The Book of Frank

Serious Question Marks

Frank Kern wrote u a books about the glories of his glorious “marketing” career … you’re welcome.

It wasn’t hard {that’s what she said!}.

Irwin F. Kern III ain’t no good at marketing :: he’s got no education or experience in the profession {and may not even understand what the word means} :: but people say he’s a “genius marketer” because he says he’s a “genius marketer” … funny how that works … people believing stuff and stuff.

But what Frank lacks in marketing wisdom he more than makes up for with his lack of writing ability.  He’s a three hole player!!!

“But Droid :: that’s only two holes.”

What?? Oh yeah … well he also sucks at maths.  TripleHole :: happy now?

Frank’s email solicitation style has been described as “postmodernism for the modern age” by everyone who’s anyone in his inner circle of GED having co-conspirators and sycophant ass-lickers. Frank’s edgy use of words like “crap” and “BS” is the cutting edge of fucking-hipster.

Eat it Kurt Vonnegut :: you non-surfing hack bastard!

The hard part about book writing :: as everyone who doesn’t write books knows :: is coming up with a catchy title like … One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest :: or :: Intermediate Accounting. So Frank the genius offered to give his “book” away “free” to the only people in the world sad enough to buy his lame craps … his list.

The “book” will only cost you shipping :: which will cost you way more than shipping :: natch!  If you think this is just some lame lead gen tactic :: then you must be thinking about Syndicates :: BoilerRooms :: and Frank Kern’s Jeremy Johnson backrubs. But Irwin asks …

“{drawl for effect} Come on dude … don’t be thinking about reality and shit. I’m smart and you’re retarded … stay focused on that.”


 

I do not want Frank Kern’s book.
I do not want it on a boat :: I do not want it with a goat.
I do not want it in my house :: I do not want it with DJ DangerMouse
I will not read Frank Kern’s book :: cause I no wanna be a fuckin’ crook.

 


 

But he has asked for help with naming it :: that sounds like a request I should oblige. Hows about …

Frankly My Dear Harlot

Spam Bam Thank You Ma’am

Fuck You! The Frank Kern Story

Snorting It All

And You Can’t Too

The Diary of Sham Frank

Your Turning to Get Screwed

Licking Dan Kennedy

DumbStuff for Dummies

I, Fraudious

Slaughter House … fine

The Laming of the N00bs

The Crying of Lots of People Over 49

Crime {and Punishment?}

I’m sorry if some of you don’t get these awesome jokes {*cough* James Malinchak *cough*} :: maybe try taking a break from “writing” books and actually fucking read one.

>> bleep bloop

 

122 thoughts on “The Book of Frank”

  1. Probably he was read The Bear That Wasn’t too much as a kid and he decided it was all he needed to claim and convince people about him to be a “genius marketer”
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bear_That_Wasn%27t

    “Though appearing as a children’s book, this story takes a critical and satirical look at aspects of society. It revolves around the concept of people believing a repeated idea even though it may not be true. People have a tendency to shift their views if a concept is hammered into them over and over again, like the bear being told he is a “silly man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat”. The bear eventually succumbs to this mistaken assumption, believing he is a man even though he had previously known otherwise, just as humans shift their views on a topic because of repetitive information, or because ‘they all say it is true, therefore it must be’.”

    1. @Jack, Now it’s time for part 2 of the story – the conclusion:

      However, winter comes again, and he feels cold. He wishes he knew what a “silly man” would do to get warm. But in the end he finds a cave and enters, feeling comfortable and bear-like once more. As the bear is sleeping, he reflects on the events of the year, as the narrator concludes that because all the bosses and even the zoo bears disbelieved he was a bear, did not make it so. “The truth is he was not a silly man…and he was not a silly bear, either”.

      I think maybe in mr. Kern’s story the truth at the end involves the FTC and some other law enforcement places.

  2. Alternative titles for the book…

    Getting Things Done To You

    Laws of Suckcess

    Pure B.S. Direct Markuhting

    Total Money Screwover

    Awaken The Scammer Within

    How to Win Cons and Influence French Trade Unions

    The 4-Hour Workweek – Volume 2

      1. @SD, You are in a very unique position to do this being a law man an all. All I would do is get myself in a world of shit legally.

          1. @SD,

            “Oh well … in that case … I guess u can STFU.”

            I’m sitting in Starbucks reading this post, read your comment and literally had to stifle my laugh. So instead, I am posting this comment (while still chuckling to myself)

            ROTFL!!

            1. @What??, I am very well aware of how this blog works. I am a big boy, I can take it. Just because I am bored with naming Irwin’s book doesn’t mean I disagree with what goes on here. You ever get bored with hittin the same piece of ass?

  3. I wonder why he’s only offering the book to those on his list. Won’t that make it harder for him to get noticed by the Pulitzer prize committee?

    Oh, and @Donk, I accidentally voted up your comment. Sorry about that…I’ll be more careful in the future.

