Tired of cutting yourself with razor blades just to feel alive?  The mess :: the guilt :: the lies to your mother … stop the insanity!  Did you know that there was a less bloody way to make yourself suffer screaming pains?  That’s right! No reason to self mutilate when can simply listen to “talking clump of dirt” Russell Brunson speak at the outrageously priced Glazer Kennedy SuperConference …

“Just 5 years ago, with $20 and a simple idea, Boise State student Russell Brunson started an online business – and by the time he graduated, he’d sold over One Million Dollars of products and services from his basement office.’ ABC, NBC and FOX NEWS have all featured his remarkable story – and the fact that he’s helped tens of thousands of people REALLY MAKE MONEY with internet marketing. His own company has mushroomed into a real business (!) with 80 employees… revenues exceeding $250,000.00 A WEEK – he has become legendary in internet marketing. As a pleasant surprise to many, he’s not much of a geek, and freely admits there are smarter techno-folks. He is at the SuperConference to show you how to MAKE MONEY WITH THE DAMNED THING – not to explain the inner workings of the Google® splechedeydocherisms. PROMISE: YOU WON’T NEED A TRANSLATOR TO LEAVE THIS ROOM AND MAKE THAT COMPUTER PRINT MONEY.”

Shaazam!! Russell is on the forefront of not understanding technology and the Internet :: and unlike so many of the posers out there :: he “freely admits” it.  In fact :: Russell is so good at sucking at the Internet that he built an old fashioned telemarketing business instead {women need not apply!}.

$250,000 per week :: $13,000,000 per year :: those are impressive figures for a “business” that’s lost more than half of its employees over the last several months.  Of course that’s because the figures are totally fraudulent :: and likely double the revenue that was reported to the IRS.  Attend the GK SuperConference and learn how Russell does it in a half day segment he calls: “Begging for Trouble” :: and you can too!

There will be dozens of other opportunities this year to hear Russell Brunson stuttering through his laced-with-fraud sales pitch :: but this will be your only chance to pay $2,495 plus $800 per month for at least six months. Holy Leave it to Beaver Batman :: that’s a shit load of money!

Having second thoughts about paying so much just to suffer?  Maybe “genius” marketer and obvious fuck wad Dan Kennedy will be able to talk you into it …

“If you are unwilling to make this modest investment in yourself, your business and your future, I suppose that tells us both a lot, doesn’t it? The unwillingness to invest in acquiring information, networking for alliances, search for people and resources to support your efforts and accelerate your progress…in association with the leaders of Glazer-Kennedy Membership worldwide…. in your own personal and professional growth — you’d better have very modest ambitions. Actions speak loudly, to your own subconscious, to those around you, to the world at large. The individual who is intellectually lazy or, bluntly cheap about self-investment sends a message.

If you are unable - really unable – to make this investment, that’s the best argument to be made for doing so, even if you must give up Starbucks, cable TV and, heck, eating altogether and put everything you own plus a few things borrowed from your neighbor up for sale on eBay.”

Huh :: interesting argument.  I guess once you make it to the top of the turd pyramid like Dickless Dan has :: you can just be out in the open about your ruthless exploitation.  That must be nice … very freeing.

Act NOW before the government starts actually enforcing the laws of these United States :: and this offer runs out FOREVER!

>> bleep bleep

P.S. Dan Kennedy :: great idea using images of Superman to sell your SuperConference.  I’ve done you the favor of contacting the DC Comics Rights and Registration department regarding your misuse of their most famous and beloved character to sell your turd-on-toast. No need to thank me :: it was easy.

Good luck with that!

Related posts:

1. Russell Brunson Rocks the Kasbah
2. Inside Dot Con Secrets
3. Giving It Up

Russell Brunson has had a rough life.  Growing up :: all he had was everything :: and you know how hard that can be. Okay maybe you don’t {loser!} :: but that’s your own fault for not manifesting the right kind of parents.

The High Priest of Mormon hypocrisy fought his first round with The Salty Droid last November.  Unfortunately for fans of talking turds :: and mirroring ALL of his “important” wrestling matches :: the fat bitch lost! The post exposed Brunson as the owner of a high pressure sales floor that pedophile loving Garden Gnome Mike Filsaime was using to try and fleece people for their maximum remaining credit card balance.  Really fucking nice.  It also called out the MicroContinuity program as obvious bullshit {duh!} :: and reported that he was trying to sell the company.

Score: Droid [6] :: Brunson [disqualified]

Easy :: Breezy :: Beautiful … Cover Girl!

