The Salty Droid

The Seed Hedge

SD — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:36:07 +0000

A fine piece of {shit} Internet Marketing recently featured on The Colbert Report. Congrats to Bill Heid for being mocked on cable :: an honor for which there should be an associated medal or something.

Bill has been running commercials during Glen Beck’s totally reasonable show for his totally reasonable product :: The Survival Seed Bank. $150 for some seeds that will finally allow you to plant that “Crisis Garden” that you’ve always dreamt of in your nightmares {Disclaimer: The preceding should not be interpreted to imply that a “Crisis Garden” is an actual thing. Any similarities between the words “Crisis Garden” and actual things are purely coincidental}.

“You don’t have to be an Old Testament prophet to see what’s going on all around us. A belligerent lower class demanding handouts. A rapidly diminishing middle class crippled by police state bureaucracy. An aloof, ruling elite that has introduced us to an emerging totalitarianism which seeks control over every aspect of our lives.”

You don’t HAVE to be an Old Testament prophet :: but it would seriously help. For instance :: if you’ve recently spent any amount of time living inside of a giant whale :: then you’ll likely have an easier time “seeing” things from this paint huffing perspective.

But Bill’s not some sissy liberal vegan fag :: he knows that even during an apocalyptic crisis patriotic Americans will need to eat them some meat. That’s why he also sells the $200 Crisis Cooker :: which utilizes his patented FireIzHot system in combination with the proprietary HeatRises™ technology in order to effectively transform food into its highly desirable non-raw form.

But remember {actual quote} …

“P.S.S. Don’t forget to start buying bags of charcoal while you can. Buy a few bags at a time so as not to grow suspicion.”

Seriously people :: grow crisis gardens :: not suspicion. Suspicion requires far too much fertilizer :: and only yields empty calories that go right to the beer gut.

Not convinced that Obama is going to usher in the {Charcoal and Arable Land Still Available} End Times? That’s cool :: then rather than buying this horribly worthless shite :: you can sell it to folk more fearful than yourself by signing up for Bill’s affiliate program :: tactfully called Huge Wads of Money …

“I’ve worked with some of the biggest names in direct response and was copywriting legend Gary Halbert’s business partner for the last 10 years of his life …

But it wasn’t until the economic crisis began in 2007 that I found a vein of pure gold. As the world economy came to a screeching halt and the credit markets shut down, I stumbled upon the most successful formula of my 30 plus in direct marketing, and this is your lucky day, because I’m about to share with you exactly what that secret is.”

Spoiler Alert :: the secret is fear mongering. And with fear mongering {unlike many other kinds of mongering} you can sleep well knowing that …

“In addition to earning a great passive income, you’ll have the knowledge that you are providing solutions with real value, not just digital products with questionable worth.”

Exactly :: because if the problem doesn’t actually exist :: then any “solution” has “worth.”

“It doesn’t matter whether you share the same world view as these customers or not… but you’d be a fool to ignore the birth of a massive new industry right before our eyes!

And the worse things get, the better you’ll do, because many consumers are just now becoming aware of their dependence on a way of life which may be gone forever and which will require a dramatic process of education and preparation.”

Because if you can’t exploit people when they are afraid and down on their luck :: then when can you exploit them? If not now :: then when?

Oh and one last thing {speaking of digital products with questionable worth} :: Bill reminds you to HIDE YOUR FUCKING GUNS :: OMG!! :: Hurry … fake time is running out!

“If you’re shocked by straight talk about the nature of the crisis facing our country, this book may not be for you. And if you’re a liberal and are offended by talk about God and country, this is definitely not for you.

However, if you fear the direction our country is headed and you are the kind of patriotic American who wants to take responsibility for your loved ones, read on…

In Hide Your Guns, I explain exactly how you can use creative techniques to hide things, even if you’re renting your house or don’t want to do any major remodeling … As the crisis facing our country grows more serious by the day, the need for a weapons or a food cache outside of our homes becomes more necessary.”

Act Now before the Blacks n’ Jews find your Luger P08 :: and Hitler is forced to roll over in his grave.

>> bleep bloop

Aggravating Accomplices

SD — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 10:54:34 +0000

>> bleep :: begin 80’s musical intro …

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin’ tough, stayin’ hungry
They stack the odds ’til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive

It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the cream of the fight
Risin’ up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he’s watchin’ us all in the eye of the tiger

>> bloop

Now I’m pumped! Are you pumped? Greg Hartle is pumped :: he’s the “cream of the fight” :: it’s the kind of warm cream that an old lady drinks to facilitate falling asleep by 8:30 pm. It doesn’t sound very kick ass :: but it is…n’t.

Unlike Megan Fredrickson and her wife Josh :: Greg is not one of Death Ray’s original disciples. He hasn’t been in every Death/Torture Lodge since 2004 {like Megan} :: and unlike J-Fred … Greg may actually have a Y chromosome. The Droid’s intel says that Greg came to JRI in early Fall of 2008. Previously he held the title of VP of Operations at what looks like a sham investment company :: Desert Growth Investments LLC …

“Greg brings a strong background in business and systems development. Most recently, Greg held a management position with a 3.5 billion dollar bank holding company where he oversaw Items Processing at two national locations.”

Okay :: sounds like a wordy way to say he was a bank teller. Color me impressed {with crayons}. But wait! :: there’s more …

“Greg’s training experience includes Six Sigma, Lean Manufacturing, and ISO 9000 among others.”

