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Salty Droid

Disparaging Arbitration

In 2013, Herbalife, facing a full-on assault from a hedge fund manager still bitter about not rowing varsity crew at Harvard; a class action lawsuit inexplicably emanating from Salt Lake City; and several ominous Sword of Damocles style government inquires… added a mandatory arbitration and class waiver provision to its ridiculous consumer “contract”.

Here’s the first version of that provision. (Please make sure to read every word carefully because it’s desperately important to the story. I can’t overemphasize the importance of reading the provision, in its entirety, before continuing.)


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Jessie’s Playbook

Jessie Conners Tieva is a scammer who’s spent most of the last ten years fronting for various Utah fraud operations. She’s a grinder–always out on the road, talking about doing things she’s never done. Jessie is one of the few scammers who I’ve had the pleasure of heckling in person. When we met in a half empty hotel conference room in Chicago six years ago, she was fronting for the Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad Utah-backed op.

This week Jessie and her husband Matt Tevia were busted by the FTC and the Minnesota Attorney General for operating a short-lived hustle called Sellers Playbook.

The Fake News should be running the headline:

Trump University “Professor” and Failed “Apprentice” Busted for Fraud

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Old Movies

This is my most viewed video. It’s amazing. I won’t pretend that I don’t love it–the greed, the panting, the epic drama of secret audio recordings.

It’s been floating around the internet for eight years now, but it’s not allowed on YouTube. My heartbreaking work of staggering genius has been taken down from the big social media sites an absolutely uncomical amount of times.

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The Click-conomy


This article is brought to you by the advertising that brings you Slate.

I started sometimes reading Slate when Slate started publishing stuff to read. Slate, an exclusively online news magazine, was one of the first of its kind. I thought it was going to change the world. Back then I naively thought that just about everything that was happening on the fledgling web was going to change the world.


Oh, M&M’s have their own website now? This is going to change the world!

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them internet monies

Bloomberg reports that top YouTube stars can expect poverty level wages. That doesn’t surprise you because you’re sophisticated (and good looking, and smart, and conscientious) and you read a site taglined: “… you can’t make money online.” But other–lesser–people are surprised.

Straight to the guts:

Breaking into the top 3 percent of most-viewed channels could bring in advertising revenue of about $16,800 a year, Bärtl found in an analysis for Bloomberg News. That’s a bit more than the U.S. federal poverty line of $12,140 for a single person. (The guideline for a two-person household is $16,460.) The top 3 percent of video creators of all time in Bärtl’s sample attracted more than 1.4 million views per month.

That’s almost enough money to buy gas, drive to the library, and take a nap.

One in 3 British children age 6 to 17 told pollsters last year that they wanted to become a full-time YouTuber. That’s three times as many as those who wanted to become a doctor or a nurse.

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The Kingpins


You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney–and obviously you cannot–then screw you.

That’s how the law “works” for real people. The system is built for, and run by, powerful synthetic people. Corporations, cartels, partnerships, shells, professional associations, unions, and government agencies are “the people”–the people are the pawns.

When Herbalife needs lawyers to fight off fraud claims, they get to pick from the biggest and the bestest. It makes no difference that their business model is a blatant deception bringing about a humanitarian crisis. Members of the legal monopoly don’t have to care about petty triflings like morality. Herbalife’s got the cash to put up a huge retainer–and to pay legal bills larger than the operating budgets of most companies–so the “best” lawyers and law firms are immediately available to them… less than no questions asked.

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Herbalife Is Not Nutrition

Herbalife changed their name.

“Our new name, Herbalife Nutrition, reflects our strategic transformation as a leader in the nutrition industry.”

They’ve strategically transformed into a leader in nutrition. But they don’t sell food; they sell food replacements isolated from commodity crops and industrialized into unnatural pills and powders. It’s the opposite of everything that science, and life, has to tell us about nutritiousness.

