Mark Shurtleff :: Attorney General of MLM

Mark Shurtleff Should Resign in Shame

I want to be your mentor :: because I am full of success {says me}. You want to be my mentee :: because you are full of fail {says you}. Great :: let’s sign a contract! Here’s how it will work …

1. you give me all you monies

2. thanks!

That’s a great business model for me because of the part where I took your money. It’s not so great for you because of the part where you got robbed :: but fuck you :: that’s what you get for believing stuff just because I said it.

Fraudulent five figure “coaching” and “mentoring” upsells are a key component in most of the “best” scam operations. Don’t leave money on the table :: as evidenced by your victims still having money to put food {or anything else} on their tables. Take them for everything the credit card companies say they’re worth :: then build yourself an indoor trampoline and some motherfucking porticos.

Of course :: it can be rough work convincing one quiveringly insecure voice after the next to cough up ruinous amounts of money for obviously fraudulent non-services {not to mention all the night shifts required to properly fuck the Australians}. That’s why you outsource this shit to the “professionals” in Utah.

“Live hypocrisy until you’re dead inside” :: is Utah’s State Motto.

Maybe …

Not really :: I lied … goddamnit Droid stop lying! I don’t even deserve to be your fifteen thousand dollar mentor.

Actually :: their motto is :: “Industry” … which is perfect as long as you remember to include the air quotes.

Mentoring of America sold “coaching packages” {up to $15K} from a Utah boiler room as the darkside backend to John Beck’s real estate riches infomercial :: one the most frequently run {and stupidest} infomercials in America.

The infomercial was all like :: “Send me 40 bucks and then you’ll be parking your Lamborghini by the pool where your fake-tits fake-blond girlfriend will be putting the finishing touches on her fake-tan with some real sun.” And if you’ve got all that stuffs :: implies the unicorn :: then you’re probably definitely not terrified and depressed about your day-to-day like you are now … hooray!

They wanted credit cards :: phone numbers :: and a list of people who were sad and/or susceptible.  And :: sweet sassy molassy :: that’s exactly what they got …

According to an FTC suit the scam has taken victims for approx $300 million :: and in some style too …

“People would come to work so drunk or stoned, they couldn’t hardly walk—and they’re collecting credit-card information from people all over the country… You’re talking heroin, coke, meth, every type of uppers and downers. They were even pumping out Adderall to people, OxyContin— anything you needed.”

Says former Mentoring of America manager Tim Lawson in an incredible 2009 article from the Salt Lake City Weekly

“Some guys there made $35,000 a week,” says salesman X, a former employee who asked to remain anonymous. “A lot of that just went down the drain with drugs.”

Salesman Y, also a former employee who asked to remain anonymous, remembers getting a Lortab from a supervisor once for a headache, “Pretty soon he was selling them to me wholesale,” Y says.

Boiler rooms and hardcore drug use were meant to be together :: like macaroni and cheese :: or poor people and suffering.

He says the mindset of using while at work was, “I’m going to [work] for 12 hours; I won’t feel rejection, I won’t feel pain. I’ll be patient with the people on the phone. [The drugs] give people the ability to mold and mirror people on the phone and basically take their money.”

Good times.

Over the years this drug fueled money taking business model led to dozens of investigations and enforcement actions by Utah’s Division of Consumer Protection :: several private lawsuits :: and a shotgun based employee suicide.

Now the story begins.

In spite of the blatant :: long term :: high profile :: semi-crazed :: nature of MoA’s abuses … Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff had no problem accepting significant campaign donations from the company :: $32,500 in 2008 alone.

Utah’s chief legal officer took money :: a lot of money :: from a dirty fucked up boiler room!

“Holy shit balls Moroni!” :: you say.

I know :: totally. Wait until right now when it gets even worser. This graphic from the City Weekly article shows Mark Shurtleff getting a substantial portion of his campaign funding {25% – 35%} from Utah’s boiler room “industry” …

$187,500 :: from a who’s who of motherfucking bastards.

Mark Shurtleff took money from Prosper Inc. :: who have sold for many douche stains listed on this fake robot blog :: and whose website lists Mike Filsaime :: John Assaraf :: and Joe Vitale among their trusted partners in prospering.

Prosper was sued in 2008 for water-boarding an employee as a motivational technique. The complaint in that suit details another ever present :: macaroni and cheese :: feature of boiler rooms … tyrannical abuse of the sales staff.

Mark Shurtleff took $50,000 from Jeremy Johnson and iWorks :: even though Consumer Protection had recently brought a 55 count citation against Johnson for various frauds and catcraps.

Shurtleff’s taxpayer funded secretary handled the scheduling of his meetings with Johnson and the other ambassadors of ScamTown.

Yada yada yada :: what a creep.