Ooo la la. Among others? How many quality control certifications does one d-bag need? It takes lots of time and money to get certified in each of these … and there is nothing in the world more boring. It would be very unusual for a company to train you in more than one process {unless that company was in Bangalore where certification overdose is all the rage}. Added to the fact that these certs have NOTHING to do with making “strategic investments in real estate” :: and the air starts to stink of bullshit.

It also seems that Gregory is fishin’ & kissin’ buddies with our not-friend Jason Moffatt. Moffatt had an interesting post on his blog about attending a James Arthur Ray event. He was none to interested in all the self-help :: fake quantum physics :: mumbo gumbo. But was completely gay about the pressure sales tactics :: a hustler knows a good hustle when he sees one. NoProfit Moffatt also used to brag about being friendly with some JRI insiders. Of course :: once the dead bodies hit the news Moffatt silently purged his web presence of all reference to Death Ray and his evil minions. Because he’s a cowardly bitch who is going to get his … but that’s a story for another day.

So Hartle :: like Josh and Megan :: comes to JRI with a background in the dubious. But unlike the Fredricksons :: Hartle hasn’t been pre LGAT’ed by Death Ray. And what is Greg’s primary responsibility at JRI? Six Sigmaing the LGAT process to ensure a 99.99% upsell rate? Nope. Drum roll please ….. Marketing!

Greg is out for himself :: he’s not under the delusion that a job at JRI is about trying to save the world. He wants to line his own pockets with money that belongs to others :: and he wants to increase his standing inside the world of scammers. He’s NOT brainwashed :: he’s eyes wide open. So on July 25th when he watched Colleen Conaway fall to her death … he should have immediately QUIT to save his own ass instead of pulling out his iPhone and tweeting this insanity …

“Just witnessed a woman jump several stories down onto pure concrete. I gotta say it was disturbing. I’m sending her my love right now.”

… and then participating in the dreadful cover up that followed. But he didn’t quit :: a stupid fucking decision that he was likely regretting when tried to escape the Death Lodge during the 5th round :: only to have Daddy call him back inside where he promptly puked his douchey little guts out.

After a long and exhaustive investigation :: the State of Arizona decided to charge James Arthur Ray with three counts of Manslaughter :: the most aggressive charge available. Each charge carries a maximum sentence of 10 years :: but if the State can prove the offense was “aggravated” :: then the sentence is bumped up to 12.5 years.

The list of possible aggravating circumstances is found in the Arizona Revised Statutes § 13-701(D). Prove any two factors on the list “beyond a reasonable doubt” to the “trier of fact” {aka the jury} :: and you’ve got yourself an aggravated felony. On February 16th the County Attorney filed its Allegation of Aggravating Circumstances with the court.

Item 1 — The presence of an accomplice …

BOOM!!! Greg :: Megan :: and Josh … THAT’S YOU DIPSHITS!!! Let’s have a little chit chat :: just the four of us …

Listen to me ladies:

The State intends to PROVE that you were involved. What do you think they are going to do once they are done proving that? Send the info out in their annual Christmas letter? No! They are going to stick it to you for being party to a triple homicide. And if you’ve added to your problems by perjuring yourself in the same jurisdiction where you’ll be tried :: then you are Capital -F- fucked.

Your evil d-bag overlord immediately started moving funds around :: and put a cool $1 Million dollars on deposit with a top notch criminal defense firm. What kind of defense firm can you afford? My guess is that you can’t afford a lawyer at all. Which means you’ll be using a Public Defender :: god bless um :: but with the ridiculous amount of evidence that has piled up … you’ll be forced into taking a plea bargain … and ALL THREE of you will do jail time. You’ll be FELONS :: you will no longer be allowed to vote or participate in civic affairs :: it will be all but impossible to find a job :: and you’ll be stigmatized with the shame of this event for the rest of your pathetic little lives.

Or you can TALK :: right fucking now. My educated robot guess is that if one {or all} of you spill your guts :: tell the investigators EVERYTHING you know :: you might still be spared. Maybe you can recover from this disaster. The County would rather not have this debacle go to trial :: it’s going to be an expensive pain in the ass :: and Arizona {much like Daddy Death Ray} is bankrupt. Each of you knows enough to bury this bastard right now :: to force him and his fancy lawyers to take a plea bargain.

Help the victims :: help the families :: help yourselves.

When is NOW the right time to grow some balls?

>> bleep bloop

Guiding Light

SD — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 06:53:40 +0000

It’s best not to have Great Expectations :: as they only lead to great disappointments. The moment you start believing that you are going to end up with the pretty girl :: Miss Havisham will intrude and bollix all of your fondest hopes. Wouldn’t it be better to fly by the seat of your “I eat too many processed foods” pants?

James Arthur Ray “thinks” so :: which is why the Spiritual Warrior Participant Guide :: sent out in July of 2009 :: contains almost no useful information about what to expect from the event. As Death Ray explains …

“Keep in mind that we will be working diligently to make this event memorable. For this reason, it is important that we do not disclose any further information regarding the event schedule or planned activities. However, we will tell you that it is going to be an exciting, unforgettable, and transformational week!”

Things can’t be memorable if they are expected. Of course :: surprise and confusion are important for keeping people vulnerable and mentally unbalanced :: making them far easier to manipulate :: and greatly increasing their tendency to follow the group. But that’s cynical … I’m sure it’s just about keeping things “memorable.”

