Just Like My Taxes

cleaning the dirty

cleaning the dirty

20 fucking 10 has officially arrived!! Three cheers for sequential numbering systems! Hip Hip … oh just forget it.

This nascent decade of our hopeful new millennium … has sucked some serious ass.  Let’s just put it behind us … and move forward.

Step One in Operation Move Forward :: Pay your 2009 taxes to the blood sucking Man {so he can funnel it to the black hole banks} :: and then hide your ledger at the bottom of your storage closet so you can forget all about the year that people stopped buying.

Of course :: maybe this year sucked so bad that you won’t owe anything on your taxes.  But if you were an attendee at the Mike Koenigs and Frank Kern 2008 Paid for Life fund raising spectacular :: then you probably made heaps and heaps of delicious money in 2009.  Frank boasts on the sales page {link} that he makes $200,000 per month using the systems he planed to teach at the Paid for Life event. And you can too!!

The headline text for the sales page ::

“How To Create And Market Money-Getting Systems That Pay You Forever”

Exactly.  It’s as easy as 1 – 2 – 3 …

“This is an info-marketing business model where people pay you …in order to get the opportunity to keep paying you.”

Act Now :: and we’ll throw in a NEW {never before used} unicorn saddle :: absolutely FREE! {normal unicorn fees may still apply}.

“Be Warned: The last 2-day workshop taught by Frank Kern was the legendary Serializer class, which sold for $10,000.00 per person … and sold out in 54 minutes.

This workshop is equally valuable…and just as limited.

But it’s available for a fraction of the price because we’re committed to raising money for the Just Like My Child foundation.”

So just make a tiny little $1,000 donation :: and you’re in on this discounted Kern experience.  And as an added bonus :: “you will receive a receipt from a registered 501c3 non-profit foundation to deduct 100% of your donation.”

Awesome! A thousand dollar write-off :: plus you get something you would have liked to purchase anyway.  It’s a great deal.  The same deal was on offer at this year’s Paid for Life event.

Tiny little problem :: it’s total bullshit.

:: IRS Publication 526 ::

Contributions From Which You Benefit

If you receive a benefit as a result of making a contribution to a qualified organization, you can deduct only the amount of your contribution that is more than the value of the benefit you receive.

If you pay more than fair market value to a qualified organization for merchandise, goods, or services, the amount you pay that is more than the value of the item can be a charitable contribution. For the excess amount to qualify, you must pay it with the intent to make a charitable contribution.

Let me break that down for the stupid among us {ie Mike Koenings and Vivian Glyck} :: People CAN’T TAKE ANY write-off at all for these events.  Zero :: Nada :: Zippo.  They’re both advertised as being priced substantially BELOW their fair market value :: and compared to prices that are routinely charged for these seminars :: that is an accurate claim.  $1,000 is cheap for this kind of rip off.

This Hall of Shame false advertising actually encourages customers to violate the law :: and makes them vulnerable to penalties and interest.  It’s odd that Mike and Vivian didn’t know this basic tax rule :: because they are confident enough in their tax skillz to self-file the uber-complex charity tax forms without the help of an accountant.

The Droid wants to hear what happened at these two Paid for Life events from some brave {and forever unmentioned} attendees ::

1.  Did they sell products?

2.  Were part of the proceeds from those product sales intended to benefit Just Like My Child?

3.  Was there a mention of writing off the cost of the product purchases as well?

4.  How are you enjoying being “paid for life” so far?

All of this boring talk about IRS forms … and violations … reminds me of how I just filed a Form 3949-A in regards to the Just Like My Child foundation.


>> bleep bleep

43 thoughts on “Just Like My Taxes”

  1. ahhh…okay….. now that makes sense. That is the way registered non profs work in Canada.

    So, if one gets 20,000 dollars of value and paid $997, then their $1000 write off, is actually $19,000 gift…now if the “gift” is advertised at a value of $20,000 does one have to report that gift as a $19,000 “capital” gain on their taxes?

    What will the money do?

    “Provide 18 months of operating costs for the foundation and its programs”

    Hmm….doesn’t she pay herself $40K per year..that means that the first $60K will go to salary, so if they sell 100 tickets, 60% goes to Vivians Salary alone (not to mention other “expenses”…like mortgage, vehicle, airfare, etc…everything a starving african child needs money for)….

    Well fuck me…where do I sign up??…I want to make sure Vivian has a nice life even if it is under the guise of “charity”….

    Kumbaya my lord…kumbaya…owe lord…..kumbaya….

