Harlan Kilstein

Salty Droid 2012

Fake robot :: year four … totally done already!

My goal for 2012 was to rid the world of evil … so that’s a fail.

But I did achieve some lesser objectives …
— I wrote a song about a manatee and some twinkies
— I made a hit movie for a maker of hit movies
— I hated a book
— I incited an […]

Confesstimonial :: Lawyers in Scamworld

The first confesstimonial was a big hit :: and in a more interesting than usual comment stream … it spawned the second confesstimonial. Once your blog posts start producing progeny :: you can retire to the beach to live the tanned twinkie lifestyle … fact.

The video is The Vergecast from the morning the Scamworld article printed. It’s pretty funny to […]

Meditations on a Fat Man

Harlan Kilstein isn’t a doctor :: and he isn’t an Internet marketing guru either … thanks to lil’ old me.

Good job me!

But he’s still a pathetic bottom feeding scammer … and every month or so someone tells me a story about Harlan trying to ruin their life with his ridiculousness.

Maybe a fake robot can keep a motherfucking d-bag from […]

Trademarked Confusion :: Joel Comm Droid Con

Two lawyers walk into a bar ::
Lawyer 1:  Let’s call The Salty Droid and —
Lawyer 2: Thanks for the beer, see you around {sound of saloon door swinging on its hinges}.
Lawyers :: you see :: have an aversion to fake robots … and risks … and technologies more complicated than blackberries {the fruit} … and things that can’t be […]

Secret Millionaire Secrets Revealed

James Malinchak has a millionaire’s smile :: literally :: if smile values were calculated based on awkward surface area … which they are not.  So I guess he doesn’t have a millionaire’s smile so much as a fucked-up-reject {f-u-r} smile :: one that looks about as genuine as Harlan Kilstein’s tan.

But I’m sure that he’s a real millionaire on the inside :: it’s just […]

John Raygoza Scams Yo Momma

The John Raygoza horror story begins :: like so many grimm tales before it :: “Once upon a time” … or “Μια φορά κι έναν καιρό” as they say in Greece when they’re anachronistically speaking Greek.

Once upon a time {last month} I was reading Steve Salerno’s SHAMblog …

“I’ll admit that when this news alert arrived in my inbox this morning, I […]

The Haunting of Angel Valley

Business has been slow lately at the Angel Valley Retreat in Sedona Arizona.  Oh I’m sorry … did I say business?  Because I meant spirituality has been slow.  Not real spirituality of course :: that can’t be measured :: but doublespeak spirituality. Doublespeak spirituality can be :: and is :: measured in dollars … and dollars are down … way … way down.

The New York […]

A Virus and a Plague

Tony Robbins is fucking toast.

No wait :: I mean :: I saw Tony Robbins on some fucking toast.  Yeah … that’s what I meant … I saw him on some toast.  Remember? It just happened!

I was trying to write a serious article about how the Canadian authorities are turning a blind eye to sickening perversions within their famed Royal […]

Critic Watching With Fat O’Bryan

“Helping the critics improve their game, write better, and make logical arguments. Introducing CriticWatch.”

Says Pat O’Bryan … via Twitter … to almost no one.

It’s December 2009 and some cool kids {like Connie :: Burned by Fire :: Duff :: Eric :: not-crazy Li_Kuan} are talking shit about Joe Vitale and James Ray via the Twitters. Oh no you didn’t :: […]

Pat O’Bryan :: Your Portable Empire Strikes Back

“Work from Home –or Anywhere– with Pat O’Bryan’s “Your Portable Empire” Internet Marketing Solutions”

Says the tagline on Pat O’Bryan’s low traffic website. Pat does work from home :: and you can too!! :: as long as you make your home up Joe Vitale’s ass like Pat does. Pat pretends he’s some kind free spirt entrepreneur honcho wandering around life barefoot sucking […]