The unforgettable transformational memorableness could be dampened by giving participants some idea of what they should expect …

Keep in mind that previous iterations of this event led to dreadful calamity and serious injury. Broken bones, broken bank accounts, brain damage, and long term health problems are all previously encountered outcomes. It is also important to note that nothing new will be learned, and that your guru for this event has not been trained in ANYTHING … EVER. He’s just a douche bag salesman with his own serious mental health issues. However, we will tell you that some people are going to die during this event … and it just doesn’t get any more transformational than that!

Sounds lame :: count me out.

In addition to the fucking ridiculous $10,000 that participants had already paid for this event :: the guide explains how they must register and pay a tidy $267 per night for accommodations at Angel Valley {six nights = $1602}. Guests are invited to stay a few extra nights at the “special discounted rate” {otherwise known as the regular rate?} of $155 per night. Don’t want to pay for the price gouged lodging? That’s cool :: what with JRI’s no refund policy … you can just eat the $10k you’ve already forked over … and go fuck yourself.

Speaking of Miss Havisham :: the Spiritual Warrior Guide also mentions another crotchety old lady :: Bill Harris …

“An integral element of the program will rely upon group use of Holosync technology. If you would like to learn more about this technology, please visit the Centerpointe Research Institute website at www.centerpointe.com. If you have not yet invested in this technology, you will need to do so prior to Spiritual Warrior.” {emphasis original}

Notice that NewlyWed Scammers Harris and Ray bastardize the words “technology” and “investment” in a similar manner to the Scamming MotherShip of Scientology. Harris’ ridiculous $2,000 CD’s are “technology” in the same way that the Centerpointe Research Institute does “research” or has an “institute.” One wonders how big a percentage Ray was getting from participant’s “investment” into Harris’ stinking turds. The Droid attempted to contact Harris about this matter via mental telepathy :: but it turns out telepathy :: like Holosync :: is bullshit.

Other required items on the checklist …

bag of chewing tobacco
3 x 3 square of fabric
20 baby wipes
power objects (i.e. objects that hold special meaning for you)
six feet of string (preferably red, but color not critical)

Items that should have been on the checklist but weren’t …

Automatic External Defibrillator
Duct tape {to cover Death Ray’s mouth}
40 baby wipes {because 20 just isn’t enough}
Jaws of life {to remove Megan’s head from Death Ray’s ass}
A priest :: a rabbi :: and a lawyer {to tell you to get the hell out of there and take you to a bar}

>> bleep bloop

The Teeny Tiny Tyrant

SD — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:11:52 +0000

Three days after The Droid’s first post about the Church of Scientology :: The New York Times ran their own {non-hilarious} expose. Is this merely a coincidence :: or was the Gray Lady shamed into action by my robotic bravery? I think we all know the answer. There are NO coincidences :: only the will of Xenu as manifested through vestiges of men.

Speaking of non-coincidences :: The Droid also happened to be in New York City and rolled past the Manhattan home of the glittery thetans. I didn’t have time to be audited into clear :: but I thought it was only fair that I give Mr. Miscavige the opportunity to break some of his toes kicking my metal balls. The super nice girl at the welcome desk said that Mr. Miscavige wasn’t currently available for an interview :: she seemed to think it was a stupid question :: bitch! Don’t judge me!!

No matter :: we’ll just go with a real picture :: and a fake interview.

Salty Droid: Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice.

David Miscavige: I’m not an important person … more of a poser really … so it’s no problem.

SD: I’m so sorry :: I shouldn’t have said “short” notice :: that must be a sensitive issue for you.

DM: Well you know … I don’t like to talk about it unless I’m connected to an e-meter … but it’s hard being a dwarf.

SD: I’ll bet. Is there any chance you could still have a growth spurt? Maybe you’re just a late bloomer.

DM: Xenu willing! I’d love to be tall enough to play point guard for a girls High School basketball team.

SD: Indeed :: and you could finish getting your High School diploma while you were at it. It’s never too late for education!

DM: That’s a god damn lie!

SD: Is it Tiny Tim?

DM: No … it isn’t. I dropped out after the 10th grade. You know that book The Outsiders? It was just so fucking confusing … I couldn’t handle it.

SD: I feel for you little one. Because there is that character in the book called Sodapop :: but he’s not actually a beverage.

DM: Exactly! Finally someone who understands. I mean … either you are a drink or you’re not. You know?

SD: Right :: right. Many people compare your ascension to the top of CO$ to Stalin’s power grab after the death of Lenin :: do you feel like that is a fair characterization?

DM: The who? What? You are one confusing bastard of a robot.

SD: You know :: because Lenin was the idea man. And Stalin was kind of just a massive twat that no one ever liked. He grabbed power by being the biggest douche :: and then he held on to it the same way. Do you think that’s a fair comparison?

DM: That’s a god damn lie!

SD: Uh :: it’s more of a theoretical question.

DM: Questions can be lies … especially theatrical ones.

SD: Theoretical …

DM: Don’t call me that!

SD: Okay :: let’s just move on. Maybe we can come back to that one after you finish High School.

DM: How about I punch you in the throat?

SD: Yeah :: okay :: let’s talk about that. Is it true that you are physically abusive toward members of your “church?”

DM: That’s a god damn lie!