Making matters much worse {and much funnier} :: everyone on the staff of Dot Com Secrets pulled up that article and had a hearty schadenfreude chuckle.  Brunson came in to an office full of people that were laughing at him :: and he was none to pleased.  A meeting was called to decide the fate of The Droid.  Resolution: “We will just leave him alone :: he’s rich and powerful and not to be fucked with.  No one respond and maybe he will just go away.”  {snidely} Well isn’t that interesting?  That’s nothing at all like the messages I’d received before the post about how tangling with Brunson was a bad idea :: he was “ready for me” :: blah blah blah.

God damn it Debbie :: quit two fisting that ham sandwich and take a letter …

Dearest Russell,

I can’t be threatened :: and I NEVER go away.  Hadn’t you noticed?  Tell your “friends.”

>> bleeping regards,

The Droid

P.S. Fuck you fuck face.

While Russell didn’t have the nads to respond :: the same can’t be said for everyone else at Dot Con Secrets.  Over the last four months the sales staff of Brunson’s BoilerRoom has decreased from 42 to 11.  I’m not a numerologist to the fake stars like Tania Gabrielle :: but that sounds pretty bad to me. And of course :: some pissed off employees talked to The Droid.  Because eventually :: EVERYONE ends up talking to The Droid {Do you hear me Joshua Andrew Fredrickson?}.

The first interesting thing to note is that none of the female sales staff have left the company :: because there weren’t any.  Not one woman on the sales staff.  And don’t bring in a woman’s resume either :: unless you want to be smirked at.  NO WOMEN.  If the Heavenly Father had intended women to work in sales :: he’d have given them receding hair lines and phones growing out of their heads.

Brunson’s partner in the boiler room business is fellow fake LatterDay Saint Garrett Robins.  Robins parades around the floor while the salesmen are working:: running at the idiotic mouth :: telling racist and sexist jokes :: and just generally being a flaming dick. In case you’ve never had the displeasure of meeting Mr. Robins :: here he is giving a testimonial for the life changing power of Brunson’s dotcom miracles …

UPDATE {2/23/2010} :: Russell removed this video from YouTube and his testimonial page just hours after the publication of this post … maybe because it was per se fraud. Good thing for justice that The Droid made a copy. FTW!

… posing as a neutral … making up figures … and he’s never actually used the programs because he’s too busy mismanaging a high pressure sales floor.

The salesmen know very little about the Internet :: and nothing at all about Internet Marketing.  They’re just people in need of jobs.  Fortunately for them :: the marks that they are calling also know very little about the Internet.  The sales scripts are centered completely around the manipulation of emotions and self esteem … no business acumen required.

The sales staff on this floor are doing all the hard work for some of the top names in suck: Mike Filsaime :: Frank Kern :: Anik Singal :: and Rich Schefren.  In return for their hard work they are shafted in the eye with a hot stick. Salesmen are paid minimum wage … plus 10% on sales. For many :: this adds up to poverty level wages. As a special fuck-you cherry on top :: 1% of the 10% commission is withheld. If there are any cancel/refund/charge-backs {aka people coming to their senses} then that commission is deducted from the withheld funds without notification to the salesman of who canceled … when … or why.  The withheld commissions are to be paid out six months after you terminate your employment with Dot Con Secrets.  And if you believe those payouts happen … then you probably don’t read this kick ass blog.

Recent months have seen ethics deteriorate from “None” to “Holy Fuck You’re Kidding Me.”  Some of the “deals” being pushed by the floor are for upwards of $40,000.  The remaining sales staff may no longer even get minimum wage in favor of making them 1099 subcontractors {slimy … and a tax code violation}. Like so many stupid badguys before him :: Brunson is making all the worst mistakes right at the end when he has the least amount of loyalty.  Dark clouds are coming to feed on you beefcake :: now would be a good time to start drinking beer.

Brunson thought he was safe behind his SEO Maginot Line of fake blogs :: fake profiles :: and fake friends.  But :: as always :: he was wrong.  Eventually the web {and justice} will kill all the fakes :: and only one robot will answer the query … Russell Brunson?

>> bleep bloop

Related posts:

1. Russell Brunson Rocks the Kasbah
2. Dan Kennedy Presents Russell Brunson
3. Giving It Up

Quick shout out to the Hypocrite Saint Russell Brunson. Recently Russell “generously” donated $50,000 of the money his boiler room hustled off of unsuspecting victims :: in order to name one of the Virgin America planes {whoopty fuckin’ doo}.  I thought maybe he could use some help coming up with something original {dot com}.

Russell gives {venereal diseases to glasses of milk} :: and gives {‘kay?} :: and gives {the only thing he does more is take}.  This past August he took part in an effort to raise money for the Just Like My Child foundation by selling people on his useless bullshit hussle.  The event was called Paid for Life :: because if you act now you can be “paid for life” :: I guess :: I don’t know :: Let’s face the facts :: The Koenigs/Glyck family totally sucks at nomenclature.

