Herbalife

Is Herbalife a pyramid scheme? {hint :: yes}

The Burton Family Affairs

It’s clear how Michael Burton’s faux career at scam company Herbalife is going to end :: fucking disastrously … and with no possible excuses.

“But how did his career begin?” … asks a giraffe standing on a turtle.

Well :: inquisitive giraffe with extraordinary balance :: it began with used cars … in the style of our very own previously shat upon The […]

The Burton Affairs

Herbalife show piece :: and puffy-old-ass-white-guy :: Michael Burton … is … magnificently :: colossally :: stratospherically :: hyperbolic-adverbially … bankrupt. Bankrupt enough :: in fact … to be ten average American bankruptcies all by his gross muscly lonesome.

It’s impressive :: if you are capable of being impressed by horrible things … which I totally am.

Over the years :: […]

Herbalife’s Bankruptcy Business

“I LOVE HERBALIFE …”
… is what Herbalife President’s Team member Michael Burton said to me :: unconvincingly … this past fall when I was fake robotic questioning him about his various scum sucking.

“I will be sharing the great health results of the products with people and possibilities of how Herbalife can help as long as I am on this […]

On Six

2013 sucked it :: like … hardcore.

“This can’t be fucking happening” … is how I’d sum up the year in fake robotic sentiment. Not exactly a fresh sentiment around here I know :: but it’s deeper now … darker … bleaker. Because :: yeah … this is fucking happening … and there’s no more me hiding from it.

For five […]

The Godfather of Herbalife

And now introducing John Tartol :: seen here posers posing with some of his vile TartolSpawn Jrs … the pic {mostly} unaltered. He’s “the godfather of Herbalife” … … get it? … … it’s not funny :: because it’s basically true {in the bad way}.

Hey John!

Oh my gosh :: welcome to The Salty Droid you motherfucking fuckhead … I […]

Vemma AutoSuit

Vemma’s not a scam. I know :: because I attended one of their big ol’ con-tastic events … and every single one of their Instagraming tweaker-speakers told me so.

Vemma’s no scam bro … YPR.

Do these peeps here look like scammers to you?

Hellz no :: they’re just a couple of sexy white kids tipping back a few cold ones … […]

Herbalife Vision Values Propaganda

You know how Chairman Mao had everyone carry around a little red book :: to help remind them that their thoughts were not their own? Yeah :: it’s just exactly like that … except Herbalife.
vision mission values
… bullshit.

“Our Work:
 We make decisions based on facts, not hearsay.”

A totally sensible propaganda slogan for a scam company :: selling people on a […]

HerbaMoobs

This fucking awesome fake robot site has been down for a month {terrible timing I know!} :: and basically … I blame Perry Belcher … even if the causation is rather attenuated at this point … I still blame Perry Belcher.

Speaking of people with moobs who I blame for shit …

Meet Herbalife Chariman’s Club member :: and all around […]

Vemma Con

“Raise your hand if you’ve spent your last dollars to get here today” … says one of the young Vemma Leadership Academy speakers as he paces the stage like an #MLMtweeker on the fiend. About half of the 3500 {mostly lower middle class} youngsters raise a sad hand while sharing knowing looks with other kids from their overpacked cross-country […]

Snakes on a Plane

Anthony Powell didn’t meet Herbalife’s high {fake} ethical standards :: so after just a couple of decades of letting him do whatever the fuck … they pretended to promptly and politely part ways with his punkass. Fly away chubby bird :: run your gigantic lead gen scam in other murky waters … says them.

You’d think he might show a […]