SD: I don’t think so fuck-o. It’s a consistent story told by many former top members of Sea Org. They tell of you choking :: kicking :: slapping :: and punching members of your staff. It’s pretty ridiculous really.

DM: WHAT! Who said that?

SD: People like Marty Rathbun and Mike Rinder who have been life long Scientologists :: and reached the highest levels of the organization.

DM: Those fucking scoundrels :: I’ll have them over-boarded and locked in a god damn cage. I’ll sell their kidneys on the black market! I’ll poke their nipples with a hot fork!

SD: See :: that’s just the sort of the thing you aren’t supposed to be doing. You can’t just assault people :: it’s a crime. The police could drag your sorry ass to jail for it.

DM: No they couldn’t.

SD: Yep! They could.

DM: Well I’d never poke someone’s nipples with a hot fork. That’s nothing but a god damn lie. Whoever told you that is full of shit.

SD: You told me that you empty headed dwarf :: just now.

DM: Xenu demands justice!

{Miscavige grabs himself by the hair :: a big chunk comes out :: it sticks to his hand because it’s been soaked in Aquanet Extra Hold. He uses his now hairy hands to choke himself while beating his head against a nearby filing cabinet. Eventually he collapses in a tiny heap of raging dwarf.}

>> bleep bloop

No related posts.

SD the SP and PTSes

SD — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 11:20:45 +0000

Are you KSW? Or are you one of these skank ass bitches who doesn’t care about the world having the correct technology? And NO :: I’m not talking about donating iMacs to your local school system. That’s just lame :: and it won’t do anyone any fucking good. As if kids need experience working with computers. Let them eat cake! Of course :: I’m talking about the only thing that really matters :: Keeping Scientology Working.

Apparently not enough people are KSW :: because Scientology is so so stupid :: and not working. Recent high level defectors note that Scientology’s membership has been in steady decline since the late 1980’s.

Most of the shit that golden god L. Ron Hubbard had to say was approximately as useful as eating gerbil turds. But he did have a few valuable insights …

1) The best way to get rich is to start your own “religion.”

2) The best way to maintain control of that “religion” is via authoritarianism.

3) The most important aspect of authoritarianism is mind control.

4) Mind control cannot be maintained in the presence of dissent.

5) Auditing can clear your engrams and make you an Operating Thetan!

Okay :: scratch five :: move that one to the so so stupid list.

Mega douche bag and stupid old man James Arthur Ray is a former Scientologist :: as he explains in his typically gimped English …

“The difficulty with Scientology (with which I’ve had experience) is that, in my opinion, it’s too similar to traditional psychotherapy. Now don’t get me wrong… traditional psychotherapy works (unless you’re speaking of a medicated approach), but again, in my experience, it is not the most efficient …

And, it takes an inordinate amount of time and money! I remember leaving my Scientology “auditing” sessions being totally exhausted! (As well as much lighter in my wallet with many more multiples of sessions to go).”

Many more multiples of scammers are previous Scientologists. Werner Erhard {Landmark “Education”} :: one of LGAT’s founding fathers :: was a long time member and seems to have stolen many of L. Ron’s best tricks. Big Daddy Hubbard didn’t like the competition :: and a cock fight ensued {alleged :: by me :: to have been fought with actual cocks}. Death Ray likely had little interest in becoming an Operating Thetan :: and was instead modeling Erhard’s modeling of Hubbard. Why have your own ideas when you can just steal those of others?

One of the keys to KSW :: as all good Thetan’s know :: is the “fair gaming” of “suppressive persons.” SP’s are defined by Scientology as …

a person who possesses a distinct set of characteristics and mental attitudes that cause him to suppress other people in his vicinity. This is the person whose behavior is calculated to be disastrous.

Hubbard put Hitler and other famous antisocials into this group :: and over the years the label has been misapplied to many true believers within the “church” as a tool of control. But the original formulation intended to target the biggest threat to Scientology :: not Jew killing fascists or axe murdering nut-jobs :: but active and vocal dissenters against the Church of Scientology.

Once someone is declared an SP :: any abusive tactic necessary to achieve their silence is considered “fair game.” Private Investigators :: Harassment :: Threats :: Lawsuits :: Public Revelation of Private Facts :: Personal Attacks :: Lies. Whatevs … just shut the mother fucker{s} up as soon as possible. The key danger of the SP is their ability to convert others :: who would normally be perfectly compliant sheeple :: into Potential Trouble Sources {abbreviated PTS because cults love acronyms}. PTSes make up a much larger percentage of the population than the freakishly rare genuine SP. If enough sheeple are converted into PTSes … your cult’s viability could come under threat.

Over the course of the last year :: many readers of The Salty Droid have been shocked by the lengths to which the D-bags have been willing to go to try and silence my robotic awesomeness.

More than a dozen false DMCA claims
Lies and Defamation
Big Law Firms
Private Investigators
Strange Plots
Plots against my family
Threats of death :: rape :: and other gross strangeness {the details of which I usually spare you}

“I don’t understand” :: says many of you privately to me :: “you are just a lame blogger … and not even a real robot. None of this crap is necessary.”

But it’s nothing new :: it’s just Cult Tactics 101. Cult liars can’t answer to the truth with reason :: because they KNOW that they are nothing more than shameful thieves and destroyers of lives. Dark tactics are all that is available to them. Fortunately for evil :: dark tactics are nearly 100% effective. Most potential PTSes lie dormant forever :: never to be activated by some psycho willing to shout BULLSHIT!! in a room full of blank eyed true believers.

