Frank Kern :: Pissy Plotless Plotting



The Salty Droid has caused the alarms to sound at d-bag headquarters.  The alarm system is old and rickety :: and it’s never been sounded before :: so the sound is tinny and inconsistent :: reminiscent of a gut-shot Christmas Clydesdale bleating out its last. It’s like the tell-tale heart after a couple years of heavy crack use {side of meth}.  It’s enough to make a “man” make mistakes :: many many mistakes :: stupider and stupider mistakes.  Fucking mistakes :: that’s all you assholes have shown me so far :: it’s not very intimidating.

It’s no secret that the lunatic monkey brigade has been fixated on finding {and destroying} The Salty Droid for many months.  But finding me proved to be a huge disappointment :: because {oh my great fucking god} I was telling the truth the whole time.  That flies in the face of much silly silly talk by many over confident fools.  They weren’t just wrong about who I was :: they were wrong in the face of the truth on a plate. I told them who I was … and what I was doing … but they chose to believe everything but.  It pretty much sums up most of their lives.

I didn’t want to tell this story :: it’s too ugly to be fun.  But I’m compelled … so fuck it here goes.

For the past several months Frank Kern and Andy Jenkins have been cynically manipulating Karin Hiebert to try and get information about me … or to try and get some control over me … or whatever the hell.

Karin has been a commenter on this blog for a long time {in Internet years}.  Her first comment {on a post where I predict the future .. suck on that numerology!} was on April 2.  Over those months she has been caught up in much shenanigans :: and twice {uno :: dos} ended up being a part of the story.

Karin also had a tendency to say things like this in the comments …

“(Might be time for a chit chat My Sweets…it’s been a while…talk soon!)

“… when you hang with people long enough you start sounding alike and taking on their mannerisms…sometimes even their accents.”

“Friends are friends, are friends~ it is just the way it is!”

“{Oh, Jason I wanted to say that the “Pinky Swear and you keeping your promise” meant a lot!} Luv ya Babe!”

… that’s a stiff glass of familiarity.  I warned against this BS repeatedly :: as she mentioned herself in another comment …

“To set the record straight, Salty told me not to stand to close to him…(he was protecting me back then) it was the best advice I never took! (I ain’t sceered!)”

But it was never just about being brave :: as I told Karin May 11 via email …

“Also, it’s likely a comfort for them to think that I’m somehow related to you. Their only hope is that I’m some insider … and when they figure out who I am … it will discredit me as a scammer and hypocrite who is pretending to be moral to attract business … and that will be that … the end of me.  Like, for instance {no offense} if I was you … or someone like you …”

Lo and fucking behold :: that’s exactly what they did.  They allowed themselves to believe that they could gain some small measure of control over the situation by using Karin as a proxy.  A much :: much :: less intimidating proxy.  Karin has received MANY freaky late night phone calls about how The Droid should shut his pie hole :: The Droid has received ZERO.  Bullying Karin is somewhat satisfying :: Bullying The Droid is terrifying to the point of impossibility.

This September Karin went to a fund raising event for PAVE and The Angela Shelton Foundation  :: ostensibly to do hair.  A not coincidentally short time later :: Karin receives an email from IM’s main man Frank Kern!  OMG Frank!  He’s such a great guy … let me lick him!  {whatevs!  sheep!}

Frank opens like this ::

“Hi Karin,

Hope you’re well.

I’ve read your blog posts about being a survivor of abuse and I was wondering if you’d help me.”

He needs a recommendation for a woman’s charity he can donate to :: Google hasn’t been helpful :: and he just happened to remember that Karin {the supposed BFF of the anti-christ} is an abuse victim.  Frank proceeded to explain why he’s got such an interest in the cause :: giving WAY too many specific details about horrible things that have occurred to members of his own family.  Whether the stories are true or not :: it was a completely inappropriate conversation for for an “introduction” email.  I felt icky all over after reading it … and I’m not going to reprint it for the same reason.  Let’s just say that it was grossly manipulative :: and leave it at that. Karin has Angela Shelton and her “celebrity” hair on the brain :: and recommends Kern give her the money.  Frank publicly claims to make a large donation to Shelton.

Meanwhile :: Frank and Andy start talking to Karin about iWorks :: and how they are the “real scammers” I should be going after.  You know :: no pressure :: they’re just sayin.  Andy tells Karin he needs to speak with me.  I decline … a couple of times … because I don’t deal through proxies.  I can’t understand his motivations for approaching Karin first :: my email is out there … and I’ve already responded to enough “gurus” for Andy to know exactly how to reach me. Andy and I have an email conversation :: and I win.  I could have strung him along and made him say all sorts of terrible stuff about Brad :: but there are lots of people willing to say terrible stuff about Brad {because he’s a massive bastard} :: and Andy’s completely disingenuous tone irritates me.  So I snarked the conversation to a close.  A few short minutes after I pushed send on the final message :: Andy forwarded the whole email chain to Karin in indignation. WHAT THE HELL??  Why would he do that?

Karin also thinks it’s strange that Andy forwarded the email chain :: and she tells me about Kern and Shelton :: and about how they’ve already been pushing the iWorks links on her.  Ah … now shit makes sense.  I suggest it’s highly probable that Kern and Shelton had been acquainted before Karin “introduced” them :: and that the mere fact that Kern has been calling her is highly suspicious.  They don’t really care about her :: they are just angling at me {poorly}.  But Karin was excited about the attention {especially from Kern} :: which is what makes this tactic so hurtful :: and I could tell that my message of painful truth wasn’t quite getting through to her.  But I published Andy’s email :: which I felt made it pretty clear what I thought about that tactic … and nicely illustrated just how ineffective it was.  Game over me thinks.

But alas :: Karin keeps talking to Kern.  She tells me that he’s an okay guy {no he isn’t} :: and that maybe they are becoming friends {seriously doubt that}.  Then this in my comments on Dec 10 ::

“Thank you to my friends HERE and to friends like Mike Young, Jason M. Jones and Frank Kern… just to name a FEW cool people who have YET to prove me wrong in my choosing of this small circle of friends…”

OMG! I’m in the same sentence as Frank Fucking Kern?!?  You’ve got to be kidding me.  It’s a fake testimonial for Frank Kern on my blog!  What in the crap? Apoplectic Android!!

On Friday I learned :: from Karin :: that she has received a substantial amount of cash from Kern over the last couple of months.  Lump sum PayPal transfers.  On the one hand :: Karin no doubt needs the money.  On the other hand :: Yuck!

{end investigation}

Now I don’t care what happened.  I WILL NOT be associated … in any way … with cash transfers from the bad guys.  It’s impossible.  The FIRST TIME I say “pay up and I won’t write” :: I FUCKING LOSE.  Then I’m just as bad as them :: or worse :: because I’m cloaking myself with righteousness.  People who fight for ethics :: have to first have ethics.  Way above average ethics.  Holy shit everyone is watching me ethics.  Money transfers and cryptic comments about “the truth coming out” fall well short of those standards.

So for the record …

1.  I never demand :: and won’t take :: money from badguys {unless I sue them}.

2.  Karin doesn’t :: didn’t :: and won’t ever speak for me.  Had I known about the money transfers … I wouldn’t have allowed many of her comments over the past couple months.

3.  Karin’s relationship with me was never of enough substance to justify these espionage attempts.  She didn’t know anything :: and never had any influence over me. I suspect that she just played you while you were trying to play her {which I do find somewhat amusing}.

4.  As of now :: Karin has no relationship to me whatsoever.

I’m just a lone soldier :: and a sad robot.

>> bleep bloop

109 thoughts on “Frank Kern :: Pissy Plotless Plotting”

    1. Top tier??

      What a bizarre comment to make.

      I assume that you include yourself in this mystical grouping.

      What kind of pompous arse would group themselves above others, regarding blog reading?

      1. I would explain it to you, but it would be more offensive than what you have already pointed to.

        Your assumption that it was regarding “blog reading” is incorrect.

        Salty knows what I’m talking about and the comment was directed at him, so the communication was successful.

        1. I don’t think I could stay awake long enough for you to explain it to me. Narcolepsy’s a blessing sometimes.

          If you are communicating directly with “Salty” why not just email him, and spare us/me the, cards close to your chest, talking in riddles, cool as fuck act.

          Anyways – Happy “Holidays” everyone. Hope your appointed seasonal gift vendor is good to you all.

          You as well @.nate

    2. @.nate

      Whoever that comment was directed at :: it was inaccurate. They scheme disgustingly {and constantly} against my silly jokes :: and they are willing to use and abuse obviously fragile people in the process.

      Every mention of myself on this blog has been by compulsion not choice .. so “self flattery” is a particularly un-apt description of events.

      1. We’ve sorted this out between us already. And yes, your stand is very clear without additional explanation.

        We can all move forward now. :)

  1. I think it’s great and all that Mr. Salty Droid wants to call out people that are being disingenuous scammers that are just out there making the internet a shitty place with a bunch of spam, forced continuity, shady practices, etc…

    However, it kills credibility among more informed readers – and in my opinion is a disservice to the general less-informed public in general – when you make blanket statements like “Goodbye Internet Marketing”. This whole blanket attitude that Internet Marketing in itself is the devil, is really just sending the wrong message.

    If you’re truly trying to bring ethics to the forefront here, then I’d assume your intent is to target people that are using effective marketing techniques (copywriting, persuasion, their persona or fake persona *cough Kern*, fake testimonials, etc…) to invoke a buying reaction, and then deliver what is more or less garbage content that does the buyer no good.

