Frank Kern in Scamworld

The hippie hipsters at The New Yorker liked Joe Flatley’s Scamworld epic. Says they :: between sips of green tea and shit …

Another fun piece, with a marvellous and innovative Web layout, is Joseph Flatley’s “Scamworld,” from The Verge, about the dark, wacky world of Internet con men.

It really was a fun and innovative layout. Did you notice there were no links? So many subtle touches signaling that the piece was something important … something different. The Verge really is doing amazingly creative things with layout and design :: if you’re into that sort of thing … which of course I’m not because I’m a wildly out of control hate blogger … obviously.

Cory Doctrow at boingboing liked it …

The Verge’s Joseph L. Flatley delves into the world of Internet marketing scams (those stupid spam pitches you get for “lead generation” and such) in eye-watering detail. Fundamentally, these things are exactly what they appear to be: con artists who suck money out of desperate people by lying to them about the money they can make with “work from home” businesses. They’re pyramid schemes.

Andrew Sullivan at The Daily Beast thought it was “excellent” :: and prolly almost definitely wants to steal Anna …

… cause who wouldn’t?

But Irwin F. Kern :: French for hillbilly … he no likey the article.

“Next time, get the facts.”

… says a fake man who has never a met a fucking fact.

“That a major site like The Verge would publish such a piece without doing any due diligence is incredible.”

Irwin has a few specific quibbles.

Quibble 1 – The article makes him look like a punk ass poser douche :: like a con man suck bag of the lowest order … and it’s on one of the hippest sites on the webz. Everyone cool is laughing at him right now :: everyone Irwin {I know I am!} … everyone.

So yeah :: that quibble makes sense … it must suck. It doesn’t suck as much as the tiny prison cell he deserves to rot in until the return of the lord … but it still must suck.

Quibble 2 – Irwin Frank Kern has nothing to do with boiler rooms :: in fact he’s against them because of the ethics he holds in his heart with the baby Jesus and Martin Luther King …

I NEVER sell, rent, or trade customer lists with ANY company. EVER. I HATE sales floors and I hate what they’ve done to this industry.

NEVER!!

INDUSTRY!!

FREEDOM!!

… very next sentence.

“I tried working with one in 2003 …”

Okay so maybe not “NEVER” :: or “never” even :: but like not today maybe … or not since lunch.

So the “info graphic” that states I am involved with the whole boiler room, sales floor, “coaching”, or whatever you want to call it scene is completely false and misleading.

Info graphics don’t really “state” things Captain Intellectual … they’re more about illustrating the broad strokes. Here let me state something so you can see the difference …

“Frank Kern is involved with the boiler room industry.”

~ SaltyDroid 2012

There … see?

People in The Syndicate shared leads :: some people in The Syndicate used boiler rooms … so everyone in The Syndicate used boiler rooms … and is “involved with the boiler room industry.” Using an outside phone room represents a fail for an Internet con man because he only gets to keep 25% of the blood money. In a fake celebrity syndicate :: dicks nearest the top of the pyramid need the boiler rooms the least … and get to keep the largest percentage of the money. But the overall organization :: the sick machine … is desperately dependent on the boiler room money.

The article later implies that the “internet marketing” community sells worthless products for the sole purpose of generating buyer lists for sales floors, and that’s simply not true.

It’s true :: that’s not true {and it wasn’t implied} … they usually try to take as much money as possible selling their own worthless products before resorting to the more complicated and expensive phone room model.

In 2010 :: after getting well sick of me … Frank Kern announced that he was leaving Internet Marketing because he wanted to make “fuck you money” selling IM bullshit to local businesses over the phone {which he totally failed at because he’s a failure who fails}. The plan was to partner with Jordan Belfort :: whose crimes inspired the movie … wait for it … Boiler Room. You can hear for yourself just how much Frank Kern hates phone rooms in this video where he talks about how phone rooms are the future of the Internet …

Quibble 3 – Frank Kern hates Jeremy Johnson … and he never sold leads to him.

The author says that there is a “rumor” that I sold leads to Johnson/iWorks. I’ve never heard of this “rumor” before.

I’ve heard it :: but I’m a notoriously great listener :: and Frank’s a notoriously shallow windbag fuckhead … so I guess it makes sense that I’m more in the know than he.

The real story is probably that Irwin’s Instant Internet Empires frauduct was a resale rights pyramid scheme. When you purchased the product … you had the right to resell the product. So Frank Kern didn’t sell his name to Jeremy Johnson for 25% of each hustle :: he sold him his name for $47 … total … which is pretty funny to everyone but Frank Kern.

