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Salty Droid

Mark Shurtleff :: Orange is the New Green


Two former attorneys general of the scam state of Utah :: Mark Shurtleff and John Swallowhave just been arrested.

Wow :: OMFG … that felt so good to say. I wanna do it again!

Mark Shurtleff and John Swallow … have just been arrested.

Holy shit! :: felt just as good the second time. Most of the assholes profiled on this site deserve to be arrested. They wouldn’t be hard cases to prosecute :: because fraud is a crime … and most of the fraud on display here is of the blatantly obvious variety. Conspiring to commit blatantly obvious fraud with other obvious fraudsters :: an ever-present feature of the stories here … is even more of a crime. So criminal cases would be easier to bring than civil cases.

When I was a young and naive robot … I thought if I researched :: wrote :: whispered :: and whined hard enough … those arrests would eventually happen. How could they not? Don’t we live under the rule of law in a functional democracy? But now that I’m an old and rusting robot :: I know the arrests aren’t coming … not ever. We arrest people for smoking weed … and let trillions of dollars of financial crime go completely unchecked {I wish that were an exaggeration}.

It’s a hard set of parallel facts to face. The more you learn about the white-collar criminal underworld … the more you learn about the enabling complicity of government and society. The problem … and the impossibility of the solution. Possession of such knowledges leaves one feeling sick :: dark :: alone … and maybe a tiny bit fucking crazy.

But oh look … a lil’ lifeline to sanity.

Of all the shit eating :: murdering :: molesting :: manipulating :: pyramid scheming :: life ruining :: bastards I’ve exposed here :: if I could choose just one to be arrested and face justice … it would most definitely be Mark Shurtleff. He is the absolute worst … no one else even comes close {including John Swallow}.

Scammers scam … it’s kinda to be expected. But Mark Shurtleff betrays the law :: he betrays democracy :: his actions undermine the underpinnings of our entire society … and he does it all with the haughty :: hypocritical … self-absorption of an archetypal sociopath.

Last September :: when the totally pathetic Public Integrity Section of the US Department of Justice {*which specializes in not convicting corrupt politicians*} decided they would not bring cases against Shurtleff and Swallow … it seemed as though :: per the ushe :: there was to be no hope for accountability. But unusually :: the FBI decided to press forward with its investigation … working with local prosecutors instead. And even more unusually :: those local prosecutors decided to bring a case against one of their own.

Mark Shurtleff == Arrested!

I’m not going to use this opportunity to do an “I told you so” dance :: and list off three years worth of my anti-Shurtleff comic activism …

kids in cages :: for realz :: kids in cages

ginger helicopter rides and humanitarians of the year

bank of america book club

tweeting an execution

for the alliance!

shootin’ guns with the tax club

krispy kreme konservatives

robotic resignation demands

the fixer and the flying monkey’s ass

jeremy johnson :: doing it right

abusing the abused

the sound of shakedown

… oh wait :: yes … I totally am {begins dancing}!

Still :: as glorious and important as these arrests are … they still don’t get at the root of the problem … a problem which Utah’s journalists not named Eric Peterson continue to ignore. Utah is infested by a huge ring of criminal cartels … and those cartels dominate its politics and economy.

My first smackdown of Mark Shurtleff in January 2011 :: Mark Shurtleff Attorney General of MLM … detailed a few of the many connections between Mr. Shurtleff and the Utah’s pyramid scheme “industry.” Most {prolly all} MLMs are pyramid schemes … and Utah is the undisputed center of that world. Mark Shurtleff didn’t just take bribes from these parasites :: he actively participated in their shenanigans … and continued to do so until the very end.

Until just last week :: when he became too tainted even for MLM … Mark Shurtleff was listed as the newly minted compliance officer of Utah MLM … ForeverGreen Xpress.

ForeverGreen Mark Shurtleff

I’m not saying the ForeverGreen Xpress is a pyramid scheme {cause I’m too busy proving that Herbalife is a pyramid scheme to look into it} :: but their “so simple it can be explained on a napkin” compensation plan …

ForeverGreen CompPlan

… certainly reeks of pyramid scheme.

That’s cool with former Attorney General Mark Shurtleff …

… he loves to wipe the blood from his mouth with scam napkins.

Here’s hoping he refuses to take a plea deal like an overconfident sociopath :: and ends up getting 30 years in prison … approx 1500 years less than he deserves.

>> bleep bloop