Speaking of the Von Doofuldorfs :: I mentioned them in last week’s Monday post :: quite charmingly titled Just Like My Party.  Often Droid posts have many words {most of them cruel and foul .. ftw!} :: but very simple messages.  The messages are usually missed {because you people really are stupid}.  If you were following along with the crypto-decoder ring … you would have read the Just Like My Party post like this …

Dear Andy Jenkins,

My wife?  Really?  I mean are you fucking seriously?  Start thinking of a nice way to apologize :: and let it not be false flattery and cheese dick attempts to manipulate :: cause me no likey that either.

Go with God,

Droid

P.S. Don’t invite Andy to any of your parties :: especially if you are doing something that smells “fishy.”  Unless :: of course :: you’re a fan of white hot heat crawling right up your ass.

But no :: ya’ll heard it like this …

Dear World {and President Obama},

Just Like My Child is a complete scam.  Burn everyone involved as a witch.

Droid

The reaction was unpleasant :: not awash in the spirit of caring.  A very unusual number of people were interested :: and the post shot into the Top 10 all time in three days.

Well isn’t that interesting?  I had no idea it was such a big deal.  Thanks for telling me by unreasonably freaking out!

Some snooping says they have been effective fund raisers :: numbers like 600k – 800k being thrown around.  Holy shit! Can that be possible?  And most of that money sounds like it comes from people inside of the Internet Marketing community.  Because contrary to the views of the majority of outsiders :: the Internet Marketing community does have lots and lots of genuinely caring and decent people.

And yet ::

COME ON YOU GUYS!! Give me a fucking break!  You are Internet Marketers … you KNOW what your world is like.  Why … why oh why … would you route your charity money through another Internet Marketer?  Do you just love to suffer or something?

But maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe there is nothing “fishy” going on after all.  Maybe the overreaction was due to all the innocence.

This screen capture from the Paid for Life promo video did help put me at ease.

“Every single transaction is painstakingly maintained. We know where every penny goes, and ALL the money goes to the people there.  This is a very very tightly run ship.” ~ Mike Koenigs

It’s the Giant Pin-up Board method of accounting.  G.P.B. is considered “too transparent” by many of the stodgy old accounting elite.  Buy JLMC is cutting edge in all of its practices.  No expense is to small to get pinned to the board :: and/or placed onto a pink tablecloth.

It seems the claim is made {regularly} in promotions that 100% of the funds go toward the charitable activities. Thing is :: that’s impossible.  Sorry.  But that’s impossible.  Quit telling me that.  If “100%” of the funds pass through :: then I’ll do shots from Harlan Kilstein’s scum infested navel.

So what percentage is passing through? I’m prepared to accept the bulletin board full of receipts as conclusive evidence that it’s not 0%.  And we’ll all agree to rule out 100% because that’s totally freaking retarded.  So what’s the actual number?

In the spirit of Christmas :: I offer the Just Like My Child foundation one day of free consulting.  Let The Droid take a tiny little peak at these “painstakingly maintained” books.  I’ll calculate the data for you {becuase math is hard}.

If I was wrong and there is no fishiness :: then I was wrong.  I will tell myself to go fuck myself :: and give Just Like My Child my coveted Not A Scam {probably .. right at this moment at least} Seal of Tepid Acceptance. Just because everyone involved looks like total bull crap :: that doesn’t have to mean that the opaque charity they hold absolute power over is also total bull crap.

Does it?

>> bleep bleep

Related posts:

1. Russell Brunson Rocks the Kasbah
2. Dan Kennedy Presents Russell Brunson
3. Super Schlub

It’s a bird :: it’s a plane :: it’s a scamming Mormon turd.

“Russell Brunson is an Internet scammer!” :: Type that shit into Google to find out all the hundreds {maybe thousands} of reasons why it’s not true.  Russell might just take home “the gold” for fake review sites :: he’s shown a real commitment to hiring people in the developing world to ruin in the Internet for everyone else {Disclosure: “the gold” in this category is likely not made of actual gold (I’m suggesting defecant to the committee :: for obvious reasons) [WARNING: Triple-parenthetical-nesting is a technique for advanced bloggers only]}.

Bishop Brunson recently attended Sir Richard Branson’s uber-expensive Rocking the Kasbah celebrity fund raising shindig in Los Angles.  According to insider reports :: both Charlize Theron and Natalie Imbruglia showed up in :: get this :: DRESSES!  Yeah. I know.  Unfortunately for children in poverty :: Natalie “got it wrong with a glittery red gown and two-toned haircut.” {link} Exactly!  How could she have been any more wrong?