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Facebook Analytica

The shifty internet marketing outfit Cambridge Analytica, attached to the shifty editor of internet propaganda site, attached to the shifty too-old-for-the-internet billionaire Robert Mercer; mined Facebook data and used it to target voters.

Also, if you need any Ukrainian prostitute type stuff… that’s a yes for Cambridge Analytica. They do it all - from spamming, to expounding on spamming, to pretending that they know a guy who knows a guy who does murders while spamming.

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The Compelling Case Against Arbitration

On September 18, 2017, myself (an online activist) and my longtime friend Etan Mark (an offline litigator) filed a federal class action lawsuit against Herbalife’s fraudulent Circle of Success event system.

The suit doesn’t accuse Herbalife of being a pyramid scheme, or make any claim for damages related to the purchase of Herbalife’s products. Instead, it focuses on a cartel of shady creeps who run a dirty side business mandating that victims spend small fortunes attending a never-ending sequence of expensive events.

Live events are the backbone of the Herbalife scam, and of the scam industry in general; the draw and the glue that makes all of the life ruining possible. It can’t be “too good to be true” when you can see other people believing that it is true. The best weapon against nice people is other nice people.

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RICO vs. Addy, et al.

Let me catch you up on the Herbalife story so far…

It’s the 80’s and people are really learning a lot about how much they love cocaine. This stuff is amazing… these people are amazing.

“Oh my god, I just had such an amazing idea!!” says one of these amazing people. “Shouldn’t I be able to lose weight in a way that respects my love of stimulants?”

Yes, of course. America. Capitalism, etc.

“But, wait, while I’m losing weight couldn’t I also lose a shitload of money and make a tiny group of people stupefyingly wealthy for no particular reason?”

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This Sweet Life

Ginny Brown and her daughter Jean have written a touching and emotional book about their less-than-wonderful experience with James Arthur Ray killing their daughter/sister in a macabre death dome of Ray’s own demented devising.

The book, This Sweet Life, is live on Amazon now. I had the privilege of reading a pre-release copy, and on June 30th, at 7:00 EST, I’ve agreed to participate in a Facebook live launch event including a panel of people who were involved in this tragic disaster. I hope some of you will sign-in and listen.

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Deadly Cults

I agree with Donald Trump.

Not about much mind. Don’t drink bleach. There’s no way to get the light inside of your body. The worst pandemic in one hundred years is not a Democratic conspiracy/hoax. Mexicans aren’t rapists. There weren’t good people on both sides. There’s no such thing as a stable genius (as any legit genius could tell you). But, the news media is absolutely horrible. Horrible. The worst. Worse than lawyers… or, at least, co-worst.

On that one thing myself and DJT can agree.

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Alex Jones’ Big Back End

Alex Jones, in case you don’t know because you have lived a blessed life, is a conspiracy nut-job who has the blood pressure of a double bacon cheeseburger soaking in a 12 gallon vat of aged donkey lard.

His many years of hate-rage haven’t worn well, leaving Jones looking like …

… if Vladimir Putin ate another Vladimir Putin and then died in the back of a mini-van snorting cheese.

… an oversized Dorian Gray blow-up doll of Alex Jones.

… that one of your uncles — you know the one.

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Twelve Years of Christmas

I know it’s a bit late for this… but I just wanted to take a moment to type a very “Merry Christmas!” to everyone who gets offended by people typing Merry Christmas. Oh and also — to be fair — a hearty “Happy Holidays!” to everyone who gets offended by people typing Happy Holidays.

Ever since I stopped dropping faux-literary f-bombs all over the place I’ve been searching for something new to help me keep my edge. And what’s edgier than mis-targeted holiday salutations?

  • Milk?
  • Chocolate Milk? (gasp!)
  • Not liking baby Yoda?
  • Liking baby Yoda?
  • “Placing the punctuation outside of the quotation marks”? (omg!)

Yeah, I’ve still got the touch.

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