The Salty Droid

Guiding Light

SD — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 06:53:40 +0000

It’s best not to have Great Expectations :: as they only lead to great disappointments. The moment you start believing that you are going to end up with the pretty girl :: Miss Havisham will intrude and bollix all of your fondest hopes. Wouldn’t it be better to fly by the seat of your “I eat too many processed foods” pants?

James Arthur Ray “thinks” so :: which is why the Spiritual Warrior Participant Guide :: sent out in July of 2009 :: contains almost no useful information about what to expect from the event. As Death Ray explains …

“Keep in mind that we will be working diligently to make this event memorable. For this reason, it is important that we do not disclose any further information regarding the event schedule or planned activities. However, we will tell you that it is going to be an exciting, unforgettable, and transformational week!”

Things can’t be memorable if they are expected. Of course :: surprise and confusion are important for keeping people vulnerable and mentally unbalanced :: making them far easier to manipulate :: and greatly increasing their tendency to follow the group. But that’s cynical … I’m sure it’s just about keeping things “memorable.”

The unforgettable transformational memorableness could be dampened by giving participants some idea of what they should expect …

Keep in mind that previous iterations of this event led to dreadful calamity and serious injury. Broken bones, broken bank accounts, brain damage, and long term health problems are all previously encountered outcomes. It is also important to note that nothing new will be learned, and that your guru for this event has not been trained in ANYTHING … EVER. He’s just a douche bag salesman with his own serious mental health issues. However, we will tell you that some people are going to die during this event … and it just doesn’t get any more transformational than that!

Sounds lame :: count me out.

In addition to the fucking ridiculous $10,000 that participants had already paid for this event :: the guide explains how they must register and pay a tidy $267 per night for accommodations at Angel Valley {six nights = $1602}. Guests are invited to stay a few extra nights at the “special discounted rate” {otherwise known as the regular rate?} of $155 per night. Don’t want to pay for the price gouged lodging? That’s cool :: what with JRI’s no refund policy … you can just eat the $10k you’ve already forked over … and go fuck yourself.

Speaking of Miss Havisham :: the Spiritual Warrior Guide also mentions another crotchety old lady :: Bill Harris …

“An integral element of the program will rely upon group use of Holosync technology. If you would like to learn more about this technology, please visit the Centerpointe Research Institute website at www.centerpointe.com. If you have not yet invested in this technology, you will need to do so prior to Spiritual Warrior.” {emphasis original}

Notice that NewlyWed Scammers Harris and Ray bastardize the words “technology” and “investment” in a similar manner to the Scamming MotherShip of Scientology. Harris’ ridiculous $2,000 CD’s are “technology” in the same way that the Centerpointe Research Institute does “research” or has an “institute.” One wonders how big a percentage Ray was getting from participant’s “investment” into Harris’ stinking turds. The Droid attempted to contact Harris about this matter via mental telepathy :: but it turns out telepathy :: like Holosync :: is bullshit.

Other required items on the checklist …

bag of chewing tobacco
3 x 3 square of fabric
20 baby wipes
power objects (i.e. objects that hold special meaning for you)
six feet of string (preferably red, but color not critical)

Items that should have been on the checklist but weren’t …

Automatic External Defibrillator
Duct tape {to cover Death Ray’s mouth}
40 baby wipes {because 20 just isn’t enough}
Jaws of life {to remove Megan’s head from Death Ray’s ass}
A priest :: a rabbi :: and a lawyer {to tell you to get the hell out of there and take you to a bar}

>> bleep bloop

The Teeny Tiny Tyrant

SD — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:11:52 +0000

Three days after The Droid’s first post about the Church of Scientology :: The New York Times ran their own {non-hilarious} expose. Is this merely a coincidence :: or was the Gray Lady shamed into action by my robotic bravery? I think we all know the answer. There are NO coincidences :: only the will of Xenu as manifested through vestiges of men.

Speaking of non-coincidences :: The Droid also happened to be in New York City and rolled past the Manhattan home of the glittery thetans. I didn’t have time to be audited into clear :: but I thought it was only fair that I give Mr. Miscavige the opportunity to break some of his toes kicking my metal balls. The super nice girl at the welcome desk said that Mr. Miscavige wasn’t currently available for an interview :: she seemed to think it was a stupid question :: bitch! Don’t judge me!!

No matter :: we’ll just go with a real picture :: and a fake interview.

Salty Droid: Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice.

David Miscavige: I’m not an important person … more of a poser really … so it’s no problem.

SD: I’m so sorry :: I shouldn’t have said “short” notice :: that must be a sensitive issue for you.

DM: Well you know … I don’t like to talk about it unless I’m connected to an e-meter … but it’s hard being a dwarf.

SD: I’ll bet. Is there any chance you could still have a growth spurt? Maybe you’re just a late bloomer.

DM: Xenu willing! I’d love to be tall enough to play point guard for a girls High School basketball team.

SD: Indeed :: and you could finish getting your High School diploma while you were at it. It’s never too late for education!

DM: That’s a god damn lie!

SD: Is it Tiny Tim?

DM: No … it isn’t. I dropped out after the 10th grade. You know that book The Outsiders? It was just so fucking confusing … I couldn’t handle it.

SD: I feel for you little one. Because there is that character in the book called Sodapop :: but he’s not actually a beverage.

