Letters to the Utah Machine

Mormon Cocaine


It was 10:45 p.m. on a cold night in January 2012 when a black car slowly pulled into the driveway of Johanna Quinones’ Sandy home and parked with the engine running.”

The car belonged to Utah’s corrupt and oafish Attorney General Mark Shurtleff. The ridiculous Mr. Shurtleff was escorting one of his criminal boyfriends :: Sov Ouk … on mission to intimidate and torment Ms. Johanna … Sov’s long-suffering ex-wife.

Johanna met Sov on a vacation to the United States in the 1990’s. Quite ironically :: she left her LDS family in Mexico to marry a Utahan of Laotian dissent … who was definitively not LDS. Her family didn’t approve of the match … and they were right. From the mid-nineties :: until their divorce in 2007 … Sov’s gigantic bastard behaviors ruined Johanna’s life in ways that a person can never quite recover from. Physical abuse requiring hospitalization :: verbal abuse :: subjugation … and chronic fear.

There are many well documented psychological stumbling blocks to escaping an abusive relationship :: but like in so many other sad cases around the United States right now … women who are recent immigrants are particularly vulnerable to long term abuse. New to the language :: new to the culture … family and other support structures a world away.

Mark Shurtleff posers as a moderate on the immigration issue :: and he posers as a Mormon man with Mormon ethics … then he spends his nights intimidating single-immigrant-Mormon-mothers as a favor to long documented violent bastards with no religion save a connection to the sick machine’s money pipes. Because sucking on the money pipes is the only “ethics” known to Mark Shurtleff.

In a recorded 911 call, Shurtleff can be heard identifying himself by name, telling police that he’s outside of the residence and warning the dispatcher that he’s concerned about Ouk’s children. As a result, when law enforcement arrived on the scene, they promptly went into Quinones’ home and shined flashlights into the eyes of her sleeping children to make sure they had not been abused. The children were startled but in good condition, a police report from the incident would note.

Holy fucking Stalinist batman!

The State’s chief legal officer :: and a high ranking Mormon :: using the power of the State to intimidate and interfere with her already problematic personal life … so scary! But Johanna Quinones has been toughened by the years of abuse and struggle :: so instead of cowering like she’d have been more than justified in doing … she immediately sent Mark Shurtleff a formal letter of complaint. Here’s some of that {sad personal details removed} …

Dear Mr. Shurtleff,

After your coming to my home last night I did some research about you online and found the website where you are featured as our Attorney General and information about domestic violence. I wanted to make you aware that I was a victim of domestic violence at the hands of Sov Ouk for most of the almost fifteen years we were together.

{sad stuff}

Police were called to our house multiple times, when they left Sov would comment “how dare they come into my home and tell me what I can and can’t do!, what do they make minimum wage? I make more money than them!”

As long as I was the perfect wife and perfect mother life with Sov was ok. If asked to many questions about finances or wanted to branch out it always ended badly.

{sad stuff}

One reason that I am in the financial situation I am in is because I am supporting the children on my own. I have not received child support from Sov since last year.

{sad stuff}

Mark I wanted to let you know these things because your presence in my home communicates to me that you condone these behaviors. That it is ok to abuse your wife and not pay child support. It is ok to donate to the campaign of the attorney general while not paying to support your children. Your presence communicates to me that you are there to support Sov in his terror over me as the attorney general and there will never be justice for me and my children.

Couldn’t have said it better myself! There can be no justice in Utah :: for anyone :: so long as the chief legal officer has sold himself and his office to the devil … which is indisputably what’s happened.

Johanna’s scary story is featured this week in Eric Peterson’s outstanding Salt Lake City Weekly cover story :: Dialing for Dollars: Utah’s Telemarketing “Flop-Portunity” Industry Continues To Phone In Support From Utah Politicos.

The story also quotes some know-it-all fuckhead who pretends to be a know-it-all fake robot …

… boom!

Hi Utah :: my old home … remember me?


This post brought to you by Chicago :: Chicago … so much fucking better than Utah.

>> bleep bloop

48 thoughts on “Letters to the Utah Machine”

    1. @Sundog, I think the Droid has long established that if these sociopaths have any lines they revolve around managing public perception of themselves, ’cause they sure as fuck don’t have anything resembling a conscience, morals or even an instrumental approximation of ethics.

  1. Hello, MSM…it’s starting.

    Good stuff, @SD. I’m sure you’ve doubted how or when…and you know as well as we do we’re far from “there” yet, but — this feels like the start of “there.”

