In 2013, Herbalife, facing a full-on assault from a hedge fund manager still bitter about not rowing varsity crew at Harvard; a class action lawsuit inexplicably emanating from Salt Lake City; and several ominous Sword of Damocles style government inquires… added a mandatory arbitration and class waiver provision to its ridiculous consumer “contract”.
Here’s the first version of that provision. (Please make sure to read every word carefully because it’s desperately important to the story. I can’t overemphasize the importance of reading the provision, in its entirety, before continuing.)
SECTION 29 ARBITRATION AGREEMENT FOR DISPUTES BETWEEN MEMBERS AND HERBALIFE
Jessie Conners Tieva is a scammer who’s spent most of the last ten years fronting for various Utah fraud operations. She’s a grinder–always out on the road, talking about doing things she’s never done. Jessie is one of the few scammers who I’ve had the pleasure of heckling in person. When we met in a half empty hotel conference room in Chicago six years ago, she was fronting for the Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad Utah-backed op.
This week Jessie and her husband Matt Tevia were busted by the FTC and the Minnesota Attorney General for operating a short-lived hustle called Sellers Playbook.
The Fake News should be running the headline:
Trump University “Professor” and Failed “Apprentice” Busted for Fraud
This is my most viewed video. It’s amazing. I won’t pretend that I don’t love it–the greed, the panting, the epic drama of secret audio recordings.
It’s been floating around the internet for eight years now, but it’s not allowed on YouTube. My heartbreaking work of staggering genius has been taken down from the big social media sites an absolutely uncomical amount of times.
This article is brought to you by the advertising that brings you Slate.
I started sometimes reading Slate when Slate started publishing stuff to read. Slate, an exclusively online news magazine, was one of the first of its kind. I thought it was going to change the world. Back then I naively thought that just about everything that was happening on the fledgling web was going to change the world.
Oh, M&M’s have their own website now? This is going to change the world!
Bloomberg reports that top YouTube stars can expect poverty level wages. That doesn’t surprise you because you’re sophisticated (and good looking, and smart, and conscientious) and you read a site taglined: “… you can’t make money online.” But other–lesser–people are surprised.
Straight to the guts:
Breaking into the top 3 percent of most-viewed channels could bring in advertising revenue of about $16,800 a year, Bärtl found in an analysis for Bloomberg News. That’s a bit more than the U.S. federal poverty line of $12,140 for a single person. (The guideline for a two-person household is $16,460.) The top 3 percent of video creators of all time in Bärtl’s sample attracted more than 1.4 million views per month.
That’s almost enough money to buy gas, drive to the library, and take a nap.
One in 3 British children age 6 to 17 told pollsters last year that they wanted to become a full-time YouTuber. That’s three times as many as those who wanted to become a doctor or a nurse.
You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney–and obviously you cannot–then screw you.
That’s how the law “works” for real people. The system is built for, and run by, powerful synthetic people. Corporations, cartels, partnerships, shells, professional associations, unions, and government agencies are “the people”–the people are the pawns.
When Herbalife needs lawyers to fight off fraud claims, they get to pick from the biggest and the bestest. It makes no difference that their business model is a blatant deception bringing about a humanitarian crisis. Members of the legal monopoly don’t have to care about petty triflings like morality. Herbalife’s got the cash to put up a huge retainer–and to pay legal bills larger than the operating budgets of most companies–so the “best” lawyers and law firms are immediately available to them… less than no questions asked.
“Our new name, Herbalife Nutrition, reflects our strategic transformation as a leader in the nutrition industry.”
They’ve strategically transformed into a leader in nutrition. But they don’t sell food; they sell food replacements isolated from commodity crops and industrialized into unnatural pills and powders. It’s the opposite of everything that science, and life, has to tell us about nutritiousness.
The shifty internet marketing outfit Cambridge Analytica, attached to the shifty editor of internet propaganda site Breitbart.com, attached to the shifty too-old-for-the-internet billionaire Robert Mercer; mined Facebook data and used it to target voters.
Also, if you need any Ukrainian prostitute type stuff… that’s a yes for Cambridge Analytica. They do it all - from spamming, to expounding on spamming, to pretending that they know a guy who knows a guy who does murders while spamming.
