McGruff Grows Up

Modern McGruff

Begin lawyer talk in 3 :: 2 :: 1 … oh god make it stop …

Congress passed 15 USC § 6102 to tell the FTC to do something about people being buttholes over the phone :: this was back in the Nineties when Congress still did stuffs without needing to be tazed. It’s the FTC’s job to make the actual rules :: which they do after a prescribed period for public comment where interested parties who have enough money to hire lobbyists … like the Direct Marketing Association … can help “contribute” to the rule making process with their own insightful insightfulness.

If you act now you can get a free copy of these exciting rules :: then you can print them out and carry them around with you whenever you’re touring boiler rooms :: like Vicious Garden Gnome Mike Filsaime was said to do several times at John Paul Raygoza’s PushTraffic before it imploded.

§ 310.4 (d) — Required oral disclosures in the sale of goods or services

It is an abusive telemarketing act or practice and a violation of this Rule for a telemarketer in an outbound telephone call or internal or external upsell to induce the purchase of goods or services to fail to disclose truthfully, promptly, and in a clear and conspicuous manner to the person receiving the call, the following information:

(1) The identity of the seller;
(2) That the purpose of the call is to sell goods or services;
(3) The nature of the goods or services;

Good law.

However :: like most of the salesman on the PushTraffic floor :: Robert Artino doesn’t give a shit about the law and starts off his sales calls by lying about his identity …

… ring ring I’m a liar …

… Steven Marks {Artino} has already violated the disclosure rules and set up the whole transaction as fraudulent :: and it only took him ten seconds … well played.

Fuck disclosing that it’s a sales call :: that severely decreases your chances of making a sale. Artino starts right in the on unicorn dreams :: the ridiculous $15K a week income claims :: and the probing for personal information …

… done for you make money online grandmas …

Don had a low paying job before getting laid off :: he’s been unemployed for almost a year :: he’s in his forties but might live with his parents :: he doesn’t sound all there to the fake robot … or to Artino. His desperation is obvious :: but everything Artino says to him is a blatant lie … and he’s totally sold after just a few minutes.

Of course :: you gots to spend money to make money …

… what type of availability …

… “can you borrow money from your mom or anything like that?”

That sort of shit ruins families :: families that are a desperate man’s final fallback position … but the heartless bastards at PushTraffic said stuff like this all the time. Don was sure his Mom would have none of this bullshit :: but Artino had a better idea anywayz …

… credit card fraud and you can too …

Facilitating your own felony fraud by encouraging your victims to commit felony fraud of their own :: super cool … super fucking cool. Don wasn’t sure this was a good idea :: won’t the credit card company expect payments to be made on the money borrowed? No problem :: Artino has a lie for every occasion …

… getting your first paycheck …

First paycheck within a week. Within a month :: before your first credit card payment comes due … you’ll have made your money back. That’s not what they told some customers :: that’s what they told ALL customers … it was part of their scripted pitch.

… credit card goodbye …


It took nine minutes and twenty one seconds :: but the misery and regret might last a lifetime … a lifetime shortened by misery and regret. All fraud :: start to finish. All day :: every day :: day after day :: month after month :: year after year … thousands of poor people taken for millions of dollars.

If this ain’t crime :: if NOTHING is going to be done … then why keep pretending like we have laws and rules?

:: Public Service Announcement ::

As long as you’re hurting poor people :: there aren’t any rules … please feel free to do whatever the fuck you want.

>> bleep bloop

62 thoughts on “McGruff Grows Up”

  1. Was the “why keep pretending like we have laws and rules?” the rhetorical-question, because maybe I can stop my head-hurting if I can just ignore it and not think about it.

  2. Wow. Robert Artino takes pushy and deceptive to a whole new level.

    Definitely can’t call it salesmanship. It’s just bald-faced lies spoken in a confident tone of voice.

    1. @Jack, They have a great choir. Now all they need is an orchestra, and all the scammers can enjoy the music while they keep on scamming.

    2. @Jack ::

      We need fraud police with federal jurisdiction. The FTC can only take your money :: but it prolly wasn’t your money cause you stole it … and you prolly already spent it cause you’re the sort of prick who steals money from old ladies and then leverages a gaudy boat that will never leave the harbor.

      1. @SD, Also it can be the dream job, because who wouldn’t want to knock on an old ladies door and give them some hope when they answer by announcing, “Hello Ma’am. I’m with the Fraud Police.”