    1. Funny. Kern, Konigs, Pagan, Belcher, walker, filsaime. They are all the same. Why cant they just be honest people? I’m serious. Will some of you savoy marketers give me a good explanation why they have to use lies and scams to prey on people? I dont want to hear that’s just marketing or they are scum bags. Not everyone does this so why do they do this perceived dishonest launch type thing to fool us into buying?

      1. Because they ENJOY ripping people off. It’s what gets them off.

        If they could do it honestly and make the same money, they wouldn’t.

        The thrill of fucking people up is big part of why they do it.

    1. Oh Snap is right! lol Ya see bitches, you can fool most of the people some of the time, but sometimes, you try to fool the wrong person.

      And…sometimes …. the wrong person can tell most of the people that you’ve been bullshitting them all of the time.

      They will give Kern a flea dip in prison and clean his scabies-laden “style” up a bit. Big “Bruno” will give him some make-up so he can look “prettier” than he already thinks himself to be. Kern must be going for that granola-dyke-tree-hugging-hippie look.

      *snatches Kilstein’s pink bra and watches Kilstein’s foam titties fall to the floor*

      Here ya go Kern, that’ll come in handy where you’re going. Value $2838238231717171711.12818 Yours FREE. Do NOT pass go DIRECTLY to JAIL!

  2. Sure, Salty, I’ll step up and fill you in on what happened. Two things, though–one, I didn’t attend the event (I have the videos of the event), and two, no, didn’t give $997 to the foundation.

    First off, the “laid back t-shirt and shorts wearing” MC did kick things off with one factual statement–“Vivian Glyck is hot.” That she is.

    Anyway, is it just me, or is the whole “barefoot surfer dude shooting from the hip and talking like a teamster” shtick wearing thin with Kern? Enough already, Frank. We get it. If a “real guy beach bumb who’s obviously no Einstein can do it, YOU can do it.” Message received…give it a rest, already.

    The paid for life is nothing new. It’s basically a low priced up front information product, with a back end continuity.

    There was certainly nothing new–

    What you’ll learn this weekend:
    How to identify the perfect market for a paid for life business
    how to find out exactly what they want to buy
    how to find out exactly what they’re willing to keep buying
    how to create your product
    how to build a list
    how to convert that list into customers
    and on and on

    Salty, of COURSE they were pitching products. But, it wasn’t the usual “hey, I have my own how to make money course that’ll change your life, and I’ll cut you a deal just for being here today” plugs. It was for services that could make the process of starting your business easy. Classic stuff like showing you how to do tedious keyword research, and then mentioning that, “hey, wait…you know what? There’s this great product that automates all this drudgery. I use it…Mike uses it…we all use it…”

    They plugged survey programs, video production, audio production, keyword research. Just stuff you’d expect them to plug.

    Keonig is hot on video (mostly, I guess, because his traffic Geyser product benefits from people relying on video), so he spends almost three hours talking on the technical aspects of creating, editing, and optimizing video on your sites. It was actually pretty interesting, thorough, and useful.

    All in all, I didn’t think it was that bad. Not bad at all, actually.

    Look, here’s the thing, Salty. Frank charges a ton for his stuff. If he went the McGraw Hill route and published a traditional book, Mass Control would sell for about $30. The content in this seminar would cost about the same. These guys have taken the Joe Karbo (“The Lazy Man’s Way to Riches”) marketing style and dumped the equivalent of a boatload of steriods into it. They’re “guilty” of pushing the shit out of the “get rich with no effort” hot buttons.

    I’ll tell you though, Salty. I got the “business bug” over 20 years ago, when I was still in college. I discovered Robbins 20 years ago, the guy changed my life on an absolute dime. I got into mail order in 1989. I moved online in 1997, and got serious in 2001. I’ve never entered the “internet marketing how to make money” niche, but I sure could have. If you believe Pagen’s story, I’m about on par with him, as far as the size of my company. But what I do has nothing to do with the get rich quick market–although I’ve entertained the idea of it, at times.

    I’m only saying this because if you think the internet is just a wasteland of duped wanabes taken by unscrupulous hucksters selling the pot of gold, you are VERY mistaken. Is it easy to make money? Of course not. But, it’s very possible. Yeah, I have a problem, too, with the “it’s just as easy as 1-2-3 bullshit. That’s what people “want” though. the overwhelming majoriy are in love with the dream–NOT actually doing it.

