Fake robot :: year four … totally done already!
My goal for 2012 was to rid the world of evil … so that’s a fail.
But I did achieve some lesser objectives …
– I wrote a song about a manatee and some twinkies
– I made a hit movie for a maker of hit movies
– I hated a book
– I incited an uprising
– I pissed off some more lawyers
– I slapped a state in the face
 … shit like that.
Three of the most popular posts this year …
– Elevation Prohpets
– Frank Kern in Scamworld
– …

The first confesstimonial was a big hit :: and in a more interesting than usual comment stream … it spawned the second confesstimonial. Once your blog posts start producing progeny :: you can retire to the beach to live the tanned twinkie lifestyle … fact.
The video is The Vergecast from the morning the Scamworld article printed. It’s pretty funny to listen to real Internet experts laughing about fake Internet experts :: and then Danny Sullivan calls in to ruin my laughter … but I’ve let go of that anger now because …

Harlan Kilstein isn’t a doctor :: and he isn’t an Internet marketing guru either … thanks to lil’ old me.
Good job me!
But he’s still a pathetic bottom feeding scammer … and every month or so someone tells me a story about Harlan trying to ruin their life with his ridiculousness.
Maybe a fake robot can keep a motherfucking d-bag from getting huge … but he can’t keep them from existing. There are police in Boca right?
Anywayz :: HK has a new bullshit site about the meditations. The site has 21,000 Facebook …

Two lawyers walk into a bar ::
Lawyer 1:  Let’s call The Salty Droid and –
Lawyer 2: Thanks for the beer, see you around {sound of saloon door swinging on its hinges}.
Lawyers :: you see :: have an aversion to fake robots … and risks … and technologies more complicated than blackberries {the fruit} … and things that can’t be classified into check-box forms and filed alphabetically.
So when lawyers do call in on the fake robot hotline :: they’re wanting favors not troubles :: and they usually start off just like …

James Malinchak has a millionaire’s smile :: literally :: if smile values were calculated based on awkward surface area … which they are not.  So I guess he doesn’t have a millionaire’s smile so much as a fucked-up-retard {f-u-r} smile :: one that looks about as genuine as Harlan Kilstein’s tan.
But I’m sure that he’s a real millionaire on the inside :: it’s just the f-u-r smile that’s fake. Cause if he’s not a real millionaire :: then he’s a real fraud … because the only thing he has to sell is the idea that he got rich telling …

The John Raygoza horror story begins :: like so many grimm tales before it :: “Once upon a time” … or “Μια φορά κι έναν καιρό” as they say in Greece when they’re anachronistically speaking Greek.
Once upon a time {last month} I was reading Steve Salerno’s SHAMblog …

“I’ll admit that when this news alert arrived in my inbox this morning, I thought it might have something to do with the ballsy and groundbreaking work being done over at Salty Droid.”

Nice! Unsolicited compliments from a respected author who has been repeatedly published everywhere …

Business has been slow lately at the Angel Valley Retreat in Sedona Arizona.  Oh I’m sorry … did I say business?  Because I meant spirituality has been slow.  Not real spirituality of course :: that can’t be measured :: but doublespeak spirituality. Doublespeak spirituality can be :: and is :: measured in dollars … and dollars are down … way … way down.
The New York Times reports :: After Sweat Lodge Deaths, Fewer Tourists With Spiritual Needs

“Nobody is sure exactly what is keeping people away from Sedona’s four vortexes, swirling energy sources emanating from the earth, …

Tony Robbins is fucking toast.
No wait :: I mean :: I saw Tony Robbins on some fucking toast.  Yeah … that’s what I meant … I saw him on some toast.  Remember? It just happened!
I was trying to write a serious article about how the Canadian authorities are turning a blind eye to sickening perversions within their famed Royal Canadian Mounting Police … when I was rudely interrupted by some annoying code loop and a piece of apparitional toast.
I tried to be all cool about it because I’m a badass and everything …

“Helping the critics improve their game, write better, and make logical arguments. Introducing CriticWatch.”

Says Pat O’Bryan … via Twitter … to almost no one.
It’s December 2009 and some cool kids {like Connie :: Burned by Fire :: Duff :: Eric :: not-crazy Li_Kuan} are talking shit about Joe Vitale and James Ray via the Twitters. Oh no you didn’t :: Fat Pat to the rescue!! He won’t have the teats from which he suckles tarnished by truth!

“Look forward to line-by-line critiques of the world’s snarkiest blogs, embarrassing personal facts about the writers, and huge fun …

“Work from Home –or Anywhere– with Pat O’Bryan’s “Your Portable Empire” Internet Marketing Solutions”
Says the tagline on Pat O’Bryan’s low traffic website. Pat does work from home :: and you can too!! :: as long as you make your home up Joe Vitale’s ass like Pat does. Pat pretends he’s some kind free spirt entrepreneur honcho wandering around life barefoot sucking a cigar and bringing in millions.  But that’s crap.  He’s just a bitch :: low man … in a ghetto ass game that he’s too stupid to precisely understand.
Pat wrote a …