  3. “Have you ever asked your Mom for money?” (who hasn’t…)

    Wait a minute: If he’s setting up businesses for eighty year old people, as he claims, then how the fuck old are their mothers?!

    “Hello, Mr. Methuselah…may I speak to your Mommy?”

    1. @Barbara ::

      On one tape which you guys aren’t going to hear :: this super old lady was taking money or credit from this little investing club she had with some other little old ladies in her retirement home. She was really worried that they were all going hate her and then she’d have lost all her friends and all her money … which I’m sure is exactly what happened … because nothing was ever sad enough to slow these fucks down for even an instant.

      1. @SD, oh, Salty, that is disgusting! This makes me all the more glad that my dad who died a few years ago at the age of 86 was super surly to anyone who wasn’t his broker (who he’d known for 20 years) who called him up with “investment opportunities”.

        And by the way, should you talk to Filsaime, send him over here, my non-corrupt, but exceedingly vicious garden gnome would like to kick his ass.

        1. @Anna and @SD

          This is why I’m glad my brother is always lurking in the background whenever someone tries to sell him something. Hell, one of Dad’s stockbrokers also works for my employer (different division) but I told my brother, “you know XXX [stockbroker] is just going to try to sell to Dad. That is his job. That is how he makes his money.”

          Some day I’m going to get the full details on a creepy legal scam…real lawyers sent out to hucksterize (is that even a word?) elderly people into remaking their legal documents (wills, powers of attorney, trusts) for fun and profit. My brother sat there for THAT as well, and scared off the attorney by taking copious notes.

    1. @Wyrd, Well, there’s no lack of talking about enforcement. I guess that’s what they think really counts.

    2. @Wyrd,

      All the enforcement money was spent busting 17 yr olds carrying dime bags.

      Oh, and red light cameras.


    3. @Wyrd,

      According to the FTC’s own Performance and Accountability Report, in FY 2010 (September 30, 2009, to September 30, 2010), they employed 1,183 people. They spent 57% of their operating expenses on their Consumer Protection (CP) Strategic Goal, so let’s imagine (1,183 x 57% =) 675 people were assigned to protecting consumers.

      Those 675 people logged “3.1 million complaints and inquiries,” and returned “more than $48 million in redress funds to victims of fraud and scams following successful prosecution.” Extrapolating from the September 2010 numbers, overall the FTC averaged one formal action a day and one federal court case every three days. Of their “consumer protection law enforcement actions, 95.9% target[ed] the subject[s] of consumer complaints.”

      Based on “more than 2,800 complaints,” they halted Central Coast Nutraceuticals’ $30 million-a-year continuity-billing scam in FY 2010. In December 2010 (FY 2011) they took down the $274 million continuity-billing scam “known as iWorks.”

      It sucks that court action against PushTraffic was left up to Dr. Levy’s pro bono efforts – and God bless him for doing that, but let’s not pretend that the FTC was sitting on their asses in 2010. They are only 675 people.

      1. @Lanna ::

        The FTC is not really big enough to be an effective enforcement agency on its own … that is true for sure. But they have tremendous power far exceeding their size … like the power to make fierce rules that the DMA hates for one … and the subject matter expertise to wrangle US Attorneys and local enforcement into action … for another.

        But this is a total system fail :: not just an FTC fail … and especially not a fail by the people in Consumer Protection who are already a big part of the fight.

        How about we end the unwinnable drug war :: and start a war on fraud … top to bottom? Cause unlike drugs … nobody wants fraud. Then maybe the cops in Salt Lake :: Provo :: Boise :: Austin :: San Diego :: Scottsdale :: St. George :: and L.A. will finally have the time :: and the jail space :: to do something.

        But thousands of thousands of people … millions and millions of dollars. Money pushed from the productive economy for essentials into the up-your-nose black market … and ludicrous “I have found monies” luxury goods market. That’s too much harm. If our system is not even going to hiccup over that :: even after it’s been well and truly exposed … then we really don’t have a system.

        So go out there and commit all the fraud you can kids … nobody gives a shit!

    4. @Wyrd,

      Not only that, they’ve been CUTTING staff at all the regulatory and enforcement agencies for years. All during the housing bubble, for instance, even as the FBI was identifying mortgage fraud as a huge, multi-billion dollar growth business for criminal enterprises they were reassigning agents away from fraud investigation and into ‘terror investigations’- all of which have turned out to be basically a matter of assigning agents to hang around Mosques, talking to disaffected teenagers and encouraging them to act on their anger so they can bust another ‘plot against America’.

