MLM

Conscripted Consumption at Club 100

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“Who would like for their own kids to have the exact same life that they’ve had so far? That should be enough motivation for you to take seriously what I’m telling you. Do something different — am I right or not?”

… semi-shouts a Colombian trainer for Herbalife’s Club 100 to her audience of impoverished recruits.

“If you earn 2,000 or 3,000 […]

Mark Shurtleff :: Orange is the New Green

Two former attorneys general of the scam state of Utah :: Mark Shurtleff and John Swallow … have just been arrested.

Wow :: OMFG … that felt so good to say. I wanna do it again!

Mark Shurtleff and John Swallow … have just been arrested.

Holy shit! :: felt just as good the second time.

Most of the assholes profiled on this […]

The Doxing of Michelle Celarier

NYPost reporter Michelle Celarier has always been my biggest fan :: she told me so herself … right before she accused me of attempting to blackmail her. She’s fun like that.

Michelle has written dozens of short :: obsequiously pro-Ackman / anti-Herbalife … articles over the past year and a half. But in my considered estimation :: she has done […]

The Burton Family Affairs

It’s clear how Michael Burton’s faux career at scam company Herbalife is going to end :: fucking disastrously … and with no possible excuses.

“But how did his career begin?” … asks a giraffe standing on a turtle.

Well :: inquisitive giraffe with extraordinary balance :: it began with used cars … in the style of our very own previously shat upon The […]

The Burton Affairs

Herbalife show piece :: and puffy-old-ass-white-guy :: Michael Burton … is … magnificently :: colossally :: stratospherically :: hyperbolic-adverbially … bankrupt. Bankrupt enough :: in fact … to be ten average American bankruptcies all by his gross muscly lonesome.

It’s impressive :: if you are capable of being impressed by horrible things … which I totally am.

Over the years :: […]

Herbalife’s Bankruptcy Business

“I LOVE HERBALIFE …”
… is what Herbalife President’s Team member Michael Burton said to me :: unconvincingly … this past fall when I was fake robotic questioning him about his various scum sucking.

“I will be sharing the great health results of the products with people and possibilities of how Herbalife can help as long as I am on this […]

On Six

2013 sucked it :: like … hardcore.

“This can’t be fucking happening” … is how I’d sum up the year in fake robotic sentiment. Not exactly a fresh sentiment around here I know :: but it’s deeper now … darker … bleaker. Because :: yeah … this is fucking happening … and there’s no more me hiding from it.

For five […]

The Godfather of Herbalife

And now introducing John Tartol :: seen here posers posing with some of his vile TartolSpawn Jrs … the pic {mostly} unaltered. He’s “the godfather of Herbalife” … … get it? … … it’s not funny :: because it’s basically true {in the bad way}.

Hey John!

Oh my gosh :: welcome to The Salty Droid you motherfucking fuckhead … I […]

Vemma AutoSuit

Vemma’s not a scam. I know :: because I attended one of their big ol’ con-tastic events … and every single one of their Instagraming tweaker-speakers told me so.

Vemma’s no scam bro … YPR.

Do these peeps here look like scammers to you?

Hellz no :: they’re just a couple of sexy white kids tipping back a few cold ones … […]

Herbalife Vision Values Propaganda

You know how Chairman Mao had everyone carry around a little red book :: to help remind them that their thoughts were not their own? Yeah :: it’s just exactly like that … except Herbalife.
vision mission values
… bullshit.

“Our Work:
 We make decisions based on facts, not hearsay.”

A totally sensible propaganda slogan for a scam company :: selling people on a […]