Krispy Kreme Konservatives


Utah’s new {but already fucking corrupt} Attorney General John Swallow is a “real conservative” :: not some fake ass conservative like Mitt Romney … or Hitler. “Real conservatives” make home-craft-sunset-word-art for Republican nominating conventions :: fake conservatives move to Berkeley and get AIDS … simple as that.

… or something.

It’s lucky for Mr. Swallow that he’s a “real conservative” :: because he’s certainly not a “real lawyer” … having had no real legal experience before becoming Utah’s chief legal officer. Unless you count losing elections and lobbying for the payday loan and pyramidal supplements “industries” as legal experience {which you shouldn’t … because duh}. Swallow’s opponent in the Republican primary :: Sean Reyes … had more than a decade of experience as a litigator. But he’s a half-Filipino from Hawaii :: so he’s obviously from Kenya … just like FakePresident Obama. No real Republican can trust a fake Kenyan.

The campaign got nasty because John Swallow is an idiot asshole :: and because he had shit loads of Scamworld monies pouring in as Mark Shurtleff’s chosen successor in crime-n-slime. Nasty enough :: in fact … that Reyes sued Swallow for defamation. Swallow hired Utah law firm Clyde Snow & Sessions to represent him :: the same firm that Mike Dillard recently hired to defend his right to scam his ass off … forever and ever.

Reyes lost the primary by a huge margin :: because Utah’s mainstream press didn’t/doesn’t do its job properly … and failed to point out the fucking obvious regarding Swallow before it was too late {just like they let Shurtleff skate carefree for a decade}.

Now it turns out that Mr. Swallow is going to need the services of Clyde Snow & Sessions for much the same reason that Mike Dillard needs them :: namely … the feds are crawling up his b-hole for shit he never should have done.

Last month the Salt Lake Tribune reported that John Swallow had brokered a deal whereby Jeremy Johnson {who the Tribune continues to negligently label an “embattled businessman”} thought he was paying off Nevada Senator Harry Reid to make his FTC problems go away. When the FTC sued him a few weeks later {ha!} :: and criminal charges followed shortly thereafter {ha ha!} … JJ decided he wasn’t amused and wanted his goddamn money back.

Johnson and Swallow met at a Krispy Kreme in Orem to discuss their love of each other :: and of money … like any couple of “real conservatives” would {half-Filipinos not welcome}.

It’s quite a questionable locale for a meeting about money :: as Orem Krispy Kreme Google+ reviewer Rick Gabbitas points out …

While the “Hot Fresh” doughnuts are good, I would suggest going to your grocery store and buying a dozen bigger doughnuts for less money and then throw them in the microwave.

… some of the best advice ever to come out of Utah. If Swallow could have just saved a buck :: two hundred thousand times … then he could have afforded to pay Johnson back the money he screwed him out of … and this whole PR disaster could have been avoided.

JJ secretly recorded the Kremey Swallow meeting like the beautiful ginger devil that he is :: and the Tribune posted it in full … SLC punked.

The sued and indicted Jeremy Johnson starts off by telling his friend :: and Mark Shurtleff’s top deputy and fund raiser … that he’s wanting a speedy trial but can’t get one because he’s innocent. His innocence is the only possible reason for the DOJ to stall. John Swallow is all like :: “sure thing Red” … because he’s not a real lawyer and is clearly not an intelligent person. That’s the great thing about crime-n-slime … the only qualification for the job is assholery.

Swallow has spent the last few weeks moaning about how the tape doesn’t show him doing anything that’s actually illegal :: but he was having donut-buddy-chat with the GingerKing of the Mormon Mafiaprima facie evidence of criminal conspiracy.


Johnson wants $175,000 back :: he says he was promised the world at a meeting with Swallow … and got nothing. Swallow says he wasn’t at the meeting. But their words :: and the tone of both their voices :: says that he was there … and that he knows exactly what JJ is talking about. Funny that Swallow is shit at playing ignorant :: when as a general rule … he is fucking ignorant.

Swallow says the money was for lobbying :: JJ laughs … the Mormon Mafia doesn’t lobby. “Hey you should spend your last dollars on lobbying” :: doesn’t sound very good to someone facing life in prison.

