Debbie

Belgium vs Herbalife

Herbalife is a pyramid scheme :: says the country of Belgium … not me.

I wouldn’t say something as explicit as all that :: because my imaginary lawyers have informed my fake secretary Debbie that I shouldn’t be calling pyramid schemes “pyramid schemes” just because they are obviously pyramid schemes. I should try to use more indefinite :: uplifting :: […]

Hearts on Fire

James Arthur Ray :: the play … okay?

Tickets are $15,000 :: no refunds … or complaining.

Okay maybe not :: tickets are some other price that won’t tend to make random people on the interwebz exclaim … “you deserve to die!”

But getting to Scotland isn’t easy :: unless you’re Mary Poppins … or god. Fortunately I am :: god that […]

ColdHearted HotHeads

Do you have a statistically significant shortage of grey matter in your anterior rostral prefrontal cortex?

That’s a shame.

You should seriously have that shit checked out … you might be a psychopath.

Vacation over :: I bailed my fake secretary Debbie out of debtors prison {which she’ll be repaying at a variable interest rate that I’ve pegged to Italian credit default swaps} […]

Debbie Does PowerPay

Every time I ask my fake secretary Debbie to take a letter :: she uses purple ink … it’s daft not adorable … but there’s no convincing her.

“We’re talking to the banking system here Debbie :: for christ’s sake … use a word processor.”

… says me.

But I’m capital :: and she’s labor … and if I don’t let her […]

Abundance of Bullshit

My fake secretary Debbie is on Ray Kurzweil’s email list because she’s all worried that medical progress won’t be able to keep pace with her “chain-smoking while tanning” lifestyle. She’d love to stop the smoke & tan madness :: but she needs it to cover up her diabetic pallor … so she depends on the science of future miracles […]

Boiled Lemonade

When life hands you lemons :: tie life up at gun point and be like … how u like me now life?

… or at least assault a police officer :: violate your probation … and keep being a complete and total fucking junkie.

If only boiler room suck-job John Paul Raygoza had better taste in motivational wall hangings :: he may […]

Crystal Cox :: iS nOt a BLOgGER

Crystal Cox isn’t in the porno business :: allegedly/hopefully :: even though she clearly has a porno name. Crystal PornoName is an “investigative blogger” :: a title that only a very serious person would grant unto herself.

Crystal was sued by some mean lawyers for defaming some other mean lawyers and a Federal judge ruled that …

she wasn’t a journalist […]

Alison in PlunderLand

Alison Newton met Dave Navarro 17 years ago at NC State. They were close friends for years before they decided to get matching last names. The matching names were a commitment that they both took seriously. They had both come from severely broken homes :: and both were determined to protect their own children from the same fate.

By the time I […]

10 Easy Steps to Professional Blogging

Have you heard the great news?  You can make lots of easy money with the Internet blogging :: and ANYONE can do it!

That’s right I said ANYONE.

The Internet has finally leveled the playing field … allowing ANYONE to have ANYTHING … RIGHT NOW. Just follow these ten easy steps … and I’ll see you on the beach!

 
1. You don’t […]

By |August 27th, 2011|bleep bloop|62 Comments|