The Teeny Tiny Turtle Tyrant


Turtles are like the only cute reptile … but that doesn’t mean that you can trust them. Some turtles are real assholes.

Out-of-control bastard turtles is something the lamestream media refuses to cover … too busy sucking off the frogs one supposes. No matter :: picking up the slack for sloppy :: lazy :: useless fucks is what I do … right Dateline?

Anywayz :: video of turtles fighting! {music by The Capstan Shafts}

>> FTW!!!

Speaking of turtles … as I just was … just now … right above this here. Turtles … remember? God your stupid!

Anywayz again :: they’ve featured here before … Graphic Turtles

… and probably will again. Better watch your fucking back{shells} turtles!

>> bleep bloop

29 thoughts on “The Teeny Tiny Turtle Tyrant”

  1. Virually all self-appointed “gurus” are just shades, variants, and degrees:


    Tags: No Free Lunch

    1. @Under the Magnifying Lens,

      WTF…is that what really “the rich jerk?” Has he really deteriorated to this? I remember seeing this guy come on the scene over 5 years ago, and thought his shtick was pretty clever positioning. I hate all the gurus, and one of the things I hate about them is the way they coddle the rainbow chasers–primarily with their “it’s not your fault, it’s just that the ‘gurus’ haven’t given you the whole story on what to do to succeed” over used angle. I actually love the “hey idiot…are you tired of being a complete loser? Well, pull your head out of your ass, grow a pair of balls, ball my product and get to work so you can finally look at yourself in the mirror, and your family in the eyes.” Really great. Hey, why not play up the fact that your market is a group of complete losers? It was a pretty amusing–and successful angle take.

      I actually bought his shlock course (60 pages of the most useless fluff shit imaginable) and signed up for his ezine just to get his “why are you such a loser” messages.

      Hey, lets call a spade a spade–the rainbow chasing addicts are really losers. If these gurus can get them to line up over and over and fucking over to hand over their money, then, as salty would say, “whatevs.”

      But really, though, this shit turn he’s taken is pretty idiotic and juvenile. Kind of surprising to see from a guy who started off pretty sharp (in a “I’m going to exploit the living shit out of the I-want-something-for-nothing-while-sitting-on-my-ass-eating-cheetos-while-I-wait-for-this-failed-and-useless-day-to-end-so-I-can-start-the-whole-miserable-thing-all-over-again crowd.”

  2. I’m not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this, but I just wanted to make note of some relatively new, so-called “rising stars” in the Self-Help & Internet Marketing arena….

    Their names are David & Kristen Morelli* and, by all appearances, they seem to be James Arthur Ray (Joe Vitale, Tony Robbins, etc.) wannabes/clones in the making, as they have been utilizing many of his same ideas, tricks & tactics in amassing followers (a.k.a. customers). For instance, they offer webinars & teleseminars – during which they use seemingly faulty scientific & factual “evidence” to back up their claims – and use IM techniques to pitch additional, outrageously priced seminars. Also, though they claim to be able to heal peoples’ “blockages” & help them to resolve deep-seated psychological issues in their lives, they do not appear to have the true professional credentials to be able to adequately handle these matters. (Though, on their website, it does say that: “If there were a PH.D. for the ability to see, read and heal energy, David would have one,” for whatever that is worth.)

    There’s a good complaint against them here, as well:

    And, though they claim to be driven by a deep desire to help & heal people who are struggling, financially, they also (literally!) brag & giggle about such things as charging around $1200 an hour for psychic readings – even though they repeatedly state that they are already multi-millionaires, and can attract all the money they need from the Universe. Seems a bit strange & familiar, doesn’t it? If one’s sincere goal is to help the poor and desperate, why would they take obscene amounts of money from them for advice that the people can often find elsewhere for cheaper…or, in many cases, for free (as in the case of some of their “healing techniques”, which have been around for ages)?

    Anyhow, they seem to be growing in influence, power, and scope, so I just wanted to throw all of that out there, as their actions & methods are so eerily similar to those of others that have been mentioned on this blog (and I don’t think any of us want to see new variations on the Hoshun dolly scheme & the like, right?).

    *Legal Disclaimer: These statements and questions are solely an expression of my personal opinions, observations and thoughts, and, as such, should not be construed as slander or libel. Thank you. :-)

    1. @JARhead Alert!, I think the Robot must have studied with David & Kristen Morelli* because he’s definitely shifting a lot of energy here just like they teach you to do.

    2. @JARhead Alert! ::

      I actually suspect that the dipshit duo has/had some direct connection to JAR. I stumble upon them too often while rummaging around in Death Ray’s haunted {and stinking of old man} attic.

      … example …

      My favorite lover of metal Andy Grant …

      Hi Andy.