DM: Exactly! Finally someone who understands. I mean … either you are a drink or you’re not. You know?

SD: Right :: right. Many people compare your ascension to the top of CO$ to Stalin’s power grab after the death of Lenin :: do you feel like that is a fair characterization?

DM: The who? What? You are one confusing bastard of a robot.

SD: You know :: because Lenin was the idea man. And Stalin was kind of just a massive twat that no one ever liked. He grabbed power by being the biggest douche :: and then he held on to it the same way. Do you think that’s a fair comparison?

DM: That’s a god damn lie!

SD: Uh :: it’s more of a theoretical question.

DM: Questions can be lies … especially theatrical ones.

SD: Theoretical …

DM: Don’t call me that!

SD: Okay :: let’s just move on. Maybe we can come back to that one after you finish High School.

DM: How about I punch you in the throat?

SD: Yeah :: okay :: let’s talk about that. Is it true that you are physically abusive toward members of your “church?”

DM: That’s a god damn lie!

SD: I don’t think so fuck-o. It’s a consistent story told by many former top members of Sea Org. They tell of you choking :: kicking :: slapping :: and punching members of your staff. It’s pretty ridiculous really.

DM: WHAT! Who said that?

SD: People like Marty Rathbun and Mike Rinder who have been life long Scientologists :: and reached the highest levels of the organization.

DM: Those fucking scoundrels :: I’ll have them over-boarded and locked in a god damn cage. I’ll sell their kidneys on the black market! I’ll poke their nipples with a hot fork!

SD: See :: that’s just the sort of the thing you aren’t supposed to be doing. You can’t just assault people :: it’s a crime. The police could drag your sorry ass to jail for it.

DM: No they couldn’t.

SD: Yep! They could.

DM: Well I’d never poke someone’s nipples with a hot fork. That’s nothing but a god damn lie. Whoever told you that is full of shit.

SD: You told me that you empty headed dwarf :: just now.

DM: Xenu demands justice!

{Miscavige grabs himself by the hair :: a big chunk comes out :: it sticks to his hand because it’s been soaked in Aquanet Extra Hold. He uses his now hairy hands to choke himself while beating his head against a nearby filing cabinet. Eventually he collapses in a tiny heap of raging dwarf.}

>> bleep bloop

SD the SP and PTSes

SD — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 11:20:45 +0000

Are you KSW? Or are you one of these skank ass bitches who doesn’t care about the world having the correct technology? And NO :: I’m not talking about donating iMacs to your local school system. That’s just lame :: and it won’t do anyone any fucking good. As if kids need experience working with computers. Let them eat cake! Of course :: I’m talking about the only thing that really matters :: Keeping Scientology Working.

Apparently not enough people are KSW :: because Scientology is so so stupid :: and not working. Recent high level defectors note that Scientology’s membership has been in steady decline since the late 1980’s.

Most of the shit that golden god L. Ron Hubbard had to say was approximately as useful as eating gerbil turds. But he did have a few valuable insights …

1) The best way to get rich is to start your own “religion.”

2) The best way to maintain control of that “religion” is via authoritarianism.

3) The most important aspect of authoritarianism is mind control.

4) Mind control cannot be maintained in the presence of dissent.

5) Auditing can clear your engrams and make you an Operating Thetan!

Okay :: scratch five :: move that one to the so so stupid list.

Mega douche bag and stupid old man James Arthur Ray is a former Scientologist :: as he explains in his typically gimped English …

“The difficulty with Scientology (with which I’ve had experience) is that, in my opinion, it’s too similar to traditional psychotherapy. Now don’t get me wrong… traditional psychotherapy works (unless you’re speaking of a medicated approach), but again, in my experience, it is not the most efficient …

And, it takes an inordinate amount of time and money! I remember leaving my Scientology “auditing” sessions being totally exhausted! (As well as much lighter in my wallet with many more multiples of sessions to go).”

Many more multiples of scammers are previous Scientologists. Werner Erhard {Landmark “Education”} :: one of LGAT’s founding fathers :: was a long time member and seems to have stolen many of L. Ron’s best tricks. Big Daddy Hubbard didn’t like the competition :: and a cock fight ensued {alleged :: by me :: to have been fought with actual cocks}. Death Ray likely had little interest in becoming an Operating Thetan :: and was instead modeling Erhard’s modeling of Hubbard. Why have your own ideas when you can just steal those of others?

One of the keys to KSW :: as all good Thetan’s know :: is the “fair gaming” of “suppressive persons.” SP’s are defined by Scientology as …

a person who possesses a distinct set of characteristics and mental attitudes that cause him to suppress other people in his vicinity. This is the person whose behavior is calculated to be disastrous.

Hubbard put Hitler and other famous antisocials into this group :: and over the years the label has been misapplied to many true believers within the “church” as a tool of control. But the original formulation intended to target the biggest threat to Scientology :: not Jew killing fascists or axe murdering nut-jobs :: but active and vocal dissenters against the Church of Scientology.