Johnson says Swallow sent him an email approving his processing of online poker payments. JJ speculates that the feds might think the payoff money was about the poker processing. Swallow :: not surprisingly … can’t remember that email either. But Johnson and St. George’s SunFirst Bank proceded to process hundreds of millions in poker payments by disguising them as legit purchases spread across dozens of merchant accounts.

The government :: at all levels … could not care less about billions and billions of dollars worth of fraud perpetrated against poor and vulnerable citizens who can’t afford to organize … or hire million dollar lobbyists. Chances are :: ALL of JJ’s problems stem from the poker payment processing. SunFirst Bank was shut down by the FDIC :: their vice chairman went to jail … and their records were laid bare for the feds. If Swallow okayed the payment processing :: something he didn’t have the power to do … then he’s mega-fucked.

Utah’s Governor Gary Herbert calls Swallow’s mobile :: but he misses the call because he’s kinda busy with the donuts … and the Mormon Mafia.

Now it’s getting good.

Johnson tells Swallow that he’d already been a part of bribing Harry Ried in 2010 …

I already knew Reid is on the take because I met him at the — with the poker companies…

So after this meeting the poker guys had me write out — get a special check from a bank check so it doesn’t get traced from their account and give it to some company that I’ve never heard of before… This is right after our meeting with Reid. So I transfer a million dollars to some weird company, one-time deal, that’s it. And guess what happens the next week? Reid introduces a bill to make online poker legal.

Bribing Reid had worked once before {according to JJ} :: so the $600,000 bribe that Swallow was pitching made sense to Johnson.

Jeremy Johnson :: in the typical fashion of a slickster psychopath … has spent the last three years behaving as though he’s not totally fucked. He demanded that the court in the FTC case grant him an obscene amount of money for living expenses :: including thousands per month for lawn care … even as he continued to shuffle his assets and bury his gold. He also continued to take expensive weekends on his luxury Lake Powell houseboat … and shuttled himself back and forth between Utah and Costa Rica.

It seems John Swallow :: Utah’s deputy AG … joined him for at least one of those “Fuck You FTC” weekend floats.

John Swallow:  Do they know about the houseboat?

Jeremy Johnson:  What’s that?

John Swallow:  Do they know about the houseboat?

Jeremy Johnson:  No. Nobody does.

John Swallow:  Is there a paper trail in that area?

Jeremy Johnson:  There’s no paper trail on the houseboat, nobody knows about it.

John Swallow:  There’s no email? There’s no —

Jeremy Johnson:  No emails on the thing — and no — my wife doesn’t even know you’re on there. You went down there for a weekend, and that’s it. Okay? And that’s not going to come up, that hasn’t come up.

Oops! :: looks like it just came up … and it sounds like quite a sexy mystery. What kind of fake conservative fake robot would I be if I didn’t set my laser sights on solving it?

About half way through the donuts and conversation :: Swallow hints to JJ that he was paid from the “lobbying” funds to carry out some other non-bribe related consulting work. Me suspects that Johnson already knew that … and Swallow is about as smooth as Lake Powell sand in your ass crack.

What’s wrong with that?

… Swallow asks JJ :: because he’s the worst lawyer ever.

Johnson tries to assuage Swallow’s fears by telling him that it’s probably Harry Reid that the feds are after. But he rightly notes …

And here’s another thing. This lady is not under the local people here. She’s out of — her boss is in DC. She’s like a wild cowboy.

Fucking Yankton.

Speaking of HBO …

Jeremy Johnson:  Well, that’s why go get a friggin Walmart phone.

John Swallow:  I know.

Jeremy Johnson: I’m scared to death of our phones. No reason to except for, you know, I had a friend that was in the DEA and I said how do they catch all these freakin’ guys. He’s like, “you want to know how?” Wire taps. Always. He says if you’re ever doing something you don’t want the government to hear, don’t say it on the phone, don’t say send it in an e-mail. Face to face, so.

John Swallow:  That’s great.

The Mormon Mafia :: stealing ideas from Stringer Bell … I guess both John & JJ forget how friggin Omar ended that freakin’ story.

This ain’t about the money bro.

>> bleep bloop

63 thoughts on “Krispy Kreme Konservatives”

  1. I just thought I’d pull this out for consideration:

    Jeremy Johnson: Well, that’s why go get a friggin Walmart phone.