If you knew what I knew {and you don’t so don’t get all uppity} :: you’d know that it’s pretty fucking classic that City Weekly put those particular companies up in a ring :: pointing inward toward a similar goal. Kinda reminds me of the French word for trade union. I robot hypothesize that a cartel controlling a low enforcement zone {now with 80% less Attorney General} :: would be a blueprint for financial success {at the expense of others … natch}.

Wow. Things are looking bad for Mark Shurtleff. Let’s hear his defense …

in re Jeremy Johnson …

Shurtleff maintains he had no knowledge that Johnson was under investigation by the Department of Commerce and had faced charges filed by assistant attorneys general. He says the only connection he shares with Johnson was support for the Utah “lost boys” group, a charity that helps displaced former members of polygamist communities.

{fake southern accent} Oh my stars {fans face dramatically} :: I had no earthly idea.

in re Mentoring of America …

A.G. spokesman Paul Murphy denied any wrongdoing.

“Your line of questioning suggests that a candidate or official should not take any contribution if that candidate may have a future conflict of interest,” writes Murphy. “Does the Attorney General or any elected official need to check with every agency in the state before taking a contribution? Does he have to check with the state fair board, the aeronautical board, child protection services, the state board of education? Is that even feasible?”

In spite of my superior intelligence :: I don’t feel qualified to speak on the feasibility of checking things off with the state fair board {several of whose members are rumored to be overzealous carrots}. But screening donations through his own department :: and a quick Google search :: should have been more than sufficient to rule out all $187,500 in crooked monies.

Shurtleff also “defended” himself on his own super-awesome blogspot blog

Q. “What is the difference between the Salt Lake City Weekly and your run-of-the-mill Supermarket Tabloid?”

A. “You have to pay for the Supermarket Tabloid.”

Okay then :: ouch? Burn?

For years, Utah’s “Alternative” weekly, has masqueraded as a “newspaper.” In fact, its stories are nothing more than “yellow journalism” of the common supermarket variety.

Oh snap? Supermarket yellow :: suck on that “Alternative” … and this …

What I am is the Weakly’s favorite whipping boy in that I dare call them what they are, enforce the rule of law and stand for everything good and decent about our community to which they proudly proclaim they are the “alternative.”

All he does is stand for everything that is good and decent :: and here are these “alternative” yellow bastards accusing him of taking money from scammers just because he takes money from scammers.


So his defense :: though poorly articulated :: is ignorance.  He didn’t know that these companies were under repeated investigation in the past :: and he didn’t know that they were likely to come under investigation in the future. It’s only negligent ignorance :: not intentional corruption.

Maybe I could believe that. Many people The Droid speaks with haven’t the first clue about the ongoing horrors of ScamTown. Its scope and scale have a tendency to shock the uninitiated. It’s a depressing story that normal people don’t want to spend much time thinking about. But Mark Shurtleff isn’t one of these blissful ignorants. His relationship to ScamTown is direct … and totally creepy.

In 2004 :: Attorney General Mark Shurtleff spoke at a sales conference for USANA Health Sciences. USANA is a Utah based MLM that :: I’m guessing :: has very little to do with health or sciences.

Brace yourself for some mind blowing bullshit …

It’s not just that he gives an astoundingly improper endorsement considering his position …

“If you do it right, you do it legal, it is one of the greatest ways to help people realize the dreams of, of uh, and benefits and advantages of a free market system in the world today. And it is legal, and Attorneys General know this. And in fact Usana has a reputation around this country for being the ones that do it right.”

… it’s that he shills :: and plugs :: and fucking woo woos. He’s flat pitching! He knows the sounds :: and the gestures :: and the metaphors. He gets that the hype and inflated emotional reactions are the SickMachine’s main/only lubrication. This big fat turd ain’t no MLM virgin.

In 2005 :: Attorney General Mark Shurtleff supported a legislative amendment to Utah’s Pyramid Scheme Act.  The amendment carves out an exclusion from the Pyramid Scheme Act for MLM’s which pretend to sell physical products {i.e. almost all of Utah’s pyramid schemes}. Says Robert Fitzpatrick in a very interesting article on MLMwatch

“Utah’s top law enforcement official, Attorney General Mark Shurtleff, supported the bill. He argued, contrary to the facts, that one of the distinguishing features of illegal pyramid schemes was the lack of legitimate products. This may have been a valid argument 30 years ago when product-based schemes were less common. Since then, however, the largest and most harmful of all pyramid schemes that have been prosecuted—such as Equinox, Trek Alliance, and International Heritage—offered products or services as their form of “paying consideration.” The existence or quality of the products is, today, irrelevant to the analysis. Some of Shurtleff’s top contributors were the very companies that would benefit the most from SB 182 [2]. Their operations would no longer violate the state’s anti-pyramid scheme statute.”

