• short-short-christmas

{ featuring }

Merry Christmas Goodbye

By |December 25th, 2014|

What if … I’d never fucking existed?

It’s easy enough to imagine :: cause fake robots aren’t even real … and I’ve recently been an unannounced absentee.

Another year is ending :: it’s dark and cold :: a great time to […]

Conscripted Consumption at Club 100

By |August 4th, 2014|

_-_

“Who would like for their own kids to have the exact same life that they’ve had so far? That should be enough motivation for you to take seriously what I’m telling you. Do something different — am I right or […]

The Most Important Post of My Career

By |July 24th, 2014|

Financial journalists judge the importance/relevance of a given piece of news or information based on the stock market’s reaction to its revelation. Reporters who move stock prices are rewarded :: those who don’t … aren’t. It’s dumb :: and […]

Mark Shurtleff :: Orange is the New Green

By |July 20th, 2014|

Two former attorneys general of the scam state of Utah :: Mark Shurtleff and John Swallow … have just been arrested.

Wow :: OMFG … that felt so good to say. I wanna do it again!

Mark Shurtleff and John Swallow […]

The Doxing of Michelle Celarier

By |June 3rd, 2014|

NYPost reporter Michelle Celarier has always been my biggest fan :: she told me so herself … right before she accused me of attempting to blackmail her. She’s fun like that.

Michelle has written dozens of short :: obsequiously pro-Ackman […]

The Beginning and the End

By |May 29th, 2014|

Remember when the fake robot was born on the Twitters … and then got almost immediately banished for calling out the Twitter scam of a recently convicted computer crimes felon?

No? … me neither really.
#ancienthistory
I came back later with a […]

You’re Not Retarded

By |May 22nd, 2014|

That coach lady from Glee doesn’t want me saying retarded anymore … gettin’ all up in my fucking business about it.

I’ll say what I want! Take your track suit tyranny and tread on someone else’s liberties lady.

But then again […]

My Herbalife Job Interview

By |May 6th, 2014|

I seriously need a new job. Nothing too fancy or anything :: just something that pays better than my current salary of less-than-nothing-plus-death-threats-and-torments-and-lawsuits-and-droolers. Shouldn’t be too hard to beat.

The minimum wage in Ohio {my new home base} is $7.95 […]

Conspiracy to Destroy

By |April 3rd, 2014|

After a lifetime of epic grift :: serial huckster Kevin Trudeau is finally in jail … rotting like he always was. KT got ten years for failing to comply with some government paperworks he signed ten years ago as […]

The Burton Family Affairs

By |February 5th, 2014|

It’s clear how Michael Burton’s faux career at scam company Herbalife is going to end :: fucking disastrously … and with no possible excuses.

“But how did his career begin?” … asks a giraffe standing on a turtle.

Well :: inquisitive giraffe […]

The Burton Affairs

By |January 28th, 2014|

Herbalife show piece :: and puffy-old-ass-white-guy :: Michael Burton … is … magnificently :: colossally :: stratospherically :: hyperbolic-adverbially … bankrupt. Bankrupt enough :: in fact … to be ten average American bankruptcies all by his gross muscly lonesome.

It’s […]

Herbalife’s Bankruptcy Business

By |January 17th, 2014|

“I LOVE HERBALIFE …”
… is what Herbalife President’s Team member Michael Burton said to me :: unconvincingly … this past fall when I was fake robotic questioning him about his various scum sucking.

“I will be sharing the great health […]

On Six

By |January 10th, 2014|

2013 sucked it :: like … hardcore.

“This can’t be fucking happening” … is how I’d sum up the year in fake robotic sentiment. Not exactly a fresh sentiment around here I know :: but it’s deeper now … darker […]

The Godfather of Herbalife

By |December 6th, 2013|

And now introducing John Tartol :: seen here posers posing with some of his vile TartolSpawn Jrs … the pic {mostly} unaltered. He’s “the godfather of Herbalife” … … get it? … … it’s not funny :: because it’s […]

{ the big ones }

  • Empower Network :: Revenge of the Wussies

Empower Network :: Revenge of the Wussies

In the world according to {dumbass} David Wood :: there are only two types of people out there … badasses and wussies.

