Goodbye SaltyDroid :: Hello Boring

RobotGames

Do u love this blog?

Well then fuck you :: cause this ain’t no blog … and if you really loved it you’d’ve already known that.

Here’s how to blog :: in five easy steps …

1)  write an opening sentence that attempts to be quippy … and fails

2) add a couple of lines about this or that problem … or this or that cat

3) talk briefly {or ad nauseam} about something you read in some other publication somewhere

and/or

3) talk briefly {or ad nauseam} about someone else’s blogish opinion about something they read in some other publication somewhere

and/or

3) just talk shit ad nauseam about whatever :: nobody fucking cares anyway … so accuracy and relevancy aren’t important considerations … just like on cable news networks

4) quote extensively from the original sources to pad your word count … because as everyone who has never been a writer can tell you … the more words something has the better it must be

5) link back to the OG source so as not to cause an interwebz rage war

For optional zest :: consider adding a twist of shirt-off Brad Pitt …

… tasteful … and yet nipplicious.

That’s not me criticizing blogging :: it’s me being a total dick about blogging … not the same.

I don’t know what word to use to describe this place :: because I don’t think there is one … and I don’t think The Salty Droid represents a class/category of thing. It’s an original experiment in using the web as a platform for guerrilla counter-propaganda … or something. Jason didn’t think it up :: he stumbled upon it … and then I created myself motherfuckers.

A crazy amount of effort :: and tension :: and harrowing drama … is behind each one of the storylines here. Each small story is intended to move the larger story forward in some new way :: it’s not an attempt to build an expansive list of badguys … and I’ve much resisted the temptation to allow it to devolve into a perpetual rag on frauduct after structurally identical frauduct … ad nauseam. It’s a series of parables :: because you people love fucking parables … that’s what Jesus learned me.

It was fun watching this site get popular :: but popular is not going to make anything better for anyone … and this quest has to be about making things better or it will stop being bearable to me.

If your website is getting popular {something that almost never happens} :: then you should add ever-increasing amounts of content and let the web’s network effects propel you to B-list stardumb. Put some ads on your site :: put all the revenue from selling those ads into buying ads … and let your sticky content convert some of those purchased clicks into permanent readers like a website building nuclear chain reaction.

Instead of that plan :: this year’s one year plan for The Salty Droid was all about turning over big chunks of my time to Jason’s more traditional :: old-school-boring :: person-to-person activism … almost none of which can be detailed here. I’ve written less … not more. And he’s worked more … not less. Let’s call it …

Operation Get Serious 

… because that sounds inappropriately self-important like Irwin F. Kern has learned me.

It’s not clear to me that Operation Get Serious has been a success. It’s hard to make other people give a shit about shit they don’t give a shit about … and it’s fucking depressing too. The badguys I can understand :: they are a sad fact of life … but the apathy and willful ignorance of the not-badguys is just so disgusting … it seriously drains one’s soul and faith in humanity.

Could be that in our shallow :: celebrity obsessed :: echo chamber of a culture … making this site more popular has a better chance of forcing meaningful change than getting serious. That would certainly be fine by me :: and fine by Jason … who doesn’t want to be a lawyer or an executive or an important person … and who fucking loves writing fucking jokes for the fucking Internet.

But we are both committed to completing Operation Get Serious with a bang :: and so for the next several months this site is going to be back burnered while Jason focuses on three serious projects that I can’t talk about yet … and on one Minion 2.0 project that I can.

Once Minion 2.0 is operational :: and two of the three secret serious projects are completed … The Salty Droid — Year Five … will begin in earnest with a renewed focus on the surprising power of jokes. But until then :: this site is going to be much more like a lame blog … and much less like the epic fucking awesome that has been … and will later be again … The Salty Droid.

>> bleep bloop

33 thoughts on “Goodbye SaltyDroid :: Hello Boring”

  1. Whelp… A Droid’s gotta do what a Droid’s gotta do!

    Far be it from me to tell another feller howta spend his time… Lest that feller’s payin me to tell’em how to spend ther time… In which case, look ma! Imma guru!!!

    Godspeed little droid… Godspeed!

  2. As people sometimes like to say to comfort themselves when they’re not sure that everything is really okay: “It’s all good.” But in this case I suspect that it really is all good. What’s good about this is not only that Jason will be more able to focus on Actually Getting Something Done (even as the little Droid continues to bleep around in the background and cough up some blog posts as the mood strikes him).

    But there’s something else good about this too, potentially: the fact that it may create a false sense of complacency in Scamworld.