    1. @Rafael Marquez ::

      Spaminal Farm!

      I was trying to think of one for that but I couldn’t :: you’ve beat me this time Marquez …

    2. @Rafael Marquez,

      My fast take on book titles:

      Weapons of Mass Malarky: The Uses of Propaganda in Frank’s War on Noobs

      Manufacturing Compliance: The Sadistic Economy of Mass Control

      Mein Kampf (English: My Struggle or My Battle) For Mass Control

      Six and a Half Years (of Struggle) Spouting Lies, Stupidity and Cowardice.

      Frank On Frank: Ad nauseam

      Frank Kern: False Euphoria, True Disinformation

      Frank Kern: Half-truths Filled With Complete Lies

      Frank Kern: Oversimplified Obfuscation (even this title is confusing ;)

      Ultra Under Achieving: Hit Moral Rock-Bottom and Continue Digging

      Under Achiever Formula: Kick Sand In Your Eyes, Punch You In The Nose and Take Your Wallet. Now Say “Thank you!”

    3. @Rafael Marquez, shouldn’t that last one be
      “the Impotance of being Frank”?

      1. @Dancing Bubba, How about how to suck cock on the syndicate, or the real hustle.
        or how about how I fucked your mother. the story of the worst douche ever on planet earth.

  4. Donk, I too think Salty may be serving up something meatier a bit later. Allow me to offer an appetizer…

    Brendon Burchard pulled a similar stunt with his “free” “advance” book that cost “shipping.” (though anyone in the book industry will tell you $6/7 is more than enough to print and ship a book, so he’d be pulling a profit). After your free purchase, he upsells (“Can I give you more training?”) a $199 6-CD set that he conveniently offers to “just put in the same box” with your “free” book. Except it doesn’t come in the same box. Nor does it come in advance of the book’s release date. Instead, the book arrives in the first two weeks after the book’s release, piped through Amazon or BN.com in order to pump up his sales figures so he can claim to be a “#1 New York Times Bestseller!!” forever. (Except that’s in the paperback how-to category…and only lasted for two weeks…while he was gaming the system via his “free” book and offering information product incentives for people to buy hundreds at a time. Hey, it was technically kinda true in a way for two weeks, right?!).

    Burchard to his email list says on April 28:


    Wow, this is just awesome, humbling even.
    Frank Kern borrowed my marketing strategy for his new book, which you should definitely check out.

    (Don’t worry, despite all the emails I’ve gotten, yes, I knew about it, and yes, I helped with it.)

    Frank is a dear friend and he’s a genius you should learn from. He’ll teach you to create a tremendous amount of goodwill with your audience.

    My favorite parts of his execution:
    1. Bruce Lee poster in background
    2. Bob Marley poster in background
    3. Brendon Burchard in background
    (Just look at the computer screen behind Frank – you can see my Millionaire Messenger website :)

    Me, with Bruce Lee, Bob Marley, and Frank Kern. I won’t let it go to my head… :)

    Check it out:
    [link]

    Enjoy!

    — Brendon

    PS. I’m writing this email next to the pool in Cabo. Didn’t need to, just thought it would be fun!
    Just more evidence that as experts and messengers we can work wherever we want!
    Read Frank’s book about his own cool journey to becoming the #1 guy in his field and how you can too.
    Brendon Burchard
    Author of the #1 New York Times and #1 USA Today bestseller, The Millionaire Messenger
    Founder, Experts Academy
    Author, Life’s Golden Ticket

    1. @LOLlerskater ::

      Unfortunately for the Expert on being an Expert :: in this iteration of Frank’s “secret headquarters {gag!}” :: his site has been replaced with a far superior site.

      1. @SD,

        I know! That bit of photoshoppery was so convincing I actually wondered if it was real for a second. (I’m sure he gets the Google Alerts and reads what peeps are saying. Jeff Walker mentioned following up on a Google Alert on his name that from one of your earlier recordings, so it could happen!)

    2. @LOLlerskater, You’re right about the negligible production costs of that “book” from Frank, although this is not about book publishing as we normally think of it. It’s a quick-copy job, pure and simple. What Frank is offering is not even close to the final product, but is merely a spiral-bound draft — which our esteemed “author” admits is only half-completed — that his subscribers get to pay $6.00 for the divine privilege of helping him complete. (He should be paying THEM for their critiques and contributions, not to mention for coming up with a marketable title for the book, if one of them does.)

      He probably went to Kinko’s or Staples and paid maybe a couple of bucks per copy for 1,000. Someone can look that up and verify, or call a FedEx/Kinko’s or Staples or whatever, and see what the average price for such jobs is these days. Or maybe just ask Frankie. Perhaps he has a friend who has a high-speed, high-output laser printer and a spiral coil binding machine, the latter of which you can purchase for about $200. As for laser printers, they’re not nearly as expensive as they were in the past, especially if you buy a refurb. My partner Ron and I got our old Optra laser printer — a huge, high-capacity duplexing workhorse that we’ve used for printing out many client manuscripts — for about $140 including shipping.

