Perry Belcher is not black … or gay {allegedly}.
But he is a felon … and he does do offensive impressions to impress his evil fat friends.
Perry and his partner in slime Ryan Deiss do a Black Friday hard sell every year … because the holidays are a great time to get scammed.

Happy Holidays to you and your family on this day of
Thankfulness!
I wanted to take this chance to tell you how thankful I
am for you.
Without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Thanks for your loyalty and your trust over …

“I’m going to tell you a story and it’s very, very important. Please read it, all the way through. Women’s lives are at stake.”

One of my posts could start like that :: if I were a shit-trite writer … cause women’s lives are at stake. The after effects of protracted manipulation are regularly deadly … as Kirby :: Liz :: and Colleen might tell you if they weren’t already dead. And it’s not hard to imagine how often something like this …

… leads to a nice old{ish} lady deciding to …

Newt in 2012!!
Wait :: what did I just say?
What the fuck is a newt? Are they dangerous? Is this what the Mayan and their sadistic calendars were trying to warn us about?
OMG :: RUN!!
No stop running :: or stay not running if you were already a doubter.
It’s just Newt Gingrich and his marshmallow orgy jowl sacks.

Newt’s running for President because he has no self-awareness. Newt cheated on his wife while hounding another douche for doing the same. It’s called inexcusable hypocrisy :: and you ain’t supposed to be able to …

Joe “Señor Fuego” Vitale es un nabo podrido!
No :: no more fucking Spanish :: that joke is over! All NonEnglish speakers will henceforth be deported forthwith :: unless they are from someplace nice :: in which case they will be forced to stay indefinitely {probably in New Jersey}.
ABC recently aired a special report about James Ray’s evil Mind Games. They couldn’t get an interview with the Telemarketer of Doom himself :: because he was too busy shooting-up and snuggling with Jennifer Horton at 11964 Crest Place. They settled instead for a couple …

The first weekend of the first African World Cup is over and one thing is clear :: America didn’t lose!!
{spins and dances in circle}
I’m sure you’ve already heard what happened :: but I’ll tell you again just for fun.  A ninety year old grandmother ran on to the field {all hopped up on snorted Adderall} and took a shot for the United States during their epic game against England.  The shot moved with such stunning slowness and lack of power that England’s goalkeeper Robert Green could do nothing but offer the ball …

Kim and Sandy :: it’s a love for the fucking ages.
What is it that makes them so compatible? What is the seed of their blossom?
They have much in common:

wishing they were taller
love of bouffant hairstyles and androgyny
getting pleasure from the suffering of others
wasting money like empty headed morons
passion for Mickey Mouse / Naruto slash fiction
helping drive people into poverty

But these are but the triflings of the mortal coil :: inadequately voiced.  A love this flamingly eternal could never truly be expressed via sarcastic bullet points :: or super sweet comic …

I’ve recently noticed that there are a lot of scams out there. Surely there is something we can do about it! At first I was like: “I should definitely send a letter to the Post Master about all this.”  But then the Surgeon General warned me that the Post Master might cause cancer of the fetus … and then I was like: “Wow!  Fuck that!”  I just can’t afford to take the risk right now … my fetus runs my entire laundry and dry cleaning operation.
So I guess I’ll just register …

A whole fucking week without me!  Oh lord how you must have suffered :: stuck contemplating the trivialities of your own banal existence :: void of humor and style :: lost like an ugly child at the State Fair … wandering around in pig/chicken shit … crying out for your momma and licking the residue of liquid cheese from inside the ocean bound plastic that served up your SuperNachoCornDog™.  Whatever :: I’m back!  Shut up and do everything I tell you.
Speaking of finger food pig fuckers :: Ed Magedson.
Ed Magedson …

Josh Fredrickson was living the life of a top tier Internet Marketer.  He no longer lived with his mother {allegedly} :: and he was the sole creator of the hit website joshf.org :: which was getting literally dozens of clicks per year :: and bringing in enough fat cash for him to comfortably feed his two cats {She-she and Mr. BigglesBottom}.  Massive prosperity was right around the corner.  But just to keep from getting bored while he waited patiently for his rainbow shitting unicorn to show up :: he took …

It’s an outstanding day at James Ray International! {dramatic pause} That’s what she said!
Will James A. Ray Finally Get Out On Bail? … asks Lynne LaMaster of Prescott News.  The hilarious answer :: probably not.  The hearing on reducing Death Ray’s bail to levels that won’t have delicate flower Luis Li squealing for mercy was scheduled for today :: but there is a tiny problem …

“For a while, it appeared as if today’s hearing might also be cancelled, according to Ray’s defense attorneys. Kelly explained that an agreement was reached …