Unfortunately :: Jeremy Johnson isn’t available to accept this arrest because of a previous non-arrest-type obligation in Costa Rica. His BFF :: Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff :: will be accepting on his behalf …

No wait :: that was something else :: that was the “Humanitarian of the Year” award :: received for saving Haiti by spending just a tiny fraction of the amount {of other people’s money} that he was gambling away. Philanthropy!!

Fortunately :: Johnson actually was available for arresting two weeks ago in Phoenix. IRS agents grabbed him up at the airport while he was in route back to Costa Rica … where he has definitely not been hiding from the law. But when Jeremy Johnson does something {like fleeing jurisdiction} :: he does it wrong {making frequent return trips}.

Jeremy David Johnson has been charged with mail fraud and faces up to twenty years in prison. Except not really. What actually happened was that Johnson :: a supreme asshole whose arrogance is unbounded :: baited the government into arresting him before they were ready. According to the Salt Lake Tribune

“Johnson was arrested Saturday based on a “felony complaint.” Normally, in the federal court system such a complaint serves as a way to hold a suspect, said Melodie Rydalch, spokeswoman for the U.S. Attorney’s Office for Utah that filed the charge in Salt Lake City.

“We include enough information to establish probable cause for a judge to approve the issuance of a federal arrest warrant,” she said Monday. “Typically, when the case is presented to a grand jury for consideration, other charges are added.”

One count of mail fraud is just the tip of Johnson’s criminal iceberg. And he’s doing a super terrific job of motivating his enemies …

“Johnson recently filed an emergency motion in the FTC lawsuit asking a judge to release funds that the court froze so he could pay personal bills of about $26,700 a month. Those include about $16,600 for payments on his St. George home and $2,650 a month for yard maintenance.”

Makes sense. Why not antagonize the FTC? How could that fail to help?

“The receiver complained that Johnson has not been cooperating in sorting through his assets, failed to show how he was paying for flights between the U.S. and Costa Rica where he and his family are living, and pointed out that Johnson asked that he be allowed use his million-dollar houseboat on Lake Powell over Memorial Day weekend.

“How can Johnson and his family have funds to travel [either from Costa Rica or St. George] to Lake Powell, expend the funds necessary to outfit and use their luxurious houseboat for a weekend getaway and then return to Costa Rica, or St. George, when all of their nonreceiveship assets have purportedly been ‘depleted?’ ” the receiver asked in opposing Johnson’s request for funds.”

An often told to me rumor says that Johnson literally buried money in the Southern Utah desert. Haven’t dug any up myself :: and can’t possibly confirm that insanity :: but it sounds exactly like something a big fat idiot would do. Get your shovels out there and tell me what you find :: watch out for the fucking ants.

One of the spoiled-rich-boy-grown-into-less-than-half-a-man’s first moves after the FTC filed their initial suit was to put up a whine-a-thon type website where he could tell the whole world about how unfair everything is for poor poor Jeremy Johnson

“Prior to the FTC attacks, Jeremy Johnson was mainly known as a philanthropist and humanitarian, whose selfless efforts had aided literally thousands of people in need.”

Or at least that’s what he’d arranged his fridge magnets to say. HomeCrafts never lie!

And according to Jeremy Johnson :: Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff agrees with Jeremy Johnson’s fridge magnets that Jeremy Johnson is doing a terrific job …

“As further testament to I-Works efforts to be in compliance we invited the Attorney General of Utah, Mark Shurtleff, in first part of 2009, to visit our offices and to see our products and processes.  After the presentation he called our employees together and told them “that they should be proud to work for a company like ours” because we were doing it right, unlike other companies he had seen.

In addition, in May 2009 we invited two investigators from the division of consumer protection of the state of Utah to see the same presentation in our office and they also said they were very impressed with what we were doing.”

They were very impressed. Very impressed. And it probably didn’t have anything to do with all the money that Johnson was giving Shurtleff either … or the helicopter rides … that was just more selfless philanthropy.

Speaking of money and helicopter rides :: The Salt Lake Tribune ran a version of the above photo {sans robot} this Friday :: along with this one …

and this one …

and they noted …

“A review of campaign-finance reports, court documents and corporate records indicates that Johnson and his cohorts contributed more than $200,000 to Shurtleff since 2008 — roughly three times more than previously reported.”

200,000 good reasons to be very impressed.

But Shurtleff’s not answering any questions about it … he’s too busy tweeting deaths and making slavery cakes

The scary thing for Shurtleff’s now fizzling political career is that the scary things about Johnson have only just started to trickle out. Like this from the Deseret News

“Sources formerly associated with the company told the Deseret News it targeted people believed to be impoverished and less educated, particularly single African-American mothers in the South.”

That’s the stuff … thanks Utah.

Maybe Shurtleff should send a copy of his book to all the black mommies that got scammed :: I’m sure that would make up for it. Cause you haven’t heard the inspiring story of Dred Scott :: until you’ve heard it in the form of a novel written by a white Mormon who can’t write.

But it would take a whole lot of free books to make up for this kind of cat crap …

“But an FBI investigative report obtained the Deseret News shows a darker side.

Johnson, according the report, was among a dozen men involved in holding hostage a man who apparently owed Johnson money.

Johnson invited the man to a June 29, 2006, business meeting at his home in Santa Clara. When the man arrived, a “big guy” identified in the report as possibly a bounty hunter or bouncer greeted him. The next thing the man remembers is waking up on the floor with his hands handcuffed behind his back. The big guy sat him on a chair and restrained his legs with zip ties.”

Shurtleff didn’t know he was taking gobsmacking amounts of money from a criminal organization?

If he didn’t know … he should resign {for being an idiot}.

If he knew … he should resign {for being a sell-out}.

He should resign.

>> bleep bloop