      If Frank mails the ms’s using Media Mail (in the US) he’s almost certainly paying less than $6.00 per unit to mail them, depending, of course, upon how much a spiral-bound 140-page 8 1/2 x 11 document would weigh. http://www.usps.com/prices/media-mail-prices.htm

      Even if he merely breaks even, or even if by some chance he ends up eating some of the cost, he’s still getting his critiquing and marketing — and probably a lot of his content for the final book — for free.

      At least when Ron and I used to occasionally critique manuscripts for a certain New-Wage guru back in his pre-Secret days — we did it as a favor to him, out of friendship — we didn’t have to pay to do it. Of course that was before the days of crowdsourcing. These days (and yes, I know I’ve griped about this before), the New-Wage gurus and IM hustledorks are all too willing to charge top dollar for their own services, but they will only pay rock-bottom prices — or better yet, nothing — for the creative efforts of others. The best of all worlds is for them to have the “crowd” pay *them* actual money for a chance to write their stuff for them.

      I couldn’t help chuckling at Irwin’s projected subtitle for his book, which he visualized at the top of the NYTimes Bestseller list. (It was faintly reminiscent of David Schirmer’s “checks in the mail” exercise in The Secret. And we saw how that worked out for Schirmer.) Frank’s subtitle was something about being a fab #1 success while “doing good” for your customers. Somewhat like the word “inconceivable” in the movie The Princess Bride, I don’t think “good” means what Irwin would like us to think he believes it means.

      1. @Cosmic Connie, “just pay for shipping”, though it’s been around direct marketing for years, is the latest rage in IM. Clickbank started it a few months ago with their “Get Rich Click” masterpiece.

      2. @Cosmic Connie,

        From what a friend told me, you can buy used, working high speed office copiers on eBay for $900 and they come with a couple toner cartridges too. Her’s works like a charm with document collator attachment to boot.

        It just occurred to me that she purchased her’s from Southern California albeit several years ago. Maybe Frank recently found the same deal. LOL!

    3. @LOLlerskater,

      What is even worse is that another member of the syndicate has conned PBS into thinking he adds value to society. Brendan’s Show is all over the various PBS stations. Sad to see that when one uber-grifter goes (tony, jeremy, ecker) another EASILY takes their place. so sad so very f’n sad.

      1. @DarkPaladin, PBS has a long history of featuring frauds and conmen when fundraising.

        They’ve promoted Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, and a whole bunch of others.

    1. @spoonfaceboy ::

      ha!

      others in the series …

      The Doctrine-less Covenants

      and

      The Referral of Great Price

      Oh god I kill myself … not literally of course … that’s what gay Mormon teenagers do {literally} :: because their society cruelly rejects them.

      Oh did I just say that? I guess it must be true then.

      Grow up Utah.

      1. @SD, Please reimburse me for a new keyboard. I just spit my morning Starbucks on mine over “The Referral of Great Price”.

        Regards,
        Secretless

        P.S. I’m not a crazy stalker (much) but I must have you. My former crush is in Arizona right now on trial for some nonsense of which he is obviously unguilty….um…innocent.

  5. @SD,

    Do you ever miss a thing?
    LMAO
    The Droid’s site is on Frank’s screen in the background- classic.

    You must be an interior decorator robot or some shit like that because your attention to detail is quite remarkable.
    Can you help with my new drapes?

  6. Ironically…Frank is a slick redneck who thinks he is pretending to be a slick redneck for people who also think he is pretending to be a slick redneck, when in fact, he IS a slick redneck.

    Unfortunately, karma and slick rednecks tend to not be particularly compatible in the long term.

    Just remember the wise, old adage: “You can take the boy out of the FTC problem, but you can’t take the FTC problem out of the boy.”

  7. He wrote the book with a pen and a paper.
    That’s why he can’t send it to your email!

    LOL

  8. For your information…

    His first book titled “I Frank Therefore I Kern,” was on the FTC bestseller list – so I think his new book “Frank And Grow Kern,” will only add to his gazillions of dollars of scam foolery.

    He IS a genius. Dan Kennedy says so.

  9. Here’s a link to a free PDF copy of Frank’s manuscript.

    The best thing about it is that it tells you exactly how Frank got his start. It really sums up the foundation of his business and who he is. Some surprisingly good insights.

    As a matter of fact, if you read this and repeat the steps it outlines, it’s entirely possible to achieve the same results mentioned.

    http://snipurl.com/27wqzt

    1. @Uncle Roy,

      Nice one :-)

      Kern could include it as a free bonus valued
      at $1997 plus shipping.

      But it’s worth many more squillions than that.

      In fact, it’s priceless.