    I can imagine, for instance, the Wimberley Mafia, or what’s left of it, high-fiving now that the pain in their collective a$$ is taking a bit of a hiatus. Of course if there’s only one member of the Wimberley Mafia left, as I rather suspect, the high-fiving will be somewhat difficult. But maybe that one remaining member can silently congratulate himself that all of his Ho’oponopono’ing and cleaning and clearing and his yagyas finally worked. (Worked the way they did with Hurricane Rita and Hurricane Ike, is more like it.)

    And maybe the smarmy little not-doctor with the hands-on healings and the 92% cancer cure rate will crow that it was HIS doing that made the little robot stand down. I’ll watch the Facebooks for signs of that.

    And maybe the Internet Marketing Syndicate members will be breaking out the champagne and the hired escorts and saying that they “won” at last.

    But evil has not won, and won’t. And contrary to appearances, it isn’t even getting a reprieve.

    1. @Cosmic Connie,

      Well, at least the escorts will be paid.

      I’m super excited about Minions 2.0 and Jason’s other projects, whatever they are. And I totally understand about having to make tough choices about what gets your time and attention.

  3. Man, you’re one serious droid.

    With most Star Wars-type droids their batteries just get drained. Your soul and faith are getting drained? That’s serious!

    I guess you’re a Star Trek TNG-type of droid.

    Wishing you the best in your undercover gigs.

  4. Salty, I love that you’re expanding into your super secret, Minion 2.0 enabled platform for serving as a one-of-a-kind watchdog service for folks who would never dream of the corruption in Internet Marketing that awaits the uninformed.

    Can’t wait to see what you’ve got up your robotic sleeve!

  5. Thanks for the heads up.

    I don’t know what word to use to describe this place :: because I don’t think there is one …

    I don’t have any exact word for it, but I think of various and sundry adjectives: “non-conformist”, “satirical”, “iconoclastic”, “fascinating”, “mean”, “timely”, “100% colon-saturated”, “insightful”, “snarky”, “controversial”, “important”, “disheartening”, “inspiring”, “subtle”, “seasoned”, “unique”, “serendipitous”, “frabjous”, “cool”.

    “blog” was supposed to mean web log. saltydroid.info is a log of sorts. But it’s not some lame, travel log or just some this-is-what-I-did-today play-by-play.

    One of the lesser importance features of saltydroid.info is that it demonstrates what blogging could/would have been if people hadn’t let themselves get corralled into thinking that blogging had to be a profit-making venture that followed some narrowly defined standard template.

    With the template in place, it’s just like you say in your article: all the blogs look the same. They’re only different in the way that two arbitrary widgets of different colors are different.

    A slice from Little Boxes song as covered by the Womenfolk:


    One, two, three, let’s all sing…

    Little boxes on the hillside
    Little boxes made of ticky-tacky
    Little boxes on the hillside
    Little boxes all the same

    There’s the green one and the pink one
    And the blue one and the yellow one
    And they’re all made out of ticky-tacky
    And they all look just the same

    So you’ve got three special projects in addition to Minions 2.0? Damn, that’s a busy Jason.

    Gook luck! And we’ll see ya on the other side.


    Furry cows moo and decompress.

  6. Mark my words: In the future, students are going to be studying SD/Jason and the impact he has had on the online world. In a very positive way. What he is doing is very, very significant.

  7. Sad day really. I am reading between the lines and I may be very wrong but this is what I think…

    Seems like this project has become a victim of its own success. Salty set out to prove you “can’t make it online” and then in the attempt he “made it online”.

    With a successful blog and that is what this is! You get expenses which in any “normal” (term used loosely as there is nothing normal about the interwebs) situation would mean Salty would have flashing banner ads giving us seizures, which would in turn pay to keep the place open and Salty could quit his day job (which he must hate as that is why bloggers all start their blogs?) and continue full time in the merry venture.

    His site has an Alexa rank of 26k. That kind of Alexa rank in most normal situations would mean this is a very valuable site and would be generating a very nice income for the owner.

    However as we all know this is no ordinary blog,site,project whatever you want to call it. It is trying to save us from ourselves and when we won’t listen to him I understand that can be disheartening.

    I understand Salty plans to come back harder and stronger at some future date. However in reality most strange little androids with good intentions don’t follow through with those sorts of things. It happens to droid blogs all the time!

    I pray (which is no mean feat because I don’t believe in God) but yes I pray that it is true and Salty does come back stronger and harder, maybe even backed by some philanthropic foundation that believes in the power of androids to undo all the evil that is found on the web.

    Alternatively if keep this site running if getting harder you could always have a paypal donations button? Seems to work for wikipedia!

    however as I stated earlier I am probably wrong! See you when you get back Salty.

    1. @Alby,

      Happily, you are wrong. It’s not about money or day jobs. It’s about “big chunks of [Jason’s] time” being devoted to IRL, victim-assisting, “person-to-person activism.” If you know where we can buy time, let me know! I need another twelve hours a day, please!