    The reality is though, many people compile information that does work – and does help people to get the result they want saving them research time – and they charge money for this. What’s wrong with this? When you make a blanket negative attitude towards “Internet Marketers”, this is really bad in the eyes of the informed. The fact that you have a firm grasp on creating intellectual prose only amplifies the influence you have on the uninformed, which I feel is unfortunate.

    When you think about it though, there are many abuses of marketing and persuasion in everyday life. You see in every form of media, not just internet marketing. The TV itself is filled with GARBAGE COMMERCIALS that have you call an 800 number and get you on some nasty rebill. Yes, the internet is filled with assholes trying to make a quick buck with very manipulative persuasion techniques, littering the place with garbage spam. Yes, probably less than 10% of the “Internet Marketers” would deserve to stay if there was a grand purge of the undeserving that really aren’t providing anything of value.

    I just feel it’s unfortunate that there’s not more objectivity in your writing. It’s like a racist saying “all *INSERT RACE HERE* are bad”, when the reality is that every group of people has their scumbags. You’re giving off this absolutist vibe that’s turning away a lot of intellectual readers in my opinion, and it’s becoming like watching some boring old Rebuplican vs. Democrat with us or against us bullshit.

    My 2 cents. Take it for what it’s worth.

    1. You yourself say that probably less than 10% of “Internet Marketers” would deserve to stay if there was a grand purge. That doesn’t really help your self-interested argument here. Any industry where less than 10% of practitioners are legitimate is an industry that might as well be put down (ya, I’m looking at you Congress). And any industry that is so easily used by sick fucks for their own corrupted purposes has something seriously wrong with it – good bye and good riddance. Rather than grieving it up with Salty, why don’t you focus on fixing the problems with your chosen career field so that “Internet Marketing” stops being synonymous with “Scamming Huckster Dirtbags”. If you are an internet marketer, tell thieving bastards like Frank Kern to go put their balls in a paper shredder. Seems to me like everyone out there is all too eager to give Frank and his ilk a reach around rather than call his bullshit.

      P.S. There is no such thing as an “intellectual reader” who thinks Salty should be more fair and balanced in his Internet Marketing attacks. Me thinks you may fail to grasp the point of this site…

      1. That’s not about industry, that’s about, so to speak, the buying culture and about how buyers implement the knowledge. The majority of those who buy another “make $xxx,xxx.xx in a week” product are just addicts, who need another dose. And people like Kern and the crowd serve them that dose for a huge price. These buyers will never implement anything inside the course (no matter, if the course is solid or not).

        I do not support outright scammers like Belcher or Kilstein, but peeps like Kern, Walker, Reese have some decent info in their courses, as I’ve watched lots of them. But the price can be justified only if their courses were bought by successful marketers who can leverage that knowledge. For newbies that’s a total waste of money. The bad thing that most of IM “gurus” seem not to care. They just tell through their sales pages: “This pill is what you need to get high. Give me your money now.”

        As for Salty’s attitude to IM, I can’t say he’s totally against the very idea of Internet Marketing (correct me, Salty, if I’m wrong), as it’s not only “make-money-online” niche that IM is about. But by doing what he does, Salty “tells” me that honesty and integrity is the best weapon to be used to win in the Internet Marketing battle.

        1. @IMer

          I mostly agree with you … but I disagree about Kern, Walker, and Reese. If the prices are non-market … then the value of the product is moot. If the world price of oranges gets fixed at 20% above the market price via sham tactics and collusion … then the world is being victimized … even if the oranges are still yummy.


          I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I defend the idea of Internet Marketing … and the many good people who are a part of it … all the time. I never said “Goodbye Internet Marketing” on this post … or any other post.

          I just don’t like all the predator bullshit :: and I’m not alone.

        2. “These buyers will never implement anything inside the course (no matter, if the course is solid or not).”

          This is another variation of “90% of the people who buy the course don’t use the product” post. The same old rhetoric, used to explain the higher then average failure rates in the “industry”.

          The “excuse”, everyone buys no one uses , sounds a lot better then a 90%+ failure rate (more like a 99%+ failure rate). And the 1% who don’t “fail”, use “creative” tactics to sell the “truth”.

          I have already dissected Maria A. Andros “truths” to shreds, showing proof, after undeniable proof how deceptive she is. Also, noone put words in her mouth, and she stated publicly who her mentors are; Kilstein (who’s ass she almost licked clean with the praise to him), Karganilla, Davis, Filsaime, Kern, Pagan, Schefren, Belcher, Koenig, everyone of those clowns were happy to accept the “gurufication” of themselves (to further their “carears”) even if her success was completely fabricated. Every word out of her mouth is a lie, and as she stated over and over again…she owes all her “success” to her “mentors”.

          Granted she may emulate her mentors poorly, but the fact is she does emulate them….which means that as she is…so they are (like people naturally gravitating towards each other because of common interests, aka new age law of attraction)….and none have “cut” the ties (so to speak) to indicate they have any honesty or integrity and choose not to be ASSociated with such a blatant liar, which indicates (even if only by inference) they are in the same boat.

          More telling is the steps they attempted to take to silence Salty, that in itself speaks greater volumes then your non verifiable claim.

          So give that “people buy but don’t use rhetoric a rest” nobody here is falling for it. Actions (and silences) speak louder then empty words. EOM.

        3. @_cartman_

          Why non-verifiable? I told that from my own experience. I know two simple tactics that have been taught through paid products (I know 2 popular related Clickbank products) and free forums and blogs for more than a year and a half. And yet I managed to start making $30+ a day within a week after I started using one of them a couple of weeks ago. I know that is not a lot, but considering the fact that I spent only a week and for the majority of newbies that’s pretty good money, that’s a good start for that particular site. That’s a tactic that at least a couple of thousand people know about. And the competition there is still little to none.

          Another tactic I mentioned is not easy to make money from now, but it was 6-8 months ago when it was discussed everywhere by everyone.

          Why? Why people do not implement what they know? I think partly because they have too much knowledge and have no time and/or money to implement everything they know (my case now) and partly because they give up when they do not see immediate results (once that was my case too).

          I can tell that the majority of $77-97 Clickbank products related to “make money online” niche have enough information to get people started in Internet marketing (I’d name a couple of them, but I don’t want to get Salty angry at me :) ), but buyers have to work a lot to succeed.

          There are also decent marketers (not very famous) that sell solid products in $100-1500 range but you need your own product, or a subscriber list, or a successful site, or ten thousands of dollars or so to implement that knowledge, so those products are definitely not for newbies.

          There are overpriced “newbie-proof” Kern’s, Schwartz’s, Walker’s, Johnson’s and the crowd products that have some good info, but that info either can be found in cheaper products, or cannot be implemented by newbies, or should be taught in a form of a private consultation to justify the price.

          And there are scammers in every price group like Kilstein, Chia, Belcher, and so on. They should be avoided by everyone.

          But the thing is that nowadays free blogs and forums (I’ve read a lot of posts and threads where people tell how they manage to earn $100-200 a day in 3-6 months and reveal everything they do) have more than enough information for people to start making money online if they really want to, but they continue to spend millions of dollars each month to get a “magic pill” from another “dream dealer” — a pill that can be found for free elsewhere.

          That’s why I believe that people “will never implement anything inside the course (no matter, if the course is solid or not).”

  2. Karin’s posts always annoyed me. Every post she made always went back to her and her life no matter what the subject was. She has the same type of ego as those idiot IM’ers.

    Sit on it Potsy. Sheesh. Get over yourself.

    Karin, I have news for you… none of us come to this blog to hear about you and your life’s story. It’s just blather. You’re just a small insignificant footnote.

    Glad we won’t be tortured anymore by your off-topic posts of egotistical self-absorption. The way you tried to position yourself as someone who knows the big names in IM, (and by association is thus big in her own right)yet is not tainted was admirable.

    You should join up with aloha arleen and maria andros… that’d be funny reality tv show of big useless egos.

    1. You mean Maria A. Andros, “super star”? Despite her beautiful rock video (in that one video, “video series”), she is only remembered for her fake testiMOANials, her transparent attempts at deception, and her “ego”….. and no doubt….soon to be the maven of tennis….

      “my tennis lesson was magical SO much fun and my instructor said I was amazing considering i havent played in ages & it was my 1st lesson :) 6:12 PM Dec 18th from web ” – Maria A. Andros

      You pay this guy, what do you expect him to say?…imagine for a moment that he said to you….my blind german sheppard plays better…would you take another lesson?…my guess…not so much…

      Speaking of Andros fake testiMOANials…has anyone noticed that Oliver Turner (aka Talamayan) who used to go under the handle oliver_turner on twitter(which had 64k followers…followers that allegedly made him $5-$10K/day) is now gone

      Just disappeared……and couple of weeks back he took down his twitter page….his “business” no longer in business (not that it ever was, but now not even the illusion of it is gone). I wonder who he is hiding from…

      On a side note…I would like to shout out a thanks to the young lady for asking the “magical” (figure I should stick with the “magical” theme) question;

      “@mariaandros Hi Maria, you mentioned that you made over $100,000 a year on ebay. Can I get your ebay username to confirm that?”