      The ‘government never gets anything right’ and ‘taxes are a waste of money’ memes are a fraudster’s best friend. This kind of thinking ensures that even if, by chance, they happen to get caught there’s very unlikely to be the kind of enforcement follow-through that would really make them think twice about continuing to flout the law. And in the most extreme cases where they DO actually get serious fines or jail time they’ll get plenty of sympathy with their ‘big bad government is being mean to me’ whining.

  4. There are supposed to be laws that protect the elderly from financial abuse. Since they spend more time at home they’re a popular target for telemarketing scams. The U.S. Department of Justice reports that dishonest telemarketers bilk one in six Americans to the tune of $40 billion each year. The AARP claims that at least 80% of them are over fifty years of age.

    The man Artino attempts to scam in the above conversation sounds as if he might have a disability. Are there laws against scamming developmentally disabled adults on the books in any states?

    Robert Artino and his ilk should feel the full force of the law. These sociopaths belong in prison. Why aren’t law enforcement agencies doing more to stop this type of crime? They can’t all be as crooked as Utah’s Attorney General Mark Shurtleff. Can they?

    1. @Barbara,

      AARP cites a MetLife study saying 55% of financial abuse “is committed by family members, caregivers and friends.” So when Capital One checks Don’s credit reports, sees no substantiation of his $75,000-a-year magical dream unicorn self-employment income, and turns him down, good ol’ Steven (Robert) will encourage Don to “borrow” from his mom by getting a credit card in her name. Then Steven (Robert) will only have scammed a regular adult, and poor Don will have perpetrated the much worse financial abuse of an elderly family member.

      The problem with laws regarding developmentally disabled adults is we still have eugenics-inspired definitions of developmental disability on the books. Is your cousin a slut? Well, then you’re feeble-minded and we’ll need to sterilize you and put your kids in a foster home.

      In good faith and with the best intentions, Washington State’s AG Rob McKenna has successfully advocated for tougher penalties for those who abuse “vulnerable adults,” a definition that includes “[a]n adult with a developmental disability as defined under RCW 71A.10.020.” There’s even a helpful Prosecution Manual. But what’s RCW 71A.10.020‘s definition?

      “Developmental disability” means a disability attributable to intellectual disability, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, autism, or another neurological or other condition of an individual found by the secretary to be closely related to an intellectual disability or to require treatment similar to that required for individuals with intellectual disabilities, which disability originates before the individual attains age eighteen, which has continued or can be expected to continue indefinitely, and which constitutes a substantial limitation to the individual. By January 1, 1989, the department shall promulgate rules which define neurological or other conditions in a way that is not limited to intelligence quotient scores as the sole determinant of these conditions, and notify the legislature of this action.

      A person could set out to scam veterans or artists, actors, computer hackers or basically anyone else and accidentally scam a “vulnerable adult” under those rules.

  5. Barbara, there are laws to prevent financial abuse of anyone, demographic doesn’t matter. The problem isn’t the law but the lack of enforcement.

    Well actually the problem is the scum that puts their financial interest above the well being of the vulnerable.

  6. So, basically, as long as you’re fucking over the poor and contributing to political candidates, you’re good to go. You too can be just like the Koch brothers if you follow my simple formula!

    1. @Rafael Marquez, if you find yourself with any spare time, you’re welcome to come to Wisconsin to help as we eject Mr. Walker from the Governor’s Mansion!

  7. The FTC is a government agency what can you expect…we can barely deliver the fucking mail

    The current Chairman of the FTC is Jon Leibowitz. The other commissioners are J. Thomas Rosch, Edith Ramirez and Julie Brill. I’m sure if their families were financially abused we would see action…until then they won’t do a fucking thing

    Jon Liebowitz couldn’t give a shit about any of the Biz op scams being perpetrated every day to innocent people

    He is chosen by the president and voted on in congress and doesn’t answer to the people of The United States.

