“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into …”
… said some peeps from Crystal Cox’s past and present after I slapped her a couple times across her puffy dumb dumb face.
Whatevers :: says me :: you peeps got no idea what I’m already into … this one is nothing to me.
Crystal Cox’s freaknuts bullshit predates the Internet :: just ask anyone who has ever come within sniffing distance of her grandma pants. She’s mean :: and cruel … and in a surprise to no one who’s read a single …

My fake secretary Debbie is on Ray Kurzweil’s email list because she’s all worried that medical progress won’t be able to keep pace with her “chain-smoking while tanning” lifestyle. She’d love to stop the smoke & tan madness :: but she needs it to cover up her diabetic pallor … so she depends on the science of future miracles for comfort.
Says Dr. Kurzweil to Debbie …

Dear Friend,
I’d like to reach out to you personally about a new book that I am very excited about:
Abundance — The Future Is Better Than …

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A few years ago NBC was all about dry humping James Arthur Ray. They :: and their lazy affiliates :: brought him on multiple times as an “expert” on finance :: or success :: or whatever the fuck.
“Oh James! You’re so steroid & fake tan adorable. Love me! Tell us all about the success of being an Oprah guest. Your book has the word wealth in the title :: what’s it like to have infinite wealth :: success :: and happiness? I think the viewers would love to know. Oh what’s …

I want to tell you about The Greatest Vitamin in the World!!
Well :: I mean :: I don’t wanna tell you about the vitamins of course :: because you can just go buy some of those down at the store for like five bucks or whatever. No :: I’m talking about the opportunity to sell people on the opportunity to sell people on the idea that The Greatest Vitamin in the World is the key to future freedom from the reality of life’s realities.
It will only cost you whatever you happen to …

Newt in 2012!!
Wait :: what did I just say?
What the fuck is a newt? Are they dangerous? Is this what the Mayan and their sadistic calendars were trying to warn us about?
OMG :: RUN!!
No stop running :: or stay not running if you were already a doubter.
It’s just Newt Gingrich and his marshmallow orgy jowl sacks.

Newt’s running for President because he has no self-awareness. Newt cheated on his wife while hounding another douche for doing the same. It’s called inexcusable hypocrisy :: and you ain’t supposed to be able to …

 
Anthony Morrison uses the television to tell people about how HUGE he is on the Interwebs. But most Internet people :: like you people :: have never heard of him. Loving the Internet really cuts into time spent watching shitty 3am infomercials … and fake web-star Morrison has almost no real web presence.
The infomercial is a fake show hosted by Chicken Soup for the Hole dipshit Mark Victor Hansen {pictured here mounting Anthony for reasons I’d better not get into}.

Mark Victor Hansen :: like fellow Soup for the Hole heroes …

Maria Andros is a Powerhouse Leader of Leadership :: and other various things :: such as … etc.
You thought she was scum? Because of that thing where you know how to read and sometimes do?
Well that’s why you’re not a powerhouse {whatever the fuck that is} leader of leadership getting yourself quoted in Business Insider :: a big fancy pants respected website …
15 Daily Habits Of Powerhouse Leaders
According to Cindy Ratzlaff :: the article’s distinguished author …

“Ever since the publication of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey, people been …

FUCK YOU James Arthur Ray :: you motherfucking motherfucker!!
I’m back bitches!  Believe it!
Longest break ever :: but you stupids just kept clicking like a bunch of sheeple :: so I guess I’ll do what I want! No consequences!
Exclamation points!!
Remember when James Arthur Ray got convicted of negligent homicide?  Yeah … it was so awesome.
Fuck you James Arthur Ray :: you suck monkey! Did I already say that? Sorry :: I’m just passionate :: like Luis Li … except in a non-douchey-poser kind of way.
Self-imposed “ban on senselessly excessive profanity while covering …

I’m back!
… sort of.
… not really.
… leave me alone!
… not really.
… sort of.
Weddings are like a whole big thing :: and I have responsibilities :: for instance … standing around next to cakes looking menacing for my size.
Convicted felon James Arthur Ray {ah … that felt good} :: is still out on bail while he awaits sentencing {which prolly won’t happen until next month because America is stupid}. This week the State will call witnesses in an effort to prove “aggravating factors” that will allow for a longer maximum sentence. But the ultimate length of …

I’ve been looking for James Ray :: have you seen him? He’s like a tall guy :: concave mouth :: spray on tan :: walks around like an angry chicken is nesting at the far end of his colon?
It’s not a big deal or anything :: it’s just that I found some of his pills near my grandpa’s socks :: and I wanted to give them back. I know how serious it can be for a fake Samurai to lose his insecurity pills.
You’d think he’d be easy to find :: I …