The bill passed :: was signed by the Governor :: and became Utah’s law in December of 2009. Not that it really mattered much :: what with Utah never even pretending that it would enforce its laws against the geese steeling the golden eggs. Three ironic cheers for the “greatest way to benefit from a free market system” …

Woo woo!

Woo woo!

Woo woo!

{melancholy vomiting}

And now to the now.

Mark Shurtleff wrote a book … or maybe it’s more like an “alternative” to a book. Being that Shurtleff is a totally fucking white Mormon who grew up around nothing but totally fucking white Mormons :: I’m sure you won’t be surprised to learn that his “book” is a “historical novel” about Dred Scott :: who is rather famously black … like slave levels of black.

It comes in two lovely covers …

Quite a sensitive subject :: I hope he’s got the literary skillz to handle this with the delicacy and complexity that it demands :: {spoiler alert} he doesn’t

“That old Moses sho’ ’nuff wouldn’t have to part the Mississippi like he done the Red Sea to lead his people to freedom. I reckon they could’ve walked right across it, so thick is that river with silt and trees and wrecks of a thousand steamers.
And how.
Sure …
“Dred Scott,” he chastised himself, “shame on you! You needs to get shet of that old feelin’ of bondage. That edifice be the place of you’ freedom!”

Oh my sweet tap dancing god {OMSTDG}!

This book wasn’t published by an actual publisher {obviously} :: it was a close run Utah type thing. The original edition was published by Valor Publishing :: whose first tweet went like this …

“Valor Publishing Group, LLC has opened its doors with the signing of Utah AG Mark Shurtleff with his freshman historical novel.”

Home style.

Valor Publishing had a launch party for the book :: and made slavery into a Utah cake …

… hopefully it was chocolate.

If you’re an out-of-touch white person interested in reading Am I Not A Man? The Dred Scott Story :: you can purchase it directly over the Intertubes at …

There you’ll find the book :: Shurtleff’s bio :: and links to his personal Twitters. The site itself is registered to Global Marketing Alliance :: and is hosted on a private server that contains 34 other GMA sites.  Here are some examples …

Forex Advocates

National Debt Solution Program

Forensic Tax Inc

Default Resolutions LLP

P2W Career Tools

GMA Investment Management

I’m not saying that all of these sites are scams :: I’m just saying that they all look exactly like scams.

Global Marketing Alliance’s own site is hosted on a separate web server along with 10 additional GMA sites :: including Mark Shurtleff’s 2008 campaign site :: GMA offers some very lucrative unicorn opportunities …

“Global Marketing Alliance- is a successful, thirteen-year, Utah based business and consumer education solution company…

Average consultants earn anywhere from $1,500 to $2,000 a week. Realistic first year of income is between $75K to $120K.”

Sounds realistic.

Global Marketing Alliance has an F Rating with the Better Business Bureau :: someone should report them to the Attorney General or something … oh wait.

In May of 2010 Global Marketing Alliance was sued by a former employee …

“Clifton R. Tolboe claims in the lawsuit filed this week that on April 1, 2009, John F. Bishop Jr. had consumed alcohol at his company-sponsored birthday party before driving five employees to a local strip club called Trails.

According to the lawsuit, Bishop left the club with the same five employees of Global Marketing Alliance in his company-owned car, driving at speeds up to 100 mph before colliding with another car on I-80 near 2400 East. Both vehicles slid out of control and crashed into a guardrail and bridge support before Bishop’s vehicle eventually rolled.”

Bunch of people to the hospital :: Jason L. Palmer … dead at 26.

Pretty rotten company to be handling the campaign website of an Attorney General. But I’m sure it’s all a big mistake like taking money from Mentoring of America :: Prosper :: and Jeremy Johnson. GMA is just some company Shurtleff hired. Should he be expected to know things about companies he hires? Does he also need to run them past the state fair board? Is that even feasible? It’s not like he has a close relationship with this crap company.

Sharing the web server {and physical address} of Global Marketing Alliance is Global Marketing Design. GMD’s about page lists five employees :: one of those employees is Mark Shurtleff’s oldest son Heath Shurtleff. Heath and his wife Hay Lee write a blog about personal stuffs :: :: always a terrible idea. Says Hay Lee Shurtleff in October of 2008 …

“Heath brought a pleasant surprise to me a few days ago. He has been put on salary on his job, and they are adding him to other projects besides his dad’s campaign. (This makes us very happy!) Not that he doesn’t love working on his dad’s site, but being on more projects means he is more long-term, and won’t be job-hunting starting November 5!”

That’s nice.

Says Heath three months later …

So I’ve been working away at GMD for quite a while now and I have been learning a lot. I recently was given an assignment to make an entire website on my own. I just finished it today and wanted to tell everyone. If you want to see what I did then go to Hopefully this is just the start of a promising career!