  10. 7 Habits of a Widely Despised Con-man

    Unlimited Bullshit

    The Kernan (revealed by the Profit Irwin, cuffs be upon him)

  11. I actually have the book, I was curious whether Frank’s “style” of writing like he talks would work in a book.

    Well, it’s not a book, all right. It’s a collection of stringed together one-liners loosely connected to marketing schemes and somewhat questionable business advice.

    Did you know that critics should just be told to fuck off, because they’re trying to get you down? That Bob Marley’s lyrics are all about how the evul gubmint is trying to screw with you (yes, taxes seem to be a part of this)? Or how you can get your life together by sorting your tasks into “fun / not fun” and “makes money / doesn’t make money” lists and focus on the former?

    There’s some good stuff in there, so it’s not a complete waste of money, but he’s really just telling stories about his past successes in a way that might be appropriate in a bar conversation, but quickly loses its appeal, once you realize that this is going on for pages.

    On one of the earlier recordings Frank told the audience to read Bukowski and write emails in a similar style, it does look like he forgot that advice in the mean time – good ol’ Charles doesn’t write about much other than drinking and gambling, but his blunt and minimalistic style has its finesse.

    The more I look into marketing, the more Frank Kern appears to be a guy trying to copy Halbert and Kennedy and present their message in a Bill Hicks-style stand up show.

    He’s had some successes doing that, but if he really believes that this kind of writing will get bought by “real people”, he’s in for some disappointment.

    1. @Clark, Sounds like Frankie’s book is a real struggle to read. An informal writing style can be very engaging, but if it’s too informal it gets annoying very quickly. So many of the New-Wage gurus and IM hucksters write for print the way they do online, with one-sentence paragraphs and with every other line a sentence fragment. It sounds really condescending after a while. Some people worry about what the transition to online reading is doing to our brains. I’ve worried for many years about the effect of condescending ad-copy-style writing on our ability to process complex thoughts.

      A collection of one-liners can work in a *spoken* presentation if it’s not too rambling, but on the printed page it loses its allure, unless the book is actually marketed as a series of random thoughts. (George Carlin could get away with it, but he was a comedian – an intentional one, that is.)

      It seems apparent that Frank is expecting others to do the bulk of his “writing.” But I wonder if all of the contributors will get royalties in the unlikely event that the book is actually successful. Or will they just get their names on the acknowledgment page, and the attendant bragging rights? Or will they get any written credit at all?

      I’m also wondering if Frank really intends to create a print book at all. He may very well decide to only offer the finished frauduct as an e-book, in which case he won’t even have to worry about production costs.

      Oh, yeah, and here are my very belated offerings to the title contest:

      Extract Money Now
      The Art of the Steal
      Stink and Grow Rich
      The Magic of Deceiving
      Hairy Plotter and the Mob of Liars
      Recipes from the Boiler Room: The New Complete Crookbook
      Outliars: The Story of Fake Success
      The Agony and the FTC

      Frank should be very grateful that he is getting all of these title suggestions from us for free, simply because we are such a good-hearted lot. I hear tell that some people charge hundreds of dollars for helping someone come up with the perfect book title (no, not me).
      http://www.titletailor.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=36&Itemid=18

    2. @Clark,

      The more I look into marketing, the more Frank Kern appears to be a guy trying to copy Halbert and Kennedy and present their message in a Bill Hicks-style stand up show.

      Or maybe after reading The Bear That Wasn’t too much he watched Disney Propaganda cartoons so much of the time, because the 1st 1/2 of this cartoon kind of reminds me of his style…

    3. @Clark ::

      fun / not fun … what more could you need to know?

      I really love the advice “write like Bukowski” … that’s helpful … especially if you are Bukowski … and so can write like Bukowski. Maybe not quite as easy to rip off fucking Bukowski as the “rap” for BlueBlockers Sunglasses.

      I’m going to redesign my website … and I’m going to do it like Picasso. Because people seemed to like Picasso … so you know … that just makes sense.

      @Connie ::

      The Agony and the FTC … ha!

      I feel like the phrase “write a book” has lost all meaning. Is he actually trying to “write a book” :: which he’ll then use only as a vehicle to suck people into the “me take all you monies” machine? Or he’s just “talking about writing a book” as a vehicle to suck people into the “me take all you monies” machine? Both are totally possible … the latter is cheaper.

  12. I see a few people mention legal issues. What they probably are missing is that we can express our opinions about these jerk off so call GURUs. Especially if you have bought some of their crap and have first hand knowledge of what kind of shit these pricks sell. They have no idea of what real marketing is. Their only idea of marketing is a good headline??? the rest of the crap is stories they have heard from people who know a little about marketing and little being the key word. These pricks want your money plain and simple so if you want to pay for they good headline well it’s your money????

    1. @Bob Callahan,

      You’re right Bob. Marketing isn’t good ole’ fashion marketing now. Its balls-out, BS lies, manipulation – and its used by the worlds big boys too.

      I really see no skill in this, I just see a total lack of values with no ecology. Not a great strategy for good Karma, but I guess it fulfils 1% of their inferiority complex and helps in the boardroom.