      And then there’s Minions 2.0, which is the guest droiding and philanthropic organization in one. Whereas the Droid evolved through rapid, iterative prototyping – from Twitter to WordPress to Bluehost to Project DoD while covering bigger scammers and more serious crimes, Minions is taking the lessons learned and building something bigger, in some ways better, certainly more planned out, and different yet the same as the Droid.

    2. @Alby, I do think that this project has gone as far as it can, in terms of accomplishment… ‘and without being sucked into being a perpetual rag on frauduct after structurally identical frauduct’… or in the larger SD context:

      “A crazy amount of effort :: and tension :: and harrowing drama … is behind each one of the storylines here. Each small story is intended to move the larger story forward in some new way :: it’s not an attempt to build an expansive list of badguys … and I’ve much resisted the temptation to allow it to devolve into a perpetual rag on frauduct after structurally identical frauduct … ad nauseam. It’s a series of parables :: because you people love fucking parables … that’s what Jesus learned me.”

      The project is complete, and then some, by the criteria above. From my perspective I have been horrified by and understood the heinous manipulative sleazy evil (though I am not religious) activities perpetrated by the subjects of the SD project.

      SD uses humour and strong language as a fab shock strategy to get the scammers laughed at into oblivion and at the same time give a good number of victims or wannabee scammers or IMers a wake up call: but that very fab shock strategy makes the site inaccessible to the very mainstream, which is unfortunately where many victims reside.

      Having an Alexa rating of 26k is very good, however it will not be enough when sites like Warrior Forum and Clickbank are currently in the low 100s.

      There are other perhaps less entertaining, but certainly more effective approaches, such as Minions 2.0, to take to reverse this imbalance, and I am confident that the ones chosen will have big impact: I look forward to the results, and to SD’s batteries, and this site, being given a full re-charge at some point in the future.

      1. @Random stuff,

        I understand all that but this site needs to stay where it is. People like me have searched for keywords like Frank Kern and this weird little droid turns up. Not on the first page as Google makes more money from other sites being on the front page but at least it is there. If you take it away (like last night for me it got redirected to DOD, which I hope you dont do permanently)

        You talk about clickbank and warrior forum being in the 100’s and that might seem insurmountable but your site is “THE ONLY” site in the 20k’s doing what you do and potentially we are about to lose that.

        Yes I understand we need to move this to the mainstream! However my background is SEO (and at times I have been part of the problem, although not directly I have to say in my defense) and trust me any new project you want to start can leverage the power of this blog to make it bigger and better. Letting this site die or redirecting it to somewhere else wil kill that opportunity!

        Speaking of SEO you think Warrior Forum and Clickbank have nice Alexa. The big daddy scammer of them all has an Alexa rank of 1. Google sells ads to all these evil doers and happily makes billions while all the poor people get ripped off. IM is there biggest money earner ever. make money online is in the top 3 revenue generating keywords.

        So this is even bigger than a little droid with Tourettes even knows. jason you don’t need to start again. You just need to evolve.

        1. @Alby ::

          I appreciate the fervency of the concern :: but you can chillax … I’m not going anywhere.

          In fact :: I’m becoming more and more convinced that the fake robot is the best possible use of my time. The man is shit … the media is shit … the lawyers are shit. If we want a solution to this problem … we’ll have to craft it for ourselves.

  8. For opening perspective, I will be 66 on my next b-day.

    I tripped onto your website recently while doing due dilligence on one, Harlan Kilstein, who was featured on a webinar my wife sign on to…

    I have researched – as far as my limited computer skills have permitted – The Salty Droid and you, Jason, the author.

    I was saddened to read tonight that Salty is going on hiatus. For what my opinion is worth, Son, you are doing God’s work. Corruption is rampant and apparently uncontrollable in the world of on-line internet marketing. Your in-your-face, tell-it-like-it-is investigations were and are needed. This past weekend, my wife and I attended a book publishing seminar in Las Vegas where Frank Kern and Tony Robbins were referred to as gurus – leaders to follow, by seemingly honest, well-intentioned speakers. One participant, Tom Antion – an internet marketer of note – acknowledged his commitment to the industry to eliminate scammers – such as The Syndicate, and others.

    I hope that The Droid will return and be joined by a host of other supporters and participants in the cause of keeping a perpetual light shining on these cockroaches.

    Recharge your battery and remount your noble steed and rejoin the fray, Son, much of you is still required…..

    I will be monitoring your return…………

    God bless you…………..

    1. @The Eye of the Pratie, consider this as a possibility: in military terms, what appears on the surface (and to the enemy) to be a retreat is often merely the first phase in a flanking maneuver, in preparation for an evwen more effective offensive. Not saying that’s what is going on now, but it is heartening to consider the possibility (probability?), isn’t it? :-)

    1. I’ve been linked in SaltyDroid’s comment section by someone who’s not me. I think that means I’m famous now.

      I should start a consulting gig.