Once someone is declared an SP :: any abusive tactic necessary to achieve their silence is considered “fair game.” Private Investigators :: Harassment :: Threats :: Lawsuits :: Public Revelation of Private Facts :: Personal Attacks :: Lies. Whatevs … just shut the mother fucker{s} up as soon as possible. The key danger of the SP is their ability to convert others :: who would normally be perfectly compliant sheeple :: into Potential Trouble Sources {abbreviated PTS because cults love acronyms}. PTSes make up a much larger percentage of the population than the freakishly rare genuine SP. If enough sheeple are converted into PTSes … your cult’s viability could come under threat.

Over the course of the last year :: many readers of The Salty Droid have been shocked by the lengths to which the D-bags have been willing to go to try and silence my robotic awesomeness.

More than a dozen false DMCA claims
Lies and Defamation
Big Law Firms
Private Investigators
Strange Plots
Plots against my family
Threats of death :: rape :: and other gross strangeness {the details of which I usually spare you}

“I don’t understand” :: says many of you privately to me :: “you are just a lame blogger … and not even a real robot. None of this crap is necessary.”

But it’s nothing new :: it’s just Cult Tactics 101. Cult liars can’t answer to the truth with reason :: because they KNOW that they are nothing more than shameful thieves and destroyers of lives. Dark tactics are all that is available to them. Fortunately for evil :: dark tactics are nearly 100% effective. Most potential PTSes lie dormant forever :: never to be activated by some psycho willing to shout BULLSHIT!! in a room full of blank eyed true believers.

But something is different now. And that something is The One Machine :: The Webz :: The MotherFucking Internet. The Internet is the giant megaphone that has finally allowed the few to speak to the many. The Salty Droid is a particularly raging example of the new school SP :: because his totally bad ass is draped in some pretty fancy pants. But make no mistake cult guru assholes :: I’m just one of the first of a new breed. WE are coming for you :: WE are going activate all of the PTSes :: WE ARE GOING TO WIN … and there is NOTHING you can do about it.

“I come not to bring peace, but to bring a sword”

{Matthew 10:34}

>> bleep bloop

Four Funerals and a Wedding

SD — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:05:46 +0000

Josh Fredrickson was living the life of a top tier Internet Marketer. He no longer lived with his mother {allegedly} :: and he was the sole creator of the hit website joshf.org :: which was getting literally dozens of clicks per year :: and bringing in enough fat cash for him to comfortably feed his two cats {She-she and Mr. BigglesBottom}. Massive prosperity was right around the corner. But just to keep from getting bored while he waited patiently for his rainbow shitting unicorn to show up :: he took a job a Best Buy selling after market warranties to old ladies buying blenders.

But that’s not all. Josh :: unlike so many of the IM posers out there :: actually has a formal education. He has a vocational certificate from the prestigious Brown Institute in Mendota Heights Minnesota. They don’t give those certificates to just anyone … you have to ask for one. I know what you’re saying: “Bullshit Droid! That is most glamorous success story I’ve ever heard. If it’s too good to be true :: then it probably is.” Good point :: you’re right to be skeptical. Maybe you are actually learning something around here. Fine :: then here is his resume {no one would lie on their resume}.

If you really want to get the scoop on just how great Josh is at every aspect of selling appliances :: I suggest you call his second reference Megan Tatham :: a fellow Best Buy employee. Sure Megan is Josh’s girlfriend so she’s a bit of a joke as a professional reference :: but only Megan can tell you about how loyal Josh remains even after being totally fucking BETRAYED :: time after time after time. He would have listed “Getting Betrayed” under his hobbies if he wasn’t so damn modest.

It’s not that Megan and Josh weren’t happy in their Best Buy life :: but they weren’t. Working sucks … it’s like they expect you to show up every day with your shirt and shoes on {lame} … and then they boss you around {lamer} … and expect you to sell products {lamest}. It’s horrifying. That’s why they were both thrilled when they found out about Herbalife :: and how easy it was to pyramid your way to the top of a pyramid just by telling other people who love pyramids just how gosh dang fun pyramiding can be.

One unexpected consequence of this fantastic pyramiding :: was that Megan lost weight …

“Megan Tatham is the co-founder of Online Health & Wellness. A few months before she found Herbalife, Megan had transferred to a corporate job, which meant that she had to sit in a cubicle and stare at a computer screen all day. Needless to say, she put on a “few” extra Kilos, and her energy level dropped.”

In addition to dropping some Kilos {which means pounds in French … or something} :: Megan gained several levels of “smile insanity” :: an important characteristic for any budding pyramider. The manic smile did help add members to the Tatham/Fredrickson downline :: but not enough to allow them to quit their jobs and scam full time.

Fortunately :: at one of their pyramiding conferences {were they were learning how to buy more stuff in order to be more successful} :: James Arthur Ray was the keynote speaker. For Megan :: it was love at first site. For Joshua :: that was fine because he has no balls of his own. So Megan and Josh began their Journey of James Ray Power.

Eventually :: after they’d both been fully LGAT’ed :: Death Ray decided that he HAD to hire Josh :: no matter the cost. It’s not everyday that someone comes along with a vocational certificate from the Brown Institute of Mendota. James was willing to do whatever he needed to in order to hire Josh :: including putting Megan in charge of everything … and giving her a thumb ring.

The happy couple moved to Carlsbad and began living the American dream of pyramiding full time. Of course they had no downline of their own :: but Megan had thigh touching privileges at JRI :: so success was sure to follow. They were even made honorary members of the fake-exclusive World Wealth Society.