      The problem is, to compete against a lying c**t is not easy.

      1. @Shit Storm ::

        Cause it starts like this …

        “I see a few people mention legal issues.”

        Which makes it seem very much like spam.

        You see a few people mention legal issues? You mean like the fake robot writing this explicitly anti-crime website that’s packed full of fucking insanity and murderers and fraud cartels? Like those kinds of mentionings?

        So that’s why. But it’s here now so fuck it. Congrats on the no-follow link spambot.

      2. @Shit Storm, I am not a bot, just reading through the comments and know of a certain so call guru who slam the door on a friend of mine. The prick could not do anything about his ratings on Google so he sued a friend and my friend had to shut down his business. ( He is doing good again now) With that said I assure you I am not a bot and only do white hat marketing and these shit head gurus taking money from hard working people piss me off.

        I look at it this way, all businesses have a responsibility to be honest and know what they are selling and as business people these fucking gurus could care less if you ever make a fucking penny. Internet marketing has a bad name from their shit and the more I can spread the word the better. You know if the shit wasn’t true about them they would at least try to fight back, but they have no balls to go head to head against the good marketers on the net.

  13. I couldn’t pass this one up…but I, Fradulous killed me.
    (T)(W)Here’s Your Hole
    Here, Hold This for a Second
    Wait for the Shake

    Looking forward to the tell-all: “Raped in Prison: Frank Kern’s Favorite Tool Handles”

    And despite the fact you made me remember that Pynchon turd, here’s more semi-literary referential fun:
    Gone With the Wind in Your Bank Account
    Les Miserables Mutherfucker
    Of Mice and Men That will Continue To Call And Email On your Behalf (nod to Deiss and his rabbits)
    On the Road to the Pen
    Moby Dickless
    The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Accidentally Giving All Your Money To Frank Kern

    1. @Martypants,

      Les Miserables Mutherfucker

      It’s a good point – probably we need more titles with “Mutherfucker” in them to have it ring with true Frankness or we could do the old childhood game where you just add some word (like maybe “Mutherfucker”) to the end of the existing titles, like…

      Spaminal Farm, Mutherfucker
      Moby Dickless, Mutherfucker
      Les Miserables, Mutherfucker
      Stink and Grow Rich, Mutherfucker
      Awaken The Scammer Within, Mutherfucker
      Under Achiever Formula: Kick Sand In Your Eyes, Punch You In The Nose and Take Your Wallet. Now Say “Thank you”, Mutherfucker!
      The Book of Moron – Another Testament of Frank Kern, Mutherfucker

      It’s fun AND easy!

  14. This would be easier if it was a James Arthur Ray book (As I Lay Frying), and I say that with all the venom and hatred I have for that vainglorious murderer, but I digress.

    I’m very familiar with LGAT guys (for the uninitiated, LGAT = Lying Grimy Assholey Thieves) (TM) but had never come across these internet marketing d-bags until I found this site. I’m really, really trying but I can’t figure it out – what the fuck are they selling??? For all I know, I could be missing out on the Opportunity of a Lifetime (TM).

    By the way, this Frank jerk looks just like the homeless guy who shit himself at the library yesterday – does he live in southern California by any chance?

    1. @Secreted,

      I’m pretty sure you get “WTF Are We Selling?” (which has a randomly made up value of $1997.00)as a free bonus if you give them all the rest of your money.

      You should have checked with the homeless library guy…because,you’re right, it probably was Frank Kern.

      1. @what??, I would have checked with him, but the stink was too rancid. Hey – I guess it really WAS Frank Kern!

  15. Additional titles for the book…

    The Great Raping

    101 ways to Rape People Financially

    From Gang Rapist to Gang Raped…the Irwin Kern Story

    The Noobie Diet

    Madoff has nothing on ME

    FTC…Fun Till Caught – the Irwin Kern Story

    Fuck You FTC

    Prison Helps If You Already Take It In The Ass

    Irwin Kern on Fucking People Over

    It’s Only Against The Law If You Get Caught

    John Reese is a Pussy for Having a Conscience

    I Don’t Care Who I Hurt…the Irwin Kern Story

    From Fuck You to Fucking You

    Honest Marketing is for Pussies

    Why Try When You Can Just Lie

      1. @Shit Storm, Well, at least it was consistent with Kern’s available vocabulary, except maybe for the multi-syllabic words.

      2. @Shit Storm ::

        Knowing people around here like I do … I’m quite confident that you’re getting voted down for having implied that John Reese has a conscience. It is quite offensive really … to consciences everywhere.

        1. @SD,

          I curse so the apology was to anyone who doesn’t. I read it afterward and thought I had offended because of the negative votes.

          Not defending Reese in any way shape or form

          1. @Shit Storm, No problem. Shit, we all know you weren’t fucking defending fucking Reese.

  16. How about The Holy Lieble…

    I paid Frankie the 6 bucks just to see what it was.