    John Swallow: I know.

    If you’re not a couple of corrupt SOBs putting up fronts as devout Mormons, you would (a) not be mentioning getting throwaway phones and (b) not sit there (presumably) nodding your head and saying “I know.” Yeah. Yeah.

    Jesus, but these guys are corrupt to the core! Mormonism is just a thin layer of icing on top of the nastiness.

  2. You know, Johnson and these poker businesses have to be the stupidest people in the world if they think that by bribing one person (Harry Reid) they’re going to get payment processing of online poker proceeds approved. This shows an incredible lack of knowledge of the political realities around online poker. Plus, by hiding the proceeds as different types of transactions (NOT as poker remittances), Johnson and his subordinates KNEW they were fucking around with the law.

    Throw the book at ’em, Dano.

  3. SD notes Johnson has acted for the last three years like he wasn’t a fucked psychopath. In addition to the examples provided by the Droid, there’s one that wasn’t mentioned. When it came time to ink the plea bargain, Johnson had a list of people that he wanted to be exempt from prosecution by the FTC. Well, the US Attorney wasn’t going for that at all, so the deal was off. And then the FTC (via the US Attorney) decided to move in on Johnson’s family and various others to put pressure on Johnson. Gee, it seems these were the same people on Johnson’s “Get Out Of Jail Free” list.

    In short, Johnson’s a crazy fucked psychopath if he thought he was in a position where he could play “Let’s Make A Deal For Me (and My Extended Family and Friends)” with the Feds.

  4. From TFA

    The Mormon Mafia :: stealing ideas from Stringer Bell … I guess both John & JJ forget how friggin Omar ended that freakin’ story.

    Wishful thinking works on everyone. No one is immune. So JJ, Swallow, et. al. convince themselves that “it won’t happen to me!” or “it’ll be different this time.” Also, from the Stringer character-bio thingie you linked to, it seems that, that aspect of his character is kind of an “everyman” attribute. Or, to be more precise an “every-scummy-conman” attribute.

    I guess if you’re into really illegal, highly lucrative stuff, the American Dream is: to get so good at it, and have so much available funds from it that you can pay off all the officials to look the other way.

    Considering how much cash and assets JJ has had at his disposal, it’s easy to see how he could delude himself into thinking that way.

    “Success is a menace. It fools smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”

    [IMDb, Pirates of Silicon Valley

    Except JJ and especially Swallow don’t look all that smart right now. And what of Mark Shurtleff? It’s suddenly looking like he knew just exactly when to zig- and when to zag. Is that just lucky timing, or was he maybe less stupid than he seemed when all is said and done? I guess we’ll see. I mean–things aren’t really all said and done just yet.


    @SD: this was a great article. It makes me sad that other people have to do lots of bad things in order for there to be material. But still–this was a great article. Now, whenever I think of Krispy Kreme, I’ll always think of JJ saying to John Swallow

    “Wire taps. Always. . . . if you’re ever doing something you don’t want the government to hear, don’t say it on the phone, don’t say send it in an e-mail. Face to face”

    knowing full-well he’s recording John Swallow at that very moment.

    Furry cows moo and decompress.

  5. John Swallow’s Democratic opponent Dee Smith :: not surprisingly … reluctant to be the ceremonial loser in Utah’s fixed system.

    Here’s some classic JJ …

    “Eight days before the election, Johnson, the man whose unsuccessful plea deal with the U.S. Attorney’s Office ultimately led to the current scandal engulfing Swallow, asked through several contacts and friends if Smith would meet him for dinner.

    It was a strange experience, Smith says. He says that Johnson told him, “I needed to meet you, to make sure you’re a good guy.” He told Smith he was going to drop “a bomb” that would force Swallow to exit the race. “But if you’re just like him, if you’re corrupt, I may as well let him be AG,” Smith says Johnson told him.”

    Wow :: some balls on this ginger … some fucking balls.

    1. @SD,
      See…that level of outright psychotic narcissism is reminiscent to me (and no, I am not trying to make facile comparisons) of the Nazis. It’s such an outrageous disconnect with reality and with their own level of hypocrisy, that it baffles the mind of normal humans.