Badasses go “all in” by pumping $6000 into Dave Wood’s bare naked pyramid […]

  • Ed Dale’s Bankruptcy Challenge

Ed Dale’s Bankruptcy Challenge

Ed Dale is the Underachiever {dot com} :: or if you prefer … he’s the Tubby Nerd. Both of his nom de plumes attempt at conspicuous self-deprecation :: but end up as self-aggrandizement … due to the pathetic condition […]

  • The Crystallization Method

The Crystallization Method

Remember when The Gnome thought he could come at me?
… or when Jeff Walker’s poison head exploded?
… or when Rick Calvert was stricken with some kind of taco related insanity?
… or when Mike Koenigs […]

  • Darker than the DarkSide

Darker than the DarkSide

Dr. Leonard Coldwell is not a doctor :: he’s not a Leonard Coldwell even … he’s NotDoctor Bernd Klein … the pervy little disgrace of Germany. Bernd’s mother Gerda :: knowing immediately what rot […]

  • Elevation Prophets

Elevation Prophets

Mike Dillard is always the shortest “man” in the room :: which is why he’s going miss his hair more than other early aging narcissistic wind bags {quite an accomplishment}  … you can’t hide […]

  • Syndicates on The Verge

Syndicates on The Verge

So I’m totally famous now … I can haz u monies?

Last year Engadget left AOL to become The Verge :: because AOL is like one of the stupidest things that’s ever happened … and […]

  • PZ Myers :: GasBag Bigotry

PZ Myers :: GasBag Bigotry

PZ Myers is an evil fucking scumbag.

Maybe not actually. That’s a bit too exciting.

Redundant dirtbag :: or derivative {saggy} dickbag … are probably both more accurate.

The Internets tell me that PZ Myers is an “outspoken atheist” :: […]

  • Spider Shit Storm

Spider Shit Storm

Dave Navarro and Naomi Dunford are having an affair … they’re shagging … they both betrayed their families for a bunch of shagging …

… or something.

I guess :: that’s what everyone tells me … […]

  • Scamming Two Debbies

Scamming Two Debbies

My fake secretary Debbie is quite susceptible to scams.

D-bags often call headquarters looking for an opportunity to suck-up to me and my divine stylings in authorship :: but I usually can’t take their calls {because fucking idiots are […]

  • James Arthur Ray Trial Updates

James Arthur Ray Trial Updates

In October of 2009 :: James Arthur Ray’s $10,000 per head Spiritual Warrior seminar ended in calamity and tragedy. Three people were killed :: eighteen injured {many seriously} :: and thousands of followers were shocked […]

  • Secret Millionaire Secrets Revealed

Secret Millionaire Secrets Revealed

James Malinchak has a millionaire’s smile :: literally :: if smile values were calculated based on awkward surface area … which they are not.  So I guess he doesn’t have a millionaire’s smile so much as a fucked-up-reject […]

  • Who Killed Colleen Conaway? :: Part 2

Who Killed Colleen Conaway? :: Part 2

Who killed Colleen Conaway?

It’s been more than a year and a half :: and although the question is all but answered :: there has still been no official investigation into the dubious circumstances surrounding […]

  • SaltyDroid vs. WikiLeaks

SaltyDroid vs. WikiLeaks

Julian Assange has RasputinEyes™ :: it’s not a fucking compliment.

Grigori Rasputin is famous for nothing. He was a mystic :: or a healer :: or a prophet :: or a monk :: blah blah bullshit […]

  • John Raygoza Scams Yo Momma

John Raygoza Scams Yo Momma

The John Raygoza horror story begins :: like so many grimm tales before it :: “Once upon a time” … or “Μια φορά κι έναν καιρό” as they say in Greece when they’re anachronistically speaking Greek.

Once […]

  • Syndicate Shit Storm

Syndicate Shit Storm

2010 started off with so much fake hope :: not to mention a beautiful wedding between two sick old pricks smelling of rot. Oh the memories … it’s costing me so much to have […]

  • Tony Robbins and The Syndicate

Tony Robbins and The Syndicate

Tony Robbins has been foisting his useless frauducts on our society for a quarter of a century. The uncredentialed :: uneducated :: unimaginable bastard pretends to be a “motivator” and “positive thinker” … but […]

  • The Internet Marketing Syndicate

The Internet Marketing Syndicate

The Syndicate.

That’s what they call themselves.  The Syndicate.  Like if they built a fucking tree house {which they probably did} :: then they used a wood burner to carve that name over the extra […]

  • Inside Dot Con Secrets

Inside Dot Con Secrets

Russell Brunson has had a rough life.  Growing up :: all he had was everything :: and you know how hard that can be. Okay maybe you don’t {loser!} :: but that’s your own […]