It’s fun to get jobs before you get skillz :: thanks Dad.

If the question regarding Mark Shurtleff is :: ignorance or corruption?

… then the answer is :: sho’nuff :: corruption.

Hey Shurtleff ::

Q. “What’s the difference between the Salt Lake City Weekly and your run-of-the-mill Supermarket Salty Droid?”

A.  “Giraffes.”

>> bleep bloop

95 thoughts on “Mark Shurtleff :: Attorney General of MLM”

  1. Q. “What’s the difference between the Salt Lake City Weekly and your run-of-the-mill Supermarket Salty Droid?”

    A. ”Giraffes.”

    HAHAHAHA. Love it.

    Now get ready for a boat load of dumb ass comments to be amused by.

  2. There is blinding stupidity contained in those blog comments by his son, Heath Shurtleff.

    The apple fell next to the tree!

    Corruption… thru-and-thru!

  3. bohica digs heath & hay lee’s innerweb blog thingie. holy batshit crazy… those two MUST sleep upside down.

  4. You can expect a spike in traffic (and blind pro Shurtleff comments) on Sunday when they start making requests from the pulpits for everyone to “go support brother Shurtleff on that non-believer blog.”

  5. GREAT work here, Salty (as usual). But I’m so disappointed about Prosper Inc. I was saving up my moneys to buy me some Miracles Coaching.

    PS ~ Shiteloaf’s writing style is truly Dred-ful.

    1. @Cosmic Connie ::

      More of Shiteloaf’s stylings …this is the opening paragraph …

      “To him, the river sang. It intoned but one word, repeated with every ripple and lap and tide. One word that began with a gurgle far to the north, crescendoed through the heart of a nation, and climaxed in the Deep South with such force that no power on earth could hold it back. One word that bled from every pore. One word: FREEDOM!”

      A powerful :: gurgling :: bloody climax … such a romantic.

  6. Prosper was sued in 2008 for water-boarding an employee as a motivational technique.

    Holy shit! I thought you were joking. Jesus!

    Somebody in Utah’s government also keeps the regulations low (or nonexistent) around supplements. Is that also Shurtleff?

    1. @ Duff

      Jesus, I thought you were both joking. Here’s the link again:

      And here’s the relevant part:
      “Christopherson marched his entire team to the top of a hill outside the office. He ordered Hudgens to lie down with his head facing downhill. He instructed the other team members to hold Hudgens by the arms and legs. Christopherson then slowly pured a gallon jug of water over Hudgens’ mouth and nostrils, thereby making it impossible for Hudgens to breath for a sustained period of time.”

  7. Q: What’s the difference between a boiler room salesman and a pile of shit sitting in
    the middle of the road?

    A: You swerve to miss the pile of shit


  8. So in effect to paraphrase Irwin:

    “Work with your competitors and syndicate the marketplace” really means “Get all your competitors together, combine all your customers, provide false testimonials and income statements for everyone, bankroll the same lawyer and so all you only have to keep one mouth shut and all donations can fatten the same slimeball, price fix your products based on the combined falsified testimonials to create “authority”, combine all sales ever made between all your products to provide blanket “proof of concept” pictures, and take turns promoting each other 1 by 1 such that the maximum amount of sales are attained from each “launch””

    Ya that sounds like a totally legitimate trade union. The work together to create better wages, save money on labor contracts by using the same lawyer. Totally totally a trade union. Except not at all…but almost right Irwin?

    Irwin for PRESIDENT (of cell block 3C)

  9. “Hey Jim I got funny idea. Let’s take Ted out back and water-board him
    after work. I saw it on CNN… funny shit. He’ll be all like…”No, don’t water-board me”.
    It’s gonna be the greatest, the greatest”


    “Ok, that was awesome. High fives. Let’s go do some Jager shots and
    hit the gun club….then of course …HOOKERS!!!!”

      1. @Jack, “The revised CARE Act would capture the essence of Granholm’s holding by preventing wanton
        discrimination against out of state suppliers; would provide clarity to state legislatures; and
        would strengthen states to keep their ability to regulate alcohol according to local customs.”

        Jager, Jager, Jager, Jager, Jager
        …guess who the snake is in the new “Jager” version of this song:

  10. Speaking of MLM

    But all jokes aside, MLM is the one of the worst scams on top of boiler rooms selling bogus coaching, bogus stocks and fraudulent securities. So many people have been screwed from MLM but what’s more interesting is how many idiots are willing to compromise their name, values, and integrity to get involved with a fraud like this.

    Even Donald Trump couldn’t help resist it…

    I honestly don’t give a shit if he made billions in real estate or how many people want to kiss ass.