    Dan Kennedy (I imagine you hate that guy, too) nailed it when he said he could probably release a 10 CD course on marketing, and have content on the first two, and the 8 completely blank and only a small percent of buyers would ever be aware of it…becuase the vast majority don’t even go through the program. It’s just a fact. Less than half the people who buy books ever read past the first three chapters. Less than 10% ever finish the book. Check Ebay for Robbins products (not resellers). You’ll see all kinds of shit like, “excellent condition–only the first two CD’s open.”

    1. @voiceofreason ::

      but the question right now is … did they mention writing off the cost of product purchases from the stage of this event?

  3. Oh, and you’re letting your “everyone in the IM market is scum” colored glasses are impairing your perception, and you’re seeing things that aren’t there.

    Read the sales page again. It’s not, “you’re paying $997 for a two day seminar, and all proceeds from this event will be donated to charity.”

    Positioning it like that MAY make your point about not being able to claim a deduction valid.

    From the sales letter–

    //Simply make a donation of $997 to the Just Like My Child Foundation and Mike Koenigs and I will personally teach you the Paid For Life System.//

    Do you see the difference, Salty? Come on…you can do it. No? Okay…here’s the differnce.

    The seminar is a REWARD for making a donation. You’re not paying $997 for a two day seminar–the proceedings of which are being donated to charity.

    You’re making a donation DIRECTLY TO THE FOUNDATION (click on the “donate” button, and see for yourself). You send the receipt to Frank, and as a reward, he gives you a ticket to the semina–as a REWARD. It’s no different than the Cancer Society giving away tote bags as a thank you for donations.

    So, whether the “value” of the seminar is touted as $10 or $10,000 is irrelevant. The donation is a…uh…DONATION. Of course it’s tax deductable.

    Hey, no need to admit you’re wrong on your own blog, Salty. I wouldn’t ask you to do that. But…we both know, now, that on this topic, you are, shall we say, “mistaken.”

    1. @VOR ::

      It’s fine to use reasoning like that in your own mind to make you feel okay about cheating on your taxes every year … but if you actually got audited this donation/reward paradigm would just earn you a condescending chuckle … and a penalty. This can’t be written off. It’s not even a close call. Not a write off.

      Am I “mistaken” in the same way I was “mistaken” about how the FTC rule changes were going to eliminate all of the webs scamminess? So much so that I should drop everything and immediately start writing about it? Because I remember a certain someone saying that belligerent shit to me repeatedly {adding nothing to the conversation} :: and yet here’s our friend Mike Koenings :: gleefully violating the testimonial rules {both the new and the old} as glibly as can be. http://www.trafficgeyser.com/firepower/

      You should spend less time giving yourself back rubs :: it’s not a fucking “who’s right” contest :: and if it were :: I’d be CRUSHING you.

        1. You are always making that same “point” :: but it’s meaningless and ignorant.

          People are fragile and flawed. So what? Go write a blog about it if you are so gay for that idea. But I’ve got news for you … it’s already the subject of most of the world’s best literature.

          It does not excuse criminally manipulative tactics.

          You can’t shoot someone and then use :: “but they were so soft and squishy” :: as a defense to murder. Don’t go shooting people … and it won’t matter how squishy they are.

    2. You are not allowed to get a “reward” for making a donation.

      I’m no tax expert but the IRS pretty much spells it out on their website.

      And downloading the form for the “donation” says quite clearly (itemizing all the useless, er I mean life-changing stuff you will learn in a series of bullets — just like the overpriced copywriting courses tell you to do) EXACTLY what benefits you will get in return for your “donation.”

      All those great benefits… that make the “donation” completely non-tax-deductible.

      Hard to imagine anyone being that clueless. I mean are these people so lazy they can’t even scam with a tiny bit of finesse anymore?

      For shame.

    3. I’m no tax or non-profit lawyer, but giving away a tote bag seems a bit different to me than giving away a multi-day, multiple thousands of dollars seminar, and I’m guessing there are laws against it. But I could be wrong.

      1. I’m not a tax expert either, but it seems like the example of getting a tote bag backs up the point that the organization can book the excess amount above market value of the gift as a contribution/ donation.

        I mean, can you imagine the hoopla if the cancer society gave away a $20,000 car as a reward for a $997 donation?

  4. Another thing…

    Tony Robbins has about five good ideas. He then repeats them in a thousand different ways for twelve hours or so. But if you listen closely, he isn’t really saying anything different on the fifth CD than he said on the third and the 12th, etc.

    All the gurus do this. They write down a few sentences on an index card and then figure out how to turn them into $50,000 seminars.

    Usually they get these ideas from some old book they read in the library 30 years ago.

    I believe it’s called “upselling.”