      Andy’s gonna write a book about suicide … using some compliance techniques against himself by telling the world about it ahead of time. I’ll help by telling more of the world …


      Seems like that book should include a chapter about Colleen … and about how he finally sacked up and talked to a freak-a-tron robot about that disastrous and preposterous situation. Sometimes :: in this strangely brave new world :: robots end up as chief investigators in spite of their uncontrollable :: child like :: profanity.

      Uncomfortable conversations are the most productive sort.

      Andy :: call me.

      1. @SD, suggest you do some digging when you have time on this duo. Kristin is up to some massive shit right now. With loads of complaints out there already, some simple research shows things don’t add up.

        1. K is most definitely continuing to pull some massive unethical shit, such as not paying independent contractors the wages promised, not honoring her own multi page contracts she has workers sign, having one of the most stressful, demeaning and disrespectful work environments I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. An opportunistic bully with attorneys on call. What other complaints are out there? Other than the RipOff Report, everything seems to be scrubbed clean?

          1. *Legal Disclaimer: These statements and questions are solely an expression of my personal opinions, observations and thoughts, and, as such, should not be construed as slander or libel.

  3. On the far-away island of Sala-ma-Sond, Kertle the Turtle was king of the pond… “I can’t sell enough of my stuff,” said Kertle. “I’d better make me a big stack of turtles.”

  4. The problem is that if we manage to put to jail all those scammers, by that I don’t mean all internet marketers, there are actually some people who make some legit money online. But let’s say we manage to put to jail the filsaimes, the kern, the belcher, the deiss, the pagan and all the other d-bags. Some worms from the warrior forum will take their place. We just have to look at the quality of their WSOs being sold to know how their ethics are and their true intention, which is to sell at their turn a crappy $1,997 “get rich quick” course, to scam others and make them very rich too.

    I can’t believe some people are so full of shit to praise a WSO that’s complete and utter crap (I’d say around 80% of them, I know because I read them), just to make it sell. Take Steven Waggenheim, Maria Gudelis, and all those people who appear to be knowledgeable but who are in fact James Arthur Ray’s in the making. Those people rehash WSOs after WSOs that promise the moon but aren’t worth than 50 pennies. And yet people work in a kind of ponzi scheme writing reviews for products they know are full of shit but doing this they will get reviews for their crappy product too. Hence the giant ponzi scheme continues…

    But yeah I hope this blog will reduce those scams considerably, and clean up the marketplace that’s currently dominated by scumbags.

    And to SyndicateExposed, lemme tell you this. You seem to apparently bring value to this website because you *sometimes* get some interesting information, however -pardon my language- but I feel like you’re just another of those douchebags too. You think having money equates to being worthwhile. In that case some people I know, -who are total douchebags too- but who I don’t befriend anymore, who are rich, are worthwhile?

    Dude, you want money? Go in the street and steal an old woman’s bag. Or just go steal a bike saddle and resell it. Sell drugs.

    All that will make you rich easily. They could make any idiot scumbag rich too. But doesn’t that confront your ethics? Ooops sorry you have none, my bad. Then, don’t you think selling get quick rich schemes equates to stealing people out of their money? No you don’t?

    Then you confirm what I think of you, you’re just another of those scumbags that should be put to jail.

    Maybe you’re kidding, but even if it’s the case that just confirms my statement in saying that you’re a d-bag since your jokes aren’t funny.

    And for Salty Droid, thank you so much for this blog, I litterally laughed so much that I ended up in tears when I read your posts about the little gnome Mike Filsaime. Too many people praising him despite being apparent that he’s another sociopath, just for the hope of getting money from affiliating with his -useless- ultra expensive courses.

    Thank you.

    PS: It’s funny how all those gurus, who have apparently been beaten up at high school, now try to look all cool, when in fact they are completely repulsive beings. I don’t even know if I should dare to call them humans.
    See Kern creating a fake lifestyle of surfing and tanning his hair, jenkins trying to look cool although he’s a big nerd, and filsaime calling himself a cool guy, despite knowing he looks like a little sleazy gnome, whose only skill is to sell used cars. Are you fucking serious guys?

    James Arthur Ray, I know we have said this to you enough, but FUCK YOU. DIE AND BURN IN HELL.

    1. @Freedom ::

      Good comment.

      It doesn’t matter that this batch of bastards will be replaced by another. You can’t win … you can only fight.

      1. @SD,

        I guess so. Anyway if those current bastards in the make money online and new age niche get busted, that would be enough of a satisfaction for all of us;)
        You’re doing a pretty good job at it, and is the only person I currently know of that has enough balls to cut thru the BS and say the truth as it is. Some current figures in the new age industry who are glorified but are clearly taking advantage of their customers, you exposed them.

        I’d like to add some slimy salesmen to the list.

        Vishen Lakhiani and Laura Silva, of Mindvalley, selling The silva method, who release a new $497 “change you life today with the silva method” program every month, with “never seen before secret techniques”, that’s basically rehashing over and over again the teachings of the book “the silva method” by Jose Silva, that you can acquire for just $10 on amazon.