On 4/16/2005 the couple was wed. It’s probably not to late to send them a wedding gift if you’ve found the story of their courtship and nuptials inspirational. You can still find their wedding registry on Amazon.

First thing on the list :: a DVD of the classic film Magnolia :: which features Scientologist Tom Cruise as a dysfunctional motivational guru :: seminar instructor :: and professional seducer of women.

And they lived happily ever after.

>> bleep bleep

Tweeting Darkness

SD — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:15:42 +0000

Read the book of Genesis again :: then Exodus :: then Leviticus :: then Numbers :: then Deuteronomy. OMG! You are so bored now. You know what you should do instead? Have a sandwich. You should definitely have a sandwich. And then you should go for a walk :: steal a dog if you don’t already have one. But stay the fuck away from Genesis :: it’s kind of the weird part :: and give the chop chop to The Book of Revelation as well {once you’ve been boiled in oil :: you can’t be trusted}.

Something about being in jail depresses people. Makes them think about the bible :: and about Emerson {that rascal!} :: and about how fun it is to dance around in the moonlight with robes and rings and eternally young fairies :: you know :: normal shit like that. Then when they get out of jail on the “You Don’t Deserve Mercy But We’re Gonna Give You Some Anyway Cause We Are Way Better Than You” rule {Part B: Section 3} :: then they totally need to Tweet about it {after they’re done getting their rocks off humping a mirror}.

I’m back ::

It’s the experiences of the darkness that bring clarity to the light

Goin’ all biblical ::

Very few understand that it’s the dark that creates and gives birth to greater light. Read the book of Genesis again.

I’m a tiny dancer ::

“If you can’t embrace the dark you’ll never dance in the light”

Where’s Waldo ::

“… Aspirants to be noble clay under the Almighty effort let us advance on Chaos and the Dark” – Emerson

Seriously? That really twists my Taint Chakra! It’s manipulation :: poorly executed :: but so staggeringly narcissistic that it sounds dangerous. He’s seen chains now :: but it changed nothing. He may be old :: ugly :: and shriveling with herpes … but he’s still playing God in his God game. Right now God is put upon by the forces of Quantum Arizona.

Rick Ross Forum / The Anticult

James Ray is using metaphor pacing-leading in his Twitter-persuasion. He sets the metaphors up, and then moves them along to shape meaning and perception.

James Ray has set himself up as “the light”, and he suggests his followers to “dance in the light”.

He has framed his manslaughter charges as “the dark” and wants his followers to embrace that too. They have to embrace the dark, to be a James Ray dancer …

There is very advanced work in conversational persuasion and “hypnosis”, and that uses metaphors very much like James Ray is currently attempting to do on Twitter. This is targeted at his current followers, many of who have already been deeply programmed with those metaphors at his intense seminars, so this is just a reminder, an anchor, a reframe, and fine-tuning, and can work on them very powerfully.

Yep! And there are lots of ways he could have done it. Everything he does is based on The Syntax :: everything scripted :: so there are ample triggers available to set-up a few last wallet suction procedures. But Death Ray wouldn’t be Death Ray if he didn’t go for the jugular and drop straight into Apocalypse Now mode. He dangles the idea of embracing the dark :: and sets up his personal drama as a representative of some universal struggle.

This situation still contains danger.

Death Ray uses Ralph Waldo Emerson to encourage his ring wearing initiates to become clay in his hands for the sake of the secret society. But Emerson had something else in mind as the quote comes from an essay entitled Self Reliance …

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connexion of events. Great men have always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius of their age, betraying their perception that the Eternal was stirring at their heart, working through their hands, predominating in all their being. And we are now men, and must accept in the highest mind the same transcendent destiny; and not pinched in a corner, not cowards fleeing before a revolution, but redeemers and benefactors, pious aspirants to be noble clay under the Almighty effort let us advance on Chaos and the Dark….

Viva la Revolution!

By the Unicorn Power of The Law of Attraction :: Ray did manage to point his flock to the message that they desperately need to here. Take control of your own thoughts :: and be accountable for them. You are not the “us” or the “we” :: you’re not an initiate into a special kingdom :: or one of the “harmonically minded.” Think for YOURSELF :: think freely :: no matter the consequences. No progress will come from continuing to subjugate your YOU to a saggy old faker.

>> bleep bloop

Dan Kennedy Presents Russell Brunson

SD — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:08:20 +0000

Tired of cutting yourself with razor blades just to feel alive? The mess :: the guilt :: the lies to your mother … stop the insanity! Did you know that there was a less bloody way to make yourself suffer screaming pains? That’s right! No reason to self mutilate when can simply listen to “talking clump of dirt” Russell Brunson speak at the outrageously priced Glazer Kennedy SuperConference …

“Just 5 years ago, with $20 and a simple idea, Boise State student Russell Brunson started an online business – and by the time he graduated, he’d sold over One Million Dollars of products and services from his basement office.’ ABC, NBC and FOX NEWS have all featured his remarkable story – and the fact that he’s helped tens of thousands of people REALLY MAKE MONEY with internet marketing. His own company has mushroomed into a real business (!) with 80 employees… revenues exceeding $250,000.00 A WEEK – he has become legendary in internet marketing. As a pleasant surprise to many, he’s not much of a geek, and freely admits there are smarter techno-folks. He is at the SuperConference to show you how to MAKE MONEY WITH THE DAMNED THING – not to explain the inner workings of the Google® splechedeydocherisms. PROMISE: YOU WON’T NEED A TRANSLATOR TO LEAVE THIS ROOM AND MAKE THAT COMPUTER PRINT MONEY.”