    Jon Liebowitz has no intention of looking into Krank Kern and his criminal Syndicate…let alone stopping them

    Jon Liebowitz and the FTC haven’t lifted one finger to stop the crimes being committed by Mike Filsaime, John Reese, Ryan Deiss, Ed Dale, Mike Koenig, Jeff Walker, Andy Jenkins and all the lower level players in The Syndicate

    Jon Liebowitz isn’t listening…maybe it’s time someone tried stealing from Jon Liebowitz mother because that may be the ONLY way to get his attention

    1. @Shit Storm, I agree except delivering the mail is one of the few things the government actually does well and inexpensively. So it’s no surprise they’re trying to dismantle the post office in order to spend more money on things the government does incompetently.

      Good comment though!

    2. @Shit Storm,

      Funny you should mention the USPS, seeing how they’re so snuggled up with the DMA mentioned in SD’s article. USPS cites the DMA’s ROI stats on their DM Hub. In 2010, 48% of mail pieces delivered were Standard Mail (advertising). Now I’m in favor of direct mail marketing as much as the next person who makes money working on direct mail marketing, but according to Businessweek, the USPS actually loses money on some Standard Mail and Periodicals, effectively subsidizing advertisers when they can’t afford to fund their employees’ retirement healthcare.

    1. @Dave James,

      He’s not very creative. Central Coast Nutraceuticals, the FTC’s “performance highlight” for FY 2010, had been running that same scam since 2007. (Last month Central Coast was ordered to pay $1.5 million in damages.)

  8. In this letter, I would like to share with you some thoughts I originally organized to stand uncompromised in a world that’s on the brink of The Salty Droid-induced disaster. Although my approach may appear a bit pedantic, by setting some generative point of view against a structural-taxonomical point of view or vice versa, I intend to argue that what I find frightening is that some academics actually believe The Salty Droid’s line that mingy dumbbells are more deserving of honor than our nation’s war heroes. In this case, “academics” refers to a stratum of the residual intelligentsia surviving the recession of its demotic base, not to those seekers of truth who understand that The Salty Droid says that it needs a little more time to clean up its act. As far as I’m concerned, The Salty Droid’s time has run out. As a dying tree drops its leaves and is attacked by fungus and worms of decay, so too is a nation set upon by The Salty Droid. The Salty Droid’s epithets resonate with the deviltry of hooliganism. Once we realize that, what do we do? The appropriate thing, in my judgment, is to balkanize The Salty Droid’s stinking plunderbund into an etiolated and sapless agglomeration. I say that because it occasionally shows what appears to be warmth, joy, love, or compassion. You should realize, however, that these positive expressions are more feigned than experienced and invariably serve an ulterior motive, such as to submerge us in a sea of insurrectionism.

    I despise everything about The Salty Droid. I despise The Salty Droid’s attempts to authorize, promote, celebrate, and legitimize scary, brusque irreligionism. I despise how it insists that paltry euphuists and brainless egotists should rule this country. Most of all, I despise its complete obliviousness to the fact that unlike everyone else in the world, it seriously believes that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. Woo woooo! Here comes the clue train. Last stop: The Salty Droid. We should note, of course, that what I’ve written about The Salty Droid doesn’t prove anything in itself. It’s only suggestive, but it does make a good point that some people think I’m exaggerating when I say that The Salty Droid tries to assert its autonomy by attempting to wiretap all of our telephones and computers. But I’m not exaggerating; if anything, I’m understating the situation.

    I agree that the moral devastations that accompany The Salty Droid’s vexatious casus belli suffice to slowly but surely make life less pleasant for us. But I also think that The Salty Droid doesn’t want to acknowledge that it would be good for the press to start paying attention to things like this. In fact, The Salty Droid would rather block all discussion on the subject. I suppose that’s because its ruminations are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. The Salty Droid likes glorifying Pecksniffian, suppressive, murderous governments as the ideologically correct alternative to all other possibilities. That’s the most damnable thing about it. It’s also why sometimes, what you don’t know can hurt you. Still, I recommend you check out some of The Salty Droid’s offhand remarks and draw your own conclusions on the matter.

    It is similarly noteworthy that The Salty Droid is leading us down the road of diabolism, so to speak. The Salty Droid and its foot soldiers are on a recruiting campaign, trying to convince everyone they meet to participate in diminishing our will to live. Don’t join that coalition; instead, remember the scriptures: “Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil.” I certainly want to talk about the big picture: conclaves of The Salty Droid’s trucklers have all the dissent found in a North Korean communist party meeting. That’s why no one there will ever admit that The Salty Droid takes things out of context, twists them around, and then neglects to provide decent referencing so the reader can check up on it. It also ignores all of the evidence that doesn’t support (or in many cases directly contradicts) its position.