“I don’t harbor ill will towards people but I make an exception for Johnson.”

Irwin thinks JJ is a scammer because JJ stuck it to Irwin :: not because of the old ladies … or the targeting of black single mothers.

Quibble 4 – The Syndicate is just a “mastermind” for lovers of homophobic and sexist cock jokes … not a French for trade union cartel of soul-destroying psychopaths.

Everybody knows the Syndicate is nothing but a mastermind.

Jason Jones tried to make the case on his hate blog that the Syndicate is a mafia-like organization which controls prices, forces competition out of business, and tries to harm consumers.

The Syndicate influenced {past tense} prices and competition and harmed the consumers … no fucking doubt about it. Jason Jones didn’t need to “make the case” because Irwin F. Kern :: feeling pressurized by Jason’s kick ass fake robot {that’s me!} … had tried to calm the stormy seas by telling the sorry story himself.

His “evidence” is a video that he edited by taking two of my copyright protected videos from List Control (module 4 - videos 1 and 2) and editing them in a way which makes them appear to say the EXACT OPPOSITE of what the actual message is.

If you have List Control, watch them and you’ll see what I mean.

In fact, I specifically say “whatever you do, don’t try to control prices, divide up customers, or do anything shady.”

He specifically says :: “don’t do what I’m telling you to do just because you paid me to tell you what to do and if you don’t do it then I’ll say it’s your fault when you fail” … because that’s how con man scammers like Frank Kern talk. This slide was from a post-syndicate sales pitch for $13,000 worth of Kern wizdumb consulting …

Also interesting is the fact that the “confession” left out the entire segment on the purpose of a Syndicate - which is to help the customer have a great experience. (And thus keep the customer as a happy return customer.)

Seriously - if you’re a list control customer, log back in and watch those videos. There’s no way anyone with a brain could miss the true message.

The “true message” of the videos is irrelevant :: because they are worse than worthless rubbish and are intended to manipulate … the point was the part where you talked about how you and your cock joke loving friends formed a cartel and started charging eye-popping figures for info products about how to sell info products for eye-popping figures.

And finally, I’d lake to address the author’s statement that we Internet Marketers make and sell worthless products.

I’ve looked through my records and I don’t see him (the author) as a customer. So how could he imply that? Is he psychic?

Or did he get a pirated copy to review?

I like pretty blue folders :: I collect them … here’s a peak inside of one of many stowed about on the terabytes of storage available at DroidHeadquarters.

If you’re a nerd instead of an exploited senior citizen :: you’ll notice this particular folder is all dropboxed. Of the thousands of files I have ready and available to be shared with journalists :: lawyers :: or law enforcers … not a SINGLE file has been pirated or attained via any unlawful method. Not because I have anything against using the torrents to research fraud … but because I’ve always had a plan for something bigger. Aren’t people who think ahead just so annoying? Reminds me of lawyers.

That Jones (who says he’s a lawyer) would take copyright protected material from a product that was sold for $1997 - and edit it down to create a piece of content for the sole purpose of harming my reputation - is mind boggling.

(Side note: I heard that he isn’t actually licensed to practice law. I don’t know or care if there is truth to that statement.)

Frank is freaking. He has :: quite rightly … never peeped my name in public before this. Only the worst possible things can come from mentioning the robot in front of the marks … and quality scammers like Irwin know well better. But now he had to :: and he decided to go with 2010’s propaganda like the last two years didn’t happen … they did.

Hey Irwin :: The Verge just put up clips about The Syndicate :: so the nerds are just hearing about it … but it’s ancient fucking history around here pal. I already ruined that stupid shit for you stupid fools :: I was pushing for boiler rooms … and Colleen Conaway … it’s not my fault that y’all are so attractively awful.

Your emergency damage control message should have been directed at the insiders … because you’re obviously too stupid to have any chance at convincing the nerds. We :: the residents of Scamworld :: more than half of whose citizens seriously hate me in the worst way … have all already agreed that you guys were dicks for forming that syndicate and bilking everyone blind. We’ve also agreed :: probably during the four months where I sacrificed muchly to cover every second of a quite horrible murder trial … that I’m not a hate blogger {whatever that was supposed to mean}.

You fucking HAD to apologize right there :: that’s what I was afraid you were going to do … because I thought you were a good scammer.

>> bleep bloop