Shaazam!! Russell is on the forefront of not understanding technology and the Internet :: and unlike so many of the posers out there :: he “freely admits” it. In fact :: Russell is so good at sucking at the Internet that he built an old fashioned telemarketing business instead {women need not apply!}.

$250,000 per week :: $13,000,000 per year :: those are impressive figures for a “business” that’s lost more than half of its employees over the last several months. Of course that’s because the figures are totally fraudulent :: and likely double the revenue that was reported to the IRS. Attend the GK SuperConference and learn how Russell does it in a half day segment he calls: “Begging for Trouble” :: and you can too!

There will be dozens of other opportunities this year to hear Russell Brunson stuttering through his laced-with-fraud sales pitch :: but this will be your only chance to pay $2,495 plus $800 per month for at least six months. Holy Leave it to Beaver Batman :: that’s a shit load of money!

Having second thoughts about paying so much just to suffer? Maybe “genius” marketer and obvious fuck wad Dan Kennedy will be able to talk you into it …

“If you are unwilling to make this modest investment in yourself, your business and your future, I suppose that tells us both a lot, doesn’t it? The unwillingness to invest in acquiring information, networking for alliances, search for people and resources to support your efforts and accelerate your progress…in association with the leaders of Glazer-Kennedy Membership worldwide…. in your own personal and professional growth — you’d better have very modest ambitions. Actions speak loudly, to your own subconscious, to those around you, to the world at large. The individual who is intellectually lazy or, bluntly cheap about self-investment sends a message.

If you are unable - really unable – to make this investment, that’s the best argument to be made for doing so, even if you must give up Starbucks, cable TV and, heck, eating altogether and put everything you own plus a few things borrowed from your neighbor up for sale on eBay.”

Huh :: interesting argument. I guess once you make it to the top of the turd pyramid like Dickless Dan has :: you can just be out in the open about your ruthless exploitation. That must be nice … very freeing.

Act NOW before the government starts actually enforcing the laws of these United States :: and this offer runs out FOREVER!

>> bleep bleep

P.S. Dan Kennedy :: great idea using images of Superman to sell your SuperConference. I’ve done you the favor of contacting the DC Comics Rights and Registration department regarding your misuse of their most famous and beloved character to sell your turd-on-toast. No need to thank me :: it was easy.

Good luck with that!

Of Bail and BattleGrounds

SD — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 12:36:16 +0000

It’s an outstanding day at James Ray International! {dramatic pause} That’s what she said!

Will James A. Ray Finally Get Out On Bail? … asks Lynne LaMaster of Prescott News. The hilarious answer :: probably not. The hearing on reducing Death Ray’s bail to levels that won’t have delicate flower Luis Li squealing for mercy was scheduled for today :: but there is a tiny problem …

“For a while, it appeared as if today’s hearing might also be cancelled, according to Ray’s defense attorneys. Kelly explained that an agreement was reached last week with the County Attorney’s office for a deeply reduced amount of bail, but Ray was unable to qualify with the bond surety company for even the negotiated lower amount. Kelly noted that it is a typical practice for bonding companies to appraise personal assets and real estate at a discounted rate in circumstances such as this, and apparently that policy is creating difficulties for Ray.”

Oh that’s so sad. I really do hate to hear about people having difficulties. Head up big guy :: energy flows where attention goes. Just close your eyes :: squeeze your sagging old man ass cheeks together :: and try to demanifest your profligacy of the last decade. Good luck with that.

Not everyone agrees that Ray is broke. The Anticult on the Rick Ross forum has been particularly on the rag about how wrong I am.

James Ray precisely copied and refined the most effective and powerful LGAT seminar techniques in the industry from others who had designed and tested them for decades.

Of course he also copied and modeled their financial protection techniques, to make certain the millions were instantly drained and protected, simply by hiring the same experts used by others.

Not so sure that one follows from the other. LGAT is a sweet way to get mega-money and start calling yourself a god. Asset protection is about delaying satisfaction :: sounds boring. Offshoring your money in silence is no where near as much fun for a psychotic narcissist as converting it into a $200,000 Patek Philippe watch that you can see while you’re masturbating to your own likeness.

Substantial revenue streams :: and even large profit margins :: mean nothing unless you understand the underlying debt structure {*cough* Lehman Brothers *cough*}. If your life is built on a facade :: then often the only thing keeping you from a total debt crisis is yet more debt. For all we know James Ray International could have been saddled with several million dollars worth of debt before his infamous Oprah appearance :: and keep in mind that James Ray has only been a fake big deal for 5 years.

But I’m inclined to agree with Yakaru ::

I don’t know whether Ray had money stashed, but it seems to me likely that he did. I also think its highly likely that he squandered a lot of what he did make and was totally unrealistic in his planning, as Droid suggests. I think Ray is a rather stupid man who is using a scamming model that is quite highly evolved and developed by others. I bet he used it, but probably just as stupidly as everything else he’s done.