    I call things like I see it! And what I see is Mr. Trump running a blatant get-rich-quick pyramid scheme.

    But no… So many idiots and sheep are not wiling to speak out against a “big name” like Donald Trump. Why should I bow down to him? Fuck him.

    He’s a crook that runs a MLM pyramid scheme and I’ve also heard he made his real estate empire through fraud and racketeering. There are also several news reports of Trump being sued and accused of fraud by investors.

    And let’s not also forget the fraudulent seminars and coaching that Donald Trump sells. Case in point: He’s a white collar criminal.

    And then we have another crook – Robert Kiyosaki author of “Rich Dad Poor Dad” who’s been involved with the scam MLM – Amway and also involved with fraudulent seminars and coaching.

    Donald Trump & Robert Kiyosaki Both Put Together

  11. Probably mr.. Shurtleff doesn’t have to worry about all this kind of stuff, too, because of his legal help he gets from his PrePaid Legal plan.

    1. @Rafael Marquez,

      Yes. This guy is smoke and mirrors on almost every level. The stench of hypocrisy is overwhelming.

      An AG who accepts contributions from boiler room operations and pushes laws to protect them.

      He denies knowing about their details, yet his son works for them.

      Then he writes a book on the plight of a black slave, when in Mormonism, black people are considered the cursed descendants of Cain.

      Have you EVER seen a black Mormon elder? I mean EVER? They’re rarer than the beloved IM pink unicorn.

      I’ve never even seen a black Mormon missionary.

      1. @Hal (the original Hal), I was just getting ready to make a comment about Shiteloaf’s book possibly being an expression of white Mormon guilt when I saw your comment.

        Officially, racial discrimination is forbidden in the LDS church today. The policy forbidding ordainment of blacks was reversed in 1978. Actually in the early days of the church, under the leadership of Joseph Smith, blacks were allowed to join and some were admitted to the priesthood. The repulsive exclusionary policies came later (around 1852) under Brigham Young. And yes, that “curse of Cain” crap was used to rationalize these policies.

        But churches change with the times, or they won’t survive. Miraculously, the church elders had a “revelation” that caused them to reverse the policies in 1978. Still, one can’t help but wonder how deeply ingrained that curse-of-Cain belief is in the membership and the church leadership.

        Here’s the Wikipedia entry; has a few typos but I think the info is accurate.

        1. @Am I Not A Man, when these wonderful Mormons say “black”, what exactly do they mean?

          There are many races that are considered “black”. Many Indians from India have black skin, Aboriginals from Australia also have “black” skin, the indigenous people of the Phillipines (Aetas) have black skin and are physically indistinguishable from the African black races, despite only having Asian gene pools. Let’s not forget the “black” Americans, such as Lena Horne and Halle Berry, who definitely do not have black skin, but are still considered “black”.

          What about “black” Russians, who clearly do not have black skin, and look more Asian/Mongolian than what anyone would really think of as black?

          Oh and what about all the Mexican immigrants (both legal and illegal) who are standing on the freeways, selling oranges, with skin almost pitch black from the sun?

          Has the Moronic…err Mormonic God cursed them as well? Surely all these different “black” races can’t all be descendants from Canaan.

          Mormon religion is black, not by skin color, but by ideology, pure black and evil. Stupid idiots.

  12. Where are all the nutty Mormon comments? This post has been up for over 12 minutes!

    Maybe they are all engrossed in their copies of “Am I Not A Man?”

    I wonder if Shurtleff did a book tour and brought along a “black man” for reference.

    1. @James, Actually, they’ll probably take good care not to publicize this site among their members. Granted that the REALITY of Mormon culture has nepotism, conflicts of interest and thinly-disguised bribery at its core, that’s not at all the DREAM they are selling- so there are probably at least some of the rank and file who would find Shurtleff’s behavior as despicable as the rest of us do.

  13. Lookiie – the children are here again to serve and defend…to enlighten us and understand who the good guys are…

    “One of my top priorities as attorney general is to fight the scourge of child abuse. We can only save our children by working together as an entire community, so I am thrilled Childhelp”

    I wish I liked to puke because I see so much recently I would like to puke about.

    1. @Jack, there’s even more to help you “recycle your food” on the home page of that organization ( –

      Check out the excellent sponsors like… Prosper, Inc… iWorks… Nu-Skin… and meet some new “friends” too… Like the excellent “The Coaching Company” ( – another “real estate system.”

      Or The Tax Club ( oops I mean ( who are also excellent at manipulating the media and Wikipedia (… apparently linked to StoresOnline (see the pretty picture Salty posted) via a common boiler room operation (

      There sure are a lot of civic minded people in the tiny community of St. George, and the great state of Utah as a whole.