  2. Mark I wanted to let you know these things because your presence in my home communicates to me that you condone these behaviors. That it is ok to abuse your wife and not pay child support. It is ok to donate to the campaign of the attorney general while not paying to support your children. Your presence communicates to me that you are there to support Sov in his terror over me as the attorney general and there will never be justice for me and my children.

    Utah, why is he still in office? Are you just waiting for things to degenerate to the point of mafia and gangland hits? Mark Shurtleff should not be in office. His groomed boy Swallow should not replace him.

    Furry cows moo and decompress.

    1. @Wyrd,

      In Illinois, we have mafia and gangland hits. We have an AG elected through nepotism. And we still don’t have anything like Mark Shurtleff!

    1. @Jack ::


      That’s amazingly compelling and effective.

      It was created by Y&R Chicago. All you n00bs should take a look at their impressive portfolio …


      … and think about the fact that most fake web guru’s charge double {or more} for their various fake “branding” and “marketing” services.

      1. @SD, I think you are under-estimating the prices a firm like YR can charge. They don’t cater to the DIY small business crowd so much as the big companies with budgets bigger than godzilla. :D

        Then again I probably under-estimate the depth of destruction on some of the tapes you have listened to. ;)

      2. @SD, oh…and YR is part of WPP http://www.yr.com/content/young-rubicam-companies.html

        WPP recently bought AKQA for $540 million
        and has a valuation above $15 billion (with a price to sales of under 1, indicating that they have more than $15 billion a year in sales … whereas all of Google is like $40 billion ish in sales), so it is not like they are a “small, low-end, boutique” ad agency

        1. @aaron wall ::

          Oh I know Y&R charge a cakeload :: and I also know that they would refuse to accept most of these dreamland entrepreneurs as clients … even if they came through the door cash-in-hand. Unrealistic clients are almost always not worth the money to a legit service provider.

          And I know that they’re a big hairy global deal … servicing Godzillas. But Godzilla negotiates for :: and almost always gets … market prices. So that’s the whole point.

          A couple of posts ago I talked about Chris Brogan saying :: in sales materials no less … that his per day rate was $22,000. If you racked up that kind of single day bill at Y&R … or Razorfish … you’d have had literally dozens of the most qualified people in the field working on your stuff. Plus all the power that their all important scale would provide you in a Godzilla industry like professional marketing and advertising services. And if they fucked you :: and you sued them and won … you could collect.

          Irwin Frank IV has said his day rate is $100,000.

          If your DIY bizness marketing guru is claiming rates 5x more than the small handful of actual neurosurgeons that exist on the Earth … then maybe there’s a problem.

          And yeah … you most def aren’t allowing yourself to internalize the magnificent fucking horror of what’s happening here. Else I wouldn’t have had to modify that Brian Clark lego card myself.


          Teaching Sells!

          Or maybe “teaching” isn’t the right word.

          1. @SD,

            I get why we aren’t allowed to vote on your posts–because how ludicrous would it be if a bunch of trolls voted your own post down to -4!?

            But sometimes I wish we could score the really good ones like this ala Slashdot style like
            +1 Insightful
            You make so many very good points.

            Furry cows moo and decompress.

      3. @SD, i was anonymous there too…so i guess it did take. so…um…clean up on isle 3? can you consolidate that stuff & delete the extra bits

        1. @aaron wall ::

          … fucking n00b.

          Speaking of fucking n00bs :: get a gravatar son … all the cool kids are doing it {in 2005}.

          1. @SD, my goal is to always be as out of style as possible.

            3 benefits:
            – stuff is cheaper
            – laziness is embraced & rewarded
            – sometimes if you are so out of fashion people think you are ahead of the curve, a free bonus for being cheap & having an effortless “approach”

            aaron (aka: not a cool kid :D)

            1. @aaron wall,

              “my goal is to always be as out of style as possible.”>blockquote

              It’s why I yet still leint the beer at my parties.

  3. It’s called traction :: and we’re getting some … stick in both feet and push!

    It has begun!

  4. Holy shit balls!!

    Shurtleff is pure EVIL

    I hope he gets what is coming to him … but how do you use the law to take down the guy who is sitting at the highest level of law in his state?

    1. @RT, The electorate can throw him out if they’re educated.

      I know — who wants to wait another 100 years for the electorate to finally get a few brain cells, right?

      The other route is to take it Federal.