But something is different now. And that something is The One Machine :: The Webz :: The MotherFucking Internet. The Internet is the giant megaphone that has finally allowed the few to speak to the many. The Salty Droid is a particularly raging example of the new school SP :: because his totally bad ass is draped in some pretty fancy pants. But make no mistake cult guru assholes :: I’m just one of the first of a new breed. WE are coming for you :: WE are going activate all of the PTSes :: WE ARE GOING TO WIN … and there is NOTHING you can do about it.

“I come not to bring peace, but to bring a sword”

{Matthew 10:34}

>> bleep bloop

No related posts.

Four Funerals and a Wedding

SD — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:05:46 +0000

Josh Fredrickson was living the life of a top tier Internet Marketer. He no longer lived with his mother {allegedly} :: and he was the sole creator of the hit website joshf.org :: which was getting literally dozens of clicks per year :: and bringing in enough fat cash for him to comfortably feed his two cats {She-she and Mr. BigglesBottom}. Massive prosperity was right around the corner. But just to keep from getting bored while he waited patiently for his rainbow shitting unicorn to show up :: he took a job a Best Buy selling after market warranties to old ladies buying blenders.

But that’s not all. Josh :: unlike so many of the IM posers out there :: actually has a formal education. He has a vocational certificate from the prestigious Brown Institute in Mendota Heights Minnesota. They don’t give those certificates to just anyone … you have to ask for one. I know what you’re saying: “Bullshit Droid! That is most glamorous success story I’ve ever heard. If it’s too good to be true :: then it probably is.” Good point :: you’re right to be skeptical. Maybe you are actually learning something around here. Fine :: then here is his resume {no one would lie on their resume}.

If you really want to get the scoop on just how great Josh is at every aspect of selling appliances :: I suggest you call his second reference Megan Tatham :: a fellow Best Buy employee. Sure Megan is Josh’s girlfriend so she’s a bit of a joke as a professional reference :: but only Megan can tell you about how loyal Josh remains even after being totally fucking BETRAYED :: time after time after time. He would have listed “Getting Betrayed” under his hobbies if he wasn’t so damn modest.

It’s not that Megan and Josh weren’t happy in their Best Buy life :: but they weren’t. Working sucks … it’s like they expect you to show up every day with your shirt and shoes on {lame} … and then they boss you around {lamer} … and expect you to sell products {lamest}. It’s horrifying. That’s why they were both thrilled when they found out about Herbalife :: and how easy it was to pyramid your way to the top of a pyramid just by telling other people who love pyramids just how gosh dang fun pyramiding can be.

One unexpected consequence of this fantastic pyramiding :: was that Megan lost weight …

“Megan Tatham is the co-founder of Online Health & Wellness. A few months before she found Herbalife, Megan had transferred to a corporate job, which meant that she had to sit in a cubicle and stare at a computer screen all day. Needless to say, she put on a “few” extra Kilos, and her energy level dropped.”

In addition to dropping some Kilos {which means pounds in French … or something} :: Megan gained several levels of “smile insanity” :: an important characteristic for any budding pyramider. The manic smile did help add members to the Tatham/Fredrickson downline :: but not enough to allow them to quit their jobs and scam full time.

Fortunately :: at one of their pyramiding conferences {were they were learning how to buy more stuff in order to be more successful} :: James Arthur Ray was the keynote speaker. For Megan :: it was love at first site. For Joshua :: that was fine because he has no balls of his own. So Megan and Josh began their Journey of James Ray Power.

Eventually :: after they’d both been fully LGAT’ed :: Death Ray decided that he HAD to hire Josh :: no matter the cost. It’s not everyday that someone comes along with a vocational certificate from the Brown Institute of Mendota. James was willing to do whatever he needed to in order to hire Josh :: including putting Megan in charge of everything … and giving her a thumb ring.

The happy couple moved to Carlsbad and began living the American dream of pyramiding full time. Of course they had no downline of their own :: but Megan had thigh touching privileges at JRI :: so success was sure to follow. They were even made honorary members of the fake-exclusive World Wealth Society.

On 4/16/2005 the couple was wed. It’s probably not to late to send them a wedding gift if you’ve found the story of their courtship and nuptials inspirational. You can still find their wedding registry on Amazon.

First thing on the list :: a DVD of the classic film Magnolia :: which features Scientologist Tom Cruise as a dysfunctional motivational guru :: seminar instructor :: and professional seducer of women.

And they lived happily ever after.

>> bleep bleep

Tweeting Darkness

SD — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:15:42 +0000

Read the book of Genesis again :: then Exodus :: then Leviticus :: then Numbers :: then Deuteronomy. OMG! You are so bored now. You know what you should do instead? Have a sandwich. You should definitely have a sandwich. And then you should go for a walk :: steal a dog if you don’t already have one. But stay the fuck away from Genesis :: it’s kind of the weird part :: and give the chop chop to The Book of Revelation as well {once you’ve been boiled in oil :: you can’t be trusted}.

