The New York Times ran their own {non-hilarious} expose.  Is this merely a coincidence :: or was the Gray Lady shamed into action by my robotic bravery?  I think we all know the answer.  There are NO coincidences :: only the will of Xenu as manifested through vestiges of men.
Speaking of non-coincidences :: The Droid also happened to be in New York City and rolled past the Manhattan home of the glittery thetans.  I didn’t have time to be audited into clear :: but …

Are you KSW?  Or are you one of these skank ass bitches who doesn’t care about the world having the correct technology? And NO :: I’m not talking about donating iMacs to your local school system.  That’s just lame :: and it won’t do anyone any fucking good.  As if kids need experience working with computers.  Let them eat cake! Of course :: I’m talking about the only thing that really matters :: Keeping Scientology Working.
Apparently not enough people are KSW :: because Scientology is so so stupid :: and …