Reviews and/or SmackDowns of the “goods and services” produced by the D-Bags. Can you smell the foul odors?

Hurricane Herbalife

“Attend EVERY event” :: Herbalifers are told … at every event. I’m too busy doing ________{insert anything else} to satisfy the EVERY standard :: but I did attend ONE event … which went way better than my Herbalife job interview. Here’s my staccato summation of an all day event at Herbalife …
music
clapping
success!
clapping with music
changing your life!
we are a family clapping

BE the CHANGE!
money!
skinny!
rhythmic clapping
your life […]

The Secret of Tony Robbins

The New York Times reveals the secret of Tony Robbins :: and that secret is … Tony Robbins is so awesome and he knows Mitt Romney and Barack Obama and everything! He invented life coaching!

People “live and die and breathe” for Tony Robbins :: giggles Andrew Ross Sorkin … it’s all highlarious good fun. But he understands that there are […]

Christopher Reese :: Straight for My Boys

Christopher Reese {pictured above left with Herbalife executive Des Walsh} is an International 15K President’s Team member :: which in case you’re not down with the lingo … means he’s very near the tippy top of the pyramid.

Reese oozed up from Chairman’s Club member Doran Andry’s Southern California scum-pot-downline … a group of people building their fake businesses beneath […]

Merry Christmas Goodbye

What if … I’d never fucking existed?

It’s easy enough to imagine :: cause fake robots aren’t even real … and I’ve recently been an unannounced absentee.

Another year is ending :: it’s dark and cold :: a great time to ask myself the tough questions … maybe contemplate suicide.

Is it a wonderful life?

{not really}
Merry Christmas
I imagine that my guardian angel […]

Conscripted Consumption at Club 100

_-_

“Who would like for their own kids to have the exact same life that they’ve had so far? That should be enough motivation for you to take seriously what I’m telling you. Do something different — am I right or not?”

… semi-shouts a Colombian trainer for Herbalife’s Club 100 to her audience of impoverished recruits.

“If you earn 2,000 or 3,000 […]

My Herbalife Job Interview

I seriously need a new job. Nothing too fancy or anything :: just something that pays better than my current salary of less-than-nothing-plus-death-threats-and-torments-and-lawsuits-and-droolers. Shouldn’t be too hard to beat.

The minimum wage in Ohio {my new home base} is $7.95 per hour {$318 per week} :: so that’s like a huge promotion for me and stuff … I’ll take it!

But […]

The Burton Family Affairs

It’s clear how Michael Burton’s faux career at scam company Herbalife is going to end :: fucking disastrously … and with no possible excuses.

“But how did his career begin?” … asks a giraffe standing on a turtle.

Well :: inquisitive giraffe with extraordinary balance :: it began with used cars … in the style of our very own previously shat upon The […]

The Burton Affairs

Herbalife show piece :: and puffy-old-ass-white-guy :: Michael Burton … is … magnificently :: colossally :: stratospherically :: hyperbolic-adverbially … bankrupt. Bankrupt enough :: in fact … to be ten average American bankruptcies all by his gross muscly lonesome.

It’s impressive :: if you are capable of being impressed by horrible things … which I totally am.

Over the years :: […]

Herbalife’s Bankruptcy Business

“I LOVE HERBALIFE …”
… is what Herbalife President’s Team member Michael Burton said to me :: unconvincingly … this past fall when I was fake robotic questioning him about his various scum sucking.

“I will be sharing the great health results of the products with people and possibilities of how Herbalife can help as long as I am on this […]

On Six

2013 sucked it :: like … hardcore.

“This can’t be fucking happening” … is how I’d sum up the year in fake robotic sentiment. Not exactly a fresh sentiment around here I know :: but it’s deeper now … darker … bleaker. Because :: yeah … this is fucking happening … and there’s no more me hiding from it.

For five […]