Vorys, Sater, Seymour and Pease :: Attorneys-at-Scam

Are you a soul-destroying scammer who’s irritated by the constitutional rights of the little people?

So annoying!

Are you worried that all your boiler room monies are going to run out now that you’ve burned every fucking bridge in Madison County?

Stupid bridges!

Then Vorys, Sater, Seymour and Pease :: Attorneys-at-Scam can help! At Vorys {pronounced voyeurs} … we believe in your right to fuck over the little guy. If the little guy deserved to have rights … then he’d already have enough money to hire his own whore law firm. Am I right?

Of course I’m right.

That’s why at Vorys Sater Seymour and Pease our motto is …

You’ve got monies? We’ll take the case!!!

Other law firms with more than three hundred attorneys might get all up in your scamming face and be like :: “explain your business model to me … and your criminal history … and your problems with federal regulators … and the outstanding judgements against you … and the reasoning behind your desire to sue people who have empty pockets” … but not Vorys … that shit is all bullshit that you don’t deserve …

We’ll take the case!!!

Don’t let Whitney C. Gibson’s girl name fool you … he’s just one of the many fine vicious Vorys attorneys ready to help you finish off your soul-destroying sales sequence. Whitney understands that people expressing their honest opinions about your scam frauducts isn’t just inconvenient … it’s a threat to dirty money everywhere!

Solidarity {with dirty money everywhere}!

Who even knew that the University of Cincinnati had a law school? Well they do … and Whitney Gibson proved it by going there to learn all about crushing the already crushed. Now he’s ready to help you :: dear lucrative and unsophisticated scammer :: crush the people you wish were crushed. Whitney relies on his fuck-the-little-guy wingman :: and fellow Vorys attorney-at-scam :: Bradley L. Gibson. Bradley attended The Ohio State University law school :: which I think is like a safety school for people who can’t get into the University of Cincinnati. Bradley knows that if you want to silence a whole group of vulnerable and exploited citizens :: it’s best to fill the water with blood and fear by spamming out a critical mass of ridiculous suits against people who can’t respond …

Are these Gibson lawyers brothers :: or sisters … or sister wives? No one knows for sure and it doesn’t matter :: the point is if you want to sue someone who can’t afford representation … we’ll take the case!!!

Vorys, Sater, Seymour and Pease :: what we lack in prestige … we make up for with cruelty and inhumanity.

At Vorys we go the extra mile {toward hell} by not only filing pester suits … but by personally calling unrepresented defendants and misstating their possible liabilities in threatening tones … and by placing false time deadlines on one-sided negotiations.

Call 1-800-COERCION … now!

Of course the Rules of Professional Conduct frown upon such behaviors toward the unrepresented :: as they do on making total bullshit claims … Rule 3.1 …

A lawyer shall not bring or defend a proceeding, or assert or controvert an issue therein, unless there is a basis in law and fact for doing so that is not frivolous …

But rules are for attorneys-at-law :: and suckers :: who are still under the anachronistic misimpression that the legal profession is to be one of the great protectors of civic order. That’s why you need an attorney-at-scam instead … we totally don’t care about shit like that. Civic order? That’s Obama’s problem!

Paul B. Kerlin knows what you’re talking about when you’re talking about how much you don’t want other people talking about you. Paul might look like a harmless ginger rodeo clown :: but he’s more than ready to sign his name to any old totally stupid Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress claim if it will help you help old ladies out of money they don’t have.

People shouldn’t think they have the right to complain about disappointing products and services that they’ve purchased … just because they do have that right!

Haters gonna hate? I don’t think so playa! That’s what stuffy white people in ties are for … we’ll take the game out of the game {assuming that means something}.

At Vorys :: we are completely devoted to you … and your pursuit of total darkness. We will stoop to any level to help you maintain your position as :: “The Worst Person Imaginable” :: with the dignity and respect befitting a d-bag with shocking amounts of cash flow and no high school diploma.

Of course we must say pro-Pro Bono stuffs on our website like …

We believe that pro bono work is a fundamental part of being a lawyer. Our firm therefore strives to foster an environment that encourages all of our attorneys – from the newest associate to the most senior partner – to provide legal services to individuals and organizations that otherwise may lack access to the legal system.

… but then later we force other members of the {very small} pro bono community to defend access lacking individuals against our own ridiculous shenanigans … so it all balances out. Legit companies who are paying us busloads of money for our services just like to hear cat crap like that. No worries though … we don’t actually care about society.

Vorys, Sater, Seymour and Pease … what first amendment?

SEO

Attorney-at-scam Super{anti}Heroes

Whitney C. Gibson – The Girl’s Name

Bradley L. Gibson – The {allegedly} Sister Wife

Paul B. Kerlin – Legally Ginger

SEO

Vorys, Sater, Seymour and Pease … a proud tradition of defeating the unrepresented … right now … every time … society can go and suck it.

Vorys … on your {dark}side.

PS :: Are you a soul-destroying scammer who’s irritated by the constitutional rights of The Salty Droid and his authoritative presentation of well researchinated facts?

Yeah :: umm :: sorry … we can’t really help you. Our attorney-at-scam services are more about repressing unrepresented parties with tiny small voices. We wouldn’t want to get caught in a fair fight with someone who’s been a fake robot for longer than Bradley’s been an attorney :: not while representing a horrible fucking bastard … I’m sure you understand.

Vorys :: we’ll take the case {except for when we won’t}!!!

>> bleep bloop