      I commend your efforts SD, but that level of psychopath is only going to stop doing what he does once he is in actual jail. And if he can, he WILL operate whilst IN jail, and he WILL operate again when he gets out.
      Short of that, I suppose making as many people aware of his ways is the next best thing.

      1. @G., I think the post’s title Krispy Kreme Konservatives – KKK is closer to the mark and closer to the bone.

        And re the science of humour… (not relevant, but I just wanted to make the point)…

        ” “Real conservatives” make home-craft-sunset-word-art for Republican nominating conventions”

        the robot has got it sussed. Big chuckles.

    2. @SD, Want a story? You got it! Please check out and view the breaking news page. Full audio, video and documents exposing the salt lake city justice courts as unconstitutional cash cows extorting and compelling individuals to cooperate by way of threats, abuse, civil rights violations, violations of the constitution, waiving due process and incarceration.
      Please help bring Justice to this case.
      Thank you for your time,

  6. I just love the part of the story where the psychopaths starting turning each other, and it’s a race to see who can cannibalize who before the banks close.

    ** sniff ** I’m such a sucker for these Hollywood endings. Nicely done, little fake robot. Come have a hot WD40-filled doughnut.

  7. Yea Harry Reid is that poster boy for conservative values….I guess if your liberal and crooked you get a free pass from SD?

    1. @spicegator,

      I think you have this blog confused with a. different blog.

      This bog’s focus is online scams and the scammers that perpetrate them, not politics or politicians be they corrupt or not.

      Mark Shurtleff an John Swallow got themselves deeply enmeshed in the world of online scams and the $$$ of Jeremy Johnson.

      Furry cows moo and decompress.

    2. @spicegator, erm, NO. There’s NO, zero, zip, NADA evidence to suggest that Harry Reid was even approached by these clowns–and the person who can testify to that is now dead. (Richard Rawle died last December of cancer at age 73.) We only have the words of an indicted scam artist (Jeremy Johnson) on this.

      And, as I stated in a previous comment, Johnson, Rawle and Swallow were all morons (not Mormons) if they thought that by bribing Reid, they were going to get the FTC off Johnson’s case. And at least Johnson should have known better, if indeed his story about bribing Reid to legalize poker payment processing is true. Because, well, that didn’t happen either. Talk about your bad investments.

      1. @mirele,

        Christopher Beam at Slate says Reid started pushing for legalizing online poker and payment processing as a favor to Las Vegas casinos – casinos like the Wynn, which was happy to let Johnson lose money, hold his checks until after the FTC froze his assets, and then get a warrant issued for his arrest for those bounced checks.

        As he’s an LDS church member representing a state with legal gambling, legal prostitution (just not in Clark County), lots of booze, and plenty of (gasp!) coffee-drinking going on, Reid could certainly be called a hypocrite – or a pragmatist. But he and the casinos seem to be on one side and Johnson, Swallow, Shurtleff, and the rest of the boiler-room crowd on another.

        1. @Lanna,

          But he and
          the casinos seem to be on one
          side and Johnson, Swallow,
          Shurtleff, and the rest of the
          boiler-room crowd on another.

          This interpretation makes sense to me.

    3. @spicegator ::

      Fuck Harry Reid :: but if he didn’t take any of JJ’s money {and there is no evidence so far to suggest that he has} … then how is he in my wheelhouse? General congressional corruption is not my subject … for now at least.

      And how is he the poster boy for “conservative” values? Because I did not intend to imply that John Swallow’s actions were representative of genuine conservative ideas or values … that wouldn’t be fair. Swallow labeled himself “real conservative” … not me.

      You know who is going to get it from me for sures though? Tom Harkin. So that should put your lil’ heart at ease.

    1. @infodonor,
      That utahag site looks hela-stupid. It’s good to know that so far many of these PACs with their money haven’t figured out how to spin a convincing narrative yet.

  8. Lanna -> “But he [Harry Reid] and the casinos seem to be on one side and Johnson, Swallow, Shurtleff, and the rest of the boiler-room crowd on another.”

    I think the reason SD included “Senate Majority Leader” Harry Reid in this blog post is because there’s no distinction between Reid/Casinos and Johnson/Swallow/Shurtleff .. they’re all part of the “sick machine” as SD calls it. Just like Romney is part of the “sick machine” and got funded by “scam dollars” as revealed in the “You Got This” blog post SD made soon after the election .. it’s all one wretched cesspool. At least that’s what I get is behind the concept of the “Sick MAchine”

    1. @all part of the sick machine?,

      I love the way you all tar poor he was the only thieving lying sack of shit gangster running for president.

