The Crystallization Method


Remember when The Gnome thought he could come at me?

… or when Jeff Walker’s poison head exploded?

… or when Rick Calvert was stricken with some kind of taco related insanity?

… or when Mike Koenigs got all butthurt {cruel pun intended} about that time I embarrassed him in front of his big toothed boyfriend Tony Robbins?

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An Asshole Decors My Eyeholes

If you’re not wearing Versace 2049 Sunglasses :: then you are shit. I know it’s harsh :: but seriously :: you are one of the dirt people.  When the plague comes {and it will come} :: you will be the first to die … because the plague respects $300 fashion accessories.

If you search The Google for “Versace 2049 Sunglasses” :: the top result is a little ma-and-pa operation called Decor My Eyes.

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RipOff Reporting Reporting

I’ve recently noticed that there are a lot of scams out there. Surely there is something we can do about it! At first I was like: “I should definitely send a letter to the Post Master about all this.”  But then the Surgeon General warned me that the Post Master might cause cancer of the fetus … and then I was like: “Wow!  Fuck that!”  I just can’t afford to take the risk right now …

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RipOff Report Report

A whole fucking week without me!  Oh lord how you must have suffered :: stuck contemplating the trivialities of your own banal existence :: void of humor and style :: lost like an ugly child at the State Fair … wandering around in pig/chicken shit … crying out for your momma and licking the residue of liquid cheese from inside the ocean bound plastic that served up your SuperNachoCornDog™.  Whatever :: I’m back! 

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