The Godfather of Herbalife

John-and-the-John-Tartols

John-and-the-John-Tartols

And now introducing John Tartol :: seen here posers posing with some of his vile TartolSpawn Jrs … the pic {mostly} unaltered. He’s “the godfather of Herbalife” … … get it? … … it’s not funny :: because it’s basically true {in the bad way}.

Hey John!

Oh my gosh :: welcome to The Salty Droid you motherfucking fuckhead … I hope you enjoy your {4eva} stay here.

John Tartol has been an Herbalife distributor for 27 years :: is a member of Herbalife’s board of directors … and describes himself as an “ex-law student” … which is totally not a real thing … but which is a fun way to describe having only a bachelor’s degree if that’s something you’re self-conscious about. But John Tartol has no reason to feel self-conscious :: he looks fucking great … for a 68 year old lesbian.

John Tartol knows that Herbalife is an epic joke of a pyramid scheme :: controlled from the top like Stalin’s mustache … and he’s having a laugh at you about it.

Why play the lottery … when you can play the Herbalife?

… ask’s an Herbalife meme.

Herbalife-No-Bogus

 

… like :: all the time and stuff …

Herbalife-Impossible-Lottery

The made-up numbers don’t always align :: but basically … they posit that HLF distribs have a 1/26,000 chance of reaching the automatic millionairehood of the President’s Team. Far better odds than the average job haver :: life liver … or lottery player.

Let’s assume that those assumptions are correct :: even though they are not … what are the chances that two people from the same family will both rise to the glory of President’s Team?

1/26,000 x 1/26,000 ::

aka … 1/26,000²

= 1/676,000,000.

It’s kinda like how you don’t hear about two people from the same family each winning the lottery.

But the Herbalife lottery is :: fun simple magically … crawling with “lucky” Tartol winners.

Here’s Zac Tartol …

HLF-NYSE-LAME

… he’s President’s Team :: lucky guy.

Super extra lucky :: because if success in Herbalife is about selling products and recruiting new people … then the child of a person with a huge downline should be at an extreme disadvantage to the average person … having a social sphere dominated by people already recruited into the business.

John Tartol’s sister Mary Holloway :: OMG it’s a miracle … is also on the automatic millionaire President’s Team.

And hey :: you know what? … here’s her son Jake Holloway …

… telling us about how fucking TWELVE members his family have made the President’s Team :: and how now he … “praise be to fake Jesus”  … is on the short track to accomplishing the same.

Thirteen lottery winners?

What are the odds?

1/26,000¹³

aka … zero … no chance … odds so low your calculator just gave you the finger

But it’s happening :: all over Herbalife … it’s happening.

What are your chances of winning … if the winners have already been chosen?

>> bleep bloop

27 thoughts on “The Godfather of Herbalife”

  1. Thanks for the encouragement – Herbalife looks like a pretty good company, I mean if family members can make with those odds, heck, maybe I can! I certainly don’t like working to make others rich, you know.

    1. Yeah, I heard about that. It makes me sad. One of the commentors was pointing out that so far the only real source of the news seems to be Herbalife itself. But I don’t think we should get our hopes up too much about an on-purpose fake announcement of that kind from Herbalife… unless they had a motive to cause a temporary jump in stock price right now.


      Furry cows moo and decompress.

  2. Please can we have our old website back? This one takes two hours to load, constantly rearranges itself during the loading process and keeps flashing on and off as it rearranges itself. Plus it’s no longer as clear as it was.
    Sterling work etc. but simplicity and speed is King.
    Or Queen.

    1. @Can’t Remember ::

      No … the old site is dead to us now.

      And this one is still broken and not finished :: so relax … it will get better {I hope}.

      For instance :: why is there no paragraph spacing in the comments now? … that needs to be fixed. Where’s the thing about the recipes for carrot cake? My mom loves that bit so it’s gotta go back in. The whole comment layout is pretty whack actually. And yeah :: to much resizing on the home page … lame. I need to reformat that YARRP plugin. The title bar is missing from more than half the posts. I can’t make that hideous social icons bar disappear. Yada yada … 99 fucking problems.

      Anywayz :: be patient … one robot show here.

    2. I think maybe the technical name for the navigation we can get now is the “Mystery Meat” navigation. But I’m OK about it and the site speed because I can go and make my coffee while I wait for the page to load up for me.

      1. At least it’s still working smoothly for the spammers :: who are leaving more than 5000 “comments” per day at the moment … “gosh the Internet is great” … says some people who don’t know anything about the Internet.

    1. Of course he is. He’s a self-proclaimed “MLM attorney”. Of course, given his biases, he’d be likely to say that Herbalie was winning even if it was losing.


  3. What are the odds?

    1/26,000¹³

    That’s one tiny, tiny number…

    ~= 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000040303

    aka … zero … no chance …

    Yes, for every practical, real purpose that number is basically 0.

    It’s weird how much doublethink people can go in for. I mean surely a sizeable number of distributors have noticed this by now. But most of them, presumably, just ignore that they know it and keep on going.


    Furry cows moo and decompress.

    1. I finally watched the video since @Paul posted a follow-up to it.

      The first part of that segment is painful to watch. But it is worth watching the whole thing.

      I mean ok–it’s all kinda fakey the way any “realty” show is. But damn it’s fun to see (what was it five?) actual business people (I don’t know if they’re really actual business people because this is TV–but I’ll go with it for now) totally destroy this guy’s totally bogus pyramid scheme-y offer.

      Feels like Christmas.

      ….

