Utah’s new {but already fucking corrupt} Attorney General John Swallow is a “real conservative” :: not some fake ass conservative like Mitt Romney … or Hitler. “Real conservatives” make home-craft-sunset-word-art for Republican nominating conventions :: fake conservatives move to Berkeley and get AIDS … simple as that.
… or something.
It’s lucky for Mr. Swallow that he’s a “real conservative” :: because he’s certainly not a “real lawyer” … having had no real legal experience before becoming Utah’s chief legal officer. Unless you count losing elections and lobbying for the payday loan …

Funny story :: one of Utah’s largest boiler rooms … is located in New York City. That’s the end of the funny part of the story :: I hope you laughed your ass off … because the rest of it is fucking terrible.
The Tax Club :: Earning more than your trust
Or as the FTC :: and the New York and Florida Attorney Generals :: put it in their lawsuit last week …

“This scam has victimized thousands of individual consumers, many of whom are unemployed or elderly. Defendants have defrauded each victim …

Jeremy Johnson is totally innocent :: just kidding … he was going to accept a plea deal that had him only doing 10 years in prison rather than the 12,000 years he’d need to do in order for his time to be commensurate with his fucked up crimes.
But he’s innocent according to this little propaganda video he had made about his innocence …

… I’d tell a joke about it :: but I’m sure you’re already laughing.
The plea deal fell apart :: with Johnson wanting a list of people the government would agree …

Utah is a pretty great state … if you’re a fucking scammer.
You should move there … if you’re a fucking scammer.
You won’t even have to join the local religion :: which is approximately as old as Sears … although think of the networking opportunities you’d miss. Some of scamworld’s shrewdest regular offenders are regular attenders of the Latter-day Saint sunday seminar series. While Texas scammers might be teaching you to invest all your money in silver :: Utah scammers know that the key is burying the silver in the ground … it’s the …

This fucking freak is gonna eat your granny :: hard … not in the sexy teen vampire way … that plus the Utah Arts Festival in this week’s Salt Lake City Weekly.
Phone Predators is the third of three Eric Peterson articles about how the “this is the place” founded by Brigham Young {for his multitudinous wives} has become “the place” for flagrant fraud against the vulnerable.
Let’s be honest :: it was actually in last week’s issue … and you already missed the Utah Arts Festival {it was lovely}. I was gonna try to be a …

“It was 10:45 p.m. on a cold night in January 2012 when a black car slowly pulled into the driveway of Johanna Quinones’ Sandy home and parked with the engine running.”

The car belonged to Utah’s corrupt and oafish Attorney General Mark Shurtleff. The ridiculous Mr. Shurtleff was escorting one of his criminal boyfriends :: Sov Ouk … on mission to intimidate and torment Ms. Johanna … Sov’s long-suffering ex-wife.
Johanna met Sov on a vacation to the United States in the 1990′s. Quite ironically :: she left her LDS family in …

Utah’s Deputy Chief Attorney General :: John Swallow :: wants to replace Mark Shurtleff as the biggest fucking disgrace in the American legal profession … and as the chief legal representative of Utah’s rotting fraud vortex.
Of course the Attorney General is the state’s top legal enforcer :: tasked with prosecuting criminals rather than representing them … but that was back before the the bizarro world ate the real world.
The Salt Lake Tribune reported earlier this year that Swallow was getting most of the money for his campaign from Mark Shurtleff …

The StomperNet Letters {a fake robot family tradition} are like The Screwtape Letters :: in that they are written by evil stinking demons. But they aren’t like The Screwtape Letters :: in that they are non-literary and authored by ignorant fucking idiots.
Sometimes The StomperNet Letters are about Mark Shurtleff and {in vain} sucking up to The Droid. But usually they are about how StomperNet started not paying its bills :: and then never stopped not paying its bills. It’s just like a real business … except for not.
Per the usual :: the …

Clint Dempsey scored the first ever American hat-trick in England’s Premier League! It’s no big deal or anything :: unless you love the world’s most popular sport … or you love America {or Texas I guess} … then maybe it’s kinda a big deal.
Sure :: it’s got jack shit to do with this blog … but Jason’s been sick so just fucking deal with it.
Too much TV has been proven by dentists to help with the flu :: and maybe even the plague … so you’re covered if things turn …

I’m fucking against the SOPA :: and the PIPA … and the Santa Maria. I just blacked out my whole glorious fake robot site to prove it {and for fear of defying Wikipedia}. According to The Times of New York :: the protests and bellyaching are working … and the stupid old men of the stupid old man Congress {which is like a series of intestinal tubes} are caving.

“A freshman senator, Marco Rubio of Florida, a rising Republican star, was first out of the starting gate Wednesday morning with his …