He tried it :: but he sucked at it.

Señor Reporter points to another interesting problem that Death Ray has :: ALL of the sweat lodges {and many of the other intensive seminars} between 2005 and 2009 had victims. Arizona authorities have brought three totally balls to the wall manslaughter charges :: but there are dozens of lesser offenses that could be brought. Quoting Sidney Spencer’s attorney Ted Schimidt …

“There was reason to believe they were considering filing several counts of endangerment,” Schmidt continued. “Perhaps they will use endangerment down the road as part of a plea bargain. They definitely could charge him with endangerment—the facts support it.”

Speaking of people who’ve been fucked over by James Ray’s “lesser” crimes :: Tom McFeeley posted the transcript of Lou Caci’s police interview. Lou was the poor bastard who burned his hands in the pit of ornery grandfathers :: but then went back in anyway. Part of the reason Lou went back in was to help Linda :: who was struggling …

Lou Caci: Yeah, my wife was on the right seat and on my left was, her name was Linda she is a heavy fat woman … I don’t know how I did it I mean I had another gentleman Randy help me from behind and I grabbed (Inaudible) and I was lifting her just using all my strength that I had and I was moving her. She weighed close to as much as me.

Det. Surak: And you probably saved her life.

Damn Lou :: ease up on poor Linda :: just cause you saved her doesn’t mean you need to be a dick about it.

You know who is a chunky monkey though? James Arthur Ray …

… nothing balloons out your Ass & Moobs like a couple of weeks off the roids.

Take us out Lou :: and don’t hold back :: holding back is for fat chicks …

“Well (Inaudible) the areas and I was shocked after especially when I saw people puking and people laying on the ground and like it’s supposed to be a positive experience, you know it’s not supposed to be a fucking battleground but that’s what it looked like.”

Word!

>> bleep bloop

Inside Dot Con Secrets

SD — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 14:10:50 +0000

Russell Brunson has had a rough life. Growing up :: all he had was everything :: and you know how hard that can be. Okay maybe you don’t {loser!} :: but that’s your own fault for not manifesting the right kind of parents.

The High Priest of Mormon hypocrisy fought his first round with The Salty Droid last November. Unfortunately for fans of talking turds :: and mirroring ALL of his “important” wrestling matches :: the fat bitch lost! The post exposed Brunson as the owner of a high pressure sales floor that pedophile loving Garden Gnome Mike Filsaime was using to try and fleece people for their maximum remaining credit card balance. Really fucking nice. It also called out the MicroContinuity program as obvious bullshit {duh!} :: and reported that he was trying to sell the company.

Score: Droid [6] :: Brunson [disqualified]

Easy :: Breezy :: Beautiful … Cover Girl!

Making matters much worse {and much funnier} :: everyone on the staff of Dot Com Secrets pulled up that article and had a hearty schadenfreude chuckle. Brunson came in to an office full of people that were laughing at him :: and he was none to pleased. A meeting was called to decide the fate of The Droid. Resolution: “We will just leave him alone :: he’s rich and powerful and not to be fucked with. No one respond and maybe he will just go away.” {snidely} Well isn’t that interesting? That’s nothing at all like the messages I’d received before the post about how tangling with Brunson was a bad idea :: he was “ready for me” :: blah blah blah.

God damn it Debbie :: quit two fisting that ham sandwich and take a letter …

Dearest Russell,

I can’t be threatened :: and I NEVER go away. Hadn’t you noticed? Tell your “friends.”

>> bleeping regards,

The Droid

P.S. Fuck you fuck face.

While Russell didn’t have the nads to respond :: the same can’t be said for everyone else at Dot Con Secrets. Over the last four months the sales staff of Brunson’s BoilerRoom has decreased from 42 to 11. I’m not a numerologist to the fake stars like Tania Gabrielle :: but that sounds pretty bad to me. And of course :: some pissed off employees talked to The Droid. Because eventually :: EVERYONE ends up talking to The Droid {Do you hear me Joshua Andrew Fredrickson?}.

The first interesting thing to note is that none of the female sales staff have left the company :: because there weren’t any. Not one woman on the sales staff. And don’t bring in a woman’s resume either :: unless you want to be smirked at. NO WOMEN. If the Heavenly Father had intended women to work in sales :: he’d have given them receding hair lines and phones growing out of their heads.

Brunson’s partner in the boiler room business is fellow fake LatterDay Saint Garrett Robins. Robins parades around the floor while the salesmen are working:: running at the idiotic mouth :: telling racist and sexist jokes :: and just generally being a flaming dick. In case you’ve never had the displeasure of meeting Mr. Robins :: here he is giving a testimonial for the life changing power of Brunson’s dotcom miracles …

UPDATE {2/23/2010} :: Russell removed this video from YouTube and his testimonial page just hours after the publication of this post … maybe because it was per se fraud. Good thing for justice that The Droid made a copy. FTW!

… posing as a neutral … making up figures … and he’s never actually used the programs because he’s too busy mismanaging a high pressure sales floor.

The salesmen know very little about the Internet :: and nothing at all about Internet Marketing. They’re just people in need of jobs. Fortunately for them :: the marks that they are calling also know very little about the Internet. The sales scripts are centered completely around the manipulation of emotions and self esteem … no business acumen required.