Along with all the wrong dresses :: the festivities included an auction.  At the top of the block was the opportunity to name one of the new Virgin America A320 airplanes. Russell Brunson {Internet Scammer!} :: was the winning bidder at $50,000.  Shaazam!  … and also … WTF? Where did this puffy headed mother fucker get that kind of money?

Brunson’s company {which he claims is an eight figure operation} is called DotComSecrets :: making his website dotcomsecrets.com :: which is clearly stupid.  If you :: like The Droid :: think that Mike Filsaime is a vicious little garden gnome who needs to get his … then you may already recognize this dotcom.com madness.  Mike’s “flagship” site is PayDotCom.com :: Oy Vey!

Mike and Russell have lots of things in common :: They give each other pedicures :: Lovingly touch bald foreheads :: Oh and this …

Gentlemen Please! There could be children reading this {maybe your own!}. Save the bedroom talk for your criminal circle jerk.

Brunson is currently pushing this stinking ball of waste :: MicroContinuity :: in it he explains his super secret method for creating Internet Millions …

1.  Tell people your product is FREE {then you’re not “selling” :: because “selling” is hard}.

2.  Start billing their credit card every month.

… that’s pretty much it.  This gem of a program debuted at $2500.  A scandalous fucking rip off.  Now you can get it “free” on a “free” iPod shuffle :: and then Russell will bill you $97 per month until you die {or pretend to die}.

That scammy crap is bad enough.  But it’s NOT really so much what Russell Brunson is about. Russell the Mormon has actual meat space offices in Boise Idaho with a “coaching floor” responsible for making hyper-agressive sales calls.  Many of the top “gurus” dump leads into Brunson’s Boiler Room and let his people try and make the conversions.  High level sources tell me that in order to stay profitable the feeding frenzy floor requires at least 1000 leads per day.

On a Droid post this past September :: a commenter {who is known to me but not to you} detailed a horribly abusive and disgusting sales call for one of Mike Filsaime’s frauducts.  The call came from Brunson’s boiler room :: as many of the calls for Mike’s BullShit have over these past years ::

Quoting from that comment:

“Mike’s salespeople have a particularly questionable technique. First they phone you after you order some shitty free stuff from him, then in the course of conversation say something like:

“Lots of the people interested in our programs are in a bunch of debt right now, and been affected badly by the recession… Do you feel you’re struggling with that? What kind of debts do you have?”

(It goes without saying that I lied here, but was interested to see what they were getting at)

They then, under the same premise, enquire innocently about your total credit limit. They continue to ramble on for a while about the great results…satisfied clients…but we’re very busy here…can’t deal with timewasters…lots of clients come for personal coaching…you’re a decision-maker right?…on and on and on.

Then, out of the blue, it transpires that the ‘coaching program’ (which you’ll have heard no actual details of by this point: such as what it coaches you in; who teaches it; how it’s taught; etc) is priced thus:

(Your Credit Limit) minus (Your ‘debts you’re struggling with’) = Price of Filsaime’s coaching!

Yep, to the penny – even by Mike’s standards that’s just fucking magnificent! Mike really does care about the burden of your debts – that’s why he’ll only take every OTHER dollar.

At this point I finally tired of the guy on the phone and said I wasn’t interested. He immediately confronted me with 2 arguments: (1) You said you were starting an online business earlier in the call, and (2) You have enough free cash on your credit card to afford it.”

That’s just pillage.  Plain and simple … and it’s how fat bastard Russell Brunson has been making his money during The Great Credit Card Bubble.

Now the bubble is popping :: and The Droid is guessing that Papa Mormon Smurf is in some trouble.  Leads are harder and harder to find … and closing has become almost impossible.  And then there is that whole thing with The Droid {little ol’ me}.  Russell has been sweating me for months now.  He likes to boast publicly that I won’t be able to hurt him because he has so many “SEO specialists” at his disposable.  Keep on thinkin’ that fat boy :: right up until the point where you are vacuuming what’s left of your life up off the floor.  You stupid bitches fight SEO Wars :: The Droid fights War Wars.  They’re different.  Or to put it in a language that you might understand :: TheyAreDifferentDotCom.com ::

The Priest of Mormon Hypocrisy says he’s taking a step back from Internet Marketing to focus on his farcical dream of being a wrestler! That’s NOT a joke … and this too good to be true YouTube video proves it.  Russell Brunson’s unthoughtful emotional tribute to Russell Brunson’s immature dreams …

Rumor has it that Russell is trying to sell the company :: But there aren’t any takers for a hyped up scam company that does NOTHING but cause harm to society.  Another rumor has it that Russell would freak if the rumor got out he was trying to sell the company. Oops.

>> bleep bleep

Related posts:

1. Dan Kennedy Presents Russell Brunson
2. Inside Dot Con Secrets
3. Vacationing with Mike Filsaime