The Salty Droid» Aaron Parkinson

The Pansy Rebrandification

SD — Tue, 12 May 2009 08:57:55 +0000

Last month The Droid did a review of Aaron Pansy Parkinson {link} Co-Founder of Carbon Copy Crap :: I don’t remember the specifics … but I believe I gave him ZERO Stars and recommended that he be EATEN by a whale.

{parenthetical simulation of time passing …}

Well, god must hate me because the shit with the whale hasn’t happen yet {perhaps whale eatings have become passé}. But it seems The Pansy has experienced a sort of Unholy Reformation nonetheless.

Before The Droid fired the Lasers of Obviousness ::

After the Truth Scalding ::

Wow! A complete re-branding {link}. Now instead of a wannabe MMA fighter exploiting his own child for ill-gotten gain :: He’s a short … balding … Neo wannabe exploiting the 90′s for ill-gotten gain. Gone too are the horrible videos I mentioned :: Sucked {one would presume} into the WormHole of Shame.

Dear Aaron,

First :: I accept your apology.

Second :: If you had any real friends they would have told you how shockingly scammy and embarrassing your web presence was :: But you don’t :: And they didn’t. You had to hear it from me … and I didn’t exactly tell you gently. Now you’re going to be having insecurity night-sweats about it into your late forties. Public Epic Fail :: Public Humiliation :: You’re welcome!!

All you have to do now is STOP scamming :: Give people their money back :: Issue a public apology for all past transgressions :: And I’ll be str8 off your ass. Simple!

What Is Possible? I really don’t know :: But I’m sure we’ll all feel a lot better about it once Bald-Neo is done writing us a new definition.

>> bleep

Aaron {Pansy} Parkinson: Web 1.34

SD — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 05:47:25 +0000

Carbon Copy Crap co-founder Aaron {Pansy} Parkinson :: He’s a legend in the field of Calling Yourself a Legend. The Pansy claims he can help you leverage the internet to become a marketing “rockstar” {jazz hands}. But before you go handing The Pansy your wallet {and the keys to your 2002 Chevy Lumina} … let’s inspectify his webification!!

Name :: Full Contact Marketer {insert.shadow.boxing}

His business name is a ManChild reference to MMA fighting :: He’s Dukes-Up in his primary headshot! Aaron, let me explain something to you … as a personal favor … YOU’RE NOT FIFTEEN. You’re a balding, and occasionally impotent, man with a complete LACK of real skills :: It’s time to give up the “dream.” Put down your dukes and grab something other than your dick … like a wrench … or a vacuum.

Twitter {here}:: Following 6200 / Updates 234

{translation} Bulk follow script {obviously}. He’s followed 3000 tweeps in the last week. Notice that he was just about the last scammer on EARTH to figure it out :: Apirl ’09 .. Cutting Edge :: Are you just picking up a Wii as well? Telling all your friends about how much fun the bowling is …

The Blog {here} :: Oh god … look away!

The Pansy don’t need 1 of these new-fangled blogging programs with a database backend … he’s only got SIX posts … so just one page of HTML and he’s Web 2.0 GoodToGo!

Quotable Quotes :: {vomit receptacle recommended} :: loop.[sic]

Why Calling Something a Scam Is A Scam.

“Here are the three reasons why calling something a scam is a scam.

People take zero responsibility for the decisions they make … There are so many reasons why a person can fail and 99% of them are the fault of the buyer.
They want to “ride the coat tails”. This means they have something they want to sell and they leverage the successful person’s traffic to get people to there website.
Consumer protection-like sites. These are the biggest scammers out there … They allow uneducated people to whine and complain about people and companies without verifying the validity of anything.”

When will these uneducated, failing, haters stop complaining about Aaron the Pansy scamming people out of money? :: It totally gets in the way of him scamming people out of money.

Dick in Sheep’s Clothing ::

Talking about your family to cloak your wickedness = Bad

Using images of your child in blog headers :: Putting her in your videos {here} :: Constantly referring to her by name :: That’s just plain SICK.

NO KIDS! That’s supposed to be a rule that even the bad guys understand. NO KIDS!

I wonder what she will think at 26 when she’s watching it all on the Eleven Dimensional Visual Archive ::

YOU -> Exploiting HER -> To exploit the WEAK

>> bloop

Carbon Copy Crap

SD — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 05:08:13 +0000

There is no question that DK Dipshit and JimmyDavis are squirmy little turds. They are of no value :: They are unpleasant to look at :: They have the stink of waste :: If you get them on your skin, you’ll think of NOTHING but washing them off for months {no mere soap is powerful enough … The Droid recommends gasoline followed by matches}.

But DK and Jimmy are just one sad wilting branch on a much bigger Turd Tree. The Droid isn’t content with breaking just the smelly little branches :: This WHOLE mother fucking Tree is going to go DOWN!

Hello Jay Kubassek & Aaron Parkinson :: bleep bloop :: Do you want to be my friends? {the correct answer was OMG NO! … but it’s too late now}. Some of your turd babies floated up on my lawn, and I’ve followed the smell back to you.

{enter stage left} Carbon Copy Pro {sneering at inner dialog with twitching fingers}

Jay and Aaron’s contribution to society is an expensive … useless … multi level … punk ass hustle. Here’s how it works ::

You pay to apply, then you pay for some other shit, then you start paying a HUGE monthly fee, then you pay the special “Holy Shit You’re Still Giving Us Money” price
You make a sadly underwhelming attempt to get others to do the same … and are barely compensated for it
Eventually you see that it’s ONLY working for them and NOT for you :: But you can’t let yourself admit that you’ve been hustled by a couple of SUPREME BASTARDS … so you blame yourself.
You walk away much poorer :: Your debts have ballooned :: You have another failure in your Life Log Book
Then the Thick, Black, Fucked-Up Depression comes … just like before
Congratulations!! You’ve just been done the Carbon Copy Pro way.

There is nothing Professional about Carbon Copies :: They are smudged, unclear, dirty reminders that someone more important has the fucking originals. Carbon Copies started dying a slow death in the 1960′s … along with open racism and misogyny :: All three died slowly because the establishment hates improvement … but once they were dead, no one was shedding any tears.

Now it’s Carbon Copy Pro’s turn to DIE! I’m coming for you Jay & Aaron … you sick pricks … but it’s not going to take me 4 decades to kill you off. You are standing atop of a poorly constructed Card Castle …

>> run.program {Huff-n-Puff} loop.until.collapse <<

See you in Hell.

>> bleep