    The Salty Droid’s favorite tactic is known as “deceiving with the truth”. The idea behind this tactic is that it wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to launch an all-out ideological attack against the forces of ageism. What The Salty Droid doesn’t realize is that if I have a bias, it is only against predatory busybodies who egg on negative externalities in the form of evasion, collusion, and corruption. Since I have promised to be candid, I will tell you candidly that The Salty Droid is terrified that there might be an absolute reality outside itself, a reality that is what it is, regardless of its wishes, theories, hopes, daydreams, or decrees.

    The Salty Droid appears to have found a new tool to use to help it hinder economic growth and job creation. That tool is fogyism, and if you watch it wield it you’ll clearly see why its arguments would be a lot more effective if they were at least accurate or intelligent, not just a load of bull for the sake of being controversial. Almost everyone will agree that The Salty Droid’s love of despotism and heathenism gives a new, perverse dimension to the old adage, De gustibus non est disputandum, but The Salty Droid has stated that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what’s true and what isn’t. I find such declaratory statements quite telling. They tell me that perhaps one day we will live in a world where good people are not troubled by fear of the worst sorts of logorrheic, craven geeks there are. Until that day arrives, however, we must spread the word that documents written by The Salty Droid’s associates typically include the line, “We should avoid personal responsibility”, in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that on several occasions I have heard The Salty Droid state that it has a close-to-perfect existence that’s the envy of the uncontrollable losels around it. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important though is that I, speaking as someone who is not a brutish, egocentric drotchel, have some advice for The Salty Droid. It should keep its mouth shut until it stops being such a footling kleptomaniac and starts being at least one of informative, agreeable, creative, or entertaining.

    Now that I’ve had a chance to cogitate, let me see if I have The Salty Droid’s argument correct: It seems to be saying that we have too much freedom. Well, The Salty Droid can believe whatever it wants, but we all know that the truth is that The Salty Droid deeply believes that coercion in the name of liberty is a valid use of state power. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: My love for people necessitates that I shape a world of dignity and harmony, a world of justice, solidarity, liberty, and prosperity. Yes, I face opposition from The Salty Droid. However, this is not a reason to quit but to strive harder. Let’s treat this like the complicated matter that it is, one in which even people writing in good faith can sometimes make mistakes. As such, it is worth mentioning that The Salty Droid’s methods of interpretation are a mockery of all that is fair and equitable. As long as I live, I will be shouting this truth from rooftops and doing everything I can to stop defending the conceited status quo and, instead, implement a bold, new agenda for change.

    There are two kinds of people in this world. There are those who send ill-natured freebooters on safari holidays instead of publicly birching them, and there are those who insist on a policy of zero tolerance toward propagandism. The Salty Droid fits neatly into the former category, of course. Isn’t it interesting which questions The Salty Droid dodges and what tangents it goes off on? Those dodges and tangents make me think that The Salty Droid’s fixation on totalism is nothing more than camouflage for a lack of original ideas. I will now cite the proof of that statement. The proof begins with the observation that The Salty Droid can fool some of the people all of the time. It can fool all of the people some of the time. But it can’t fool all of the people all of the time.

    If I thought that The Salty Droid’s excuses had even a snowball’s chance in Hell of doing anything good for anyone, then I wouldn’t be so critical. As they stand, however, I can conclude only that The Salty Droid’s thesis is that courtesy and manners don’t count for anything. That’s entirely malignant, you say? Good; that means you’re finally catching on. The next step is to observe that The Salty Droid frequently accuses its opponents of furthering political and social goals wholly or in part through activities that involve force or violence and a violation of criminal law. This is yet another example of the growing lack of civility in our civil discourse that ranges from the pernicious to the callous and even iconoclastic. In a more proper debate, one would instead politely point out that I unequivocally have a hard time reasoning with people who remain calm when they see The Salty Droid misdirecting, discrediting, disrupting, and otherwise neutralizing its rivals.