The sales staff on this floor are doing all the hard work for some of the top names in suck: Mike Filsaime :: Frank Kern :: Anik Singal :: and Rich Schefren. In return for their hard work they are shafted in the eye with a hot stick. Salesmen are paid minimum wage … plus 10% on sales. For many :: this adds up to poverty level wages. As a special fuck-you cherry on top :: 1% of the 10% commission is withheld. If there are any cancel/refund/charge-backs {aka people coming to their senses} then that commission is deducted from the withheld funds without notification to the salesman of who canceled … when … or why. The withheld commissions are to be paid out six months after you terminate your employment with Dot Con Secrets. And if you believe those payouts happen … then you probably don’t read this kick ass blog.

Recent months have seen ethics deteriorate from “None” to “Holy Fuck You’re Kidding Me.” Some of the “deals” being pushed by the floor are for upwards of $40,000. The remaining sales staff may no longer even get minimum wage in favor of making them 1099 subcontractors {slimy … and a tax code violation}. Like so many stupid badguys before him :: Brunson is making all the worst mistakes right at the end when he has the least amount of loyalty. Dark clouds are coming to feed on you beefcake :: now would be a good time to start drinking beer.

Brunson thought he was safe behind his SEO Maginot Line of fake blogs :: fake profiles :: and fake friends. But :: as always :: he was wrong. Eventually the web {and justice} will kill all the fakes :: and only one robot will answer the query … Russell Brunson?

>> bleep bloop

Harmonic Broke

SD — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 13:56:17 +0000

Felicia Fonseca’s latest article about James Arthur Ray is currently being picked up by all sorts of fancy schmancy news agencies around the world. But in open support of Chiang Kai-shek :: The Droid is linking to it at Taiwan News. That’s right :: I’ve just officially recognized Taiwan :: suck on that China .. you big red bullies! Chinese authorities couldn’t be reached for comment about this bold :: some say provocative :: move by The Droid. But one imagines they’d say something like: “Big trouble for you coming soldier boy.”

You’ll recall :: unless you’re back on the PCP :: that Death Ray’s bail was set at $5 million. He’d only need to post a small fraction of that to get out on bond :: but in spite of a generous Salty Droid fundraiser :: he’s still rotting in jail. On the plus side … maybe his balls will grow back now that he can’t inject himself with steroids and hormones {but probably not}.

Death Ray’s lawyers {who will be taking almost all of the cash} argued that bail should be reduced. Those documents are sealed because it wouldn’t be fair for the public to see Death Ray’s financial details :: too personal. It was all fun and games when he was claiming massive wealth and success in ALL areas of his life … he tried to get that “personal info” out on every possible media outlet. But the truth … NO … that’s best kept sealed.

Well whatevs :: Felicia got the docs anyway …

“But the court documents paint a much different picture, showing that he is severely in debt with a net worth of negative $4.2 million. Real estate makes up about $3.1 million of Ray’s total assets of nearly $4.2 million, but he has little equity.

The properties include homes in Hawaii and Nevada, and rentals in California. Ray’s Southern California-based business, James Ray International, and a Beverly Hills mansion he recently put up for sale are not listed among the assets.

Ray’s liabilities were listed at more than $8.5 million, much of which was unexplained in a statement of net worth.

In a financial statement filled out by Ray the day of his arrest, he wrote that he pays out $94,000 a month in expenses, including for rent and mortgages, utilities, insurance and vehicles. He listed his assets as $14,000 in a checking account and $220,000 in a retirement account.

Ray’s attorneys said his financial stability has been shaken by withdrawals from bank accounts in the last several months to pay creditors and legal fees, including a significant retainer deposited in a trust account at the California-based law firm representing him.”

Oh snap! Many good and reasonable people are like: “He’s hiding it! It’s in the Caymans! He gifted it to Mania Megan! He plans to flee the country like Werner Erhard!”

Doubt it. He was just a posing :: posturing :: flat out liar.

“Harmonic Wealth therefore is a harmonic state of well-being in the five key areas of your life …”

Financial — Negative $4.2 million :: no liquidity :: no diversity.
Relational [sic] — He’s alone :: all personal connections are based on aggression and artifice.
Intellectual — Like a ball of yarn {see .. five fucking years of using the word “relational” to mean “relationships”}.
Physical — He’s 100% pharmacological … and still doesn’t look very good.
Spiritual — 4 deaths + 2 cover-ups + 0 apologies = Soullessness

EVERYTHING about this “man” was a fraud. Taking his “Journey of Power” cost good :: hard working :: citizens more than $50,000 … but James Arthur Ray had nothing to teach. He has no degree :: no spiritual certifications :: no non-sales corporate experience. And he hadn’t achieved success in ANY area of his own life. He was just LYING … to all of you.

Put on your reading glasses and look at this pic from a Ray seminar …

The set is bigger than the audience.

He was draining all the revenues by believing in his own bullshit. Doing things bigger and more aggressive than he needed too … spending the money he wanted to be making instead of the money he was actually making.

Remember when Perry Belcher’s giant health scam came crashing down and he was worth less than a million bucks? Or check out fellow star of The Secret :: “financial expert” :: David Schirmer putting his “company” into liquidation because of $250k in back taxes {Schirmer Sham PDF}.