  14. I had a friend who went bankrupt(and took her husband with her) investing tremendous amounts in USANA.

    I told her flat out it was a pyramid scheme and her response, ironically enough, was, “No, pyramids don’t have real products. USANA does.”

    Sad…they ran up over $30,000 in credit card debt to finance their USANA career.

    They were also into Abraham Hicks and all that channeled advice. They paid huge $$$$ to go on a cruise with the channel couple…no shit.


    1. @Ross Jeffries, Hey, I believe you. Many, many people have paid to go on those lavish cruises with the George & Gracie of the New-Wage world and their imaginary-friend collective, Abraham. As I like to say, that’s some funny ship. And Esther and Jerry are laughing all the way to the next “Vortex of Attraction” cruise. Next up on the Gullibles’ Travels itinerary: The Panama Canal!

      1. @Cosmic Connie, I learned a lot of good things from that wackderful site you showed us so far like:

        1. “You don’t call the surgeon a channeler, but he is.” – which is true I think, because I remember my Surgeon told me he went to “The Magical School Of Channel-Surgery”.

        2. Abraham has described themselves as “a group consciousness from the non-physical dimension”.

        (But probably he didn’t know about that they probably just made themselves invisible with the 3D invisibility cloaking device – – which is also what made the price of gold change so much when they used the device to hide the gold).

        3. To Dr. Wayne Dyer they are “the great Masters of the Universe!”

        I don’t know who they are, but now for me it seems like something the military should be battling against and attacking.

        1. @Jack, Here’s a little more about who they are. (I have plenty more on my blog but it’s mostly snark.) The link below is from the Rick Ross archives, a reprint of a UK journo’s article from 2007.

          One bit that might be of interest to readers of the present post on Droid’s blog is that Esther ‘splained to the interviewer why she doesn’t normally do interviews…

          “…because people don’t like Mormons, people don’t like Amway, people don’t like channellers.”

          (Esther grew up in a Mormon family. Hubby Jerry used to be pretty high up in Amway. He was the one that pushed Esther to start her channeling act. And by the way, Esther actually prefers the term “receiving” to “channeling.” Or at least she did at the time she sat down for that 2007 interview.)

          Read it and weep. Or giggle. Or puke.

          1. @Cosmic Connie, Laughter wins this round, thx!

            “People say: could I grow back an arm that has been amputated… is this really possible? We say yes.”

            1. @Jack, If they do not successfully grow back their arm, it might be said they did not want that arm bad enough.

            2. Well, in case y’all haven’t heard, Jerry Hicks, former Amway exec and the person who first “inspired” his wife Esther to get in touch with that imaginary collective, Abrascam, has “transitioned to the nonphysical.” Leukemia, perhaps related to advanced age (he was in his eighties) took him. He shuffled off this mortal coil on November 18, which as it happens was the same day Death Ray began his prison ministry tour. But no doubt Esther will go on, probably channeling Jerry now as well as Abe. Already she’s getting messages from Jerry in The Vortex.

              And already I’m getting the hate emails on one of my old Abrascam blog posts, even though at the time I received them I’d only mentioned the death briefly on someone else’s post on Facebook. (This comment is my second mention of it.) Full of love and light to the end, those Abers!

            3. @Cosmic Connie, Thanks for the update about Mr. Jerry Hicks. I went ahead and wrote down what I was doing when I found out (eating some half price walnuts) so I can look back some day and remember what I was doing when I heard the news. And also, in case the economy gets worse I can remember when I could afford walnuts.

              So now that it is no longer the two of them, I guess Mrs. Esther will take the “s” off her last name and just go by Esther Hick.

            4. @Cosmic Connie,

              What I really find amazing is that after they outright lied about his diagnosis for the longest time, and when he got his diagnosis, he started immediately with aggressive chemotherapy treatments, something they have always claimed that modern medicine of any kind is something that you don’t need (I wonder just how many people they “killed” by people dying rather than seeking out treatment), and then he dies anyway and it takes Esther 5 whole days to notify their suckers, I mean, supporters, because she needs that much time to make up a story to convince their cult that everything is just the way it was supposed to be and Jerry is now where he was supposed to be, and everyone believes it all and is still all wrapped up in the bullsh!t! I mean, doesn’t anyone see the discrepancy between what they teach and the real facts now? Talk about brain washing! I kind of thought that when I saw clips of Esther performing with a bad cold and could barely talk, her voice was so hoarse, on one of their recent video releases, and how she “excused it away” — when what they teach is that if you are in “alignment”, or “in the vortex”, you will not get sick or attract any illness of any kind. I guess Jerry attracted his cancer the same way JAR attracted his downfall. “You attract what you are”.

  15. “Bigamy is illegal in Utah, and plural marriages are prohibited in the Utah and Arizona constitutions. However, both states have decided to focus law enforcement efforts on crimes within the polygamous communities that involve child abuse, domestic violence and fraud.”