      I am awaiting with bated breath (or perhaps that may be baited) to see if it will be answered (my guess…it won’t…it was never answered for me or any of my puppets…or the answer will be “it was deleted”)….should be interesting if she will pursue the question when the answer is not forthcoming…

      1. Adam Ginsberg is another ex-ebay seller who claims to have made $20 Million plus a year. He then left his ebay business (like Maria Andros) for Internet marketing.

        I wonder why?

        You don’t just leave a $20 Million a year business. You either sell it or hire somebody to manage it for you.

        Anyway, seems like not all of Adam’s story lines up…

        If you ever talk to a real ebay seller, you’ll find out what it’s really like. And it’s not as easy as it seems.

        Gross revenue looks impressive; but net profits are usually very low, sometimes negative.


        1. Good point you made about Ginsberg abandoning his business. I wonder if any of the “students” buying his ebay training program wonder about that themselves…He probably gives the standard….”I want to give back” line…The real issue with Ebay (or selling online), is sourcing products with enough margin to make a profit (competition is high and margins are tight…and most “wholesalers” and “dropshippers” which “normal” people have access to make their money through fees and their prices are far from wholesale (the biggest scam is DOBA…their prices are near and sometimes above big box retailers).

          The funny thing about Andros…if you listen to her speak about ebay, she talks like she doesn’t have a clue (about something she claims to have done). I wish I could remember to quote her exactly, but to really appreciate it, it must be heard.

          And while I am on the topic..

          an Update…not a promising one..but one nonetheless

          Maria went on twitter, ignored Lisa’s tweet, and answered others….Today lisa tweeted the same question and then asked what products she sold on Ebay….

          While Andros did not respond, a mysterious twit (who retweets EVERYTHING Maria Tweets) did (the question is under whos direction, unless he did an @mariaandros search he wouldn’t even have known about the tweet from Lisa)…

          RT @LisaRoarke: @mariaandros Lisa u 4 Real??? -HAHA… Maria Rocks, She’s a Top-Earner Everywhere, i dont think she needs to show proof! about 12 hours ago from TweetDeck

          This fool “shaqir hussyin” peddles carbone crappy pro (and so did Andros…flooding youtube with dozens of the exact same video with different descriptions…time of the administrative feature I spoke of earlier), and who is front and center in Shaqir’s youtube subscriptions, but Dennis Kargorilla (original mentor to Andros..the one who made Andros Mentorly Retarded)…

  3. Salty Droid has always been honest and respectful of me. He has never made himself into a guru or a superior person towards me. He has always backed up what he said. On the other hand, I cannot say that for the others here. That is all I can go by.

  4. I’m speechless and a little confused about this. I kinda feel like Karin and I are from the “old guard” from the way back days when you had a twitter account and were hosted on

    Are you ending, or did you end, your friendship with Karin?

    1. @Rafael :: I think “friendship” is a strangely meaningless word on the Internet.

      I’m just saying :: explicitly :: I no longer speak to Karin privately. So there is no sense trying to approach me from that angle.

      She is still welcome to comment here.

  5. I am here to give a hearty vote of support to the droid.

    I am not only someone who admires his cause militant – and wholly supports it. I am also one of the good guys when it comes to above boards internet mktg.

    I support the Droid 100% in his pursuit to cleanse the world and the webbertubes of charlatans.

    No child of the Light need fear the droid. Now, scum bags and snake charmers… they should, indeed, fear the Droid.

    1. It’s interesting to me that whenever someone brings up a dissenting perspective…or even a question that IMPLIES a dissenting perspective (no matter how politely, rudely, intelligently, or stupidly), then the dissenter is dismissed as “damaged goods” (just like Enoch_balls), or they are “missing the point” or cryptically viewed as “one of them” (the marketers).

      I’ve seen several commenters ask just what the fuck draws the line between the scammers and good IM’ers out there (as many people reading this blog are in the Internet marketing community, and would prefer to stay the hell off this blog). There have been some vague references to price point, other references to industry (the health/wellness and make-money community is especially disdained). But no real answer.

      So Salty – I’m not damaged goods. And I’m not a fucking troll. I’m looking for you to clarify this issue, and would appreciate it if you could weigh in without being a total fucking asshole about it.

      And fellow commenters – I could give two shits what your opinion is. Please don’t answer for Salty, as you don’t know his opinion. He doesn’t need a d-bag brigade speaking up for him – he seems to be perfectly capable of defending himself.

      You say you’re an advocate for change – that’s great. Who the hell isn’t? Define what specific types of changes a marketer could take that would (in your opnion) raise the bar of integrity in this industry. And see if you can do it without using wording like “they need to stop doing X” – use verbiage that allows marketers to make proactive changes in how they do business.

      You provide “how-to” info on making a proactive change, people will do it. You leave them to figure it out on their own, then your cause will always be dismissed as giving a voice to whiners, intellectual (but lower-middle class) snobs, and degenerates getting sweet revenge against the perceived “in-crowd” (because who doesn’t like seeing the popular high-school jock getting his ass kicked?)

      1. “Whatever” (if that is your real name) – I don’t know why you think i was referring to you.

        I was, in actuality, speaking about she-who-cannot-be-named.

        I dont know what the “in crowd” is.

        As for Interactive Mktg – since you dont want my opinion about what can be done – and to a large extent has been accomplished in the the field since the early-mid 00s, then I wont give you any.

      2. @Whatever :: if you are waiting for me to issue regulations and standards … you are going to be waiting forever. I’m an attack dog sent to punish and exile the wicked :: not your Uncle and loving mentor.

        I think it’s obvious what I’m writing about … but I’ve noticed that lots of you lame brains think you might be next on my list even though you meet NONE of my criteria. Ha! Good. Suck on it. Non-targets thinking a little bit harder about their actions is a positive externality.

        But here are some hints ::

        1. Don’t kill people.
        2. Don’t ruin the lives of everyone you meet.
        3. Don’t lie and break the law with the VAST FUCKING MAJORITY of your actions.
        4. Don’t be such an obvious con that an above average 6th grader could call you out.

      3. He doesn’t need a d-bag brigade speaking up for him

        I’m not speaking on behalf of the Droid when I say that the above line disqualifies you both as a person to engage in a conversation with as well as a person to buy anything from.

        Treat any person like a potential customer. That’s my advice, and it is delivered to you for free.

      4. Guess who is behind “Whatever”? It’s none other than John Reese (compare his writing style here to his email and blog posts) – Hi John, Does salty have you worried enough to ask for advice?

        Are you just asking for yourself? Or are you asking for the entire group of slimebags known as “the syndicate”? You know, you, kern, walker, filsaime, johnson, deiss, fallon, jenkins, pagan, brunson – the entire sleezy cartel you are a member of.

        Here, here for Salty! It brings a big smile to my face knowing your scared enough to be asking for guidelines to stay out of his cross-hairs. Here’s some advice… (for you and your fellow syndicate members) How about doing what’s right, moral, and ethical?

        I know it’s a big leap from where you are now, but you can do it. Heck, you did a million in a day.

        Salty, I am glad you are exposing these guys for who they are. And thanks for the heads-up on Kern.

        1. @X-Ray ::

          Do you know that was Reese … or you are just guessing? It’s a pretty good guess I think.

          “The Syndicate” huh? I can’t imagine what you’re talking about … of course … that is the name of a category on this blog. I wonder if there is a connection? I wonder if that would explain my targeting in a way that even Million Dollar Baby John Reese could understand?

          If there is a syndicate :: I’ll make them three suggestions {free} …

          1. Don’t call yourselves “The Syndicate” … because that is ridiculously stupid … try choosing a name that doesn’t define the crime for the jury.

          2. Make sure that from 2006 – 2008 you aren’t constantly bragging about it like you’ve fucking accomplished something. Cause if you do :: then in 2009 an amazing little robot might accidentally stumble on your BS and change his life around in order to stop you.

          3. Run!

  6. Yes, Karin was always weird on the posts – can anyone say borderline personality disorder???? yep. Seen it before.

    Salty You are {almost} GOD!!!!

    Go Go Go Go – Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill! (figuratively, duh!)

    Ruin these assholes that take people’s money and then take it some more.

    You know – there COULD be a real way to learn how to do REAL internet marketing that provides REAL skills for REAL people and REAL businesses – but no. I guess the world is not ready.

    And while you’re at it – I know I keep harping on this – but USA SEO PROS – those guys, too! All those outfits that promise to “rank” you on google and take people’s money…that’s JUST as bad.

    You are doing the world a favor, dude!
    Keep it up keep it up keep it uuuuuuupppppppp alllllllll nigggghhhhhttttt!

  7. The old saying of “follow the money to the truth” comes to mind.

    Keep it up SD: I have paid thousands of dollars into that circle jerk of gurus. I make decent money now but in 20/20 retrospect; I probably got more from the (free) thirtydaychallenge and “the 4 hour work week” (hardcover $19.95).

    Kern sure is sexy and I did catch a $50 egg at Mass Control so it wasn’t like it was totally worthless.

  8. “The old saying of “follow the money to the truth” comes to mind.”

    I think that applies to all of these idiots. They are untruthful in many areas and the most prominent is with MONEY. They are obsessed with it and measure their success by it which is the opposite to what they try to teach. They are all a bunch of wankers.

  9. Say it aint so Salty.

    I\’ve been following for months now. Like a cult (sort of like an IM cult).

    And now I hear you\’re going to be releasing a product on how to take a blog viral using controversy.

    If this is true, you are just like them. You put yourself on top of a pedestal and here you are going to release your very own product.

