Belgium vs Herbalife

Herbalife is a pyramid scheme :: says the country of Belgium … not me.

I wouldn’t say something as explicit as all that :: because my imaginary lawyers have informed my fake secretary Debbie that I shouldn’t be calling pyramid schemes “pyramid schemes” just because they are obviously pyramid schemes. I should try to use more indefinite :: uplifting :: phraseology. For instance …

“circle of mutual beneficence”

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Hearts on Fire

James Arthur Ray :: the play … okay?

Tickets are $15,000 :: no refunds … or complaining.

Okay maybe not :: tickets are some other price that won’t tend to make random people on the interwebz exclaim … “you deserve to die!”

But getting to Scotland isn’t easy :: unless you’re Mary Poppins … or god. Fortunately I am :: god that is …

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ColdHearted HotHeads

Do you have a statistically significant shortage of grey matter in your anterior rostral prefrontal cortex?

That’s a shame.

You should seriously have that shit checked out … you might be a psychopath.

Vacation over :: I bailed my fake secretary Debbie out of debtors prison {which she’ll be repaying at a variable interest rate that I’ve pegged to Italian credit default swaps} …

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Debbie Does PowerPay

Every time I ask my fake secretary Debbie to take a letter :: she uses purple ink … it’s daft not adorable … but there’s no convincing her.

“We’re talking to the banking system here Debbie :: for christ’s sake … use a word processor.”

… says me.

But I’m capital :: and she’s labor … and if I don’t let her use purple she’ll organize and I’ll be left with striking Debbies who expect sick days and maternity leave.

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Abundance of Bullshit

My fake secretary Debbie is on Ray Kurzweil’s email list because she’s all worried that medical progress won’t be able to keep pace with her “chain-smoking while tanning” lifestyle. She’d love to stop the smoke & tan madness :: but she needs it to cover up her diabetic pallor … so she depends on the science of future miracles for comfort.

Says Dr. Kurzweil to Debbie …

Dear Friend,

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