    1. Harlan you’re lame “dude”. Guess “business” must be real slow now huh? Having a difficult time finding gainful employment these days? *kiss*

  5. Funny shit.

    Dude, Salty – just totally curious.. you’ve never been like confronted in person by anyone?

    Not that they’d even have the stones..

    1. @BigChuck

      Negative. Nor have I ever been threatened {via any mode of communication} by a non anonymous person. They talk about killing me :: and suing me :: and getting my wife fired … etc. And then people in the room tell me about it. But not a single one of them … or any of their huckster lawyers … have ever cowboyed up to me.

      Something about talking to me just makes D-bags uncomfortable … I can’t imagine what it is.

  6. Kern is a phoney.

    I saw one photo of him from about three years and realized this guy was a scumbucket.

    I can almost guarantee him and Reese have blown each other. I’ve actually heard that “proof” of this exists. These guys are so homo for each other it’s sick.

    Reese says “you like it like that, you like my million dollar day baby”

    Kern responds gurgling with a mouth full “you know it, mass control me, mass control me all the way”

    Jeff Walker jumps in behind Reese and says “I can’t hold it anymore I’m about to launch it!”

    1. and then Pagan walks sternly into the room with his executive suit and says “Dennis Rodman wrote a great book called Assfucking for Dummies, and what I’ve come to find – probably one of the most PROFOUND things in my life – is that my penis smells like shit afterwards”

    2. Tired of smelling like shit after a round of cartel circle jerking? That’s why Perry Belcher and the altruist scientists at Selmedica Healthcare created Cockulux. Cockulux :: For that penis odor that just won’t quit.

      99.3% of criminals say that there cock stank was completely cured after just one week.

  7. Salty Droid thank you for doing this. Times are a changing, and it’s starting from the bottom all the way up to the top. Divine Universal Justice is alive and well. “I am coming as a thief in the night”

    Catching you scamming sick bitches off guard SaltyDroid is just one of many opening people’s eyes. Time to make a choice. “Take the blue pill or the red pill?” How about taking a salty pill ;)

    Now kids don’t try this at home, ok? SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Salty pills can be hazardous to a scammer’s health.

  8. Good grief. That asshole Koenings brings in a Marine to advertise his bullshit. I’m with Duff, that’s some slimy shit.

    SD, re: no confrontations, these jerks are bullies. Plain and simple. Just like the bullies in elementary school, they never confront the person who they know will stand up to their bullying and make them look like the punks they are.

  9. This website has had a meteoric rise in the past year.

    I think it has now reached its crescendo and will begin to fall.


    Becaue it’s no longer interesting, for the most, the Belcher thing was interesting because he got so worked up about it.

    Attacking real assholes like Schirmer, James Ray, Kilstein (this guy is the biggest fucking asshole of the lot if you ask me, jesus what a disgusting prick he is) is interesting, but many of the other targets aren’t worthy of it if you ask me.

    I mean you could take almost any industry based on making a profit and attack the best known people within it.

    They could all be called manipulative.

    Cocacola? Its tastes good, but its nothing but utter fucking garbage.

    Marketing is manipulation. Welcome to planet earth.

    And all this self-righteousness coming from someone who studied and whos family work in law. Law? Are you fucking kidding me?

    A lot of the posts about marketers on here are boring, because they’re flimsy and really based on opinion.

    Anyway. Like I could give 2 fucks.

    I still check every few days to see what’s new, hoping Kilstein gets more of what is coming to him.

    Kilstein, ugh.

    1. [email protected] says:

      Harlan you’re lame. Who else would put a fat dumpy manbeast in the same sentence as James Ray? Pal, you are not at the same level as James Ray, you still have a ways to go. You have lost touch with reality since Saltydroid has shredded your online “career”. Your writing is starting to lose it too. Guess your karma’s going to be insanity ;)

      1. [email protected] says:

        Your style of scamming is simple and silly. James Ray is much more refined for you bitch. You would suck his Valtrex cock like a “hoover vacuum cleaner on steroids” for a chance to get “in” with the boys club. Silly bitch

  10. I know I keep saying this but there is ANOTHER group of SCUMBAGS out there – and they are “SEO” gurus -companies like USA SEO PROS who take 5,000 from honest people with businesses and tell them they will get them on 1st page of google…

    And then do LESS THAN NOTHING!

    Salty, I know you are on to big fish and there is a list of priorities- I’m not a whiny baby…

    BUT – ASAP someone needs to turn the laser gun on these outfits – because they are REALLY SCAMMING PEOPLE…

    Put on the spiderman suit and nail these guys – or at least POST about them…USA SEO PROS and others are criminals.

