Michael Johnson

Herbalife’s Bankruptcy Business

“I LOVE HERBALIFE …”
… is what Herbalife President’s Team member Michael Burton said to me :: unconvincingly … this past fall when I was fake robotic questioning him about his various scum sucking.

“I will be sharing the great health results of the products with people and possibilities of how Herbalife can help as long as I am on this […]

Profit and Loss

Not many families can functionally recover from a five-figure loss :: but Herbalife CEO Michael O. Johnson and his family certainly could … because he’s spent the last decade profiteering handsomely from hundreds of thousands of other {much poorer} families sustaining such losses.

Pictured above {and below} are just a tiny subset of those very real people :: with their […]

Herbalife vs Black People

You know who loves them some Herbalife? iStockphoto black people … they’re fucking nuts for it.

But iStockphotos don’t have wallets :: or credit cards :: or retirement accounts :: or exploitable fears about future uncertainty … so Herbalife was hoping to increase their pyramid scheme’s reach with real live black people instead.

They started the African-American Initiative :: which is […]

Belgium vs Herbalife

Herbalife is a pyramid scheme :: says the country of Belgium … not me.

I wouldn’t say something as explicit as all that :: because my imaginary lawyers have informed my fake secretary Debbie that I shouldn’t be calling pyramid schemes “pyramid schemes” just because they are obviously pyramid schemes. I should try to use more indefinite :: uplifting :: […]

A Dahl’s House

Internet Marketer :: and top Herbalife distributor :: Shawn Dahl … has a real thing for his mother-in-law {pictured above left}. Well :: maybe not her so much … as her scamtacular business ideas. Before Dahl met his mastermind mother-in-law :: his best scamming idea involved becoming a middling real estate agent in the Siberian province of Vancouver.

The money in […]

Questions About Herbalife Questions

Is Herbalife a pyramid scheme?

It’s a good :: and fair … question to be asking if you find yourself enmeshed in a sticky stinky web of Herbalife’s outright fucking lies. Google gets asked the question so often :: that many unicorn distributors focus their marketing attention on phrases like “Herbalife Scam” … rather than on more positive phrases like […]

Is Herbalife a Scam? {spam}

Tomorrow Herbalife CEO Michael Johnson :: and his saggy band of morally culpable senior executives … are due to present their fake company’s response to Bill Ackman’s truth {and money} attack on their fucking obvious pyramid scheme.

Strange that it takes more than two weeks for the country’s highest paid CEO to come up with a decent {or not} defense […]

The Great Pyramid {of Herbalife}

Herbalife is fucked … ask me how!

But seriously.

Don’t ask me how :: cause I was already going to tell you … keep your stupid questions to yourself.

-f-u-c-k-e-d-

Over the past three decades Los Angeles based {via the Cayman Islands} Herbalife has pretended to sell various products that pretended to promise to make you thin and pure or whatever … like a rainbow. […]