      So what would’ve happened if he’d gone in there selling the Herbalie?

      Furry cows moo and decompress.

  4. So.. it seems like this happens more and more. Here’s a “news” article from an alternate universe Wall Street Journal where Herbalife and Nu Skin are real companies instead of scams:

    http://stream.wsj.com/story/latest-headlines/SS-2-63399/SS-2-414573/

    analysts at Wedbush did a check on whether Herbalife salespeople were feeling the impact of new competition:

    As a follow up, we conducted discussions with many of our senior-level distributor contacts in the Herbalife organization located in these regions to determine the potential impact on Herbalife’s own weight management (i.e., Formula 1 shakes) sales. Based on our feedback, we believe Herbalife’s sales momentum has not skipped a beat, with almost all the distributors we spoke with indicating there was not even a slight deceleration in their business since the Nu Skin TR90 product launch.

    And:

    Key reasons cited for Herbalife’s continued strength included the more value-oriented price point for Formula 1, the stickiness of the daily consumption business model, and somewhat different socioeconomic profile of Herbalife’s distributors compared to Nu Skin’s.

    The Wall Street Journal. They’re so gosh darn business-y and news-ish that they’ll happily quote someone else saying that they talked to “many of our senior-level distributor contacts “. I would love to know who those “senior-level distributor contacts” are. I wonder if it includes the dude who killed himself or the Tartol family clowns Salty’s article is about.

    Anyway, of course they aren’t having a problem with Nu Skin because Herbalife’s sales don’t happen in the Real World. And also of course, let’s suppose that in some way or another, somehow territory is actually being lost to Nu Skin. In that hypothetical, with all the insulating buffering layers of fake and non-information between the actual sales and what Herbalife or its distributors print, what possible incentive could such “senior” distributors have to actually say,

    (made-up quote

    “oh yeah. Nu Skin is hurting us. We’re having to lie to our victim-distributor downlines a lot more to keep them from jumping ship from our scam to their scam. But you know the plus side is sometimes we win folks away from their scam to our scam. So I guess it balances out. F— I don’t really know though. You know we don’t keep any real books on those numbers, right? What I go by is my bank account. If I ever see a time when the money stops flowing in for like maybe a few months in a row, that’s when I know it’s time to bail. I’ll go over to Nu Skin or Vemma or something.”

    You could put the “senior” distributors in the truth field on Tranzalor and ask them there. But what would happens is, folks would just doubt the veracity of the recording. le meh.

    Actually, we don’t really need a truth field. We just need someone to shut down the reality masking field as shown in They Live.

    We sleep. They live.


    Furry cows moo and decompress.

  5. Hey Salty Droid, I started following your blog a few years back. How come your not posting any more stuff about the “Syndicate”? Did you lose your inside connection? Or has Herbalife become your main target focus?

  6. I think that it might be far more accurate just to say that, ignoring the insignificant minority of narcissistic shills like Tartol, the hidden overall loss/churn rate for the blame-the-victim ‘Herbalife MLM Income Opportunity,’ racket, has always been a solid 100%.

    Currently, the ‘Herbalife’ racket (alone) is consuming approximately two millions ill-informed humans annually, or approximately twenty millions every decade. On entering the racket, all these hopeful persons have been arbitrarily, and falsely ,defined on their take-it or leave it contracts as ‘Independent Business Owners:’ on leaving (after failing to receive any of the attractive financial rewards they were offered), the same persons have then been arbitrarily, and falsely, defined as ‘discount customers.’

    Yet the ‘Herbalife’ Ministry of Truth now quotes Tartol as insisting:

    “….for the small percentage of Herbalife distributors who choose to work hard and build a business, there is an opportunity for significant financial success,”

    http://www.latimes.com/business/money/la-fi-mo-ackman-accuses-herbalife-director-of-misleading-advertising-20140220,0,3670897.story#ixzz2twJYl7d4

    Quite clearly this statement is a demonstrable lie which itself constitutes wire fraud and obstruction of justice. A such this statement, like countless other tightly-scripted, reality-inverting broadcasts made by the ‘Herbalife’ Ministry of Truth, forms part of an overall pattern of ongoing major racketeering activity (as defined by the US federal Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act, 1970).

    All this begs some common-sense questions:

    Even if they were honest (which I very much doubt), how could the so-called regulators at the FTC have been so dumb as to have allowed this?
    Where is the FBI?
    Where is the mainstream media?
    Where is the SEC?
    Why hasn’t ‘Herbalife’ long-since been closed-down as a dissimulated criminal enterprise?
    Why haven’t Tartol, and his criminal associates on the ‘Herbalife’ Board, long-since been arrested for racketeering, and all their unlawful profits seized?

    David Brear (copyright 2014)

  7. Determine whether it is going to cost you anything. Figure
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    is worth the cost involved. Make sure you duck and take cover before
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  8. Hi there will be winners and losers in every walk of life why just pick on herbalife everything is a numbers game some will some wont look at baseball or football how many people didnt make it to the top for 101 reasons look at school how many people drop out i have worked for 30 plus years in dead end jobs for bosses that could not give a f—k im not blaming them it was my choice but i have watched mlm from the sidelines for the last 10 years what i have seen is amazing what some people have done from nothing also have watched a lot of people moan and complain about the concept some will some wont merry christmas

    1. @m mcgrath ::
      _
      You’re wrong. Because the point is … absolutely no one succeeds in this business playing by the rules that these MLMs lay out publicly. The winners are chosen from on high … and everyone else is guaranteed failure.

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