  11. Salty it’s time to integrate this blog and add a bit little colourz and flavourz

    This ass needs a good lesson…and he’s responsible for people dying


    A lawsuit, filed in a federal court in Arizona, says that recruits “are unknowingly subjected to an intensive program of psychological manipulation, indoctrination and various techniques of coercive thought reform designed to induce them to become Ilchi Lee’s disciples and devote themselves to serving him and his ‘vision.’ “

  12. “This is an info-marketing business model where people pay you …in order to get the opportunity to keep paying you.”

    Anyone ever look into the origins of Kern’s joined-at-the-hip-since-2003 buddy John Reese?

    Uncle Kelly “MLM” Reese mastered these “strategies and tactics” long before there was an Internet. Do you think little Johnny might have learned something from his uncle when he helped put his uncle’s businesses Financial Freedom Society (“The Society is a FREE ministry”) and Retire Quickly online?

    It looks like little Johnny have might taught him a thing about Internet marketing too. In 2007, they converted the MLM company to an “affiliate model.”

    “This allowed the company to steal the majority of commissions that had been paid to the rep force, as these people were now direct to the company. ”

    Stealing commissions from sales agents…Hmmmm. Where have I heard that before?

    I know! Weren’t Kern and Reese instrumental in launching the affiliate-commission stealing juggernaut now known as SlobberNet?

    Heck, didn’t the whole “this was the biggest launch in the history of the world” sickness originate with Reese? (NB: The only physical evidence for he ever presented for his numbers was a picture of his DAD posing in front of a tally board.)

    (Sidebar: Did you ever read the 20 page letter Reese felt compelled to write at the time when a few smart people questioned his “million dollar day?” The one where he ended up thanking his lord and personal savior for bringing him said pay day. It’s worth digging up and posting as an important artifact of an historical milestone in the history of Internet scamming)

    After you read the reams of manufactured testimonials for Reese (Kelly, that is, not John), pick up the thread at February 2007 and read the long posts from I_hate_liars.


    Pics of Kelly Reese here: http://www.freedomlifestyleteam.com/2004cruise/

    1. Imagine seeing my tell-all post about Uncle Kelly after all these years. There is nothing worse than scammers preying on decent, hardworking people under the pretext of being good Christians.

      As an update Uncle Kelly is now a rep with another MLM company and continues to forget some of those pesky details.

      On his ffsi.com site, he still claims sales of 45,000 copies of his ebook as “one of the most successful eBooks in Internet history with sales exceeding $2,000,000” He just “forgets” to mention almost all of those sales were required to join his MLM company over a period of ten years.

      “He became the first Affiliate in the eight year history of his current company to reach Director status in his first month.”

      I’m not surprised given that he sent out recruiting pitches to every person who had been in his MLM company over ten years. And there was that little detail about offering to pay for their products for the first month. Gosh…I wonder why he forgot to disclose that?


      1. Yo, nice to see you again! Luv how you called Kelly Reese out. What other gems do you have to share?

  13. Oh my goodness, Salty! They are surely shitting their pants.

    Let me tell you something SHOCKING: some of these “gurus” are promoting blatantly fraudulent “Family Foundation” 501C’s that go way outside legit IRS rules for operating a non-profit.

    Listen: have you ever heard of Matt Fury?

    I was in his inner circle for a few years until this guy really started to go over the bend.

    The story: Matt runs a thousand dollar month Inncr Circle/Joint Venture club where you receive his wisdom and a chance to JV with him.

    So at one of the meetings Matt brings up a student pitching a Family Foundation deal. The guy goes on about how he donated his home and his cars to his foundation, how he enjoys them, tax free, etc. etc.

    “Wait a sec” I’m thinking. “Personal use of foundation property? Aren’t the meanies over at the Service going to be a bit hacked off at that?”

    I bring up the point and the guy says, “We’ll answer that on the webinar!”

    So in between the event and the webinar, I google the name of the Big Cheese who is running all of this.

    Turns out he pled guilty to the Feds on a prior charge of conspiring to evade taxes.


    I email Fury and tell him my findings.

    Fury furiously hemms and hawws and then says he’ll check it out and if it’s true of course he’ll withdraw his endorsement.

    1. He never withdrew the endorsement or warned his inner circle. He simply stopped mentioning it or promoting it, leaving his students who had signed up for the webinar a-flappin in the wind.

    2. I confronted him on it. I told him for all of his touted “psychic” powers, he didn’t pick up this was a scam. Didn’t do ANY due dilligence. That I found these things out in a 5 second Google search.

    In other words, he smelled money, and nothing else mattered.

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