James Arthur Ray :: the play … okay?
Tickets are $15,000 :: no refunds … or complaining.
Okay maybe not :: tickets are some other price that won’t tend to make random people on the interwebz exclaim … “you deserve to die!”
But getting to Scotland isn’t easy :: unless you’re Mary Poppins … or god. Fortunately I am :: god that is … not Mary Poppins.
I am god.
Okay maybe not :: but I do have interesting and articulate readers all over the world … including The Scot-lands. It makes me feel quite …

Do you have a statistically significant shortage of grey matter in your anterior rostral prefrontal cortex?
That’s a shame.
You should seriously have that shit checked out … you might be a psychopath.
Vacation over :: I bailed my fake secretary Debbie out of debtors prison {which she’ll be repaying at a variable interest rate that I’ve pegged to Italian credit default swaps} … now back to freak town.
1 … 2 … 3 … go!
Not all psychopath’s are bloody :: liver eating … mass murders. But those are the ones we {eventually} lock in …

Every time I ask my fake secretary Debbie to take a letter :: she uses purple ink … it’s daft not adorable … but there’s no convincing her.

“We’re talking to the banking system here Debbie :: for christ’s sake … use a word processor.”

… says me.
But I’m capital :: and she’s labor … and if I don’t let her use purple she’ll organize and I’ll be left with striking Debbies who expect sick days and maternity leave.
To PowerPay.biz :: merchant account processor to the opposite of the stars :: June …

My fake secretary Debbie is on Ray Kurzweil’s email list because she’s all worried that medical progress won’t be able to keep pace with her “chain-smoking while tanning” lifestyle. She’d love to stop the smoke & tan madness :: but she needs it to cover up her diabetic pallor … so she depends on the science of future miracles for comfort.
Says Dr. Kurzweil to Debbie …

Dear Friend,
I’d like to reach out to you personally about a new book that I am very excited about:
Abundance — The Future Is Better Than …

When life hands you lemons :: tie life up at gun point and be like … how u like me now life?

… or at least assault a police officer :: violate your probation … and keep being a complete and total fucking junkie.
If only boiler room suck-job John Paul Raygoza had better taste in motivational wall hangings :: he may have avoided the jail time that is sure to follow the problems his actions have piled on top of the problems he created with his other actions … it’s complicated. Like …

Crystal Cox isn’t in the porno business :: allegedly/hopefully :: even though she clearly has a porno name. Crystal PornoName is an “investigative blogger” :: a title that only a very serious person would grant unto herself.
Crystal was sued by some mean lawyers for defaming some other mean lawyers and a Federal judge ruled that …

she wasn’t a journalist so shield and retraction laws don’t apply
she couldn’t Anti-SLAPP him
the mean lawyer wasn’t a public figure under NYT v. Sullivan or a limited public figure under Gertz
the matter :: a big …

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A few years ago NBC was all about dry humping James Arthur Ray. They :: and their lazy affiliates :: brought him on multiple times as an “expert” on finance :: or success :: or whatever the fuck.
“Oh James! You’re so steroid & fake tan adorable. Love me! Tell us all about the success of being an Oprah guest. Your book has the word wealth in the title :: what’s it like to have infinite wealth :: success :: and happiness? I think the viewers would love to know. Oh what’s …

Alison Newton met Dave Navarro 17 years ago at NC State. They were close friends for years before they decided to get matching last names. The matching names were a commitment that they both took seriously. They had both come from severely broken homes :: and both were determined to protect their own children from the same fate.
By the time I met Alison Navarro a couple of months ago :: Naomi Dunford and the cult of Internet Marketing had already destroyed everything that Dave and Alison had worked so hard to build. …

Have you heard the great news?  You can make lots of easy money with the Internet blogging :: and ANYONE can do it!
That’s right I said ANYONE.
The Internet has finally leveled the playing field … allowing ANYONE to have ANYTHING … RIGHT NOW. Just follow these ten easy steps … and I’ll see you on the beach!
 
1. You don’t talk about fight club.
Always the first rule. If we talk about fight club … pretty soon everyone will have a fight club … and then our fight club won’t be special …

The Salty Droid doesn’t do interviews :: so don’t bother asking me. Go suck yourself!
But it has been almost three years :: and my fake secretary Debbie thinks it’s time to start saying yes rarely … instead of never. She’s usually almost always wrong :: but if you make the little people think that their opinions count … then you can pay them less!
Paying people less :: aka The American Dream … get some less pay for yourself … TODAY … you deserve it!
So if you want to hear Jason being serious instead …