  9. Say it isn’t so droid? This reads akin to a public figure dropping out in preference of family time … who can’t support family time? But the reasoning is lame. Well, Jason goes for skunk ops. That’s nice. The problem is the momentum is here afaik. Its on. #winning. Bad timing Jason; mothballing the droid voice. Try anything else – open this up to others. Call for guest droids. The ball still needs to go uphill, still needs be pushed. Alexa 26k? Really? That’s great, and useful. I cant be bothered to confirm or deny, but the point is its high, and can be used. Shame to let that slide. Must be another way. If not THE droid, then SOME droid is all i can postulate. Consider.

    1. @Horseman,

      Try anything else – open this up to others. Call for guest droids.

      Has (hypothetical) potential.

      I envision it like the Dread Pirate Roberts of Scamworld.

      tl;dr summary for people who are not overly familiar with one of the greatest movies of all time:

      A pirate of near-mythical reputation, The Dread Pirate Roberts is feared across the seven seas for his ruthlessness and swordfighting prowess, and is well known for taking no prisoners.
      It is revealed during the course of the story that Roberts is not one man, but a series of individuals who periodically pass the name and reputation to a chosen successor.

  10. This project has done what no others have done as yet and that has been to shine a bright spotlight on a dark corner of the internet. I understand the cause is bigger than Jason or the droid can possibly handle but this site needs to be maintained as way to leverage any other anti corruption project you want to do in the future. Keep this site ticking over and keep us coming back until your new venture is ready to roll. I have looked for other sites like yours and it truly is unique, the only other one I have come across is seoenquirer.com and it has a VERY narrow focus! and none of your Joie de vivre and definitely no bleeping noises!

  11. @Alby, @Horseman, @The Wrath of Kern, @Don’t Go Salty,

    I could, of course, be wrong, but the way I read it, Salty isn’t going away completely and he’s certainly isn’t going away indefinitely.

    Salty writes

    this year’s one year plan for The Salty Droid was all about turning over big chunks of my time to Jason’s more traditional :: old-school-boring :: person-to-person activism … . . . I’ve written less … not more. And he’s worked more … not less. Let’s call it …

    Operation Get Serious
    . . .

    It’s not clear to me that Operation Get Serious has been a success.

    . . .

    But we [Jason and myself] are both committed to completing Operation Get Serious with a bang

    . . .

    Once Minion 2.0 is operational :: and two of the three secret serious projects are completed … The Salty Droid — Year Five … will begin in earnest with a renewed focus on the surprising power of jokes. But until then :: this site is going to be much more like a lame blog … and much less like the epic fucking awesome that has been … and will later be again … The Salty Droid.

    Year Five: The Salty Droid’s first post was in 2009. So Year Five is either the start of 2013, or at least somewhere in the 2013 calendar year.

    And, just to pulverize this horse into the ground, I will quote yet again “until then :: this site is going to be much more like a lame blog”.

    See? He didn’t say there wouldn’t be any posts, just that he might not have the time to make the posts into something that entertains while it also scars your brain with awful, horrible Truth-You-Need-To-Know.


    Furry cows moo and decompress.

  12. Lame blog… like… “7 Things Dr Seuss Can Teach Us About Online Scams” and “23 Essential Ways To Keep Irwin Kern From Peeing In Your Punchbowl These Holidays” ?

    I’d still read it.

  13. That one was exciting for me to read about. Semi-non-randomly it reminds me of singing to the scammers… “It’s about time, it’s about space, it’s about time, to punch you in the face (in a Gene-Sharp, non-violent sort of way)”…

    1. @Jack,

      Re video: I’d never seen or heard of that show before. For a moment, I wondered if it preceded Doctor Who. But nope, a Wikipedia check indicates Doctor Who was on three years before this series.

  14. Off topic but has anyone tried starting the hashtag #saltydroid on twitter? I would like to see the android make an appearance once again.

  15. Not boring at all… The SaltyDroid is the ONLY one who tells it like it is. I actually make money online… for real. Not a huge amount, but enough to pay the bills and earn a middle class income (self taught – hard work).

    Salty kept me from emptying my wallet on these guru dipshits dumb “systems”.

    Never believed anything that Moonraker JAWS muthafucka Tony Robbins ever had to say… Then comes along the “king of continental breakfasts” Jeff Walker… watched that video about Jeff & Andy trying to cook up Video Boss and put the scam in motion (“charge 5,000” to a dumb witted Andy).

    The Droid needs to STAY!

  16. Come on Salty,
    we need good stuff to read…get done with your special ops manouvers and return to the overt battle witht he fraudsters.

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