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Salty Droid headquarters is being relocated due to an outbreak of bordomites. Bordomites :: in case you’ve never heard of them :: are a thing I just made up that force you to relocate. {sorry stalkers :: you’ll have to start all over}
Several days without the …. OMG … NO! :: I can’t say it.
PULL IT TOGETHER ASSHOLE!!
Several days without the Internet {tears}.
I hope I survive …
I hope you survive ….
I hope hope survives …..
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In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.
Millions of days later God was like, “And let there …

Mind Control Made Easy or How to Become a Cult Leader :: a short film by Carey Burtt.
This short film {12 min} somehow manages to be quite adorable in spite of the two brainwashed murders. It provides a clear blueprint for any budding psychopath to start making a 6 :: 7 :: or even 8 figure income simply by sucking the life out of other humans.  It’s easy :: it’s fun :: and it’s a complete turn-key cult solution.  Yours FREE today just for signing up for my telepathic opt-in …

If you really want to hear about it :: the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born :: and what my lousy childhood was like :: and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me :: and all that David Copperfield kind of crap :: but I don’t feel like going into it :: if you want to know the truth.  I usually just tell people :: “I’m a robot” :: but they never believe you :: and still ask for your …

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Salty Droid:  So I believe we had established that you are a Mormon Internet scammer living in an RV down by the Mississippi river :: Does that sound right Teacup?
Jason Jones: Close enough.
Salty Droid:  I see you’ve thrown down more visuals :: looks fucking official :: you’ll excuse me if I don’t read it.
Jason Jones: The last post produced some very interesting results as expected, but there were still a few residual doubters. So please enjoy my law license, my law school diploma, and the envelope in which they remain …

Salty Droid:  Special guest with us on the blog again today.  His name is Jason Jones :: and you’ve never fucking heard of him. Jason writes a blog about savory robotics and high end hair conditioners {or something} :: who cares … fuck him! :: Jason … welcome to the fake show.
First question :: Who is the Salty Droid?
Jason Michael Jones: Interesting question Droid.  First time I’ve heard it {fake laughing … in the distance a choir full of angels sings}.  I would have loved to have told you myself …

Who is the Salty Droid?
Enquiring minds want to know :: But they struggle with the enquiring … and the “knowing” for that matter {and perhaps “mind” is putting it a bit strong}. It’s been almost a year since the beginning of “The Droid Problems” … and the d-bags still know nothing.  So the quest continues ….
Who is the Salty Droid?
Is it your Momma?  Cause someone reliable told me it was :: that woman is hideous and foul so I’m not surprised.
Who is the Salty Droid?
Is it a non-sequitur? Many mysteries …

In the central halls of the Doofus League :: evil glasses are being raised {pinkie out} to toast the end of The Salty Droid era.  “Boys :: James Arthur Ray’s life ending exploits have delivered us from the righteous retribution we so richly deserved :: Three cheers for murder :: Hip Hip”
Also many pleas from The People :: {small weeping fragile voices} “Droid please don’t abandon us for this new war. What ever would we do?  I guess we could cry and cry and cry like a bunch of whiny …

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Pick a card :: Any card …
Now take that card and get the fuck out of my house.
I don’t care if you’re only seven … I don’t like being asked to do magic tricks.
It makes me feel inadequate.
And you know what? :: Leave the card! :: Just get the fuck out.
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