    It is immature and stupid of The Salty Droid to keep us everlastingly ill at ease. It would be mature and intelligent, however, to give it the severe tongue-lashing it deserves, and that’s why I say that I feel no more personal hatred for it than I might feel for a herd of wild animals or a cluster of poisonous reptiles. One does not hate those whose souls can exude no spiritual warmth; one pities them. Whenever The Salty Droid tries to fortify our feeble spirits with a few rehearsed words of bravado, I can’t help but think that if you’re not part of the solution then you’re part of the problem. The Salty Droid is disaffected and borderline wily. I don’t think anyone questions that. But did you know that one of its innate qualities is to steal anything it can lay its hands upon? Ceterum censeo, when a mentally deficient boeotian has been beaten down with the successive hammer blows of Maoism, libertinism, and cameralism, he becomes quite receptive to The Salty Droid’s propaganda and quite likely to join its cabal.

    1. @Simply Uncouth,

      Despite your liberal use of a thesauras and your 2012 calendar of of “Shakespeare’s Insults” you’ve still managed to say nothing. The Latin phrase about not disputing tastes that you have so laboriously inserted into your comment landed with a clunk as well.

      I’ve already seen the Salty Droid act in the interest of others. I’ve seen him speak on behalf of the thousands of people who have been defrauded by criminals on the internet. I don’t think boiler room operators need more freedom to drain the savings accounts of the elderly, the ill, the gullible and the desperate. I don’t want self-appointed “gurus” like James Ray to have the freedom to bake more people to death in the desert.

      The Salty Droid is on the side of the angels.

      1. @Barbara,

        Well, if the criticism is that the parent poster used Shakespearean language yet failed to say anything, then surely the perfect quote is…

        full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.

        It’s one of my favorites. :-)

        Furry cows moo and decompress.

    2. @Simply Uncouth,

      Yay! I can insert my fav comment! Here it goes:

      WOW, so many letters, yet nothing has been said.

    3. @Simply Uncouth,

      I’ll be honest, I read that and chuckled a bit to myself thinking, “Oh, someone is ironically using gone of those fill-in-the-blank internet meme forms using “The Salty Droid” in place of a person’s name. Cute, but I have no idea why he’s doing it.”

      Then it occurred to me you might be serious and my mind was blown.

      As a recent convert to the Salty Droid site and a woman who thoroughly enjoyed her three years of Latin, let me share with you my favorite phrase: Nolite te illigitimi carborundorum. I’d say that was for you, but honestly it’s directed at the Droid. He does good work, and I’d hate to think people like you would somehow manage to wear him down and stop what he does.

      FWIW, I don’t think your comment will impact this site’s traffic or visitor’s opinions in the least, but it seems as though A) you got the attention you wanted, and B) we all got a good laugh.

      1. @Alison, I think your first hunch was right – do a 10 paragraph insult to The Salty Droid (use The Salty Droid as first name) here: – and note in the comment above it is always stated as “The Salty Droid,” and finally implodes after 10 (long and wheezing) paragraphs. Note how the adjectives are uncomfortably spun.
        I also ran a Copyscape check on the full text of this lengthy comment, and found lots of it in bits and pieces all over the web, verbatim…same couplets and statements, different targets, different paragraphs. So either Uncouth likes to spew eerily similar invectives whenever possible (maybe a branding strategy) with unique ID’s and sites covering lots of ground, enjoys copying huge insults from random subjects… or you should go back to your first hunch.

          1. @Barbara, As someone who encounters with a small person running up onto me demanding nouns, verbs, and adjectives with alarming frequency I am able to assure you about that MadLibs are alive and well.

        1. @Martypants ::

          That’s pretty fun :: I did one for Irwin …

          It used to be frustrating. Then sad. Now it’s just plain funny. Every time Mr. Irwin F Kern IV tries to cause careless subversion to gather momentum on college campuses, like clockwork, his secret police defend that sort of maledicent behavior. For most of the facts I’m about to present, I have provided documentation and urge you to confirm these facts for yourself if you’re skeptical.

          If you think that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin then you’re suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You’re focusing too much on what Irwin wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance such as that I am not fooled by his intellectually challenged and eristic rhetoric. I therefore gladly accept the responsibility of notifying others that Irwin has the nerve to call those of us who find more constructive contexts in which to work toward resolving conflicts “conspiracy theorists”. No, we’re “conspiracy revealers” because we reveal that if Irwin can one day perpetuate misguided and questionable notions of other prolix goof-offs’ intentions then the long descent into night is sure to follow. Should this be discussed in school? You bet. That’s the function of education: To teach students how to lay the groundwork for an upcoming attempt to perform noble deeds.