      Republicans and Democrats are on the same side of the coin…the other side is HONESTY.

      You are either trying to gain power of defending power…party has shit to do with it

      Or is this Obama ball licking party and I didn’t get the memo?

      1. @Shit Storm, Who remembers about when Shit Storm said he was going to be a big, big help…then when came crunch time he disappeared?

        1. @Jack ::

          I remember.

          I also remember demanding identification :: and not getting it … which makes me smell a fucking hypocrite.

          I really hate hypocrites … even more than I hate licking Obama’s balls.

          1. @SD,

            ‘I really hate hypocrites …’

            I remember, vaguely, that youthful idealism.

            Just as some long dead hippie said, honestly, that no-one gets out of here alive, it is a truism that no-one swims for very long in our cesspool culture without compromising their high ideals and becoming a hypocrite of some description in the eyes of their neighbour.

            Which is not to excuse in any way outright fraud and dodgy dealing.

            No utopias available here, mate, just eternal vigilance.

            1. @pigs trotters,

              becoming a hypocrite of some description in the eyes of their neighbour.

              “In the eyes of their neighbour”–yes that’s it exactly. But one person’s hypocrisy is another person’s refined, cultured, intellectualism.

              `”Nell,” . . . “the difference between stupid and intelligent people—and this is true whether or not they are well-educated—is that intelligent people can handle subtlety. They are not baffled by ambiguous or even contradictory situations—in fact, they expect them and are apt to become suspicious when things seem overly straightforward.” ‘


              Of course John Swallow or JJ could try to use the same sort of phrases to imply that they’re not horrible people–that they’re just good at handling contradiction with grace. In that case, ignore their words, and look instead at the consequences of their actions. Who benefits, and who loses?

              You have to figure out an actual set of core values. And then you have to try to stick to them. And then it won’t matter if your neighbor calls you a hypocrite ‘cos you still know what you’re doing and why.

              Furry cows moo and decompress.

            2. @wyrd,

              ‘But one person’s hypocrisy is another person’s refined, cultured, intellectualism.’

              Yep, its the very, very high cost of living. With no reward for the ‘virtuous’ at the end of it.

              It comes down something very simple: you takes your choice and pays the price —and there is always a price to pay.

            3. @wyrd

              This nice–and more accurate and realistic:

              “We take a somewhat different view of hypocrisy,“ Finkle-McGraw continued. “In the late-twentieth-century Weltanschauung, a hypocrite was someone who espoused high moral views as part of a planned campaign of deception—he never held these beliefs sincerely and routinely violated them in privacy. Of course, most hypocrites are not like that. Most of the time it’s a spirit-is-willing, flesh-is-weak sort of thing.“

            4. @wyrd,

              After the interesting diversion into sci-fi, my last word on this I hope, re the core of moral values, path dependency and idealism, from a social historian and erstwhile, now ex-pat, US history professor:


              ‘There is no record of a dying civilization reassessing its values (or lack of values, in our case) and altering its trajectory. Whether the type of moral order that Professor Barber has in mind actually exists, or might someday exist somewhere on the planet, is certainly worth debating. But what is not worth debating is whether such a moral order might make an appearance on American soil. History is about many things, but one thing it is not about is miracles.’

  9. First time we have heard from Shurtleff…. He is trying to separate himself with a 100 ft pole.

    “At that point as a law enforcement official, I felt like I had a duty to notify federal authorities, even though it was obviously very difficult for me to do that. He’s my chief deputy. He’s my friend. I don’t believe, knowing him as well as I do, that he ever formed criminal intent to bribe or break the law. But I’m not a federal official.”
    Former Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff

  10. I’m still wanting to know a lot about the other “consulting” work that Mr. Swallow did:

    From The Salt Lake Tribune article that everyone else is linking to

    Swallow had done consulting work on a Nevada cement project that Rawle and his partners were trying to launch and was paid $23,500 for his work, according to a declaration Rawle signed before his death.

    . . .