        Bob Proctor, Bill Harris, Joe Vitale (you already mentionned them but anyway), who are as disgusting as Ron Hubbard, brainwashing people into thinking they have to buy their magical riches courses. And yet this people claim to do good….

        Photoreading, developped that Paul Scheele, after attending a seminar of Subliminal Dynamics in the 80s and stole their idea of mental photography. He made millions with a stolen idea. Fucking scumbag.

        For the IM industry, those are smaller fish, but definitely ripping a lot of people currently, so I felt like it would be worth to mention them.

        Saj P, conman in the making. Promises millions in his salesletters but delivers shitty courses who have been outsourced. Makes hundreds of thousands of dollars for every single one of his launches, and shows those figures for his next launch to prove that “his system work”.

        Anik Sagal: Conman x100. He releases a new course every month, which is total bullshit. Take for example his last “Clickbank Wealth Formula” course, which promised to make you replicate their success in just 3 days. (how to make $100k/month) All the videos of the course where made by his employees, and the advice was the same you could read by buying a PLR IM ebook in the 2000s. Some of the videos were from his 2008 ppc classroom launch. Shameful. Plus his gay voice doesn’t sounds good.

        Amish Shah and Jay Styles: FULL OF SHIT. Their course on how to make 100 grands a day was even shittier than arbitrage conspiracy. And you could see them acting like pimps before their seminar in San Diego, although they are complete douchebags who deserve to be kicked out. They ripped off thousands of people selling them incomplete and outdated information in their course, who tried to replicate their money making system, which consists of promoting free trial than are in fact hidden $180/ month forced continuities, that put single mothers in debt. They sold a course for 2 grands, supposed to teach you how to rip people off. But the course wouldn’t even allow you to do that, since it’s completeley useless and outdated material. In the end everybody was ripped off.

        I forgot to add a personal message to Ryan Deiss, who’s trying to man himself up, but cannot because he’s a queer: Do you use poppers when Perry rides you every night?

      2. @SD,

        Whenever this topic is brought up, I wonder if police officers have similar discussions:

        “Even if we arrest one murderer, someone else will just go out killing people.”

        …Or doctors:

        “Even if we saved all the lives of these people in the hospital, more would get sick.”

        What I see often behind this despair is twofold:

        1) A desire for the world to be free of evil, crime, death, etc. While a perfectly common human desire, this perfect world ain’t likely, so better get busy accepting the imperfect world as it is while doing the best you can.

        2) A desire for systemic change, so that you aren’t hacking at the leaves of evil but pulling it up by the root. Taking down something like The Syndicate is a much more systemic approach and likely to reverberate throughout IM circles for many years to come—even just what the Droid has done already.

        1. @Duff, Reminds me of that anecdote about the guy throwing washed up starfish back into the ocean. He is asked why he bothers when there are hundreds he won’t save. He answers by picking up another, tossing it into the ocean and saying, “it makes a difference for that one.”

  5. It’s turtles all the way down, apparently…

    I kind of like geckos — the translucent pink variety that glue themselves to our screen doors and windows at night out here in the sticks and keep the bugs under control. Now, THOSE are cute reptiles, and you can see many of their inner processes working — kind of like those Visible Man toys, except real, and of course reptilian.

    I like the green anole lizards too; they make great clip-on earrings until they let go.

    It’s good to see you back, Salty, though you never really left. I am looking forward to your next exposé.

    1. @Cosmic Connie ::

      It’s a shame … we are usually in such agreeance … but now we part company.

      Geckos aren’t cute … they’re scary.

      You are banned!

      1. @SD, Some geckos are scary — that one on the auto insurance commercial comes to mind — but our geckos are cute.

        Besides, geckos have made an enormous contribution to friction science (not to be confused with science fiction):

        And hey, SD, we worked out our differences about punctuation and basements, so I’m sure we can learn to live with our radically differing views about geckos.

    2. @Cosmic Connie,

      Aw and here I thought I was being semi-originalish referencing the turtles-all-the-way-down in more recent turtle themed @SD posts.

      Oh well.

      I need to get back to the read-every-@SD-article thing I was doing for a while.

      1. @Wyrd ::

        You should get back to reading them all :: lest you miss gems like …

        … too busy sucking off the frogs one supposes.


        It’s totally cool to lol at your own joke after three years … that’s a rule I just made up.

    1. @.nate ::

      ninja turtles = karate and nunchucks … lame jokes

      — field trip to Large Hadron Collider gone awry —

      real turtles = bitch slaps and ass biting … no jokes

      1. @SD, I encourage you to Google “sexy business turtles.”
        Always been a fan of a turtle ready to get busy…your lovely little clip makes me enter future ponds with additional protection.

          1. @Martypants, yes. I remember the Onion Article about the monkey collider. But I guess we’ve gotten off topic…

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