As the World Cups

The first weekend of the first African World Cup is over and one thing is clear :: America didn’t lose!!

{spins and dances in circle}

I’m sure you’ve already heard what happened :: but I’ll tell you again just for fun. A ninety year old grandmother ran on to the field {all hopped up on snorted Adderall} and took a shot for the United States during their epic game against England. The shot moved with such stunning slowness and lack of power that England’s goalkeeper Robert Green could do nothing but offer the ball tea and conversation as it dribbled past him and into the net. Grandma Saggums was then given a yellow card for slowly tearing off her shirt {exposing her homemade cellophane sports bra} and telling Green to :: “suck it as hard as you can pretty boy.”

My goodness Grandma Saggums :: that really is quite rude and unsportsmanlike. For shame!!

Speaking of shame :: and disgrace :: and humiliation … here’s the final parasite list for The Salty Droid World Cup. Couple of final changes …

• As a tribute to Grandma Saggums :: Shrew’s Shrew Byron Katie now represents England.

• Red China is off the list so I can become super famous in ShangHai :: replaced by Mark Joyner. Mark actually moved to New Zealand at one point :: and he too has no chance at success :: so it’s a nice fit.

• Sri Sri Ravi Shankar makes the list because this blog is way short of Eastern type whack jobs. Plus that’s a hilarious name … and I don’t understand why more Indians don’t read this awesome fake robot blog. There are BILLIONS of you mother fuckers! When is NOW the right time to start clicking on this blog? I just said “Sri Sri Ravi Shankar” :: isn’t that enough for you Hindu bloodsuckers? What if I threw in Swami Nithyananda as a free bonus? Done!

Of course :: no matter how much manifesting we do :: not everyone can be a winner. Please remember that it’s a huge dishonor just to be nominated.

Spain — Joe Vitale

Brazil — Jeff Walker

Argentina — Eben Pagan

England — Byron Katie

Holland — Tony Quinn

Germany – Tony Robbins

Italy – Michael Beckwith

France — John Reese

Portugal — Jack Canfield

Ivory Coast — Elephants

Serbia — Abraham-Hicks

Mexico — Wealth Masters International

Chile — Kevin Trudeau

USA — The U.S. House of Representatives

Paraguay — John Carlton

Uruguay — Dr. Phil

Cameroon – Jason Moffatt

South Africa — SANG ::

Ghana — Oprah

Denmark — CopyBlogger

Nigeria — Sri Sri Ravi Shankar AND {bonus!} Swami Nithyananda

Australia — Ed Dale

Greece — Goldman Sachs

South Korea — John Chow

Switzerland — Mike Dillard

Slovakia — Marci Shimoff

Slovenia — Yanik Silver

Japan — Nitro Marketing

Algeria — Alex Mandossian

Honduras – Transformational Leadership Council

North Korea — Glenn Beck

New Zealand – Mark Joyner

Lists FTW!

>> bleep bloop