On September 18, 2017, myself (an online activist) and my longtime friend Etan Mark (an offline litigator) filed a federal class action lawsuit against Herbalife’s fraudulent Circle of Success event system.
The suit doesn’t accuse Herbalife of being a pyramid scheme, or make any claim for damages related to the purchase of Herbalife’s products. Instead, it focuses on a cartel of shady creeps who run a dirty side business mandating that victims spend small fortunes attending a never-ending sequence of expensive events.
Live events are the backbone of the Herbalife scam, and of the scam industry in general; the draw and the glue that makes all of the life ruining possible. It can’t be “too good to be true” when you can see other people believing that it is true. The best weapon against nice people is other nice people.
“You are not going to die, you might think you are, but you’re not going to die.” ~ James Arthur Ray {aka God} :: repeatedly :: before and during the infamous 2009 “sweat lodge.”
Truth Edit: “Okay :: maybe you are going to die. I mean this is some seriously dangerous shit :: people get hurt every fucking year :: and I’ve developed a weirdo death fixation. But I’m not going to die. I can’t enjoy a death fixation if I’m dead … know what I mean? :: So I’ll sit by the door like the dainty fucking coward that I am :: and I’ll roll the dice with your life instead.”
Defying many of The Droid’s preconceived notions about the suck-a-tude of The Media :: attorneys for a local television station in Phoenix :: KPNX Channel 12 :: managed to get some of the documents relating to the Death Lodge investigation unsealed. Holy Shit! :: how stunningly journalistic of them.
Here is the affidavit in support of the search warrant …
To all of our dear friends in successful plenitude:
Seasons Greetings from James Arthur Ray and the {mostly laid off} staff of James Ray International.
It’s been a busy year here at JRI. We are sure that you’ve had just as much success in your financial businesses as we have here at James Ray’s house of goodness and light.
The year started off harmonically with our annual New Year’s Gala for the members of the World Wealth Society. Everyone at that splendid event agreed that James was the one true God and the manifestation of absolute abundance … holy be his name. And almost everyone choose to act on investing in future prosperity by agreeing to pay $60,000 for another year of incredible JRI value.
The Salty Droid has caused the alarms to sound at d-bag headquarters. The alarm system is old and rickety :: and it’s never been sounded before :: so the sound is tinny and inconsistent :: reminiscent of a gut-shot Christmas Clydesdale bleating out its last. It’s like the tell-tale heart after a couple years of heavy crack use {side of meth}. It’s enough to make a “man” make mistakes :: many many mistakes :: stupider and stupider mistakes. Fucking mistakes :: that’s all you assholes have shown me so far :: it’s not very intimidating.
It’s no secret that the lunatic monkey brigade has been fixated on finding {and destroying} The Salty Droid for many months. But finding me proved to be a huge disappointment :: because {oh my great fucking god} I was telling the truth the whole time. That flies in the face of much silly silly talk by many over confident fools. They weren’t just wrong about who I was :: they were wrong in the face of the truth on a plate. I told them who I was … and what I was doing … but they chose to believe everything but. It pretty much sums up most of their lives.
I didn’t want to tell this story :: it’s too ugly to be fun. But I’m compelled … so fuck it here goes.
Fortunately for you lucky home buyer, this beautiful contemporary Mediterranean in tasteful Beverly Hills has just come back on the market. It was purchased in March of this year by famed motivational speaker James Arthur Ray for a modest $4,000,000 in blood money. He has manifested this home with powerful quantum energies and increased its value by e = m_c_². Unfortunately, due to a tiny bit of criminal negligence and death, he’s now forced to let this enchanted home go at the fire sale price of just $5,495,000. A 37% percent inverse reduction!
This home features a large great room with its own private death lodge.
CNN talks with** Melinda Martin** :: a “high level” .. “senior” :: employee at James Ray International. Except not really … because The Droid has not spent a single moment plotting her inglorious doom … so she can’t be that high a level. Anyone “high level” currently has their ass on the line in a triple homicide investigation :: and they ain’t gonna be gonna talking to CNN any time soon. Maybe a reality show …
Fall Guy :: See which stupid duped sheep waits too long to speak with authorities and ends up taking the fall while James Ray drives off into the sunset .. thumb rings and ho harem in tow. {maybe it needs a shorter tag line}