    In other words…MARRY AWAY…and don’t forget to invite us to the receptions!

    “Anticipate distrust of mainstream society. – Recognize the possibility of distrust of many “mainstream” practices and institutions, especially those associated with the government.”

    Funny…this is in a GOVERNMENT handout! (Utah, but still…)

  16. Utah is a strange and terrifying place. I know some great people there. It’s a shame that so many scumbags also thrive there.

    SD, is Steve Pavlina on your radar? He’s ripe for the Droid treatment. He’s the only IM/personal development “guru” of any significance that I haven’t seen skewered on here…yet.

    1. @Rev. Henry Kane, Oh, you mean Steve Pervlina, Mr. Polyandry, Mr. (Former) D/s, and great fan of Eben Pagan’s “Man Transformation” frauduct line?

      We’ve discussed him here before, but you’re right; he’s probably ripe for an official skewering.

      There’s certainly plenty of material, since by his own admission Steve is a “content machine.” At the beginning of every year, he vows to embark upon a new experiment of some sort. A couple of years ago it was the big relationship experiment: polyandry. Announcement of the Pavlinas’ divorce followed within months. This year he’s experimenting with “alternative business models.”

      Apparently the blogging-for-dollars gig and the live events haven’t been supporting his lifestyle…wait, I mean, he’s just bored and wants to try new and challenging things. Among other things he’s getting more into the phone consultation game. Right now he’s offering his expertise for the bargain price of only $997 for a one-hour phone consultation.

      Pervlina is also a proud member of the Transformational Leadership Cartel. They’re holding their semi-annual meeting right now in the Big Easy (it ends tomorrow, the 23rd).

      So once again the masters of the universe are convening in luxury. So far I haven’t seen any bragging Tweets from Pervlina, though; all I’ve seen on Twitter is that he is in New Orleans. Maybe the other cartel members told him to ix-nay on the boasting about their seekrit stuff.

      1. @Cosmic Connie,

        Yep, Steve Pavlina, though he has lots of interesting ideas, got where he was by being super-duper-brainy and working ridiculously hard at his various legit businesses when younger. Not your average Jo/Joe.

        When he gives advice it’s helpful to remember that your average Jo/Joe isn’t super-duper brainy, and when he gives business advice it’s important to remember that he had years and years of failure before getting anywhere.

        If he’s so bright, can’t he see all the fraudsters and scammers he’s mixing with? It doesn’t make sense. Why’s he recommending some products that just don’t feel right? Getting Rich With Ebooks – dodgy! The Lefkoe Method – dodgy!

        I wish the guy had more awareness. But if you move in scammer circles there’s something wrong.

  17. “Oh my sweet tap dancing god {OMSTDG}!”

    LOL! That made my beer go up my nose. Droid, after you have all these scumbags on the run, please take up a career in writing. This is good stuff.

    1. @Bill, Salty should take up a career in comedy as well. I’ve laughed tears some days because of this blog.

  18. Thanks for the enlightening expose. I had no idea the AG of Utah was so intertwined with the many reasons why so many scam operations originate there. The message: always report scammers to your AG and to the AG in the state the scammer operates. Unless it’s Utah. It’s a waste of time and postage. You just showed everyone a very good reason to not do business with Utah companies.

    Let’s see how that sits with their Chamber of Commerce…or whatever they call it there.

  19. Let’s see … Utah has the highest concentration of Boiler rooms to fuck up peoples lives, MLMs on every corner like a church, highest consumption of paid porn, sugar, anti-depressant drugs, cosmetic surgery per capita. And the majority of these people are fucking Mormons?

    Holy Fuck Joe Smith!

    When I am in a business meeting and the guy presenting says, “Hey, you can trust me, I’m Mormon.” I hold onto my wallet and run the fuck out of the room.

    No one does control with guilt and manipulation quite like the Mormon church.

  20. USANA is another MLM scam with Secret cred. It was formerly the business venture of Denis Waitley; yet another member of The Secret brain trust. I say formerly because he had to resign from the board of directors when his fraudulent SEC filings came to light. Turns out you can’t list fictitious higher degrees in SEC filings. Who knew?! Details here

  21. Ruel Morton…allegedly Dr. “Ruin Your Financial Life” Morton. I think that’s his nickname, but I’m not a doctor like him so I don’t know. Look at his b(eeeewwww)tiful website. “You can either choose to be a king or you can settle for being the subject of someone else’s kingdom!” That or join an MLM downline like him and shitleaf. Wow. Scum it up!!1!

  22. Boom! now ranks #5 and #6 for “Mark Shurtleff” on Google.

    But here’s one thing that still surprises me.

    With all these sites linking back to this post, how is it possible that still ranks #3 for “Mark Shurtleff”?

