Coldwell Case Files

This SaltyDroid story trilogy was eight months in the making :: it features …
… some beatdowns …
… some lawsuits …
… a German …
… a Texan …
… a Lawyer …
… a lie detector …
… a hypothetical Jew …
… and a semi-retired fake robot …
It’s gonna be fuckin’ awesome :: and it starts right here … at the hilarious end.

The End
Shame of Germany […]

Ocean Breathes Salty

This fucking “job” is like cocaine :: exhilarating … addictive … expensive … and personally destructive.

But how am I supposed to go back to being a normal/boring person after seven years a fake robot?

It’s not possible :: the arc of my irrelevant life has been set … and it involves incessant rhetorical fisticuffs with people who want to stab […]

Krispen Culbertson William May Lawyer SEO & Associates

Leonard Coldwell’s new lawyer-ish-type-person is just not that into me …

“But then, human beings aren’t as important as your grandiose ideas, are they?  Stalin and Hitler had the same idea, and you don’t even realize it. They didn’t get out much, either.”

… says he to me today.

In case you’re trying to calculate Godwin’s Law probabilities at home :: I’ll give you […]

Leonard Coldwell … again?

I just love to look at this picture and go :: wow … dumb.

It’s Leonard Coldwell and Peter Wink :: “Real Champion” castaways of Kevin Trudeau … showing off their suckcessfulness by modeling their matching IBMS Masters Society wedding rings. This must be the engagement photo …

… I’d hate to presume :: but it sure looks like Lenny is already […]

Hurricane Herbalife

“Attend EVERY event” :: Herbalifers are told … at every event. I’m too busy doing ________{insert anything else} to satisfy the EVERY standard :: but I did attend ONE event … which went way better than my Herbalife job interview. Here’s my staccato summation of an all day event at Herbalife …
clapping with music
changing your life!
we are a family clapping

rhythmic clapping
your life […]

The Secret of Tony Robbins

The New York Times reveals the secret of Tony Robbins :: and that secret is … Tony Robbins is so awesome and he knows Mitt Romney and Barack Obama and everything! He invented life coaching!

People “live and die and breathe” for Tony Robbins :: giggles Andrew Ross Sorkin … it’s all highlarious good fun. But he understands that there are […]

Christopher Reese :: Straight for My Boys

Christopher Reese {pictured above left with Herbalife executive Des Walsh} is an International 15K President’s Team member :: which in case you’re not down with the lingo … means he’s very near the tippy top of the pyramid.

Reese oozed up from Chairman’s Club member Doran Andry’s Southern California scum-pot-downline … a group of people building their fake businesses beneath […]

Merry Christmas Goodbye

What if … I’d never fucking existed?

It’s easy enough to imagine :: cause fake robots aren’t even real … and I’ve recently been an unannounced absentee.

Another year is ending :: it’s dark and cold :: a great time to ask myself the tough questions … maybe contemplate suicide.

Is it a wonderful life?

{not really}
Merry Christmas
I imagine that my guardian angel […]

Conscripted Consumption at Club 100


“Who would like for their own kids to have the exact same life that they’ve had so far? That should be enough motivation for you to take seriously what I’m telling you. Do something different — am I right or not?”

… semi-shouts a Colombian trainer for Herbalife’s Club 100 to her audience of impoverished recruits.

“If you earn 2,000 or 3,000 […]

The Most Important Post of My Career

Financial journalists judge the importance/relevance of a given piece of news or information based on the stock market’s reaction to its revelation. Reporters who move stock prices are rewarded :: those who don’t … aren’t. It’s dumb :: and irrational … but it’s how the profession is setup.

Guess who told me that?

Bill Ackman.

So then why :: in the name […]