An anonymous citizen sent me a video :: thank you citizen. I fixed it up a bit :: made it shorter :: and added the d-bag theme song … but it was otherwise not my handy work.
Irwin F. Kern speaking at he and Ed Dale’s “Underachiever” seminar in the loathsome and marsupial bespeckled land of Australia :: circa 2004.
Irwin explains how he got started in Internet Marketing. It’s an inspirational story … like the virgin birth. Except replace the virgin with a dead hooker … and replace the baby Jesus with the rights to …

“Syndicate is a fancy way of saying trade union.”
Says Frank Kern :: famed connoisseur of fancy talk. Fancy talk :: fancy cat food :: fancy flip fops … only the fucking fanciest for Frank.
This past March :: during The Syndicate’s launch of Frank Kern’s List Control :: I wrote a sweet post that RickRolled all y’all.  Given the fake drama that surrounds me … it was an especially epic RickRoll for which I should win some sort of prize {but I won’t because the judges are racist against robots!}. That post also had several secret …

{smoke still clearing}
Hi again!
So badguys … how you like me now?
The Internet Marketing Syndicate post {plus comments} currently has a word count of 54,000. The first 1500 words are fucking priceless {natch!}. The quality of the remaining 52,500 is … let’s say … highly variable. So :: for the second time :: the comments are the post.
Congratulations on the epic honor of making the cut … your fake check is in the mail {no it isn’t!}.
@Cosmic Connie ::

“Good work, SD. You have illuminated the apparent business model not only for …

The Syndicate.
That’s what they call themselves.  The Syndicate.  Like if they built a fucking tree house {which they probably did} :: then they used a wood burner to carve that name over the extra wide door. The Syndicate. “Look Mom we named our club! It’s a name and a description … we’re super smart like that.”
The Syndicate is a cartel at the center of the get rich quick world of Internet Marketing. Each of the members tries to pass himself off as a freewheeling entrepreneur. An individual rising above :: …

You know what I like?
No … you don’t!
It’s a rhetorical question :: so don’t bother answering you arrogant fucking prick. This blog ain’t about you :: and me :: and Polly PrissyPants sitting down for a lovely cup o’ tea {distinctive Earl Gray!} and having girl chat about our favorite things.
You :: “Didn’t you just love blah blah blah’s collection of summer dresses?”
FakeMe :: “Oh it was absolutely fabulous! The vibrant colors and rich textures really brought the whole thing to life for me. I hope we can expect the same level …

{begin charts}

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“Frank Kern Has Retired From Teaching Internet Marketing And Now Only Accepts Private Clients And Platinum Members” :: reports the various turd sucking scam sites of Irwin F. Kern.
http://masscontrolsite.dbag
http://listcontrolsite.con
Oh noes!  That’s fucking heartbreaking.  And he was doing so much good in the world … providing such value.  Why do bad things have to happen to good people?? **wink wink**  I know what your thinking:  “Does this mean that The Droid’s Perry Belcher is a Misogynst List Control Bonus is going off the market?  Nope :: rest easy sweet lambs :: …

Bob Proctor and James Arthur Ray are lifetime BFF’s {which is NOT to imply that they tongue kiss and share needles … or is it? … no it isn’t … unless it is}.  Neither has even the slightest whiff of credentialing or legitimacy :: yet both have been able to part people from enormous amounts of money in trade for low-grade mouth-borne donkey-shit.
Death Ray needs to take more money from his victims fast so that he can funnel it to lawyers and PR consultants on his way to jail for being a rotting fish …

Software is hard! Get it?  It’s a nerd joke.  See it’s called “soft”ware :: but it’s actually not soft at all … wait for it … wait for it … it’s hard! {lolz} And of course :: “hard” could also mean boner :: and what’s more funny to a nerd than a boner? {lolz x 1023}
Okay :: nerds aren’t funny.  Shut up nerds :: your jokes are pissing me off.  Try sticking to math :: graph paper :: and World of Warcraft {4 the Alliance!} :: I’ll take care of …

I’m sure you’ve heard by now that my good friend Frank Kern has just launched a hot new product that has everybody and their mothers {literally!} talking.  I mean if you can’t feel the HEAT that’s emanating off this thing deep in your loins :: then you probably don’t have any loins. All the top guys are promoting it :: followed closely by all the wannabee bitches :: and the wannabee wannabees.  Everyone who is anyone :: and everyone who is no one :: they can’t ALL be wrong. Can …