JRI was never a real business. Everything depended on James dragging his clumpy ass from city to city :: LGATing the hell out of people so that they’d keep giving him ridiculous amounts of money. But sometimes bad things happen to bad people. If James needs to take a couple months off due to a flare up of anal herpes … or if he kills four people and ends up in shackles … ALL revenue stops. You had better keep your fixed costs {and leverage levels} low if periods of zero revenue are a possibility.

Oops :: The Balance Sheet is Bogus!

>> bleep bloop

The Power to Couple

SD — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 15:21:14 +0000

Josh and Megan Fredrickson :: two beautiful humanitarians looking to make the world a better place. Do they sometimes have to cover up a death {or four} to finish the world changing work of the fake lord? Megan: “I, uh, no, I mean maybe, I don’t quite … yeah … okay totally! But just a few small ones. Is it cold in here … or is that just my soullessness?”

Megan and Josh have been with J-Ray since way back in the day. A rumor {just started by me} says that the three of them first hooked up via an awkward CraigsList three-way in a Minneapolis Airport … but J-Fred tells the story like this {pdf of Josh’s November interview with investigators} …

“In 2001, my current wife she wasn’t then Megan and I we went to an event for Herbalife which is a nutritional product we were selling nutritional products for Herbalife and James was a keynote speaker there. And so that was our first exposure to him.”

Herbalife is a multi-level marketing company :: aka a pyramid scheme :: aka a waste of time. Like all other MLM’s a key component of their business is having big Ra Ra seminars where they sell their “distributors” on a bunch of expensive bullshit that will help them “grow” their “companies.” Death Ray is on stage being paid to push the MLM’ers into being the best little pyramiders they can be :: Megan and her girlfriend Josh are in the audience … thinking about how they can better improve on their selling of the selling of the selling of the sell.

Tony Robbins :: Herbalife :: Scientology :: MLM :: Telemarketing … these are the mentor shaman of James Arthur Ray.

Anywayz :: please continue with your gay little story Joshua Andrew Fredrickson ::

“Way back in the day he did like a two-hour kind of introductory kind of speech deal and we were really into what he was saying. So at the end he was selling people a two day weekend which is kind of like the next step big introduction to all of his events. And so we signed up for that and we were participants, we attended James’s events and went through his programs and such for about three years through 2004. And at the same time I was also on my own developing websites and that sort of thing. And I started to promote some of James’s products on a website as an affiliate so I would get a kickback if I sold any of his products. And it ended up that I was, my site was sending more traffic to James’s site than his own marking efforts and so James came to me in June of 2004 and asked if I’d do some freelance work for him.”

So Ms. Josh was a Internet Marketer :: an affiliate marketer for a guru whose products he was both buying :: and selling. Paying for access :: and selling access :: the circle of not-life. Look down right now at your private areas :: are you wearing those same pants? Are you? Take those mother fuckers off RIGHT NOW and walk naked through the streets instead. Sure people will laugh at your deficiencies :: but Josh’s pants are full of life ruining infections.

From 2001 to 2004 Megan and Josh took The Journey of Power :: which James Ray International has helpfully illustrated in the shape of a pyramid …

Mania Megan works at Best Buy Corporate {a profit model based on aftermarket warranty scams was probably her stupid idea} in Minneapolis. She’s bringing in all the bacon for Team Fredrickson. In Josh’s fragile little mind James wanted to hire him … but then by miraculous coincidence decided to put his wife in charge of the whole sham outfit.

“Originally he just wanted me and just because it was too hard financially that’s when he started asking about Megan and then it ended up that he really wanted her.”

Sure thing LoverBoy :: keep telling yourself that. But Ray had already known Megan for three years. This is the pre-Oprah days :: followers were harder to come by :: and these seminars are LONG ass LONG. Megan was in one of the first sweat lodges. Death Ray wanted a thumb ring on Megan :: and that’s what he got.

Josh says they took a pay cut to move to California :: and that they were working longer hours. But it was worth it because of all of the vomiting … and people in the fetal position lying face down in the mud mumbling about seeing The Beast … and arrows through people’s eyes … and screaming children … and brain damage … and other super awesome shit like that.

The Power to Win Weekend {later called Harmonic Wealth Weekend} is the entry point to the JRI human sausage grinder. Get the sheeple in for that first seminar weekend :: “only” $997 :: and then use aggressive covert persuasion tactics to sell them the rest of the way up their Heroic Quest to the Higher Conscious Mind of the Warrior Initiate.

But how to get people to stick their heads into the trap :: IM affiliate wunderkind Josh Andrew Fredrickson do you have any bright ideas?

How about a single purpose sales website with a woo woo :: long form :: bullshit sales letter? It’s like the missionary position of Internet Marketing losers worldwide {ThePowerToWin.com circa 2005}. And of course it would anger the IM gods if such a site didn’t have appropriately inappropriate testimonials from incestuous insiders posing as neutrals …

“Upon returning home, all areas of my life have improved dramatically. I have successfully started 3 internet businesses, my business and personal relationships have grown ten-fold, my spirituality has grown to new heights, and I am now engaged to an amazing woman with our dream wedding around the corner.

– Joshua Fredrickson”

Perfect.

>> bleep bleep