Shurtleff-Swallow-Utah-Mugshot-MLM

Two former attorneys general of the scam state of Utah :: Mark Shurtleff and John Swallowhave just been arrested.

Wow :: OMFG … that felt so good to say. I wanna do it again!

Mark Shurtleff and John Swallow … have just been arrested.

Holy shit! :: felt just as good the second time.

Most of the assholes profiled on this site deserve to be arrested. They wouldn’t be hard cases to prosecute :: because fraud is a crime … and most of the fraud on display here is of the blatantly obvious variety. Conspiring to commit blatantly obvious fraud with other obvious fraudsters :: an ever-present feature of the stories here … is even more of a crime. So criminal cases would be easier to bring than civil cases.

When I was a young and naive robot … I thought if I researched :: wrote :: whispered :: and whined hard enough … those arrests would eventually happen. How could they not? Don’t we live under the rule of law in a functional democracy? But now that I’m an old and rusting robot :: I know the arrests aren’t coming … not ever. We arrest people for smoking weed … and let trillions of dollars of financial crime go completely unchecked {I wish that were an exaggeration}.

It’s a hard set of parallel facts to face. The more you learn about the white-collar criminal underworld … the more you learn about the enabling complicity of government and society. The problem … and the impossibility of the solution. Possession of such knowledges leaves one feeling sick :: dark :: alone … and maybe a tiny bit fucking crazy.

But oh look … a lil’ lifeline to sanity.

Of all the shit eating :: murdering :: molesting :: manipulating :: pyramid scheming :: life ruining :: bastards I’ve exposed here :: if I could choose just one to be arrested and face justice … it would most definitely be Mark Shurtleff. He is the absolute worst … no one else even comes close {including John Swallow}.

Scammers scam … it’s kinda to be expected. But Mark Shurtleff betrays the law :: he betrays democracy :: his actions undermine the underpinnings of our entire society … and he does it all with the haughty :: hypocritical … self-absorption of an archetypal sociopath.

Last September :: when the totally pathetic Public Integrity Section of the US Department of Justice {which specializes in not convicting corrupt politicians} decided they would not bring cases against Shurtleff and Swallow … it seemed as though :: per the ushe :: there was to be no hope for accountability. But unusually :: the FBI decided to press forward with its investigation … working with local prosecutors instead. And even more unusually :: those local prosecutors decided to bring a case against one of their own.

Mark Shurtleff == Arrested!

I’m not going to use this opportunity to do an “I told you so” dance :: and list off three years worth of my anti-Shurtleff comic activism …

kids in cages :: for realz :: kids in cages

ginger helicopter rides and humanitarians of the year

bank of america book club

tweeting an execution …

for the alliance!

shootin’ guns with the tax club

krispy kreme konservatives

robotic resignation demands

the fixer and the flying monkey’s ass

jeremy johnson :: doing it right

abusing the abused

the sound of shakedown …

… oh wait :: yes … I totally am {begins dancing}!

Still :: as glorious and important as these arrests are … they still don’t get at the root of the problem … a problem which Utah’s journalists not named Eric Peterson continue to ignore. Utah is infested by a huge ring of criminal cartels … and those cartels dominate its politics and economy.

My first smackdown of Mark Shurtleff in January 2011 :: Mark Shurtleff Attorney General of MLM … detailed a few of the many connections between Mr. Shurtleff and the Utah’s pyramid scheme “industry.” Most {prolly all} MLMs are pyramid schemes … and Utah is the undisputed center of that world. Mark Shurtleff didn’t just take bribes from these parasites :: he actively participated in their shenanigans … and continued to do so until the very end.

Until just last week :: when he became too tainted even for MLM … Mark Shurtleff was listed as the newly minted compliance officer of Utah MLM … ForeverGreen Xpress.

ForeverGreen Mark Shurtleff

I’m not saying the ForeverGreen Xpress is a pyramid scheme {cause I’m too busy proving that Herbalife is a pyramid scheme to look into it} :: but their “so simple it can be explained on a napkin” compensation plan …

ForeverGreen CompPlan

… certainly reeks of pyramid scheme.

That’s cool with former Attorney General Mark Shurtleff …

… he loves to wipe the blood from his mouth with scam napkins.

Here’s hoping he refuses to take a plea deal like an overconfident sociopath :: and ends up getting 30 years in prison … approx 1500 years less than he deserves.

>> bleep bloop