    It’s a collection of articles/blog posts/whatever you want to call them that I’ve read from him in countless places for at least 5 years.

    Some of them are taken verbatim from the Ultra Underachievers newsletters from back in what, 2006?

    Has this guy actually done anything of any consequence, scam or not, ever? He tells a lot of stories about these big successes but they’re all the same story he’s told for years.

    I think he might be living in a van down by the river.

    1. @Anonymous Bastard,

      All his marketing success stories are derived from either long ago successes nobody can verify or these IM scams he calls products.

    2. @Anonymous Bastard,

      Wrapping all your crappy old blog posts and crappy old Ezine articles into a “book” is a widely touted IM technique.

      Recycling garbage is a very green thing to do, doncha know?

      “I’m Okay, You’re Broke”

      1. @spoonfaceboy, I get that, but Kern does it over and over and over again. I wonder if he really believes that those ethereal “successes” from years ago are still impressive or if he’s just trying to milk $6 out of all the newbies who haven’t read the crap 50 times already.

        1. @Anonymous Bastard, Everyone seems to be missing the fact that Kern isn’t interested in SELLING this book. He’s “giving it away” because he’s trying desperately to find new noobs to add to his list.

          The burning question I have to ask is…what happened to the new FTC ruling that “if you charge for it — even ‘just shipping and handling’ — it isn’t FREE and you can’t SAY it’s free.”

          Maybe I missed something there but that rule seemed pretty fucking clear at the time. You can say “I’m going to send you my book for just $6 — and the shipping’s on me.”

          Did they leave yet another “grey area” for Kern to wiggle around in?

          1. @Poop Chute, You cannot conceal or ‘covertly disclose’ material facts that are counter to the surface impression that an offer presents. Such facts must be stated prominently alongside the offer itself. There are no loop holes, and no exceptions, and even the existence of other violators will not spare one from the FTC.

            People that ignore the law are just rolling the dice and are subject to nasty enforcement action if the FTC drops the hammer. One could potentially lose everything they’ve made and then some, so it’s a risky, foolish move. Even more foolish for someone who has had any prior issues with the FTC.

            Just because someone flaunts the law does not mean they’ve gotten away with something, because enforcement action could come at any subsequent time.

  17. There is no real evidence of Frank ever having had any real success outside of the “you can make money” category. Accomplishment outside of that category should be an absolute prerequisite for anyone proclaiming to be a “you can make money” expert, otherwise all that is being offered is theory and posturing.

    Instead, sadly, the benchmark many people use to defer their better judgement is “how good a job Frank does of selling me,” as if that somehow ratifies everything. That’s like handing your entire wallet to a used car dealer and hoping for the best.

    The problem with the “make money” hawkers is that they practice the equivalent of marketing voodoo…they talk about your mind and your fantasies instead of any meaningful specifics grounded in reality. They provide no real, solid evidence that proves they’ve had multiple and consistent prior successes outside of the “you can make money” category.

    What you are actually buying from these characters is the EXPERIENCE of buying from these characters. That’s where they put all their effort…into manufacturing false “buzz,” and orchestrating an illusion to distract you from the real world you must inevitably return to outside of their squeeze page. After the final order confirmation screen though, it’s all downhill.

    1. @Sam the Shrubbist ::

      What about “Mick Gambler” and “Taylor Starr” starring in UndergroundHypnosis? “Black-ops” covert hypnosis! You know it’s real bitches!! Pay Frank and Trey for it!!

      http://www.undergroundhypnosis.com/

      You don’t consider that “real world” success?

      High standards.

      1. @SD, Actually, I’d consider that “unreal world.”

        If those two would quit fixating on questionable shortcuts, and instead, capitalize on their one undeniable true talent (talking out of their asses) perhaps they could get a long-term performing contract in Vegas as “The Talking Assholes.”

    2. @Sam the Shrubbist,

      Even if he had “real success”, what would it tell me other than that he has understood the main principles Halbert and Kennedy teach and applied them in tha real wuorld?

      Frank Kern has always been “honest” about his expertise, i.e. that it is almost exclusively borrowed from Kennedy, and his successes are due to a very simple relationship/referral-based business model that works as well in Internet Marketing as it does in MLM. (For the guy at the top)

      The rest is basically making up models on the fly on stage and calling people fuckers, which I’d let pass as “motivation”, but jeez, I’d like the content to be more than “Sell shit for a lot of money and make stuff up to make it sound good”.

      I’ve worked with a few people who are outrageously (I’m applying for Bill Glazers job) successful in their businesses, haven’t had a creative idea in their lives and couldn’t teach if their life depended on it. I wouldn’t pay for their seminar or product, I might pay to observe their work habits, but that’s only because I already have a business and don’t need a shiny biz-op advertised as a launch, bulk strategy suffices.

      Sadly, some in the IM guru club share the two traits mentioned above, only without the successful part.