    My \”sources\” tell me this blog was just a test.

    Sweet Jesus man. You almost had your own religion going here. Oh wait, I think you do. I\’ve even heard you\’re part of the syndicate.

    You\’ve fooled everyone.

    I bet all the cock knockers who have been following you will probably buy your product even if it is going to be $1,999.

    You\’ve had me fooled.

    Damn you\’re good. You D-Bag

    Merry christmas

    1. What a silly comment! That rumor is laugh out loud stupid (and trite) on its face. I’m sure once it’s obvious this rumor is false, you’ll just make up another one to pretend to be outraged at – try to be creative next time, because we don’t come to this site to be bored. Here, let me help you out: “Droid, I just heard a rumor that the reason you don’t post on the weekends is because you spend Saturdays and Sundays killing kittens and sewing their skins together to make a life size furry Not Doctor Kilstein doll. Say it ain’t so!! I have been a fan of yours for years, I have wallpapered my room with your photos and planned out our destination wedding, and now I find out you are just another one of those kitten murdering slime balls. SOB. Well, this easily manipulated fan girl is going to find another hilarious, snarky robot blogger to read, so suck on that, you D-bag.”

      Merry Christmas Droid – please keep the funny coming.

      1. I *knew* it – and now I see how the kitten-killing rumor is on the INTERNET, so it must be true.

        A “Salty Droid” product? That would be hilarious, but I’d bet my children that it won’t happen. Of course, my kids, you know, they’re kind of a pain sometimes, so…

    2. @SayItAintSo

      … it ain’t so.

      You shit eaters wish it was about “controversy” :: It’s NOT. It’s about TRUTH. You can’t use truth as an angle for price gouging. That’s a business model with built in self destruction.

      And this blog hasn’t gone “viral” you rejects. It’s had steady :: old fashioned :: arithmetic growth. Which :: unlike lucky-virus moments :: is infinitely sustainable and gains energy as it moves.

      If you bitches want to call yourselves Internet experts :: you should really try to get a grasp of the basics.

  10. i heard the Droid was the subject of Dan Brow’s forthcoming novel. He’s writing it in conjunction with Al Gore and Michael Moore.

    The premise is that the Illuminati, headed by a blind albino, kidnap Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, stuff him into the Grinch’s sleigh and steal away to the catacombs of Rome – the Vatican, Actually.

    There, Leonardo Di Vinci comes to life through some ancient rite of the Mayans and leads the gang to the tomb of The Magdalene – which the EVVVVVVIIIILLL Catholic Church has been hiding from the NWO and the royals since the beginning of recorded time.

    From there, we find that the only way to slough off the fetters of the EEEVVVVVIIIIILLLL Pope – who is discovered to be a certain female deity of Egyptian legend – is to halt man-made globular warming by pouring concrete into all of the volcanoes. In so doing, a race of Aquarians are found living in the deep sea trenches of the mid-Atlantic.

    It is only then that the truth is revealed that the Salty Droid hates kittens and has been sacrificing them in the cover of darkness at the pyramids of La Luna and El Sol.

    If this is true, which I assume it is coming from Brown, Gore and Moore (esteemed intellects as they are!!!!), then the Droid must be stopped at all costs!

    Do it for Teddy Kennedy!

    1. This post was not about Kern. It was a post about Karin and a sad attempt at quieting her about the Truth she was about to share.

      Isn’t that right SD? You knew she was about to reveal something. You panicked.

      Isn’t that why YOU called her? i know, i gave her the message to return your call. You demanded in an email that she call you. Quote “it’s now or never”

      She chose now. How dare she not comply with her friend the droid’s scare tactic and threat of never.

  11. Salty. When are you going to post Frank Kern’s Federal conviction papers for us all to see with his blatant violation of the law? And his tax evasion.

  12. Good stuff, love the writing style. Has me laughing, which means you may be something of an English Major?? ;P

    No, but seriously good stuff. Am curious though, if someone wanted to contact you directly, are they able to or does it stay blocked?

    1. The Droid’s email address is all over the blog. ( He actually responds. I emailed him once and got an autographed 8×10 a week later.

  13. This is my new favorite blog to read. I’ve been looking for a blog like this for a long time. There’s so much toxic waste blogging going on I had stopped reading all blogs.

    I used to think that all these internet marketing ‘gurus’ must really have talent or something but thanks to SD i now see that they’re all liars of the worst kind. Good thing I haven’t given them any money in years, but I confess that I did buy some of their stuff…

  14. It’s such fun, isn’t it? Sitting at that keyboard with the ‘power’ to call out whomever you want for whatever reason you choose, knowing that as long as you fill your posts with enough bile and vitriol there will be plenty of people only too happy listen and respond.

    If Kern and Reese, to name but two of your targets, really are such slimebags, why not do something about it? Like complain to the FTC. Or, if that’s too much trouble gather some evidence and present it here. No, I thought not, it’s far easier to sit there and make shit up (particularly when you do it anonymously) than to do anything that would take real effort, like, say, run a business.

  15. Tell us more about this – “On Friday I learned :: from Karin :: that she has received a substantial amount of cash from Kern over the last couple of months. Lump sum PayPal transfers.”

    So how much? What was it for? Where did it go? So far this so-called story is a fizzer – it doesn’t go anywhere. Get the airhead hairdressing commenter to spill the beans. Or even make some shit up. Anything but this lack-lustre post.

  16. ~ comment moved ~

    I think I am going to write a book titled “How the Secret(s) Can Ruin Lives”

    Sometimes I am (or can be) one of the most confident people you will ever know- and other times? Not so much…

    Is it the the law of polarity in action? (they say bi-polar) – complete polar opposites- of the pole.

    or in this case … the rope.

    I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I get deeply affected by a lot of things-

    People often wish I would just get over it. whatever it is…

    Truth- we live in a world where everything is changing constantly … apparently it’s the one thing that we can be certain about …

    no one knows what’s going to happen or change in the next moment…no matter who we are… or what we know… or do…
    and no matter what we believe in…
    in the next moment-we could get a phone call that could change our lives forever, or at least the present situation. We could die. or worse.

    I have made (attracted) some very interesting friends in my lifetime.

    Friends. Interesting topic. A word that can mean so much- and also, so very little.

    The past 3 years have been interesting to say the least…

    I have met heroes and villains.

    I have been enlightened. inspired. and motivated. I have been disappointed, disgusted and hurt.

    The reality is this-

    I was living the secret life … of “having it all.”

    I am responsible for racking up 2 charge cards to the tune of 17,000.00 + in LESS than 6 months. (they were not my credit cards)
    I couldn’t get credit if my life depended on it.

    I am responsible for walking into a car dealership on a Saturday evening in August with my boyfriend of one month (now my husband) and purchasing a new van so we could go camping that weekend in style … in a newer and nicer van than his big old ugly pedophile van that he had when we first met in July of this year.

    No…Marc is not a pedophile … fact is that Marc too, is a survivor of child abuse. His sister has authored books on healing from child abuse.

    Weirder yet was that her and I had become acquainted and supporters of each of our purposes in that area … long before Marc and I met…

    I Googled Marc and only found an old bowling score. His sister goes by another name- all of these other crazy coincidences just confirmed that the universe was providing for us both- we had a lot in common besides both our interest in quantum physics, art, and music to name but a few things…

    anyway…the van we drove off the lot was close to, or around 30K … not sure … just knew it was going to be some 400.00 monthly payment.

    I am also responsible for walking into a Rogers wireless retail store and purchasing an IPhone – AND – a Rogers wireless rocket stick
    (so I could use it for my “work” ??????????? ) … whatever the hell that would be. or could be!

    You never know- with all of the unfinished projects I have going on out there — you just never know when something “big could happen” and you never know…the universe likes speed- you have to be there and be ready for anything!

    No worries- none at all…the universe will provide. Marc and I believe in that…

    We buy a house- in a hurry!

    I had been evicted and lost my job of 5 years as the superintendent / caretaker of the building.
    ~ which is another way of saying the person who cleans the building for a reduced rent…

    ~ the reduced rent was great because it’s tough living on disability through our social assistance program and finding affordable housing.

    I had not been working or doing hair for a few years because of physical and mental illness. P.T.S.D. and depression can cause horrific physical illness and exasperate any predisposed illnesses like asthma, migraine’s … just to name a couple …

    Marc and I ended up buying the first house we saw … it was a smaller version of the one we had both “visualized”
    -like 800 square feet small- smaller than the apartment I was renting…

    it was all o.k. – because this one was the “stepping stone” to the next one … for now this one was in our budget… kind of.

    Marc is happy. He is a first time homeowner. We giggle as we look around and see all of the things we wanted in a house- the Stainless Steel appliances, A spa like bathroom… a LARGE wall mounted Plasma TV (which happened to come with the home!)

    it was a miniature version of our mansion that was coming! (We just weren’t “specific” enough this time when putting all of this out to the universe!)

    then- all of a sudden- just outta nowhere- imagine this-

    – REALITY set in! – and so did all the bills …

    dumb things started “happening” and extra expenses in buying a home that you might not think about like-
    “hey wait a minute, the new stainless steel dishwasher isn’t hooked up!”

    to “hey wait a minute, no one told us it was going to cost 500.00 a month to heat this place!” no…we had not done our “homework”

    when I couldn’t hook up the dishwasher myself (I’m a handy woman that way) we discovered that the reason it wasn’t hooked up was because it was located no where near the sink water supply… in fact the it was across from the kitchen sink…!