  5. Mark Shurtlett is just ONE of the many, many turds in the rancid Utah punch bowl. Utah didn’t become the scam capitol of America overnight. It took a bunch of crooks, a lot of effort, and many people in high places looking the other way. For a l-o-n-g time. It’s going to take some serious housecleaning and a real shakeout to remove that deeply-entrenched “good ol’ boy (and girl)” network. It’s probably also going to take the FEDS. They’ll have their work cut out for them.

  6. Hmmm.

    That link to has an interesting advert from someone called Tony Robbins – Be a Life Coach and Change Lives … who he, you ask?


    … the gamekeepers are cavorting with the poachers … it’s kind of a muddle where no one knows what to believe anymore – throw enough mud and it becomes impossible to discern the truth … the love of money makes even the critical carry adverts for the crooks … crrraazzy … no wonder the despairing, the ignorant and the naive are suckered in … but beautifully done if you appreciate that sort of thing …

  7. Dear Utahns,

    ‘Utahns’?! SRSLY? Yr demonym sux!

    (Also: terrible politicians!)


    A Wisconsinite (we know from terrible politicians, you betcha.)

  8. And now for something COMPLETELY different (but::not really):

    Anyone else get the email from Tellman that he’s RETIRING from Internet Marketing? Is this fer real?

    If so, let’s all watch for his stated reasons. I hear all kinds of ’em but I notice they’re still biting the dust, one at a time.

    1. @Head Honcho, I’ve got 5 cents that says his retirement is as real as Kerns and Mark Joyners’ retirements.

  9. I seriously think nothing short of Napoleonic measures will ever get rid of these parasites. It’s like they are zombies. Dead with respect to anything resembling human emotions such as compassion, honesty, decency and so on, they yet exist in this rancid, undead, stench-filled, eat-your-brains infestation/facsimile of “life” and all at our expense.
    We should just be allowed to use flamethrowers on them to disinfect the planet from their kind.

  10. Wow, this is seriously asshattish behavior. You have to be a real king asshole to use your political office to intimidate an ex-wife at 10:30 pm on a Friday night at the behest of a contributor. I thought our pols were bad here in AZ, but not even they have done something quite so heinous.

    This probably also explains why Shurtleff can’t bring himself to prosecute polygamists for anything (not just polygamy).

    I passed this on to my Utah friends and posted it to my FB.

  11. Why aren’t more folks commenting on this post? This is seriously important stuff. ‘Course, I’m kind of late to this myself, so mea culpa and all that. But jeez. Utah. Eric’ Peterson’s latest piece — with the able assistance of Salty — just takes us further down the rabbit hole (or into the beehive, as the case may be). I can’t wait to read the next installments — both from Eric and from Salty.

    1. @Cosmic Connie, I imagine part of the silence is – what on earth do you say? How do you not feel completely overwhelmed knowing an office of such high standing, that should be morally answerable to the people, is so corrupt? What Shurtleff is guilty of is absolutely disgusting, and as a woman and mother I’m just furious.

      But unfortunately, I have no idea what to do about this fury. How do we direct it? What do we say, who do we go to about it? I think that’s what we need tacked onto the end of this story – what can we do?

      The only tangible thing I’ve known to do is to share this with everyone I know, and ask to get the word out. Beyond that, does anyone have any practical advice?

      1. @Alison, @Cosmic Connie,

        Absolutely. This is such an egregious abuse of power, it’s difficult to comment. Our little robot friend has said that which needs to be said.

        For the first time ever, I *wish* I lived in Utah so I could campaign against this man.

    2. @Cosmic Connie, I think Alison hit the nail on the head. Shurtleff, Swallow and the Utah machine are beyond appalling. It’s really hard to find anything to add. I don’t think not commenting necessarily means not reading. I don’t comment very often, but I never miss a post either and it’s rare not to come back a few times to follow the discussion. Just when one thinks the stories here can’t get more twisted and interconnected, they do. And a few years of reading shows sadly they always do.

    3. @Cosmic Connie ::

      Traffic tanks whenever I talk about this … tis a fact.

      I think it kinda goes with something we’ve been talking about in MinionProject501 {which is what I’m calling it starting now} … everything works so much better when the enemy is primarily reliant on the Internet … and better yet a person who makes themselves into an Internet public figure. Those lame posts I wrote about the Decaffeinated Elf were more popular than any of the Utah posts … which pretty much says it all.

      The people who really need to hear this story in order for it to be an effective application of forced transparency … are Utah’s average Republican primary voters. That’s obviously never going to happen.