    Is Google not an SEO?

  23. I’m so so so so so so so sorry you did not get help as a kid. :( Can I ask you a personal question?? Is it scary? It must be hard. Really it must be so hard to not have a job, and sit at home. Oh! Please tell me because I really don’t know how it feels to not have a job. You know I’m 18 years old and live on my own with a full time job. I need some advise I really don’t know what it feels like to fail as a kid up til your age? Is it something that is quite disturbing??? What is it that you do? Is it fun? So, you sit home all day (not to mention in your underwear looking for people to bash on because you feel bad about your own self. For it says it all in this quote “If you hate a person, you hate something inside of them that’s apart of you. Something that’s not apart of you doesn’t disturb you.” what really is a part of you that you hate? Really do you think that the people that follow this are actually okay in their lives? If you take everyone on here who posted something bad, well, if you really knew them you would know that they are full of hate for some reason. (parents never caring enough, parents leaving, they got ripped of somehow or so they think, parents divorced, could of been abused in any way) really it all comes down to what is inside of you that makes you hate so much. What the heck happened that was so bad that you have to rip on other people? what did they do to you? Back to the beginning….I cant tell you how sorry I am. By the way… long did it take you to research all of this stuff?? you must have spent quite some time on this…kind of makes you look like a stalker. I mean come on who has their whole page dedicated to one person? You’re worse than a school girl who is like obsessed with Justin Bieber. Okay im done now. If you all have any questions of what Im talking about im open to all suggestions or comments or whatever you guys want to throw out. again…… sorry saltydroid……… you have my best wishes on getting your life on track. :)

    1. @Darth ::

      My grandfather once told me :: “do not attempt to do amateur psychological analysis on fictional personas or you will sound like an idiot” :: it was good advice that served me well and now I’ve passed it on to you my child.

      The circle of life!

      1. @SD, What? You probably looked that up on the internet. Btw… You never answered how long it took to get this :)

        1. @AnonymousDarth ::

          You have a gift for being unintentionally funny.

          This is one post of 300 … it took how long one post takes. Any other pseudoretarded questions I can answer for you?

          Send them by fax or pager to my fake secretary Debbie …

          1. @SD, No no no how long did it take you to research this… I mean to have a whole page dedicated to mark is like wow! You must feel the need to really center your life on him. Sad day :(

  24. You are a complete idiot. Plain and simple. It is actually uneducated people such as yourself that are the epitomy of what you are trying to prove.

    1. @kelly,

      Here’s a free tip for you:

      When calling someone an idiot and/or uneducated, it’s a good idea to spell properly and use correct grammar. Then you don’t look so stupid.

    2. @kelly, The world would hardly consider someone who is highly literate and has a J.D. degree to be “uneducated,” but clearly, you could benefit from some basic education.

    1. @Consumer Rights Lawyer Florida, Oh how funny, and yet how very SAD. Lawyer auto-spam. The website says, “Call 24 hours a day 954.763.8660.” Sounds like an invitation to CHAT!

      BOB MURPHY PA – Consumer Rights Lawyer Florida & Fraud Attorney in Fort Lauderdale, FL | Web Design & SEO Consultant by: SEM PROS Search Engine Marketing Company

      His most recent blog post was nearly two farkin’ years ago: “Attorney Murphy was honored by Broward County Legal Aid as the Attorney of the Year.” Uh huh.

      Here’s a tip, Bobby:

      When hiring scourge like “SEM PROS” ( to auto-spam fake robot blogs with crap comments, don’t expect a favorable outcome.

    1. @Jack, Hi Jack. If he was going to draw a mustache on me, I think I would ask him to do it before I got waterboarded, and not after. That way, it might help wash some of it off. Also I would probably ask him about his art skills first.

  25. Pingback: » Swallow Hard
  26. An article from the St. Lake Tribune in my Google Alerts today reminded me of this Salty page here.

    Article link:
    relevant text:

    To boost their case against Green Tea Co., state investigators also played a video recording at a hearing Tuesday of then-Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff as they tried to establish that the company had broken Utah and federal laws that regulate the sale of franchises or business opportunities.

    Oh and also the whole article title is relevant too I guess.

    So “Green Tea Co” is part of “USANA Health Sciences”?

    Step right up, step right up. Anyone can win.

    Furry cows moo and decompress.

    1. @Wyrd,

      I’m not sure where you’re goin’ with the USANA reference. According to this article, Green Tea Co. is owned by a father and son, not a big company like USANA. If you click through to the article, be sure to read the first comment, which is from one of the owners.

  27. Justice…slow and uncertain, but finally serving Shurtleff and his successor Swallow with arrests for bribery. No mention of MLM ties in the LA Times article though (just payday lending and online gambling). Oh well.

Comments are closed.