Happy Halloween!
Not really.
I told my fake secretary Debbie :: NO COSTUMES! :: this is a professional operation. I don’t want a parade of fagatronics around here … especially in service of the devil’s day.
But she ignored me completely … per the usual … and came dressed as a goat witch.
“Are you insane Debbie?” :: I scream tantrumed.
People come here for world class fake robotics :: not to be subjected to juvenility and mildly slutty goat based witchcraft. I should have her flogged … but I’m not sure what that means … or who …

Busy doing a little something something … no time for issuing literary profanities.  Please accept this publication of a lame attempt at Droid censorship as content in my absence.
The following bullshit was sent to my server :: and my servers upstream provider {their connection to the Internet backbones} …

From: Simon Benson
Date: October 21, 2010 10:05:12 PM PDT
To: abuse@dod.net
Subject: Possible Violation of Terms Of Service & Illegal Activity.
Hi,
I would like to bring it towards Project DoD’s attention that the following site’s webmaster which Project DoD is providing hosting service for, www.saltydroid.info has been violating …

Gnomes are known to be grumps :: but as the male gnome balds and approaches menopause like village idiot Mike Filsaime is now :: things can get out of control right quick.
Wait … that was hateful of me! It’s not right for me to dehumanize predators in order to shine a light on their wickedness and empower their victims. I told myself I was going to be a better me! Argh! I apologize to everyone :: especially Jesus. I know how frustrated Jesus gets with …

Tony Robbins is fucking toast.
No wait :: I mean :: I saw Tony Robbins on some fucking toast.  Yeah … that’s what I meant … I saw him on some toast.  Remember? It just happened!
I was trying to write a serious article about how the Canadian authorities are turning a blind eye to sickening perversions within their famed Royal Canadian Mounting Police … when I was rudely interrupted by some annoying code loop and a piece of apparitional toast.
I tried to be all cool about it because I’m a badass and everything …

So have you heard about toast fucking?
It’s terrible.
Toast fucking is the new thing where you fuck :: or get fucked :: with toast. The video proves conclusively {as long as you’re willing to jump to conclusions} that Canadian authorities have known about toast fucking since at least 1996 :: and yet they have done …
[interr[interruption_loop!]uption]
~~ the robot is instructed to behold the toast ~~

~~ behold the instructions within the toast robot ~~
[interr[termination]uption]
Hey! Don’t fucking interrupt me “interruption_loop” … if that is your real name.  And don’t bring food in here … …

Turtles are like the only cute reptile … but that doesn’t mean that you can trust them. Some turtles are real assholes.
Out-of-control bastard turtles is something the lamestream media refuses to cover … too busy sucking off the frogs one supposes. No matter :: picking up the slack for sloppy :: lazy :: useless fucks is what I do … right Dateline?
Anywayz :: video of turtles fighting! {music by The Capstan Shafts}
>> FTW!!!
Speaking of turtles … as I just was … just now … right above this here. Turtles … remember? …

Part 2 in my vacation series of award winning non-posts …
In Part 1 we explored how Frank Kern was dead inside … but still oozing green pus … or something.
In Part 2 we examine how Jeff Johnson :: whose “Traffic Voodoo 2.0: Unstoppable Traffic” frauduct launch is up next for The Syndicate :: wears a pretty flower on his fanged face vagina … or something.
Gnomes ain’t down with vaginas … or something.
Traffic Voodoo 2.0
Jeff Johnson
Gnome
vagina
dot com
Traffic VooDoo
2.0
vagina
… or something
>> bleep bloop

The Salty Droid is on “vacation” this week … trying on the equally ironic role of Uncle Jason.
I saw this Picture of Dorian Gray :: and it reminded me of you mother fucking mother fuckers.
Stay golden {slash tarnished}!
>> bleep bloop

Everyone’s asking the same question right now :: do sweatpants qualify as actual pants?
No … they don’t. Do they feel like pants … or do they feel like freedom? Exactly! :: think before you ask questions people.
In other news :: some half-wit … half-cocked … half-ass suggests that death by shotgun would be an appropriate end to my Salty Droiding™.
Whatevs! {rolls tri-eyes}
“Sounds like a threat! You should report him to The Man … ” says all y’all.
Nah.
Fuck him … don’t care. This is the dude … some oldster from an irrelevant island …

You know what I like?
No … you don’t!
It’s a rhetorical question :: so don’t bother answering you arrogant fucking prick. This blog ain’t about you :: and me :: and Polly PrissyPants sitting down for a lovely cup o’ tea {distinctive Earl Gray!} and having girl chat about our favorite things.
You :: “Didn’t you just love blah blah blah’s collection of summer dresses?”
FakeMe :: “Oh it was absolutely fabulous! The vibrant colors and rich textures really brought the whole thing to life for me. I hope we can expect the same level …