Salty Droid >> bleep bloop

Salty Droid

DumbDumb CreepStars

Herbalife pretends that I don’t exist. That’s what everyone does. The monster’s not real until you look at it… is what you’re saying right before you get ate by the monster.

I guess that’s over now.

Says Herbalife (via millions of dollars worth of lawyers):

The privacy interests of the 44 Florida Defendants and their downline members also militate against the discovery sought by Plaintiffs, interests that the Florida Defendants have refused to waive.

These concerns are heightened given certain statements made by Jason Jones, counsel of record for Plaintiffs, on his blog, “The Salty Droid.” See (“These dumbdumb creep-stars are giving me data, and videos, and emails, and yada yada yada … holy mother of dragons I’m actually getting the stuff!”).

Oh, why thank you! That’s quite the grand entrance for my “blog” onto the federal record.

{sashay right, deep bow, sashay left}

I might have chosen a different “certain statement” as my opening line; like this from the fake robot circa 2010:

Herbalife is a multi-level marketing company :: aka a pyramid scheme :: aka a waste of time. Like all other MLM’s a key component of their business is having big Ra Ra seminars where they sell their “distributors” on a bunch of expensive bullshit that will help them “grow” their “companies.”

Or this from 2013:

Herbalife’s corporate honchos :: currently experiencing out of the ordinary levels of scrutiny … have been trying to distance the company from the various dodgy biz opps that are necessarily stacked on top of their own dodgy biz opp … by nearly all of their top producers.

That one even came with a potential video exhibit (which Herbalife hated and had disappeared from the internet)…

Cool, yeah, that seems perfectly innocent and not the least bit pyramid schemey… could have used that.

Could have also used this pant-related quote from a 2014 article I wrote (courts always find pants persuasive):

If you buy pants from the store :: then you’ll have pants … but no money. If you buy pants from yourself :: then you’ll have pants … and money! It’s a win win :: for you … and yourself. Whoever thought up this whole “just buy shit from yourself” thing … should give themselves the Nobel Prize in imaginary economics.

Or, this Herbalife hurricane from 2015:

Seminars are the most critical component to recruiting and retention at Herbalife. Because :: group think … and also because … group think. A new prospect will be pitched the Herbalife biz op in a group with :: 30 … 300 … 3000 … and then 20,000 fellow hopefuls. The vast majority of MLM recruits can’t actually sell or recruit :: they’re victims not perpetrators … so this escalating group system does all the heavy scam lifting for them.

Or, this so-so-simple summation from 2016:

Herbalife says that you can make money selling Herbalife.

But you can’t make money selling Herbalife.

That’s it :: a multibillion dollar global scam … built on the back of that one easy lie.

Or, how about this ominous statement from 2017 when I knew I was about to sue Herbalife but they did not?

I just wanted to tell jokes :: to speak truths … to use my computers and the webz {a few of my favorite things} to poke at the monsters in the night. Almost everyone in the world was completely ignoring me … and I was basically fine with that.

But my arguments were silenced instead of answered.

And so :: now … this.

But, whatever, I will 100% accept “dumbdumb creep-stars :: yada yada yada … mother of dragons” as my opening line.

>> bleep bloop