Something about being in jail depresses people. Makes them think about the bible :: and about Emerson {that rascal!} :: and about how fun it is to dance around in the moonlight with robes and rings and eternally young fairies :: you know :: normal shit like that. Then when they get out of jail on the “You Don’t Deserve Mercy But We’re Gonna Give You Some Anyway Cause We Are Way Better Than You” rule {Part B: Section 3} :: then they totally need to Tweet about it {after they’re done getting their rocks off humping a mirror}.

I’m back ::

It’s the experiences of the darkness that bring clarity to the light

Goin’ all biblical ::

Very few understand that it’s the dark that creates and gives birth to greater light. Read the book of Genesis again.

I’m a tiny dancer ::

“If you can’t embrace the dark you’ll never dance in the light”

Where’s Waldo ::

“… Aspirants to be noble clay under the Almighty effort let us advance on Chaos and the Dark” – Emerson

Seriously? That really twists my Taint Chakra! It’s manipulation :: poorly executed :: but so staggeringly narcissistic that it sounds dangerous. He’s seen chains now :: but it changed nothing. He may be old :: ugly :: and shriveling with herpes … but he’s still playing God in his God game. Right now God is put upon by the forces of Quantum Arizona.

Rick Ross Forum / The Anticult

James Ray is using metaphor pacing-leading in his Twitter-persuasion. He sets the metaphors up, and then moves them along to shape meaning and perception.

James Ray has set himself up as “the light”, and he suggests his followers to “dance in the light”.

He has framed his manslaughter charges as “the dark” and wants his followers to embrace that too. They have to embrace the dark, to be a James Ray dancer …

There is very advanced work in conversational persuasion and “hypnosis”, and that uses metaphors very much like James Ray is currently attempting to do on Twitter. This is targeted at his current followers, many of who have already been deeply programmed with those metaphors at his intense seminars, so this is just a reminder, an anchor, a reframe, and fine-tuning, and can work on them very powerfully.

Yep! And there are lots of ways he could have done it. Everything he does is based on The Syntax :: everything scripted :: so there are ample triggers available to set-up a few last wallet suction procedures. But Death Ray wouldn’t be Death Ray if he didn’t go for the jugular and drop straight into Apocalypse Now mode. He dangles the idea of embracing the dark :: and sets up his personal drama as a representative of some universal struggle.

This situation still contains danger.

Death Ray uses Ralph Waldo Emerson to encourage his ring wearing initiates to become clay in his hands for the sake of the secret society. But Emerson had something else in mind as the quote comes from an essay entitled Self Reliance …

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connexion of events. Great men have always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius of their age, betraying their perception that the Eternal was stirring at their heart, working through their hands, predominating in all their being. And we are now men, and must accept in the highest mind the same transcendent destiny; and not pinched in a corner, not cowards fleeing before a revolution, but redeemers and benefactors, pious aspirants to be noble clay under the Almighty effort let us advance on Chaos and the Dark….

Viva la Revolution!

By the Unicorn Power of The Law of Attraction :: Ray did manage to point his flock to the message that they desperately need to here. Take control of your own thoughts :: and be accountable for them. You are not the “us” or the “we” :: you’re not an initiate into a special kingdom :: or one of the “harmonically minded.” Think for YOURSELF :: think freely :: no matter the consequences. No progress will come from continuing to subjugate your YOU to a saggy old faker.

>> bleep bloop

Dan Kennedy Presents Russell Brunson

SD — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:08:20 +0000

Tired of cutting yourself with razor blades just to feel alive? The mess :: the guilt :: the lies to your mother … stop the insanity! Did you know that there was a less bloody way to make yourself suffer screaming pains? That’s right! No reason to self mutilate when can simply listen to “talking clump of dirt” Russell Brunson speak at the outrageously priced Glazer Kennedy SuperConference …

“Just 5 years ago, with $20 and a simple idea, Boise State student Russell Brunson started an online business – and by the time he graduated, he’d sold over One Million Dollars of products and services from his basement office.’ ABC, NBC and FOX NEWS have all featured his remarkable story – and the fact that he’s helped tens of thousands of people REALLY MAKE MONEY with internet marketing. His own company has mushroomed into a real business (!) with 80 employees… revenues exceeding $250,000.00 A WEEK – he has become legendary in internet marketing. As a pleasant surprise to many, he’s not much of a geek, and freely admits there are smarter techno-folks. He is at the SuperConference to show you how to MAKE MONEY WITH THE DAMNED THING – not to explain the inner workings of the Google® splechedeydocherisms. PROMISE: YOU WON’T NEED A TRANSLATOR TO LEAVE THIS ROOM AND MAKE THAT COMPUTER PRINT MONEY.”

Shaazam!! Russell is on the forefront of not understanding technology and the Internet :: and unlike so many of the posers out there :: he “freely admits” it. In fact :: Russell is so good at sucking at the Internet that he built an old fashioned telemarketing business instead {women need not apply!}.

$250,000 per week :: $13,000,000 per year :: those are impressive figures for a “business” that’s lost more than half of its employees over the last several months. Of course that’s because the figures are totally fraudulent :: and likely double the revenue that was reported to the IRS. Attend the GK SuperConference and learn how Russell does it in a half day segment he calls: “Begging for Trouble” :: and you can too!

There will be dozens of other opportunities this year to hear Russell Brunson stuttering through his laced-with-fraud sales pitch :: but this will be your only chance to pay $2,495 plus $800 per month for at least six months. Holy Leave it to Beaver Batman :: that’s a shit load of money!