    It wasn’t going to be no simple job -because there is no basement, just a crawl space.

    We lived like we had money. We lived like money was no object … it wasn’t an “object” ever. in any physical form.

    the stresses are… and have become enormous. and not just financial stresses…

    we were married on the 9th of January. It was supposed to be a New Year’s Eve Wedding-
    we needed the extra time to get approved for additional credit on one of the credit cards so we could pay for wedding stuff-

    like the marriage license and the marriage commissioner…

    The marriage commissioner turned out to be a perv ( he was caught – and stopped- from trying to take my 3 year old grandson in to the bathroom with him)

    Our grandson was fine- I however- another story…

    I was triggered. Sick, disgusted, angry. hurt.

    The flood gates opened, and I became depressed…not a great way to begin your new married life together.

    I cried, for weeks.

    The commissioner has been reported to the police…
    Don’t know what is happening there … But… I did receive a letter from the pervert’s lawyer. They are suing me for libel and defamation.

    because I may have mentioned a thing or two on facebook and twitter about perverts like this guy … and warned people in general, that a wedding is an ideal location or opportunity for a child to be molested. (think for a moment of all the weddings where there are often little children around)

    The one stop wedding shop and their lawyer want me to stop mentioning it – because it has affected “their wedding business”

    Did I ATTRACT a pervert to our wedding???

    geez, don’t ever recall having that thought.- EVER!-

    things have just been all around weird.

    I had lunch with an old friend the other day…He was one of the survivors of the James Ray Sweat Lodge.

    He wasn’t only a survivor though, he was a hero.

    I heard how he saved a woman’s life, in spite of his severely burned hands…

    I heard more than I needed to know- I had come to the conclusion that Lou had grown into becoming a very successful, and very respectful human being …

    He is admired for so many reasons.

    I had been deeply affected by the whole James Ray thing. Some people know just how affected I was … and still am.

    …I can not begin to imagine how affected the people are who were there, and those who lost loved ones.

    Hearing and knowing about what happened is one thing, hearing it first hand from someone you know who was there was… well … another…thing. A horrifying thing…

    People say I let things get to me. I take things too seriously. I need to get over it- no matter what “it” is.

    right now “it” is all getting to me, it is affecting everything around me … it… is a sad reality.

    the reality is;

    IT has all been rather overwhelming.

    Believe in yourself, your dreams, believe that you will and can have it all. It’s all in your mind. Mind your thoughts.

    Believe and act like you already have it. Feel it. … you will attract everyone and everything into your life that you need to succeed …
    see it become a reality. Picture yourself happy, healthy, medication free…

    Keep imagining it, seeing it, blah, blah blah.

    (as she reaches for a Tupperware container filled with a lovely cornucopia of meds that look more like a pack of smarties in weird shapes and sizes and colors)

    I am still imagining that I won’t be needing them … mostly because we won’t be able to afford them … disability used to pay for all of my medical.

    Poor Marc … Broke Marc. I hope he will survive this as well…(we will… we are both survivors)

    In this past year, I developed a relationship with the author of what is now – “one of the most popular and controversial blogs of all time.”
    almost immediately I took to him…he spoke up, spoke out, and wasn’t afraid to tell it like it is, or how he saw it…

    I agreed with his writings, including his writing style.

    From day one of commenting on his blog it was made very clear to me that a lot of people thought I was nuts, and a fool to be contributing to his blog, (and for supporting him) even though it wasn’t him I was supporting, it was his many messages that I was supporting.

    OK, maybe him too… I had his back a few times and he had mine.

    it was all weird and confusing at the best of times, and just plain fucked up at other times…

    -like being attacked, harassed, (sexually and otherwise) in many unpleasant and disturbing ways…

    all because of supporting some anonymous blogger… really anonymous… like some dude who they say was, or is a coward hiding behind a robot named “The Salty Droid”

    The Droid and I became friends…whatever that means- because god knows, I am not sure I know anymore – what the word FRIEND means.

    on one of Droid’s blog posts, he vows to protect me…and calls me his friend.

    I was feeling pretty good- even special, for a lot of reasons. Feeling special is somewhat important to this girl for some reason … always was…

    I hadn’t gone to his blog or found my way there to feel special or cause problems for anyone … I was there because of believing in real people…and their passions, purposes, and their contributions –

    I believed in one of the most important life principles that Dale Carnegie teaches which is “remember a person’s name-a person’s name is the most important sound in any language…”

    meeting this snarky, sarcastic robot online – The Salty Droid a.k.a. Jason Jones taught me that names are really NOT that important after all.

    its not about names. it is about actions…HE taught me this.

    more so than anyone, or any book ever has. (or seminar, course type thing) – EVER!

    In one of our first conversations he said “It doesn’t MATTER who I AM or what MY NAME is” :: “that’s NOT the point, or the ISSUE at hand”

    ~ less the double semicolons of course… it just felt right putting them in there :: this time


    So true, the purpose doesn’t need a name other than “purpose”

    So what’s the purpose of all of this…or the point of it?

    I am overwhelmed with confusion. Overwhelmed period. I have blocked certain people from contacting me, and I have cut off ties with a few people who don’t deserve another second of my time…

    I have had many amazing, absolutely AND incredible experiences in this short time online. I have had opportunities and experiences others could only dream of. (Others could have it too — if they would just be more specific when putting it out to the Universal Gods) :P

    There is absolutely no real concrete reason for writing this, no point, no purpose, …no hidden cryptic messages, or anything like that…
    Well, come to think of it… maybe there is something before I sign off…

    Recently I did one of those birthday wish thingy’s on facebook … to help raise monies for a charity I support… and no… not the Angela Shelton Foundation…

    I removed that birthday wish…

    Please donate to the families of those who have lost loved ones in the horrific Sedona tragedy….
    (at least we will know where the money is actually going)

    There are links and info about where to send on “The Salty Droid’s Blog”

    If you see my blog disappear offline it is because I need to pay for a few more important things like food and meds – rather than web hosting.

    P.S.- to anyone who has ever felt betrayed by me – I DEEPLY apologize.
    I chose to post this here because I really don’t know if or when my blog will be removed because of non payment.

  17. ~ comment moved ~

    Although I stated the comment post had no point, purpose or message…I guess it really did.

    ~ a lot of people believed in these guru types and what they were preaching. We go out of our way to learn and apply what they teach.
    I don’t know about you, but I thought they knew a whole lot more than I did.

    ~ Seeing and experiencing confirmations of the “right people and situations” – doesn’t mean you are on the right track.

    ~ People with extreme beliefs in something (like the good ole secret stuff) need to be especially cautious when realizing that they have attracted certain people or situations into their lives …

    to believe it is all meant to be and positive and that it is all there to take you to the next level is bullshit. Those with mental illnesses and confidence issues need to be even more cautious.

    ~ People need to be aware of what is real. and who is real.

    ~ Spending money like you have it when you don’t is just plain stupid.

    ~ Believing that something big is going to happen doesn’t mean its going to be a good “big”

    ~ Possible tragedies and traumas can occur at anytime, even at times when you would least expect them to- like at self help seminars, or during positive events like weddings… and it affects more than just a few people.

    ~ People feel safe sometimes talking or sharing with certain people. Sometimes just listening is a good thing, without passing judgment.
    Perhaps I was wrong posting here. I apologize.

    Maybe the underlying message (not cryptic) behind words spoken, or read, can give us great insight into how someone is feeling, and what it is that they are really trying to say.

    Sometimes … maybe…just maybe…we realize that the charity or cause we support, and ask others to support is not really that important at the time or isn’t appropriate given current circumstances (maybe appropriate isn’t the right word?)

    The reasons for mentioning my pathetic blog and its hosting running out was to share ONE of the main reasons why it was coming down…people do jump to conclusions about “why”

    Now go ahead, dump all over me…call me stupid, air head, and other names that you can think of that could possibly make me feel like a bigger fool.

    I think I can take it.

    perhaps writing down my random thoughts and shoving them in a drawer is not such a bad idea…in fact it sounds like a good one.

    ~ and another ~

    have we become selective in who is a survivor, victim, or who the mourning friends and family are? …

    is there a degree or certain amount of the people affected …or the degree of their pain?

    Did you read about how I felt for the families, and survivors?

    Did you read how I spent time with a survivor the sweat lodge?

    It wasn’t some random guy…it is a friend. A long time friend! Like close friend…like FAMILY friends!

    I babysat him when he was a kid…His brothers and I worked together, competed in hair together…we have a 30+ year relationship and FRIENDSHIP…

    I heard how he survived, what happened- from his experience- and what he could remember…

    He told me how even though he was extremely disoriented, and even though burned skin and flesh dripped down his arms –

    he went back in to drag out a woman who was at least 4 times his size, she was dying and he saved a life…

    As a friend, I listened…

    I listened to one of the most HORRIFIC things one could hear…so horrific that my “personal shit / issues” seem piddly, and are meaningless in comparison…

    This kid, or rather man…went to every one of JR’s things… THEY were CLOSE friends until this…. Ray attended his wedding for Christ sake!

    Personally I know what it feels like when you lose friends ..losing friends, family. losing period…it hurts.

    So, piggy backing on someone else tragedy…???

    and I want attention?

    fuck you.


    no more comment.

