Do you want to see Hulk Hogan 5.0 having sex with some lady who should oughta be bein’ faithful to Bubba the Love Sponge?

Do you want Kathy Bates to hobble you with a dragon bone seriously infected with the hantavirus?

Shirly those two questions are equivalents?

Was that last question a question?

Anywayz :: turd spewing pageview whoring turd site Gawker :: whose mission is all about smearing turds all around everywhere turd style … is pretty sure you need this sex tape in your life.

“We watch this footage because it’s something we’re not supposed to see (sometimes) but we come away satisfied that when famous people have sex it’s closer to the sex we as civilians have from time to time. Meaning: it’s hardly ever sexy the way we expect it to be sexy, even when the participants are ostensibly more attractive than the majority of our sex partners will be.”

Well that’s high-minded :: meth high … that sweet sweet “disassemble a toothbrush a bristle at a time just because you fucking can” high. Hey do me a favor fuckstars :: never say “we” again … like ever. Let’s leave the majestic plurals to Kate Middleton :: shirt on … because for the love of christ she’s the fucking duchess and can’t we let her keep her shirt on? Guess not.

Real life’s not like TV :: Gawker was the one that told ya … somebody rush them a Peabody.

I only watched the Hulking sex tape to be ironic :: but I’m only saying that ironically … and if you think you understand that drivel you might be a fucking hipster … look at yourself. I’ve told thousands of people that Jesse “The Body” Ventura was involved in this love sponging :: just had a hunch … so I was disappointed to learn that he was not … seemed such a naturally unnatural pairing so you can’t blame me for hunching.

Here at The Salty Droid you can see sexy Hulk Hogan giving the old reach around to James Arthur Ray :: helping “his friend” promote the Harmonic Wealth Journey of Power … it’s cool though … because not everyone who got involved died.

James Arthur Ray is in prison :: he walked away from his “friends” dying in the mud to have a fucking sandwich :: but Hulkamania is suing to get the screwtapes taken down … because that’s the embarrassing and important video. You can read about the suit over at Huffington :: where you can also read the stellar authorshit of James Arthur Ray … professional lady-killer.

It’s all fine though :: it doesn’t matter what happens to normal people who haven’t become celebrities by accident yet … just ask Oprah … she’ll tell you. Well actually :: she won’t tell you … but her silence will speak turned up to eleven.

The NotSoIncredible Hulk argues that he has the expectation of privacy when he’s banging some lady on a canopy bed :: which sounds like a pretty good argument …. no matter how you feel about canopy beds. Gawker will argue FREE SPEECH :: or something … or maybe they’ll just repeat that methminded bit about how watching the ostensibly attractive fuck awkwardly is in the public interest.

The right to black-and-white old white man ass :: and voyeurism without consequence … isn’t the only FREE SPEECH battle being waged by the heros at Gawker on behalf of us lowly web denizens. They’re also so bravely doxing Reddit trolls :: exposing them for the crime of exposing us to unsavory and offensive lowest-common-denominator-linkbait-bullshit … kinda like the bullshit presented to us over at Gawker every day.

Reddit user Michael Brutsch went by the cuddly handle Violentacrez before he was doxed by the high-minded gawkers at Gawker. Brutsch was responsible for cyber-curating beacons of light and love like /r/jailbait :: a place to post sexually suggestive {but still legal} pics of underage girls … captured without the permission of said underage girls … natch. Or if still living children aren’t quite your masturbatory style :: you could check out Violentacrez’s /r/picsofdeadjailbait … for something a little more in the dead little girl department.

Head Honchos at Reddit let this epic trolling go unchecked 4eva :: because of I guess … FREE SPEECH … or something … until CNN called it out … troll orgasm! Adrian Chen at Gawker

“But Violentacrez has historically had a close relationship with Reddit’s staff, a fact far less well-known than his controversial behavior. Violentacrez was a troll, but he was a well-connected troll.”