    Shurtleff said he didn’t know anything about the consulting work Swallow was doing, although he acknowledges that Swallow has said he told him about it later.

    A statement Swallow released last month quoted Shurtleff as saying the work was legal and permissible under office policy. But that is only part of the story, Shurtleff said in the interview.

    “While it’s legal, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Shurtleff said. Others in the office teach or write books, but Shurtleff sees the consulting work Swallow did as a different matter. “I don’t like it.”

    Swallow talked about that cement consulting to JJ in JJ’s magnum opus audio recording of Swallow.

    And in the video interview I saw with Swallow either Swallow or the interviewer brought it up. And then Swallow really, really didn’t want to talk about it. His reluctance to talk about it suggests to me that it’s a thing that should be talked about and asked about over and over.

    Furry cows moo and decompress.

    1. @Wyrd,

      The Salt Lake Tribune has been reporting on it in bits and pieces.

      The Work
      Swallow and Rawle’s people claim Swallow was paid the $23,500 for approximately 100 hours of consulting work (1) for Chaparral Limestone & Cement Co. LLC (2).

      Though the Trib reports Rawle and another man were also involved (1), Chaparral’s only officers are two men with the last name Young (3). One of the Youngs told the Trib that Swallow earned the money by attending 3 to 4 meetings in person and 2 to 3 phone meetings plus introducing Chaparral to two lawyers who unsuccessfully tried to set up some other meetings (1).

      Interestingly, although Young and Swallow claim Swallow did consulting work related to getting mining permits, water use permits, permits to run power, permits to build on Indian land, etc. in Nevada, Chaparral did not register itself with the State of Nevada until 6 months after Swallow’s last invoice. (1, 2, 3)

      According to Chaparral’s owners, if successful, the company will be the first cement plant in Nevada that serves Las Vegas, which currently imports cement from other nearby states (1). They’ve said their plan is to gather all the needed permits and agreements in the LLC’s name and then sell the LLC to a larger company that can afford to operate a limestone quarry (2).

      Chaparral was proposing to build the cement plant on Paiute tribal land, and the meetings Swallow’s lawyers failed to set up were with the Moapa Band of Paiute Indians and the Bureau of Indian Affairs (1).

      Notably, although Chaparral claims it will serve Las Vegas and was looking for a location in Nevada, the LLC is incorporated in Utah – Provo, Utah (3). Regular readers may remember Provo has been home to offices of Jeremy Johnson’s I-Works, Rawle’s Check City payday loan outfit, Prosper Inc. boiler rooms, MLM NuSkin, BlueHost – the Web host that sides with scammers, and even Perry Belcher presents Jayson’s BYU get-rich-quick hotdogs.

      Payments, Companies and Timeline

      The Youngs register the new business Chaparral Cement Company LLC with the State of Utah (4).

      Johnson alleges on this date he met with Swallow – then Shurtleff’s chief deputy AG – and Rawle at Check City’s Provo office to discuss bribing Harry Reid to make the FTC case against I-Works go away (2).

      Rawle registered the new company RMR Consulting LLC with the State of Utah (2, 5).

      Swallow registers the new company P Solutions LLC with the State of Utah (6).

      Swallow says he billed Rawle for the first part of the consulting work (2). This was presumably $8,500 since the total was $23,500 (1) and the second bill was $15,000 (2).

      Rawle’s RMR Consulting writes a check to Swallow’s P Solutions (1, 7). Note the check came from the newly registered RMR Consulting even though the work was performed for Chaparral Cement LLC.

      Softwise Inc., a company related to Rawle’s Check City, emailed Jeremy Johnson saying their “people in Washington D.C.” were “working with the FTC” on his case and advising him to wire a $50,000 retainer to RMR Consulting LLC (2).
      I-Works recorded a $50,000 payment to RMR Consulting for “‘legal fees'” (2).

      I-Works recorded a $200,015 payment to RMR Consulting (2).

      Swallow says he billed Rawle $15,000 for the second part of the consulting work (2).

      Rawle’s RMR Consulting writes a check to Swallow’s P Solutions (1).

      Utah company Chaparral Cement Company LLC is registered as a foreign (i.e., out-of-state) LLC under the name Chaparral Limestone & Cement Co. LLC with the State of Nevada. (3)

      Swallow filed his financial disclosure forms as an AG candidate. His financial disclosures do not report P-Solutions or the money from Rawle. (8)
      He also transferred P-Solutions to his wife. (8)


      1. Wow! That’s frighteningly awesome, @Lanna.

        Verily, you have mad research skillz.