      On the other hand :: I did SLC talk radio last night with Eric … so that should be much more in the average Utahan’s wheelhouse. Other other hand :: they played Peter Tosh between segments … so maybe not.

      1. @SD,

        Traffic tanks whenever I talk about this … tis a fact.

        I wish it were not so. I wish people could/would have that full on outrage feeling about this that makes them do something–like not vote for Swallow.

        The people who really need to hear this story in order for it to be an effective application of forced transparency … are Utah’s average Republican primary voters.

        I love that expression “forced transparency”.

        Yes, its very difficult to get the information to where it most needs to be. The shielding goes brain deep, I’m afraid. Suppose you could actually get the Swallow audio clip and the news articles in front of every republican at the primary–still there would be fierce resistance. At that point, it might work, it might not.

        We humans are not nearly so rational as we like to pretend.

        That’s why evidence is so important. That’s why I’m glad your method is based on evidence, sources, etc.

        As long as you are posting, @SD, we’ll be reading. Maybe there’s some only-slightly-right-wing, Utah oriented blog. If I found one of those, that’d be the best place to post links

        Furry cows moo and decompress.

      2. @SD, It just proves to me that, directly opposite of what you’re often accused of, this site isn’t all about “building traffic.”

        Utah is starting to remind me of Pakistan. Only more blatantly worse. They provide shelter to the scums. And your radio appearance last night: a drone strike.

        More drones!

      3. @SD,

        It’s a whole lot easier to capture the imagination and emotions of the audience with a ‘celebrity train wreck’ (internet-based or otherwise) than with the real political power machinations that go on all the time everyday in real life.

        The audience tends to tune out the real power stuff as the subject is generally too big, too amorphous and way too close to home. Most of the audience acknowledge on some level that it is real and true–but openly acknowledging it would complicate their already complicated and frantic lives spent trying to stay out of the direct path of the power machine long enough to accumulate the basic necessities of life.

        Any power player worth his salt knows this. Its in his interest to make the workings of power politics boring beyond belief to the vast mass of people who indirectly provide him with his power.
        Like a stage magician using a distraction technique to direct attention away from the hand doing the real dirty deed.

        Pete Tosh? Try his grandaddy, Joe Higgs, for some really emotional steppin music.

    4. @Cosmic Connie, I think the Utah posts lack some of the celebrity train wreck appeal of those posts that target certain “Internet marketing gurus.”

      Yet stopping Utah’s mafia-style shenanigans is more important than any single guru. Because if the corruption in Utah stops, then that will put the kibosh on the lead-gen boiler room business model.

      1. @Ryan Healy, My thoughts exactly, re the importance of stopping the shenanigans in Utah. And of course it’s not just the politicians; so many of the scammy MLM companies and such are based in Utah as well.

        1. @Cosmic Connie & @Ryan Healy ::

          If only we could get some of the Utards to come here for some trolling.

          I guess they are too busy running their giant scam empires to use the webz / comment on websites.

          When your scamminess reaches billionaire status (a la Blake Roney) I guess you have more important things to do (like paying off the FTC) than actually addressing the public outcry against your egregious crimes.

  12. @SD

    Where is this link of you on the talk radio with Eric as stated in your earlier post? I would love to spread the fire here in UTAH

  13. Man, this stuff is getting more and more wierd. The corruption here in Utah runs deep.
    Keep reporting, SD! It makes for good reading!

  14. This is just really great and awesome to know that the your-tax-dollars-at-work, we-spy-on-you-because-we-care NSA


    1) is trying to have a big, fat data-center somewhere close to the capitol of ScamWorld-IRL and

    2) has so many electrical problems they can’t actually open for a year more.

    This fills me with a complicated mixture of conflicted kinds of feelings–most of them bad.

    The Utah facility is a huge project, spanning more than one million square feet of country and costing $1.4 billion in construction alone. The Cray supercomputers, costing $500,000 a piece, will also eventually reside there. While the causes for the surges are still unknown, the project officials are divided as to whether proposed solutions will work. Plans to turn on some of its computers this week have been delayed.

    As per protocol of the clandestine NSA, the exact amount of data that will be stored there is classified. The Army Corps of Engineers dispatched its Tiger Team over the summer, and they determined that the cause of the failures remained unknown in all but two cases, the Journal reports.

    The power spikes are probably an accidental side-effect of the other NSA from the future from after they discover time travel and use that to set up a proper pre-crime division like in that one movie.

    I wish the NSA was still just sci-fi.

    Furry cows moo and decompress.

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