What the fucking what? Those same Head Honchos :: buoyed by the success of the SOPA blackout … are holding themselves out as leaders in the web FREE SPEECH fight. Is this the sort of FREE SPEECH they have in mind? Unmoderated :: uncut … total fucking badness?

The response by the Reddit community to the doxing of Brutsch was as swift as it was ridiculous :: they started censoring links to Gawker … for the sake of FREE SPEECH … or something. Doxing is against the Reddit code unlike jailbaiting :: because everyone wants to preserve their own right to be an asshole pervert victimizer in peace … and in anonymous privacy.

Bullshit :: troll boy should have been outed by Reddit proper years ago … total leadership fail.

Leave disgustingly trollish comments here :: especially ones that heap more misery on people who have already been victimized … and I’ll start trying to dox your sorry ass right away. I’ll expose your name here :: your IP address :: the name of the company you work for … whatever. Maybe I’ll even go ahead and contact your employer directly and demand answers :: cause I’ve done that shit before … and I will again.

I have granted people license to FREE SPEECH on this site :: but I have FREE SPEECH too … and it’s my responsibility to exercise it whenever I see the license I’ve granted being abused to harm innocents. The bigger I get … the truer that gets. There is no freedom in pure freedom. Your words and actions online can have a dramatic effect on people’s in real life lives. FREE SPEECH is not about speech without consequence or responsibility :: it can’t be … or they’ll have the excuse they need to take it away from us.

“But Droid :: what the fuck is doxing? Quit talking about it like it’s a real thing that I should know about.”

Okay :: fair enough … person who just interrupted me. Doxing is where somebody’s online avatar is outed in real life :: a troll’s worstest fear … because it makes it almost like they’ve actually done all the things that they’ve actually done. “Please have mercy … I’m just a troll…” is the classical troll riposte in a doxing situation.

When Gawker informed Violentacrez that they had him by his doxing balls :: he offered to delete everything and go away … the other classical troll riposte. It’s what Andy Jenkins and all his boyfriends in The Syndicate thought would happen when they finally doxed The Salty Droid. Because I’m a troll :: as Rick Calvert recently pointed out in the title tag of a post where he published an email chain of me attempting to solicit his comments in pretty typical me fashion …

Salty Droid: Man on a mission, or Internet Troll?

… kinda tough to get those two things confused you’d think … but d-bags often do.

My doxing was going to get Jason’s wife fired from her legal secretary job at the big law firm Andy Jenkins once pretended he could afford to hire :: and Jason was going to delete my fake robot ass accordingly … and go gentle into that good night. Oh but oops :: Jason’s no fucking troll … and he couldn’t be prouder of this place. And Kate {not Middleton} ain’t no secretary :: and no fucking way Andy Jenkins could afford her services … or stand to sit in the presence of her epically superior IQ for more than five minutes without shriveling.

If I wanted to run this site like Gawker :: I could tell you about how A-team Internet Marketers go through wives and families like I go through iPhones … every couple of years. I could tell you about how Andy Jenkins made his video appearance in the Scamworld mini-movie via his appearance in the Add to Cart “documentary” that was the IM guru ass kissing brainchild of Bedros Keuilian and Chris McCombs. I’m told it twas McCombs’ former wife AJ just married in San Diego :: with the also recently divorced and remarried Irwin F. Kern as a member of the wedding party … he came str8 over to the wedding from speaking at Mike Koenigs’ exploitation event occurring the same weekend.

That’s the sort of juicy inside goods you might expect to find on the Add to Cart DVD commentary :: or maybe Andy could talk about it on the commentary to the recent not hit movie he was associated with :: Lovely Molly … which grossed a totally whopping Video Boss $18,000.

If you were a Scamworld insider like me … you may have received an invite to these scammy AJ nuptials. But like the Blogworld invite … I fucking refuse to attend any event that would totally gross me out. At least I’ll let you gawker at the invite though :: full disclosure … I’ve substituted the bride with another lady I know. Because Internet pwnage is fucking awesome good fun :: but there gots to be limits {like families} … or it will stop being fun … and it will stop being FREE.

>> bleep bloop