        There’s too much there for me to absorb all at once unless I spend hours on it and I can’t do that right now. So instead, I’ll just fixate on one detail:

        The Provo, UT part: What’s up with that? I suppose it was just convenient and local? I Google street viewed it. It doesn’t seem that big. To check I compared it with a locality I’m familiar with (Independence, MO) and according to Google, the CY 2011 populations are about the same.

        1. @Wyrd,

          I looked up the Youngs and they are lawyers – father and son, it looks like – in Provo. Their family has been in Utah a long time, according to their firm’s “about us” page.

          I looked up Provo on Google Maps and Wikipedia, and it’s the third-largest city and metropolitan area in Utah. It’s home to Brigham Young University and the Provo Missionary Training Center, which is the largest LDS MTC and trains 20,000 young men a year. Provo is only 45 miles from Salt Lake City, which has an international airport. It’s on the I-15, which runs north through Salt Lake City into Idaho and Montana, all the way to Canada, and south through Las Vegas out to Barstow, California, where it connects with state highways to Los Angeles and other California cities. Not a bad place for a business.

          Obviously the Utah AG’s been looking the other way, but what else brings scam businesses to Utah? We’ve speculated before that the LDS men returning from their missions are used to hard work and endless rejection, making them perfect cold callers. I only know Vegas Mormons, and I’ve seen that with their large families and stay-at-home moms the income gets stretched pretty thin. And they’re jack Mormons who don’t even tithe their 10%. So maybe they feel they need to do whatever it takes to pay the bills – even if it’s sketchy. Pew shows Mormons’ household income distribution is average, but I wonder how many people are in each of the 26% of Mormon households making less than $30,000 a year.

          This is my first foray into Utah geography, so @Mirele and @Salty and anyone else is welcome to point out the flaws in my logic.

          1. @Lanna, I can’t really disagree with what you’ve written here. Utah is centrally placed–a long day’s drive from Denver, Portland, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Phoenix (the last two I know from personal experience).

            I want to add another reason scams do so well in Utah is due to affinity fraud. When your former bishop or stake president is pitching the latest MLM, well, he’s so spiritual, of course you’re going to pay attention. I rather wish the Church would spend as much time denouncing this kind of crap as it does denouncing some other things (homosexuality, feminism and intellectual pursuits come to mind). But considering how much of the high Church leadership is made up of men who came out of the business world, I don’t see that happening any time soon. Plus, the people at the top of the ladder, if they’re Mormon, they’re paying tithing on all those ill-gotten gains….

  11. And the latest from the Salt Lake Tribune on John Swallow, Jeremy Johnson and Mark Shurtleff:

    “Three Utah businessmen say John Swallow suggested they would have protection in the Attorney General’s Office if they were willing to contribute to Mark Shurtleff’s campaign fund.

    The three men independently tell strikingly similar stories. In separate 2009 meetings, Swallow indicated that donors would get special consideration if the Attorney General’s Office ever had to pursue complaints against their businesses.”

    The article also mentions the FBI investigation.

    I do think Swallow’s in for a world of hurt.

  12. Guy wears a ski mask to stick up 7-11 is he a skier?

    These guys aren’t Mormons or Conservative…that’s what they wear to mask their identities.

    Salty your Chicago Obama’s are showing

  13. A “Day Of Criticism For Attorney General John Swallow”.

    Some stuff happened kinda. And channel 2 news vaguely reported it sorta.

    Come on, Utah, come on. Pick up the beat, pick up the beat. There’s (a tiny sliver of) hope for you yet.

    “Disappointed Republicans Tweet About Vote Against Swallow Discussion”

    Furry cows moo and decompress.

  14. My favorite part of the recorded conversation is when Allison by Elvis Costello starts playing in the background. It’s at like 4:50.

    1. @Ryan,

      I replayed it to listen for that, and I found this nugget of goodness from Jeremy Johnson at about 20:40:

      I think it should be more that it’s the right thing to do for the guy that’s losing his house. It’s the right thing to do. He put money into a thing that didn’t work out, and he should get at least some of it back.