    1. @Karin ::

      Don’t make me be a dick about it … and please stop emailing me. I said no more private communication for good reason … as you flagrantly abused that privilege last time. I’m not the sort of dude who changes his mind about such things.

      I wish you peace … but your peace is not my job.

        1. You obviously could use some help. Why don’t you contact Frank Kern and ask him for help? He’s a friend, right? Maybe he can help you. After all, that’s what friends are for. If you need to get anything else off your chest, I think he also has a blog.

      1. I suppose everybody who’s ever been inconsiderate enough to be a victim – do they not realise that Karin has to shoulder their pain far more than they do?

        What’s she meant to do in these situations? Make an obligatory 5-line reference to a sweat lodge survivor in the middle of a war-and-peace essay about her stainless steel dishwasher, iPod, house, wedding, book, and plasma TV screen?


  18. Dear Karin,

    The wedding commissioner you hired is an elderly and saintly man. You viciously slandered him on the Internet and accused him again today of being a child molester. In Canada, the laws are very simple. You tweeted about it and now you’ve posted about it after warnings.

    Karin, you have violated the law. Canada is not the United States. You were warned but you are out of control. Now you are going to have to pay.

    Your lies have made your life misery. It will never stop. Stop libeling an old man.

  19. You ARE irrelevant Karin. NOBODY cares about you or your life. I guess you can’t function if you’re not talking about yourself at every inopportune time? I guess you think you’re very important… so important, we must know every stupid detail about you every time you post on subjects that have nothing remotely to do with you or your life. Stay on subject, DUMMY!

    Again, (since you have a hard time understanding) who are you? NOBODY. So do yourself a favor and stop talking about yourself as if we care.

    Here’s the SECRET you missed in your Dale Carnegie books… you’ll never get anywhere in life until you stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on others. Why? Because nobody cares about YOU. :)

    1. Really??? Someone’s life is irrelevant? Maybe you don’t care about Karin’s life, or as you said “NO ONE CARES” here is a news flash “I CARE” deeply

      1. How about caring SOMEPLACE ELSE besides this blog? You’ve usurped this blog way too many times to be welcome here. Nobody is interested in what you have to ramble on about over and over and over, Karin. Seek professional help and if advised, get medication!

  20. Frank Kern’s real name is Irwin!!?

    Yes, I followed the link above to see the FTC charges against Kern. Not exactly pleasure reading, but I have a feeling Irwin F. Kern would not sell as many products as good ol’ boy Frank.

    He can be hypnotic when he’s selling stuff. But I find just thinking of him as “Irwin” breaks the spell.

  21. Paying off / bribing / donating… whatever you want to call it is a pretty common tactic with online Reputation Management Companies. People don’t normally do it themselves though.

    Thing is… Frank Kern has had success with the personal touch method before.

    Some guy named Malcolm Lambe had blogged a few years ago about Kern’s FTC Bust. The Google Gods saw fit to rank that article pretty well. Good old Malcolm ranked number one for – Frank Kern FTC – and – Frank Kern Con Man – and a bunch of others.

    September 2009 rolls around and Kern is in the middle of his lovefest with Tony Robbins. By a strange coincidence Kern also decides to use this time to give a tell-all(propaganda) my-side-of-the-story (sales pitch)about the saga.

    Naturally Kern wanted his blog to rank for the keywords – Frank Kern FTC – and so on.

    What’s an Internet Marketing Guru to do??


    1) A Handjob (metaphorically speaking).

    2) A Paypal cash dump.

    And low-and-behold what was once a damning article of Kern becomes nothing but the original headline and a link to Kern’s blog.

    The super-retarded part of this tale is how it got out.

    Malcolm starts name dropping the new Kern association as a way to sell his own services.

    You can read all about it here:

    1. @Black Mamba, hey asshole. At least get the facts right. He didn’t pay me off. I approached him after reading his side of the story about the FTC bust – which I tend to believe – and apologised and offered to take my posts down. I then did a writing gig for him – at book rate. Which I capitalised on in a blatantly off-the-wall I-couldn’t-give-a-shit-who-knows style. He was a real gentleman about what I did (without knowing the real facts of the story). You’ll notice I recently posted on the Warrior Forum about a potential PHP exploit in his “List Machine” script – unknowingly on the launch of his “List Control” thingey. That could have done some serious damage to his credibility and to his launch. Again he was less than thrilled but handled it with style. Unlike you, you humorless asshole.

      1. @Malcolm Lambe: hey prickless prick. So you took down your posts about Frank Kern’s FTC bust (where HE freely signed a CONSENT ORDER), and then you conveniently got paid by him. Seems pretty clear cut right there. Case closed, mother fucker.

        “You’ll notice I recently posted on the Warrior Forum…” Uh, no we won’t, because unlike you, shit for brains, we don’t piss away our lives begging for cigarette money in bullshit circles.

        Interesting pic you have, slick top. Still playing with dolls, or is that something you shove up your ass for kicks when you aren’t scoring loose change on the warrier forum?

        Pass our regards on to Frank, the next time you give him a shine. Be sure to tell him all the folks over at Salty Droid sent you, when you come up for air, dipshit.

        1. @bullshit detector, Hey dickbreath. You know nothing about it. Talking through your ass. Behind your anonymous pen-name. Very brave. Little boy. Grow a pair. Or meet me behind the bike-shed after school and I’ll show you how we sort things out where i come from. Pussy.

          1. @Malcolm Lambe: Your “copywriting” prowess is something else, brown nose. Way to impress (a five year old). Why don’t you really “wow” us with some of your finest writing, maybe some magazine copy for butt plugs? I’m not too concerned about “how you sort things out where you come from” because I don’t find bunny slippers and pink tutus particularly intimidating. Even your dollie looks more manly than you, gloss top. How many Barbies do you have?

          2. Check out Malcontent Lambe’s “profile” here:


            He states his occupation as: “copywriting at Miserable Productions.”

            That sounds about right!

            What’s he doing in the picture on his profile? Being breast fed BY a baby?

            Under “companies I’ve worked for” it says “J. Walter Thompson.” Must have emptied a lot of dust bins.

            1. @Jay, Another moron. Here you go. My office is on the site of Victor Hugo’s mansion (demolished) in Paris. You know – the scribbler who wrote “Les Miserables”. You do read the classics I take it? Does it make sense to your tiny brain now? And as it happens, I didn’t have to empty dustbins at JWT – we had cleaners for that. But if you want the gig I could put in a word for you.

              Oh yeah…the baby I’m kissing is my little miracle boy – born Caesarean-style (Google it numb-nuts) and now a thriving 5 year old. Care to say something tasteless about that too?

          3. @Malcolm Lambe, Malcolm said:”meet me behind the bike-shed after school and I’ll show you how we sort things out where i come from.” Here’s the “sort”: First, Malcolm blows you. Then, you ram it in Malcolm’s arse. And on Tuesdays and Thursdays, reverse the order.

      2. @Malcolm Lambe,

        “You’ll notice I recently posted on the Warrior Forum about a potential PHP exploit in his “List Machine” script – unknowingly on the launch of his “List Control” thingey.” -Malcolm Lambe

        notice how?….when I go click on the “link” ewe show (in another post)….

        I got the following….”No Thread specified. If you followed a valid link, please notify the administrator”

        “That could have done some serious damage to his credibility and to his launch. Again he was less than thrilled but handled it with style. ” -Malcolm Lamb

        it could have done damage…thank gawd the thread was removed……the style of a fraud having his “exploits” covered up…so no one can see….

        Malcolm, were you responsible for having the thread removed (for compensation…that would be the second time for ewe)…or was Fraud Kern responsible for having it taken down….

        This is also one of your posts….

        “I wonder if the good ol’ FTC would find Frank’s WF signature amusing -”

        Quote: Get on my list and you will make a billion dollars instantly.

        Me? I love it.” -Malcolm Lambe

        What do you love about it? Is it the fact that it embodies the type of integrity you show in your sales copy?

        1. @_cartman_, another funny one. Talking about “integrity” on a fucking lawyer’s blog. LOFL.

          Nope. The thread wasn’t yanked on my behalf. It was getting pretty interesting too. Threads on Warrior Forum get yanked all the time – usually when the members start turning on each other – unlike here eh? Try getting it out of Google’s cache. You do know how to do that, right?

          You patsies see “conspiracy” in every fucking thing don’t you.

          Yes I find Frank Kern’s signature pretty funny. It’s against the TOS of Warrior Forum for starters and it’s also thumbing his nose at the FTC. None of you dopes would see the humor in it. I get that.

          Here’s the “integrity” I show in my sales copy, as you put it –

          Go ahead – have a field day on my choice of “Nazi”. Come to think of it…there’s nothing but humorless Nazis on this site. Sig heil chaps. Gotta go burn Paris.

          1. @Malcolm Lambe,

            “You patsies see “conspiracy” in every fucking thing don’t you.” -Lamb

            Conspiracy?….don’t flatter yourself….cover-up….yeah….no emails from Frank were forthcoming about any issues with that “software”.

            “Threads on Warrior Forum get yanked all the time” -Lamb

            Warrior forum could have locked the thread, and deleted any “individual” offending posts (they have done it before), while leaving the thread (and their integrity…I made a joke) intact.

