Gnomes :: a tiny race of colorful madmen … tend to be fiercely protective of their reputations. Scammer Internet Marketing Gnomes like lil’ piss-biscuit Mike Filsaime {not to be confused with all the totally legit Internet marketing gnomes} … are especially protective of their reputations because their whole fake life is balanced on the fulcrum of a thin illusion.
So like if there was a registered sex offender organizing a family Internet Marketing cruise for one of his Gnomish companies :: he would fire that person the minute he found out about the pedophilia …

Are you a soul-destroying scammer who’s irritated by the constitutional rights of the little people?
So annoying!
Are you worried that all your boiler room monies are going to run out now that you’ve burned every fucking bridge in Madison County?
Stupid bridges!
Then Vorys, Sater, Seymour and Pease :: Attorneys-at-Scam can help! At Vorys {pronounced voyeurs} … we believe in your right to fuck over the little guy. If the little guy deserved to have rights … then he’d already have enough money to hire his own whore law firm.  Am I right?
Of course …

Y’all wouldn’t believe the shit I’ve been up to … expecially because I’m not going to tell you about it yet.
Muh ha ha?
Meanwhile :: back at fucking StupidTown … Anik Singal needs our help!
Says he via email today …

There is nothing to buy, in fact,
I want to GIVE YOU an opportunity
to do something for ME!

I guess taking is the essence of giving :: that’s something the Buddha once said … meth-Buddha {he’s not quite as chill as the normal Buddha}.
Anik wants to give us the opportunity to give him a …

The StomperNet Letters {a fake robot family tradition} are like The Screwtape Letters :: in that they are written by evil stinking demons. But they aren’t like The Screwtape Letters :: in that they are non-literary and authored by ignorant fucking idiots.
Sometimes The StomperNet Letters are about Mark Shurtleff and {in vain} sucking up to The Droid. But usually they are about how StomperNet started not paying its bills :: and then never stopped not paying its bills. It’s just like a real business … except for not.
Per the usual :: the …

When life hands you lemons :: tie life up at gun point and be like … how u like me now life?

… or at least assault a police officer :: violate your probation … and keep being a complete and total fucking junkie.
If only boiler room suck-job John Paul Raygoza had better taste in motivational wall hangings :: he may have avoided the jail time that is sure to follow the problems his actions have piled on top of the problems he created with his other actions … it’s complicated. Like …

Harlan Kilstein isn’t a doctor :: and he isn’t an Internet marketing guru either … thanks to lil’ old me.
Good job me!
But he’s still a pathetic bottom feeding scammer … and every month or so someone tells me a story about Harlan trying to ruin their life with his ridiculousness.
Maybe a fake robot can keep a motherfucking d-bag from getting huge … but he can’t keep them from existing. There are police in Boca right?
Anywayz :: HK has a new bullshit site about the meditations. The site has 21,000 Facebook …

You’ve probably heard the devastating news :: maybe from a tiny classified ad backending to a boiler room :: that Don Lapre is dead. Don was struck down too soon :: by Don Lapre … after only having time to commit hundreds of millions of dollars worth of fucking obvious fraud. How many more lives and families could Don have ruined if only he had more time?  We’ll never know now … and it’s fucking tragic.
Mike Dillard knows what I’m talking about {which is kinda unusual for him}.
Mike left a comment …

Year 3 of the fake robot :: boom … done.
The year in pictures :: via video … thanks to super fucking awesome Vancouver folk rocker Dan Mangan for not suing me. Don’t call a song “Robots” or I’ll pretend to own it.
Spiders :: and Gingers :: and Homiciders … oh my!
Jason’s voice :: no less than twice.
Zero lawsuits … again.
Zero fight backs … again {unless you count fake death threats … I don’t … thanks for doubling my stats Spider Bitch}.
Zero man ups :: as always … and forever.
Popular Mechanics …

Sometimes even elves are naughty :: like Caffeinated Elf Rachael Acklin getting involved in Crystal Cox’s Depressing-n-Grotesque Pornography™.
No :: thankfully … not that kind of naughty.
Tweets Rachael :: who I refuse to call Rhiannon …

Help me bring my little girl home, and get a website, logo, header, and coaching at half off.

An unorthodox reason to have a sale for sure :: but in fairness … Rachael’s IttyBiz has always been uterocentric. The Demented Elf tweetlinks to what might be the worst sales page ever …

Dearest darling, this email is a very …

Size matters :: in certain things … like illegal cockfighting. You want to have the biggest cock if you plan to go home with some of them sweet sweet cockfighting monies. Some people might tell you that smaller cocks often win out … but those people haven’t been certified in Cockmaster Shamanism by the employees of a Carnival cruise ship like I have {it’s kinda a big deal}.
But size doesn’t matter in matters of the heart. Like having a black :: cold :: vaguely turd like :: heart … …