Having second thoughts about paying so much just to suffer? Maybe “genius” marketer and obvious fuck wad Dan Kennedy will be able to talk you into it …

“If you are unwilling to make this modest investment in yourself, your business and your future, I suppose that tells us both a lot, doesn’t it? The unwillingness to invest in acquiring information, networking for alliances, search for people and resources to support your efforts and accelerate your progress…in association with the leaders of Glazer-Kennedy Membership worldwide…. in your own personal and professional growth — you’d better have very modest ambitions. Actions speak loudly, to your own subconscious, to those around you, to the world at large. The individual who is intellectually lazy or, bluntly cheap about self-investment sends a message.

If you are unable - really unable – to make this investment, that’s the best argument to be made for doing so, even if you must give up Starbucks, cable TV and, heck, eating altogether and put everything you own plus a few things borrowed from your neighbor up for sale on eBay.”

Huh :: interesting argument. I guess once you make it to the top of the turd pyramid like Dickless Dan has :: you can just be out in the open about your ruthless exploitation. That must be nice … very freeing.

Act NOW before the government starts actually enforcing the laws of these United States :: and this offer runs out FOREVER!

>> bleep bleep

P.S. Dan Kennedy :: great idea using images of Superman to sell your SuperConference. I’ve done you the favor of contacting the DC Comics Rights and Registration department regarding your misuse of their most famous and beloved character to sell your turd-on-toast. No need to thank me :: it was easy.

Good luck with that!

Of Bail and BattleGrounds

SD — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 12:36:16 +0000

It’s an outstanding day at James Ray International! {dramatic pause} That’s what she said!

Will James A. Ray Finally Get Out On Bail? … asks Lynne LaMaster of Prescott News. The hilarious answer :: probably not. The hearing on reducing Death Ray’s bail to levels that won’t have delicate flower Luis Li squealing for mercy was scheduled for today :: but there is a tiny problem …

“For a while, it appeared as if today’s hearing might also be cancelled, according to Ray’s defense attorneys. Kelly explained that an agreement was reached last week with the County Attorney’s office for a deeply reduced amount of bail, but Ray was unable to qualify with the bond surety company for even the negotiated lower amount. Kelly noted that it is a typical practice for bonding companies to appraise personal assets and real estate at a discounted rate in circumstances such as this, and apparently that policy is creating difficulties for Ray.”

Oh that’s so sad. I really do hate to hear about people having difficulties. Head up big guy :: energy flows where attention goes. Just close your eyes :: squeeze your sagging old man ass cheeks together :: and try to demanifest your profligacy of the last decade. Good luck with that.

Not everyone agrees that Ray is broke. The Anticult on the Rick Ross forum has been particularly on the rag about how wrong I am.

James Ray precisely copied and refined the most effective and powerful LGAT seminar techniques in the industry from others who had designed and tested them for decades.

Of course he also copied and modeled their financial protection techniques, to make certain the millions were instantly drained and protected, simply by hiring the same experts used by others.

Not so sure that one follows from the other. LGAT is a sweet way to get mega-money and start calling yourself a god. Asset protection is about delaying satisfaction :: sounds boring. Offshoring your money in silence is no where near as much fun for a psychotic narcissist as converting it into a $200,000 Patek Philippe watch that you can see while you’re masturbating to your own likeness.

Substantial revenue streams :: and even large profit margins :: mean nothing unless you understand the underlying debt structure {*cough* Lehman Brothers *cough*}. If your life is built on a facade :: then often the only thing keeping you from a total debt crisis is yet more debt. For all we know James Ray International could have been saddled with several million dollars worth of debt before his infamous Oprah appearance :: and keep in mind that James Ray has only been a fake big deal for 5 years.

But I’m inclined to agree with Yakaru ::

I don’t know whether Ray had money stashed, but it seems to me likely that he did. I also think its highly likely that he squandered a lot of what he did make and was totally unrealistic in his planning, as Droid suggests. I think Ray is a rather stupid man who is using a scamming model that is quite highly evolved and developed by others. I bet he used it, but probably just as stupidly as everything else he’s done.

He tried it :: but he sucked at it.

Señor Reporter points to another interesting problem that Death Ray has :: ALL of the sweat lodges {and many of the other intensive seminars} between 2005 and 2009 had victims. Arizona authorities have brought three totally balls to the wall manslaughter charges :: but there are dozens of lesser offenses that could be brought. Quoting Sidney Spencer’s attorney Ted Schimidt …

“There was reason to believe they were considering filing several counts of endangerment,” Schmidt continued. “Perhaps they will use endangerment down the road as part of a plea bargain. They definitely could charge him with endangerment—the facts support it.”

Speaking of people who’ve been fucked over by James Ray’s “lesser” crimes :: Tom McFeeley posted the transcript of Lou Caci’s police interview. Lou was the poor bastard who burned his hands in the pit of ornery grandfathers :: but then went back in anyway. Part of the reason Lou went back in was to help Linda :: who was struggling …

Lou Caci: Yeah, my wife was on the right seat and on my left was, her name was Linda she is a heavy fat woman … I don’t know how I did it I mean I had another gentleman Randy help me from behind and I grabbed (Inaudible) and I was lifting her just using all my strength that I had and I was moving her. She weighed close to as much as me.

Det. Surak: And you probably saved her life.

Damn Lou :: ease up on poor Linda :: just cause you saved her doesn’t mean you need to be a dick about it.