            “Yes I find Frank Kern’s signature pretty funny. It’s against the TOS of Warrior Forum for starters and it’s also thumbing his nose at the FTC. None of you dopes would see the humor in it. I get that. ” -Lamb

            Kern’s signature is a caricature representation of his (and others) practices (I get that…hahaha..funny)…but he isn’t thumbing his nose at the FTC…he is thumbing his nose at the individuals who buy his crap (no different then his creative “interpretation” of a “24 hour period”)…

            “Go ahead – have a field day on my choice of “Nazi”.” -Lamb

            ?Copynazi? You probably saw the soup nazi episode of Seinfeld and used the idea…

            “Here’s the “integrity” I show in my sales copy, as you put it –” – Lamb

            I tried pulling up your site through google….you are not archived….so I went to netsol to check out registration….you registred it on April 2, 2010…you created the site just for us?….hmmm….i’m curious about the type of integrity you would show on a site you created just for us….butt…not that curious…

            Domain Name: THECOPYNAZI.COM
            Created on: 02-Apr-10
            Expires on: 02-Apr-11
            Last Updated on: 05-Apr-10

          2. @Malcolm Lambe, Why don’t you try offering your “Nazi” copywriting services to the Holocaust Museum? What a prick! What were you even thinking? Not only is your copywriting doubtful, but you show a serious lack of wisdom. Why don’t you use the business name, “Fuck You Copywriting.” That fits your style (but nobody else’s).

      3. Malcolm Lambe…you said:

        “I approached him after reading his side of the story about the FTC bust – which I tend to believe – and apologised and offered to take my posts down. I then did a writing gig for him – at book rate. Which I capitalised on in a blatantly off-the-wall I-couldn’t-give-a-shit-who-knows style.”

        Let me get this straight:

        YOU approached Kern, then you took down your posts because you “believed” his story, upon which you received a copywriting gig from him, and instead of regular copy, you delivered him “I don’t give a shit” copy (your description).

        So either: 1.) you got paid off, or 2.) you fucked Kern over, or both. Regardless, you are an asshole, and you made that very clear in your own words.

        In reality though, Kern got what he REALLY wanted, which was those posts removed. He didn’t give a rat’s ass about your copywriting (you’re a nobody after all), so you didn’t actually fuck him over. However, the fact that you THOUGHT you did, and boasted of it, still makes you an asshole.

        You’re also a dumbass, because ultimately you didn’t have to write a damn thing, and you and your dolls probably could have gotten even more.

        1. @Charles, no…get it right. I said I couldn’t give a shit who knew, not that I gave him shit copy. Perhaps I am a “nobody” as you put it but this “nobody” doesn’t hide behind proxies or pseudonyms like some of the morons on this site. And you know what – the funniest thing about all this is we have Jason Jones aka Salty Droid – a fucking LAWYER – of all people preaching on ethics and morality. Hilarious. And a “newbie” lawyer at that. Got his piece of paper in 2005. Whoopy-do.
          BTW, Google “Frank Kern” – oh look – there I am still – #2 right behind Fran’s site. Google “Frank Kern list machine” Oh look – there I am again in the #1 slot. Try “Frank kern scam” – #5. “Frank Kern PHP exploit” #1. How about “Frank Kern con”? Oh look #1 above Salty Droid. Looks like that blog of mine has plenty of juice wouldn’t you say?

          And again for the record – for the retarded amongst us that can’t read – I wasn’t looking to “get anything out of him”, he didn’t pay me off. I haven’t stopped writing about him. I approached HIM with an apology after reading his side of the story on the FTC bust.

          If he really wanted to shut that blog down I suppose I would have been tempted to sell it to him. For $20k. But there would have been no caveat or terms on not publishing another one saying whatever the hell I like.

          You were saying, moron? What is it you do when you’re not having a wank in the school toilets anyway hmm?

          BTW I look down and see “Don’t have the balls for commenting? Email The Droid directly at” Last time I did that His Lordship didn’t even have the courtesy to reply. Typical asshole lawyer style. What is your beef anyway? A lawyer slagging off Internet marketing? Laugh-out- fucking-loud. You guys are up there with used-car salesmen and Real Estate salesman. You’re all shonks. And shylocks and bottom-feeders. Scum of the earth. Parasites of the highest order. Parasites that call you, rabbit on about shit and then put the call on your bill. Yeah…I’ve been there. Never met a decent lawyer yet. A pro-bono one is probably getting there. You do any of that Jason? Care to share how you help the undertrodden and oppressed? How you help to make the world a better place.
          Shakespeare had it right “Kill all the lawyers”.

          1. @Malcolm Lambe,

            When trying to make a point about how much you fear/hate lawyers, quoting Shakespeare isn’t the way to do it unless you’re an anarchist.

            The character who suggests all lawyers be killed does so as a means to pave the way for a revolution to overthrow the government. If anything, Shakespeare was complimenting lawyers.

            As for Jason not replying to your emails, get over yourself. You’re not that important and there’s no law that requires email replies.

          2. @MalcolmLambe ::

            1. No one in this convo is hiding behind a proxy. Do you even know what that means? If you did then you’d know that you aren’t in a position to make that determination.

            2. Interesting how you took your Kern post down after I commented on it. Funny how often that happens.

            3. I know you think you are using some “rebel without a clue” :: “I don’t care who knows” super copy style. But you just come off like a snake and desperate whore. “Riding Shotgun with Frank Kern?” :: seriously?? It’s Harlan Kilstein levels of pathetic.

            And getting bought-off/jerked-off because you are sad and poor is one thing … but leaving the post up just to shill for him after you cave … and then bizarrely bragging about it as though it were a selling point … is maximum lameness. It’s like bragging about being a bitch. Congats on being a bitch! I’m so proud of you … here’s a $1,000 … please write something shitty for me.

            4. I believe I did return your first set of emails. Would you care to discuss them out here? Cause I would love to.

          3. @Malcolm Lambe, I believe it’s “Whoop-de-do” you stupid fuck. It sounds stupid when you say, “Whoopy-do”

    2. Here’s some “Worrier Forum” bullshit pitches from Malcolm Lambe (aka “The Copy Nazi,” which is almost as impressive as “The Copy Hitler”). Notice how he reframed his one-time bullshit “copywriting” gig with Frank Kern to make it look like he IS a “copywriter.”

      What a pathetic sad sack.

  22. @Black Mamba: Very interesting! Who does this “Malcolm Lambe” think he’s kidding? Now he (incorrectly) thinks he’s hot shit? It just smells like plain old room temperature shit.

      1. Malcolm Lambe’s picture looks kind of like a penis smoking a cigarette. Don’t penises know that smoking causes cancer? If he ain’t gonna quit for himself, he should quit for the sake of his doll.

        1. @Louie ::

          Seriously :: I mean hasn’t the doll been through enough already? Why have dolls if you’re not willing to put them first in your life?

          1. @Malcome , don’t worry about these jealous people. They can’t stand to see you happy with with your doll. I mean why get a real woman who only mouths off if you can get a male doll who will keep on giving silently.

            Btw are your “business” clients dolls too?

      2. Malcolm Lambe, alleged copywriter and Kern bitch, mumbles on and on about how he supposedly made half a million dollars in “one day” in his smelly underwear:


        Maybe he borrowed the kid from somebody so as to appear more stable.

        1. @Sidney, oh wow..I checked out this Malcomb guy’s website and it was quite disturbing. The guy seems to love to throw the word nazi out over and over. His icon even looks like a nazi skinhead. I certainly would not hire this man, not just because he uses the nazi thing, but his copy just eminates hostility.

          1. @sour mash n tart picklez, yeah, that “copy nazi” web site is ridiculous ( His navigation has these entries: blitzkrieg, dumkopf, and From the Bunker, among others. I’m surprised he doesn’t have a category called “crematorium.” I mean…wow! How more offensive can someone possibly get? He actually expects that approach will generate paying customers? Maybe he’s aiming for skinheads or something. Just kind of nutty, really.

            1. @Sidney, I seriously doubt any real and legitimate business owners are contacting the copynazi to write ads for them. The whole Spiel of the copy on his page comes off as a nutcase with an affinity for being called nazi.

              Malcomb is not making a dime online, unless it’s through lies and deception…he has way too much time on his hands as you can see when he comes online and posts pure garbage all day long. Dolls don’t count as clients and real paying customers, although I imagine you do make your dolls…errr I mean your “clients” pay you in one way or another ehh?

  23. SD

    You’d make a bloody good critic.

    Check out my blog, please, and tell me if it sounds scammy at all.

    If so, tell me which parts and I’ll take them down… because it’s not intentional. :-)

    1. Why on earth would anyone mark down a comment like this? It’s not likke I’m critising anyone else.

      Whoever did this is a muppet. A cheesy green muppet. And Miss Piggy is his girlfriend.

  24. Malcomb is another liar and deceiver, on the levels of Piggy Belcher, quite skilled in lying and deceiving, but too mentally unstable and schizo to relate to normal people.

    Snagged this from Malcomb Lamb site.

    ” How To Get a Million Hits on Your Crap YouTube Video – in 24 Hours

    Cock-in-a-SockYou’ve got a great idea for a viral video on YouBoob. You’re going to tie your naked mate to the roof-racks of a Sixties Mini and fang down the High Street while some other clown films you. What a laugh. Bound to get you a few hits. But if you really want it to go ballistic there’s a trick you should know. A trick that’s been around for awhile and now every man and his dog is flogging it. But it stills works. Bigtime.

    What you need to do is put a boobie thumbnail picture up – a Triple-D Cup that will get all the horny little YouTubers out there going Phoar! and reaching for their…well…mouses…to click and play your crappy video. Yes it’s false pretences but it works a treat.

