The Salty Droid is on “vacation” this week … trying on the equally ironic role of Uncle Jason.
I saw this Picture of Dorian Gray :: and it reminded me of you mother fucking mother fuckers.
Stay golden {slash tarnished}!
>> bleep bloop

Everyone’s asking the same question right now :: do sweatpants qualify as actual pants?
No … they don’t. Do they feel like pants … or do they feel like freedom? Exactly! :: think before you ask questions people.
In other news :: some half-wit … half-cocked … half-ass suggests that death by shotgun would be an appropriate end to my Salty Droiding™.
Whatevs! {rolls tri-eyes}
“Sounds like a threat! You should report him to The Man … ” says all y’all.
Nah.
Fuck him … don’t care. This is the dude … some oldster from an irrelevant island …

An anonymous citizen sent me a video :: thank you citizen. I fixed it up a bit :: made it shorter :: and added the d-bag theme song … but it was otherwise not my handy work.
Irwin F. Kern speaking at he and Ed Dale’s “Underachiever” seminar in the loathsome and marsupial bespeckled land of Australia :: circa 2004.
Irwin explains how he got started in Internet Marketing. It’s an inspirational story … like the virgin birth. Except replace the virgin with a dead hooker … and replace the baby Jesus with the rights to …

“Syndicate is a fancy way of saying trade union.”
Says Frank Kern :: famed connoisseur of fancy talk. Fancy talk :: fancy cat food :: fancy flip fops … only the fucking fanciest for Frank.
This past March :: during The Syndicate’s launch of Frank Kern’s List Control :: I wrote a sweet post that RickRolled all y’all.  Given the fake drama that surrounds me … it was an especially epic RickRoll for which I should win some sort of prize {but I won’t because the judges are racist against robots!}. That post also had several secret …

{smoke still clearing}
Hi again!
So badguys … how you like me now?
The Internet Marketing Syndicate post {plus comments} currently has a word count of 54,000. The first 1500 words are fucking priceless {natch!}. The quality of the remaining 52,500 is … let’s say … highly variable. So :: for the second time :: the comments are the post.
Congratulations on the epic honor of making the cut … your fake check is in the mail {no it isn’t!}.
@Cosmic Connie ::

“Good work, SD. You have illuminated the apparent business model not only for …

The Syndicate.
That’s what they call themselves.  The Syndicate.  Like if they built a fucking tree house {which they probably did} :: then they used a wood burner to carve that name over the extra wide door. The Syndicate. “Look Mom we named our club! It’s a name and a description … we’re super smart like that.”
The Syndicate is a cartel at the center of the get rich quick world of Internet Marketing. Each of the members tries to pass himself off as a freewheeling entrepreneur. An individual rising above :: …

You know what I like?
No … you don’t!
It’s a rhetorical question :: so don’t bother answering you arrogant fucking prick. This blog ain’t about you :: and me :: and Polly PrissyPants sitting down for a lovely cup o’ tea {distinctive Earl Gray!} and having girl chat about our favorite things.
You :: “Didn’t you just love blah blah blah’s collection of summer dresses?”
FakeMe :: “Oh it was absolutely fabulous! The vibrant colors and rich textures really brought the whole thing to life for me. I hope we can expect the same level …

Ryan Deiss’ Perpetual Traffic Formula :: just take a moment to savor the name :: Google that is … I’m talking to you Google GOD DAMN IT. Savor the fucking name!!
“What name?” asks the spirit of Google via a Lily Dale medium.
Great question spirit of Google :: Ryan Deiss’ Perpetual Traffic Formula …
{savoring} {… still savoring} {… savoring dash of smoldering} {and done.}
Ryan Deiss Perpetual Traffic Formula RipOff
{and done for realz.}
Perpetual Traffic Formula REFUNDS
{… resavoring}
Done.
“They” say that 80% of SEO is negging on Google :: keeping her interested but …

Since The Salty Droid’s momentous Hello World twenty glorious months ago :: many an irritated d-bag has opined about the relative value of this site to society. Droid protocol dictates that these flaming turd flingers :: and piss poor propagandists :: be briefly slapped about the face … and then largely ignored. But perhaps that’s unfair :: perhaps more of an effort should be made to reach around to the other side :: and to respond genuinely to genuine criticisms.
The following letter has been remixed and assembled exclusively from the many nega-comments left on this site by …