I’m sure you’ve heard by now that my good friend Frank Kern has just launched a hot new product that has everybody and their mothers {literally!} talking.  I mean if you can’t feel the HEAT that’s emanating off this thing deep in your loins :: then you probably don’t have any loins. All the top guys are promoting it :: followed closely by all the wannabee bitches :: and the wannabee wannabees.  Everyone who is anyone :: and everyone who is no one :: they can’t ALL be wrong. Can …

A fine piece of {shit} Internet Marketing recently featured on The Colbert Report. Congrats to Bill Heid for being mocked on cable :: an honor for which there should be an associated medal or something.
Bill has been running commercials during Glen Beck’s totally reasonable show for his totally reasonable product :: The Survival Seed Bank.  $150 for some seeds that will finally allow you to plant that “Crisis Garden” that you’ve always dreamt of in your nightmares {Disclaimer:  The preceding should not be interpreted to imply that a “Crisis …

It’s best not to have Great Expectations :: as they only lead to great disappointments.  The moment you start believing that you are going to end up with the pretty girl :: Miss Havisham will intrude and bollix all of your fondest hopes.  Wouldn’t it be better to fly by the seat of your “I eat too many processed foods” pants?
James Arthur Ray “thinks” so :: which is why the Spiritual Warrior Participant Guide :: sent out in July of 2009 :: contains almost no useful information about what to …

Read the book of Genesis again :: then Exodus :: then Leviticus :: then Numbers :: then Deuteronomy.  OMG! You are so bored now.  You know what you should do instead?  Have a sandwich.  You should definitely have a sandwich.  And then you should go for a walk :: steal a dog if you don’t already have one.  But stay the fuck away from Genesis :: it’s kind of the weird part :: and give the chop chop to The Book of Revelation as well {once you’ve been boiled in …

Tired of cutting yourself with razor blades just to feel alive?  The mess :: the guilt :: the lies to your mother … stop the insanity!  Did you know that there was a less bloody way to make yourself suffer screaming pains?  That’s right! No reason to self mutilate when can simply listen to “talking clump of dirt” Russell Brunson speak at the outrageously priced Glazer Kennedy SuperConference …

“Just 5 years ago, with $20 and a simple idea, Boise State student Russell Brunson started an online business – and by …

It’s an outstanding day at James Ray International! {dramatic pause} That’s what she said!
Will James A. Ray Finally Get Out On Bail? … asks Lynne LaMaster of Prescott News.  The hilarious answer :: probably not.  The hearing on reducing Death Ray’s bail to levels that won’t have delicate flower Luis Li squealing for mercy was scheduled for today :: but there is a tiny problem …

“For a while, it appeared as if today’s hearing might also be cancelled, according to Ray’s defense attorneys. Kelly explained that an agreement was reached …

Russell Brunson has had a rough life.  Growing up :: all he had was everything :: and you know how hard that can be. Okay maybe you don’t {loser!} :: but that’s your own fault for not manifesting the right kind of parents.
The High Priest of Mormon hypocrisy fought his first round with The Salty Droid last November.  Unfortunately for fans of talking turds :: and mirroring ALL of his “important” wrestling matches :: the fat bitch lost! The post exposed Brunson as the owner of a high pressure sales …

Felicia Fonseca’s latest article about James Arthur Ray is currently being picked up by all sorts of fancy schmancy news agencies around the world.  But in open support of Chiang Kai-shek :: The Droid is linking to it at Taiwan News.  That’s right :: I’ve just officially recognized Taiwan :: suck on that China .. you big red bullies!  Chinese authorities couldn’t be reached for comment about this bold :: some say provocative :: move by The Droid.  But one imagines they’d say something like: “Big trouble for you coming …

Running low on your supply of James Arthur Ray? Miss the spray on tan and empty blood shot eyes?  Longing for the tucked in t-shits and shorts {with belt and baby bump}? Been too long since someone told you something someone else already said better?  Well then you’re in Harmonic Luck™ :: because this President’s Day ONLY the Droid Turd Shop e-Portal-2.0-Hub™ is offering 50% {or more} off ALL of our Death Ray related products. My fake secretary Debbie says I’m crazy for letting these items go at such rock …

Mind Control Made Easy or How to Become a Cult Leader :: a short film by Carey Burtt.
This short film {12 min} somehow manages to be quite adorable in spite of the two brainwashed murders. It provides a clear blueprint for any budding psychopath to start making a 6 :: 7 :: or even 8 figure income simply by sucking the life out of other humans.  It’s easy :: it’s fun :: and it’s a complete turn-key cult solution.  Yours FREE today just for signing up for my telepathic opt-in …