So I’m totally famous now … I can haz u monies?
Last year Engadget left AOL to become The Verge :: because AOL is like one of the stupidest things that’s ever happened … and if you breathe in their fumes for too long you’ll turn into a raging idiot addicted to teeth whiteners. Says David Carr in his NYTimes article about the move …

“In Internet years, AOL has grown long in the tooth and seems incapable of playing nice with the toys it buys. There is a great deal of …

Every time I ask my fake secretary Debbie to take a letter :: she uses purple ink … it’s daft not adorable … but there’s no convincing her.

“We’re talking to the banking system here Debbie :: for christ’s sake … use a word processor.”

… says me.
But I’m capital :: and she’s labor … and if I don’t let her use purple she’ll organize and I’ll be left with striking Debbies who expect sick days and maternity leave.
To PowerPay.biz :: merchant account processor to the opposite of the stars :: June …

Begin lawyer talk in 3 :: 2 :: 1 … oh god make it stop …
Congress passed 15 USC § 6102 to tell the FTC to do something about people being buttholes over the phone :: this was back in the Nineties when Congress still did stuffs without needing to be tazed. It’s the FTC’s job to make the actual rules :: which they do after a prescribed period for public comment where interested parties who have enough money to hire lobbyists … like the Direct Marketing Association … can …

Jeremy Johnson is fighting back against the injustice of he himself and him not being allowed to perpetrate wanton injustice upon those less fortunate than himself and his mommy’s mommy.
He’s fought back before :: because like many spoiled Chihuahuas :: he’s all snippy and just wants to pee wherever. Last time he told us about how he couldn’t be guilty because Utah’s very own Attorney General was on his side …

As further testament to I-Works efforts to be in compliance we invited the Attorney General of Utah, Mark Shurtleff, in …

My fake secretary Debbie is quite susceptible to scams.
D-bags often call headquarters looking for an opportunity to suck-up to me and my divine stylings in authorship :: but I usually can’t take their calls {because fucking idiots are boring} … and they end up selling Debbie on some blueprint to international bestselling good fortune instead.
I call her names :: like ding-dong and bat-brain :: but that never seems to help … so I mostly just laugh at her. It’s fun to laugh at people who are already suffering :: it’s like a 2-for-1 Groupon for …

 
Anthony Morrison uses the television to tell people about how HUGE he is on the Interwebs. But most Internet people :: like you people :: have never heard of him. Loving the Internet really cuts into time spent watching shitty 3am infomercials … and fake web-star Morrison has almost no real web presence.
The infomercial is a fake show hosted by Chicken Soup for the Hole dipshit Mark Victor Hansen {pictured here mounting Anthony for reasons I’d better not get into}.

Mark Victor Hansen :: like fellow Soup for the Hole heroes …

“I’m not guilty!”
Squeals Jeremy Johnson in re Jeremy Johnson on iworkslive.com :: a now disappeared website that Johnson put up shortly after the FTC sued his sorry ass for $275 million dollars worth of soul sucking. Most of Johnson’s sites are still up :: but this one came down after just a week or so :: probably after one of his attorneys said something like :: “So I guess you’re stupid then? You WANT to go to fucking jail or something? You have the right to remain SILENT … ever heard that?”
So he took …

Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff fucking loves Jeremy Johnson.
… or something.
I guess that’s why just three months after using his Twitter account to tweet an execution :: he used the same account to publish this adorable father-n-son moment between himself and the world champion of boiler room assholes …

http://yfrog.com/5xbecj. Me & Jeremy Johnson, sponsors @ Globus Relief Golf Fundraiser. Please help: globusrelief.org or utahhaitirelief.org

Please help :: by giving some more of your monies to Jeremy Johnson.
The Salt Lake Tribune reports that Matt Gunn left his job as a school teacher …

Frank Kern fucking hates Jeremy Johnson.
… or something.
I guess that’s why in September of 2009 a series of anonymous {and not so anonymous} KernProxies tried to direct my fake robotic attention Johnson’s way. That super awesome strategy culminated with Andy Jenkins emailing me the following ….

“You want a real scumbag of an outfit to go after?  I mean a REAL SCUMBAG outfit.  I don’t have an axe to grind with this company, but they could use your brand of exposure.
I’m just not sure what kind of scale you want, cause this outfit is huge, …

The Droid wishes a happy 4th of July to all fellow ::

Silly Americans
Lovers of Individual Liberty
Haters of British Imperialism {say hello to the MAJORITY of Earth’s citizenry}
SquareRoot of 16 fetishists

America is so the BEST country ::  Obviously :: The rest of the world is invited to SUCK IT.  It doesn’t matter if EVERY American bank gets sucked into a self-created BlackHole :: And our manufacturing sector collapses :: And we start a couple of pointless wars per decade … we are still WAY BETTER than {insert name of your pathetic little country}.
But …