      Did you hear that, scamworld? When someone puts money into a thing and it doesn’t work out, you should refund their money, not blame them for failing.

      1. @Lanna,

        Yes, I do remember hearing JJ say that. I think I almost said something about him saying that but then I didn’t.

        JJ (faux) caring about the guy losing his house, whilest JJ is telling Swallow how he’s totally on Swallow’s side, Swallow has nothing to worry about, but also telling Swallow there’s certain things that, if the Feds knew, Swallow would have cause to be worried and also be taping Swallow all at the same time… And then the thing that blew JJ’s deal later was that he asked for immunity from prosecution for, of all people, Swallow among others… …

        It’s just too much internal contradiction and non sequitur for my brain to handle. Like a video capture card that can’t handle the speed of the input, my brain has to drop some of the frames on the floor in order to keep pace.

        And this by itself is enough to make me never want to play the Game Of Political Pwns. You swim with sharks, you’re like to lose a limb or worse.

        And somehow, presumably, all that shit makes sense inside JJ’s head. Good luck with that, JJ.

        Furry cows moo and decompress.

  15. “Jeremy Johnson associate busted on federal pot charge” according to the Salt Lake Tribune.

    The article states that the DEA arrested Johnson’s associate – let’s use his initials JV – and JV’s partner CS for allegedly conspiring to distribute 100 kilos or more of marijuana. The DEA seized the pot, $160,000, and JV’s twin-engine airplane.

    If Johnson was doing business with JV, were all those corporate jet and helicopter trips to Haiti really humanitarian missions?

    The Trib reports JV is Johnson’s neighbor, “participated in” Johnson’s online-poker payment processing scheme, is accused (together with his brother TV) in the FTC suit along with Johnson, and has been accused by the court-appointed receiver in that case of helping Johnson hide millions of dollars of assets.

    As for pot-peddling partner CS, the Trib says he, his father, and his siblings were recently sued by the FTC for allegedly buying consumers’ credit card numbers from payday loan companies and making fraudulent charges.

    I have to wonder if Richard Rawle’s Check City payday loan company was among them.

  16. That’s the sound of Utah’s legislature collectively slapping itself in its collective forehead as it rushes to address a glaring flaw in the current law:

    Legislative leaders are scrambling to address a conflict in state law that would require the Attorney General’s Office to investigate allegations of campaign violations against the attorney general.

    In response to a complaint filed last week by the Alliance For A Better Utah, Lt. Gov. Greg Bell’s office said there is a need to change the law.

    “Under the current law, we have no choice but to turn the complaint over to the Attorney General’s Office, even when the Attorney General is the subject of the complaint,” said elections director Mark Thomas. “We hope the Legislature will consider addressing the statutory language to resolve this conflict before the end of their General Session.”

    I suppose it just never occurred to whomever it was that crafted the original law that the A.G. might fall under suspicion.

    So now, even if the petition in question was totally politically motivated (seems pretty obvious it was, but why does that matter?), and even if this petition itself never goes anywhere, I feel like at least one good thing has come out of all of this.

    I got a good sardonic chuckle today. Thanks, Utah lawmakers! Have a busy day.

    This would be a great time to be a political comedian in Utah.

    Furry cows moo and decompress.

    1. @Crazy Utah ::


      Great move Traci Gunderson.

      Ward’s out :: which seems about right given the circumstances … it’s gotta be an outsider … and it sounds like more firepower not less.

      The Public Integrity Section of the U.S. Department of Justice, based in the nation’s capital, will now lead the investigation, which has been going on since last year. That office specializes in high-profile public-corruption cases.

      Fucking Yankton.

        1. @Crazy utah ::

          OMG this is too funny …

          He says after Shurtleff’s book, Am I Not A Man?, a historical narrative of the 19th-century slave Dred Scott — which Shurtleff wrote chunks of during his time at Pelican Hill — was published, Shurtleff suggested that Jenson buy $250,000 worth of books.

          Jenson says Shurtleff would get $50,000 to $60,000 of that money and that Jenson would never have to actually receive the books.

          Again, Shurtleff denies it happened.

          “Everything he told you are lies,” Shurtleff said in an email.

          … Shurtleff must be in a Tim Ferriss mastermind.

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