Mike Filsaime

The Burton Family Affairs

It’s clear how Michael Burton’s faux career at scam company Herbalife is going to end :: fucking disastrously … and with no possible excuses.

“But how did his career begin?” … asks a giraffe standing on a turtle.

Well :: inquisitive giraffe with extraordinary balance :: it began with used cars … in the style of our very own previously shat upon The […]

Rippln Ripple Rippln Rip

R u Rippln?

One ripple creates another ripple in a beautiful sequence of ever repeating ripples until :: !!boom!! … holy fucking shit you’re so fucking rich right now. You make Warren Buffet look like Ed Dale :: and all you had to do was sign up for a free app … or something … it totally works.

According to the lie-marketing :: Rippln […]

The Prosper Chronicles {451}

Something wicked this way comes :: let’s be blunt … it’s Utah. You’d think they’d be extra not wicked :: what with even their underwear wearing codified and regulated :: but no … they’re totally wicked. Utah is the heart of darkness :: but you fuckers don’t care … my multiyear ball busting Utah coverage is about as popular as […]

Syndicates on The Verge

So I’m totally famous now … I can haz u monies?

Last year Engadget left AOL to become The Verge :: because AOL is like one of the stupidest things that’s ever happened … and if you breathe in their fumes for too long you’ll turn into a raging idiot addicted to teeth whiteners. Says David Carr in his NYTimes […]

Debbie Does PowerPay

Every time I ask my fake secretary Debbie to take a letter :: she uses purple ink … it’s daft not adorable … but there’s no convincing her.

“We’re talking to the banking system here Debbie :: for christ’s sake … use a word processor.”

… says me.

But I’m capital :: and she’s labor … and if I don’t let her […]

Boiled Gnome

You know I hate me some gnomes :: the hats :: the tiny dumb dancing :: the chirp chirp singing … and of course the fucking scamming. Maybe it’s not fair to judge all gnomes based on my limited experience with them :: but so what … I don’t have to be fair to gnomes. Fuck you gnomes :: […]

McGruff Grows Up

Begin lawyer talk in 3 :: 2 :: 1 … oh god make it stop …
Congress passed 15 USC § 6102 to tell the FTC to do something about people being buttholes over the phone :: this was back in the Nineties when Congress still did stuffs without needing to be tazed. It’s the FTC’s job to make the […]

Boiled Lemonade

When life hands you lemons :: tie life up at gun point and be like … how u like me now life?

… or at least assault a police officer :: violate your probation … and keep being a complete and total fucking junkie.

If only boiler room suck-job John Paul Raygoza had better taste in motivational wall hangings :: he may […]

Millionaire Marketing … The Party

Psychopaths fucking love pity parties :: but they also love real parties … because of the free drinks … and jumbo shrimps … and opportunities to steal jewelry and/or spouses.

Stephen Pierce had a party in 2007 :: it was for millionaires only bitches :: or at least for people comfortable saying the word millionaire … very exclusive stuff. Malaysian […]

Psychopathic Pity Party

1 in 25 Americans are sociopaths / psychopaths / conscienceless-freaks … 4% … holy fuck! … that’s way more than you thought … assuming you’d ever bothered to thought about it.

20 of 25 Salty Droid targets are sociopaths :: hopefully :: cause that’s kinda the point.

Some distinguishing traits of the psychopath :: according to wikipedia’s version of Dr. Robert Hare’s […]