  18. Hey there,

    funny how you’ve managed to drumup some traffic off the the back of Mr.Nasa Engineer Hoolagin PHD master himself.

    Ironic. I likes your marketing controversial style and I imagine you’ve wolfed down every piece of Frank’s content:-)

    Happy Days!!

        1. @Jack,

          The cookie you have on your system when you opted in takes you to the video. The link will take people straight to the main landing page, unless they opt in.

          Here is the link to the video [[no opt in required]]. The idiots “encrypted” the link [[like it’s going to stop something]]. I had to spend a whole extra minute to bypass their idiotic security.

          enjoy…

          http://vcdn.kajabi.com/dbc3fa803d85d95e960da652ff1a4063.mp4?Expires=1306640643&Signature=gBseE8rXyhaIJHOVWvufhoR63NN6x~UO-zcdtMg2Ft1GnjAJfhP1gISHoz0vQWhqhOgrZYazgcedavzVX5pScA8MiI0GKn4OHEkVNCOODd1TK0WzHFC-intvjq-Y0Sm~3IaFngC0XGUCEZKL77j~MLOq8GHRCcVcF492-KCGWvg_&Key-Pair-Id=APKAIA7USHI24GKV2MSA

            1. @Jack, :-( …got AccessDeniedAccess denied. But I am offering anybody a fake no-holds barred, air-tight, double-your-time-back guarantee if you don’t laugh uncontrollably for at least 20 seconds while wathcing and perplexing yourself about that section of mr. Jenkin’s Video Boss 2 video.

          1. @_cartman_,

            hmmm….yeah….the key pairs keep being invalidated…but it’s not the expiry time

    1. @Mr P,

      I assume he’s going to tell you “Give stuff away to create good will and then sell your shit” for a lot of money.

      A lot of people in “marketing” have never read a real book on marketing, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually has a few minor successes with his “scheme” – inside the IM community, of course.

  19. Ya know…I was a huuuuge Ed Dale follower until I noticed a lot of products he was promoting were from the syndicate D-bags. Do you think he’s part of the good ‘ole boys club too?

    I mean his 30 Day Challenge seems very effective and full of great content despite the upsell at the end of it?

    1. @CarnalityKiller,

      Troll piking. You even filled in the blanks.

      For those playing without access to French Trade Union materials, here is a clean troll template.

      Salty I really like your blog because ______________. [optional sentence]

      Ya know…I was a huuuuge ________________ follower until I noticed a lot of products he was promoting were from ___________. Do you think he’s _______________?

      I mean his ______________ seems very effective and full of great content despite the ____________?

  20. That frankkern.tv consulting gig just appears to be one of many new post-“retirement” tactics Kern has been testing of late.

    I noticed an ad on facebook of his, titled “Marketing Dragon Slayer”, bragging that “Frank Kern is the highest paid and most in-demand Direct-Response Internet Marketing Copywriter on the planet.”

    Clicking on the ad takes you to this page:

    https://www.webinar-registrations.net/

    Would be fun for us Salty readers to indulge in real shenanigans of our own, and to join that webinar and flood it with “quality” questions/comments live.

  21. Wow! a spy in their midst!

    I have read all the info here about the syndicate, main street money machines etc. Very funny stuff on the recording! nothing that was much of a surprise just the arrogance of it all that was mind boggling.

    A question: for the great Salty all knowing Droid; There is an IM in Australia James Shramko I think That is how it is spelled I heard a webinar he gave back in April where he basically repeated all that Salty has said here, he just didn’t name names, although he came close with Mike Keonigs by saying how the product owner knew it didn’t work but put it out anyway,lol he said he was disgusted by the whole thing. Just wondered if that was a red herring? or if Shramko might be scamko? as well?

    Is he just saying that to provide a bounce back to himself as an ethical IM(internet marketing) practitioner?, I think that last statement maybe an oxymoron.

    Jay

  22. Well – I have to say, I did more than chuckle! You have a wicked sense of humour and so do your readers – naughty but …

    Its funny you know, marketing… I always felt it was about being a covert scammer but never saw it quite like you do

  23. Pingback: » The Bookenings
  24. I had a smile on my face the whole day after reading this post.
    Here are a few others:

    Fraudulence: I Has It

    Are You There, Frank? It’s Me, Margaret.

    The Way We Defraud Now

  25. Since this seems to be the most recent post with a “Dan Kennedy” label, I thought I’d take this opportunity to remind y’all about Dan’s upcoming 2012 Super Conference, which will be held in Dallas this year and will feature such notables as Ryan Deiss. Probably because it’s in Texas, where of course we all ride horses and rassle dogies, they’re really goin’ all out on that thar cowboy theme (and probably violating a ton of copyrights in the process).