You know who is a chunky monkey though? James Arthur Ray …

… nothing balloons out your Ass & Moobs like a couple of weeks off the roids.

Take us out Lou :: and don’t hold back :: holding back is for fat chicks …

“Well (Inaudible) the areas and I was shocked after especially when I saw people puking and people laying on the ground and like it’s supposed to be a positive experience, you know it’s not supposed to be a fucking battleground but that’s what it looked like.”

Word!

>> bleep bloop

Inside Dot Con Secrets

SD — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 14:10:50 +0000

Russell Brunson has had a rough life. Growing up :: all he had was everything :: and you know how hard that can be. Okay maybe you don’t {loser!} :: but that’s your own fault for not manifesting the right kind of parents.

The High Priest of Mormon hypocrisy fought his first round with The Salty Droid last November. Unfortunately for fans of talking turds :: and mirroring ALL of his “important” wrestling matches :: the fat bitch lost! The post exposed Brunson as the owner of a high pressure sales floor that pedophile loving Garden Gnome Mike Filsaime was using to try and fleece people for their maximum remaining credit card balance. Really fucking nice. It also called out the MicroContinuity program as obvious bullshit {duh!} :: and reported that he was trying to sell the company.

Score: Droid [6] :: Brunson [disqualified]

Easy :: Breezy :: Beautiful … Cover Girl!

Making matters much worse {and much funnier} :: everyone on the staff of Dot Com Secrets pulled up that article and had a hearty schadenfreude chuckle. Brunson came in to an office full of people that were laughing at him :: and he was none to pleased. A meeting was called to decide the fate of The Droid. Resolution: “We will just leave him alone :: he’s rich and powerful and not to be fucked with. No one respond and maybe he will just go away.” {snidely} Well isn’t that interesting? That’s nothing at all like the messages I’d received before the post about how tangling with Brunson was a bad idea :: he was “ready for me” :: blah blah blah.

God damn it Debbie :: quit two fisting that ham sandwich and take a letter …

Dearest Russell,

I can’t be threatened :: and I NEVER go away. Hadn’t you noticed? Tell your “friends.”

>> bleeping regards,

The Droid

P.S. Fuck you fuck face.

While Russell didn’t have the nads to respond :: the same can’t be said for everyone else at Dot Con Secrets. Over the last four months the sales staff of Brunson’s BoilerRoom has decreased from 42 to 11. I’m not a numerologist to the fake stars like Tania Gabrielle :: but that sounds pretty bad to me. And of course :: some pissed off employees talked to The Droid. Because eventually :: EVERYONE ends up talking to The Droid {Do you hear me Joshua Andrew Fredrickson?}.

The first interesting thing to note is that none of the female sales staff have left the company :: because there weren’t any. Not one woman on the sales staff. And don’t bring in a woman’s resume either :: unless you want to be smirked at. NO WOMEN. If the Heavenly Father had intended women to work in sales :: he’d have given them receding hair lines and phones growing out of their heads.

Brunson’s partner in the boiler room business is fellow fake LatterDay Saint Garrett Robins. Robins parades around the floor while the salesmen are working:: running at the idiotic mouth :: telling racist and sexist jokes :: and just generally being a flaming dick. In case you’ve never had the displeasure of meeting Mr. Robins :: here he is giving a testimonial for the life changing power of Brunson’s dotcom miracles …

UPDATE {2/23/2010} :: Russell removed this video from YouTube and his testimonial page just hours after the publication of this post … maybe because it was per se fraud. Good thing for justice that The Droid made a copy. FTW!

… posing as a neutral … making up figures … and he’s never actually used the programs because he’s too busy mismanaging a high pressure sales floor.

The salesmen know very little about the Internet :: and nothing at all about Internet Marketing. They’re just people in need of jobs. Fortunately for them :: the marks that they are calling also know very little about the Internet. The sales scripts are centered completely around the manipulation of emotions and self esteem … no business acumen required.

The sales staff on this floor are doing all the hard work for some of the top names in suck: Mike Filsaime :: Frank Kern :: Anik Singal :: and Rich Schefren. In return for their hard work they are shafted in the eye with a hot stick. Salesmen are paid minimum wage … plus 10% on sales. For many :: this adds up to poverty level wages. As a special fuck-you cherry on top :: 1% of the 10% commission is withheld. If there are any cancel/refund/charge-backs {aka people coming to their senses} then that commission is deducted from the withheld funds without notification to the salesman of who canceled … when … or why. The withheld commissions are to be paid out six months after you terminate your employment with Dot Con Secrets. And if you believe those payouts happen … then you probably don’t read this kick ass blog.

Recent months have seen ethics deteriorate from “None” to “Holy Fuck You’re Kidding Me.” Some of the “deals” being pushed by the floor are for upwards of $40,000. The remaining sales staff may no longer even get minimum wage in favor of making them 1099 subcontractors {slimy … and a tax code violation}. Like so many stupid badguys before him :: Brunson is making all the worst mistakes right at the end when he has the least amount of loyalty. Dark clouds are coming to feed on you beefcake :: now would be a good time to start drinking beer.

Brunson thought he was safe behind his SEO Maginot Line of fake blogs :: fake profiles :: and fake friends. But :: as always :: he was wrong. Eventually the web {and justice} will kill all the fakes :: and only one robot will answer the query … Russell Brunson?

>> bleep bloop