Refund Roulette

Are you thinking about requesting a refund from that special someone for that special load of shit that they sold you? GR8 IDEA! You are really starting to show potential.

I offer the following form letter for your use. Both [conventional] and {fucking extremist} options are available. Mix & Match for best results ::

Dear [scammers actual name] {Rat Face D-Bag},

I purchased [name of product] {a huge bag of steaming hot shit} from you.

You said that it would [product claims] {turn me into a Glorious Pegasus … and that I would fly around the sun to speak to the wizard who lives there}. But instead [I’ve been quite disappointed] {you’ve sprayed your belligerent STUPID all over my face and I’ve been left partially blinded and smelling like a zoo animal with an alcoholic caretaker}.

[You are aware that] {Listen up Fuck-Chop} a refund was guaranteed if I wasn’t completely satisfied. Unfortunately, I must inform you that [I am not at all satisfied] {I’d have got more satisfaction from a Tijuana Donkey Show}.

I [request] {sure as fucking shit better have} a full refund no later than two weeks from today.

If the refund has not been fully processed within the two week period, I will be forced to begin the collection process by [filing the proper claims with the BBB and local government agencies] {blasting J-Pop outside of your windows day and night until you must add ANDROGYNY to your list of unattractive characteristics}.

Thank you for [your attention to this matter] {getting up off your lard ass and getting this shit DONE … like nowish!}. I know that you are [very busy] {fucking allergic to doing anything other than stroking your own super short wank}.

[Regards] {Go Fuck Yourself},

[Your Name] {Your Muslim Name}

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