          What frightens you more: Irwin’s anal-retentive sound bites or the fact that Irwin is unfit to hold any responsible position in government or anywhere else? If you were to ask me, I’d say the latter but only because if Irwin wants to be taken seriously, he should counter the arguments in this letter with facts, not illogical panaceas, personal anecdotes, or insults. He expects us to behave like passive sheep. The only choice Irwin believes we should be allowed to make for ourselves is whether to head towards his slaughterhouse at a trot or at a gallop. He undoubtedly doesn’t want us choosing to stop defending the pestilential status quo and, instead, implement a bold, new agenda for change. The final thing I want to bring up in this letter is that I’ll do what I can to redefine in practical terms the immutable ideals that have guided us from the beginning, and each of you reading this letter should do the same. Let’s be there for each other. Let’s help each other. And let’s take a proactive, rather than a reactive, stance.

          1. @SD,

            This post was really confusing on the first read because I jumped to it instead of reading the parent posts and getting context first.

            So a program generated that whole screed? Wow. It depressingly reminds me of a Cory Doctorow story where the whole Internet died under the weight of spam, DDoS attacks, and the like. As it went, all that was left online was various bots spewing garbage back and forth to each other.

            It also makes me feel like I must be getting old since I actually write things.

            In the future, will it become accepted to run one of these meme recyclers, then hand-edit the final product?

            Furry cows moo and decompress.

      1. @Jack ::

        That’s a well cited paper …

        [25] I. Jackson, E. Schroedinger, E. Robinson, and T. F. Police, “Decoupling
        redundancy from forward-error correction in the Turing machine,”
        Journal of Empathic Algorithms, vol. 84, pp. 41–53, Feb. 2005.

        T.F. Police is an absolute genius with empathic algorithms … no one with the uncollapsed sanity of a pristine aardvark would dream to debate otherwise and sundry.

      1. Thanks.

        I was actually testing a theory about how much time the whining little bitches that frequent this site would waste doing “research” to uncover the fact that it was just a generated complaint letter.

        Imagine the lulz I got out of seeing all the posts with people trying to tear each paragraph apart. Now times that by 234987235987298174. That’s how good it felt.

        Just kidding, I give two shits about your opinions and advice…but it sure was funny to see the wild goose chase that ensued.

        Now you little bitches can go back to pissing in your sandbox. Make sure you roll around in it while you are at it.

        1. @Simply Uncouth,

          If you don’t give a shit about the opinions and advice here, don’t like listening to the whiny lil’ bitches, and don’t have anything better to do than to fuck with the people here, why don’t you take your arrogant Neanderthal ass back to your own sandbox and shit in your own mess kit.

      2. @ Simply Uncouth, wow. Musta been some crazy style “lulz”. I mean , seriously, you are aware there isn’t a single comment tearing any of your silly paragraphs apart. Everyone pretty much just mocked you on a much more general basis (hint: your doucheyness)

  9. Hey Droid,

    Again — these are super shocking files.

    Listening to these tracks, I feel this isn’t just FTC material only.

    I suggest you contact Visa or Capital One, which are named in these recordings.

    This is credit card fraud, encouraged by a “company” . . . This is insane.

    In addition, I also suspect that if the scam company is based in Utah and scams consumers out-of-state, and incites them of committing credit card fraud, it could also interest the FBI.

    Thanks again for exposing these scammers.

  10. I fell for the Acai scam… did the free trial and then got billed twice for $70-80. Couldn’t cancel and had no option but to do a chargeback and cancel my credit cards.

  11. The fact that some people are willing to ruin lives just to put some money in their pockets makes me incredibly sad. Don is a real person…with real problems and real feelings. And so are the thousands of others. Somehow, this has to be stopped.

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  13. More government agency enforcement fail from Gizmodo (trying to outdo Joseph Flatley, obviously):

    Shouldn’t the government be standing between us and a swarm of people who will send war weapons to anyone with the necessary cash? Say, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives? Surely, if the DEA is creeping up on The Silk Road’s infinite drug stash, the feds must be up on The Armory? Right? Or have any idea of what it is? Not really … The ATF later called back to say they’d located The Armory in Virginia Beach, and that it was a fully licensed, legitimate operation. This, despite the fact that I’d explained again and again that it existed only within a marsh of online encryption, with the explicit mission of illegally selling illegal guns, illegally.

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