“Oprah totally loves me now :: she’s getting all my craps for free :: but you should pay enough to upset the normal functioning of your life” :: says Tony Robbins to his email list {basically} …

“You think you have a busy schedule – how about Oprah’s? She showed up at Unleash the Power Within expecting to spend two hours, and 11 hours later she was preparing to walk over hot coals. How did that happen? Watch Tony share details of what it was like to have the legendary Oprah in …

My fake secretary Debbie is quite susceptible to scams.
D-bags often call headquarters looking for an opportunity to suck-up to me and my divine stylings in authorship :: but I usually can’t take their calls {because fucking idiots are boring} … and they end up selling Debbie on some blueprint to international bestselling good fortune instead.
I call her names :: like ding-dong and bat-brain :: but that never seems to help … so I mostly just laugh at her. It’s fun to laugh at people who are already suffering :: it’s like a 2-for-1 Groupon for …

 
Anthony Morrison uses the television to tell people about how HUGE he is on the Interwebs. But most Internet people :: like you people :: have never heard of him. Loving the Internet really cuts into time spent watching shitty 3am infomercials … and fake web-star Morrison has almost no real web presence.
The infomercial is a fake show hosted by Chicken Soup for the Hole dipshit Mark Victor Hansen {pictured here mounting Anthony for reasons I’d better not get into}.

Mark Victor Hansen :: like fellow Soup for the Hole heroes …