    How do you do it? Just put a still frame at the centre of the video and YouTube uses that as the default thumbnail image.” <—–this must be him posing naked for his youtube frame shot to get people to click his copywriting videos LOL LOL

    1. @sour mash n tart picklez, Whoa, that sure is deceptive! Not only that but he even talks about the Belcher button in one of his videos, so obviously he is inspired by that convicted felon. What a DB, huh?

  25. An Aside:


    Look, Einstein, what separates the Scammers from good IM’ers…well, fuck, if you have to ask that, you won’t “get” the explanation!!

    Hint: It’s the same magic trick as is in the movie, The Replacements…how can anyone ask such a daft thing?

    IM is murky water from it being pounded by too many spammers/scammers, so it has a murky past…then you get the trailer-trash-kern-els shitting in the pool and nobody wants to really swim in it anymore, right?! Sorry, I know it’s graphic, but I’m trying to s-p-e-l-l it out so it is ez to comprehend…

    What makes agood IM’er? I’m not outing the good one’s with that blueprint, so it can be mapped by dumb-fucks like Kern who will riff off it…the good ones know who they are… I can spot one from outer space…they aren’t hiding!! Geez! When are these folks gonna wake the fuck up?!

    Coming out of a digression and back to my points:


    IRWIN KERN…How will I sleep tonight when I can’t stop laughing over that one…Irwin Kern in his single-wide trailer (yup, folks…true)

    Between the Andy-Kern-Karin circus, it sounds like bunch of tantrummy brats in a sandbox…and not all of them are (any of them?) playing with a full deck, but it sounds like everybody has a load in their pants!!

    Who cares. Let them all wet their pants and run into walls…like Katt Williams say, “Your job is to get your 7 laughs a day.” Think of these dipshits as being there to amuse you and…well, have they failed to deliver so far? Not that I’m seeing. Stop getting your fucking money near them! Be Smart!

    BTW, the Karin thing…God, I just got here and I’m sick of it…my dad was a cop in may places after ‘Nam, including a big-city stint as Undercover NarcoVice…here’s how you deal with crazy and unstable (deranged, unhinged, loco, mental, whatever the fuck you want to call it):

    1. Pick a single sentence that is blanket. Repeat only that sentence to them. NEVER ever say another thing to them BUT that sentence (actually, I devised that strategy and it works like a charm so far!!!). Even the wackiest of whack-a-do’s will get bored and walk away. It is an application system that Works. Try it on the next nut you can’t get rid of. It’s a slow Kryptonite effect. In short, unlike Kern’s stuff: It works. Period.

    2. If you want someone who feeds on drama to Go Away…STOP smacking the hornets nest! In other words, when she posts here, thumbs down it and ignore it. NOBODY respond to it or you are feeding fuel to the fire and wondering why it won’t go out. Salty, if she emails you, block her address or trash the email. Simple. NEVER respond. Decide if you want to be friends with her. If no, NEVER RESPOND. Simple right? I love simple. If you want to be friends, Respond. Crazies will go find drama-lovers they can STIR. When you become UNSTIRRABLE, you become REPELLENT to them. (I almost became a counselor…instead I get to comment on how to dump whackos in Salty’s blog…ahhh, how far they fall ;)

    Seriously, these tactics sound simple and easy but they are Powerful and
    Effective…unlike Kern’s crap.

    Another tip: If you don’t want crazies around you, stop getting dragged into their childish dramas. Just Press Ignore!!!! Find something better to do with your time. Many make themselves responsible for the world. STOP doing that…it’s God’s job, NOT yours.

    Let It Go.

    Hopefully she won’t return but if she does, y’all now know how to roll it out…Stay Silent if you want her to…capisce?

    As for the snivelling and scumbag tactics of someone (Frank Kern) who lived in a trailer (Irwin Kern…really, I’m going to wet my own pants giggling over that one) and likely learned some “not so elegant” methods for relating…Never forget that Kern will do whatever it takes…that is what a Trailer-Trash mentality imparts…a burning drive never to live in a trailer again, and a deep and often-hidden desire to take revenge on the society who kept them in that condition. I didn’t say it was glamorous, but it is hard to escape that poverty mentality…it gets hidden, but it bubbles up if you know what you’re looking at…IRWIN KERN himself did say that “Dealing with people sucks….” Now he’s dressing in a white shirt and beard with long hair playing the Messiah role…just another costume for Irwin Kern…NEVER think he won’t throw Everyone under the bus to avoid being a trailer-rat again…I gaurantee you, he will…He is always a wolf in sheeps (Messiahs?) clothing…

    Remember the Crying Game…”It’s in his nature…” What people hide still holds incredible power to motivate them. Irwin is nothing more than a desperation-driven trailer-rat that is determined to make it any way he can…he will take down anyone he can, by any means, to do his bidding.

    His tools – Pay Attention (though I think you know them all yourself, especially at some level):

    1). Getting under people’s skin…getting into a SIMPATICO position (Karin)
    The story doesn’t need to be real; it’s job is to exploit, get in
    emotionally and muck about. Hence the Joe-Blow pitches. Hypnotism.

    2). Frank Kern is an act. He has watched others and riff’d on their
    personas, especially Eben and Tony Robbins…he has no heart…
    he Doesn’t Care.

    3). All of what Frank “shares” with those puppets who buy into his
    Amazing-Frank-ness, that is ALL other people’s marketing teachings.

    COME ON People, the title is called MASS CONTROL. He isn’t hiding his skimey-ness…why would anything scummy he does cause anyone to waste a moment on his trailer-trash shenanigans.

    I do hope Salty doesn’t Bother wasting any more time in life with lunies of any flavor (Life’s too short as it is…way too short for nut-jobs and con-jobs…but hand-jobs can stay…sorry, I’m incorrigible).

    He tries to hide it, but Frank Kern is nothing. He learned his shit from the same people anyone of us can (and did) and he is less than 1% the man any of them were. Anything Frank Kern does should be laughed at. STOP giving him your money. Get off his FUCKING LIST!! Well, he is supposedly
    Retired now according to his website…maybe the FTC is wrapped, finally and firmly, around his jugulars now (I’d sleep better!)

    Remember, your job is to sit back, watch the crazies take each other out, and laugh your ass off, preferably with a drink in one hand…fuck ’em…none of them are anything…but amusement…

    For anyone who thinks I’m full of shit, here’s the link:

    Anothers tidbit on whackos in general (Heads up!):

    Borderline Personality Disorders’ and people with mental health issues pan for people with Empathy the way miners pan for gold. If you don’t want to be made personally responsible for their life, stay out of it. That is the best I can recommend. The signs are there for some serious issues with the Karin situation and it REALLY is no one’s job here. Let it go…keep it gone…No Responses to her and she’ll go elsewhere to get her drama…NOT your job…

    Sorry you had to put up with that crap, Salty…I’d have been sitting there with a margarita, laughing until tears rolled down my face…sounds like a Three Stooges episode…

    Grossly manipulative…Irwin Kern?! WHAT a Surprise…

    Keep your eyes on those long teeth…threatening someone’s family is indicative of someone who lacks propriety or basic codes of decency…and anyone giving money to those scumbags may as well be paying someone to rob them on the way to dinner!!


    Keep your eyes open, Folks, just don’t forget your real job: laughing your ass off daily.


    Ethics aren’t something you have because everybody is watching; ethics are something you have when Nobody is watching, when nobody fucking cares, when nobody fucking notices you exist, when nobody acknowledges who you are, what you’ve contributed, what you are willing to do for them, and when nobody appreciates you. Ethics are what you have in the dark. Well, that and Malcombe’s blow-up doll. (Whoopy-do…that is too funny…you guys crack me the fuck up…luv ya’…now fuck off and finish already, will ya’!)

    Gurus aren’t made; they’re measured. They are DEFINED and only created by the value they provide others, NOT by their own declaration! Did Mother Theresa go around calling herself a guru? NO, because a true one has compassion and humility. You know, I have hated the word GURU for years…and now I know why: apparently it was a nauseating premonition…or a premonition of being nauseated, to be more precise…

    Guard your wallets, your safety, and your emails, Folks…Irwin Kern the Trailer-Rat is still at large…for now…maybe I’ll pull some family favors and go join the FTC…THAT would be a sweet victory for yours truly…but if we take him out, his scumbag cronies (cron-jobs, con-jobs, who can keep ’em straight anymore…) will live on, preying on the innocent adn manipulating them out of their hard-earned cash (or, worse, debt). This con-fest HAS to be brought down and stopped…Seriously!!

    Thanks for a handful of laughs, as usual…”Whoopy-do…you stupid fuck”…ROFL…I’m hitting the hay on that high note of laughter



    1. @anon,

      He had to ask for help multiple times to make an image a link, and now we are supposed to buy training from him? Internet Marketing is such a joke.

    2. @anon, Post 49 they all cried out:

      “You could have been honest in this thread Chris
      and told the real reasons you were banned.

      You were using multiple accounts to first ask if anyone
      has heard of your membership site, then using other accounts
      to give yourself glowing reports, which is known as shilling.

      You also decided to use the forum as a place to send your affiliates
      to post hundreds and hundreds of one line junk posts,
      all with identical sig files that lead to your site.
      They are still doing it to this day.

      If people are going to start threads like this, I think it is only
      fair that they tell the whole truth, not just a small part of it.”

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