    Here’s the link to page 1 of the “brochure”…
    http://www.dankennedy.com/SC2012/#/page/1

    If you turn the “pages” you’ll see all kinds of stuff, including this on page 14 (or 27-28):
    “THE PONY EXPRESS RIDES AGAIN!
    Yes, the hottest new marketing and sales media [sic] is Direct-Mail.
    All the cool kids are using it: Ryan Deiss, Russell Brunson, Frank Kern…”

    (Are there still people who think those are the cool kids?!?)

    Apparently they couldn’t find a real preacher for their wild-west “show,” so they got a rabbi (that would be Rabbi Daniel Lapin, author of “Thou Shall Prosper”) and called him a preacher.

    1. @Cosmic Connie,

      For a “No B.S.” conference, I’m reading a lot of feel-good babble, conservative lessons for preschoolers and marketing tips from ye olden times. Not that I’m unaware of Dan’s use of trashy marketing as his weapon of choice, but does this stuff really sell year after year after year?

      Maybe the next time they should hire Fabio and make him say “I can’t believe it’s not Bullshit!”.

  26. What would all these cheesy idiots do if Joe Public stopped buying their rubbish. Soon, hopefully, the social network bubble will explode horribly, leaving them all covered in Twitter slime!

    1. @Alex Bramwell,

      Unfortunately, I think if the social network bubble bursts, they’ll either move onto the next real marketing thing (marketing for mobile devices) or back to an old real marketing thing (like the direct mail Connie mentions above). Dan Kennedy’s been at this game since 1985, and Don Lapre started in the early 90s. The marketing channel may change, but the scams stay the same.

  27. If you look up the word marketing you will see that FK has no idea of how to market anything. The dumb fuck doesn’t take any responsibility for what he is selling to people. A real marketer accepts what he is selling and stands behind his products, but FK and the syndication have so many excuses of and will not personally answer anything as they think they are too good and above us honest people. The dumb shit will get his just as all the rest of the lying scumbags that hang out with him will.

  28. I have just found this site.
    So… tell me people, how many of you here owns a villa or a Ferrari?
    How many of you are marketers?

    If you are so good at marketing, why aren’t you out there and talking on stages? How come all of you have no names?

    Can’t believe a site like this exists. You’re all bitching about other people’s success, miserable losers, I feel sorry for you all.

    Do not reply. Needless. I will never ever visit this ridiculous site again.

    1. @Honestly, It’s a weird name for you that your parents picked. Maybe they couldn’t afford the real name for you from when the syndicate people stole all their money with lies and fake-sales ideas.

    2. @Honestly, Well, that’s certainly a nickname to “aspire” to, even if it means absolutely nothing in your present life. Bernie Madoff owned a villa, and could buy a Ferrari every month. I’ve heard quite a few drug lords also own villas. Why don’t you go ask them for advice. Or better yet, just go to the nearest prison, and ask for a tour of your future “villa.” It will be a very small one.

    3. @Honestly,

      “I will never ever visit this ridiculous site again.”

      All the others who leave that comment always do.

      P.S. Good luck with the marketing. I’m sure you’ll be successful one day soon.

      1. @Yakaru, LOL.

        “All the others who leave that comment always do.”

        That belongs on the periodic table of elements.

    4. @Honestly ::

      How many of us here think that “villas and Ferraris” are for punk ass bitches dominated by their own insecurities?

      {raises hand}

    5. @Honestly, Here’s a true story from me, because probably you know already that most to all of my other stories are not true but also not done dishonestly…

      My Uncle Ralph at all times harbored 3 corvettes, at least one being the lates mode, and in addition would also at all times have another ferrari-type car such as the the Delorean, the Pantera, the Lotus Car, and many of the different types of Porsches. I don’t know about him having a Villa, but probably it isn’t too far-fetched from it.

      Then.

      BOOM!

      Divorce.

      Heart Attack.

      Money-draining.

      Disability.

      Life in a little apartment with a so-called “crazy” loveable woman (something I can recommend).

      Not much income.

      **It’s going onto be the Disney-Movie-Lifetime-Channel ending here…**

      Told me it was the happiest he’d ever been from pursuing all his true great talents like composing, violin, antiques, and more.

      Maybe some day you can be bold and secure enough to have the bumper-stick put on that says, “My Other Car Isn’t A Ferrari Either”.

      1. @Jack,

        For me I need the bicycle sticker. “My Other Bicycle Isn’t A Ferrari Either”.

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  30. You guys are a bunch of morons. Frank is the best Internet Marketer in the world. You guys suck seriously. What makes you all so much better than the genius. All your words don’t mean shit.

    1. @Carlos, The proper term is “group of morons”. “Bunch of grapes”. “Group of morons”.

      Example:

      “In one Peanuts strip Linus is asking, “Who took my group of grapes?” Lucy corrects him that it’s called a “bunch” of grapes…as she eats his grapes right in front of him. Then she tosses the emptied grape tendril at him as she leaves.”

      http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EnemyEatsYourLunch (Newspaper comics)

      It’s the meaningless, miscellaneous information that you present that can be so damaging to society for us.

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