Kilstein’s The Secret Secret

the-turd-100

the-turd-100

Not-Doctor Harlan Kilstein hasn’t been having much success in business lately.  Sure he still has his pretend “seven figure Internet business” :: and that’s doing great … it will be manifesting itself into an eight figure mega-empire in no time.  But back here on Earth :: where Newtonian Physics still reign supreme :: in a humble little place called MOTHER FUCKING REALITY! :: he’s be sucking even by his own hardcore sucktacular standards.

Tactic 7 :: A $3000 sink to the bottom turd == Epic Fail {ask Google if you’d like more info about Tactic 7 :: she’ll tell you about this fantastically interesting article: Tactic 7 :: City of Gold … many people say the author is a once in a geological era creative genius who is destined to rule supreme over the universe … and I’m compelled to agree after a mandatory 30 seconds of false humility}.

Tactic 10 :: aka “Tactic 7 plus the square root of 9” :: also smelled like the excretions of a rotting gall bladder and sank to the bottom.

What to do?  How is fatty-fatty-bag-o-donuts gonna pay the bills?

Well there’s always refinancing your house :: take the equity out as cash :: and then pimp your beefy thighs with designer yoga and high-end sweat suits.  The real estate market in Florida is BOOMING :: and it can’t fucking fail.  It’s like a money printing machine :: Refinance 7 times for 7 figures.

Error! :: oh wait I’m sorry charlie :: that was the ghost of 2006 talking {that lying bitch is tough to silence}.

What I meant to say was :: How about foreclosure?  Getting kicked out of your home is one sure fire way to cut costs.  I’m sure moving back in with Mommy Dearest is still an option :: She NEVER wanted you to leave anyway.  Sure it’s a bit embarrassing :: You’re 50 {going on 75} with the emotional maturity of a preteen :: You’ve failed at EVERYTHING you’ve tried in real life :: And now you’ve even failed at failing {/claps}.  Whatever.  Just walk back to Mom’s house :: head held high :: knowing that at least NOW YOU have the bigger set of tits.

… or … another totally viable option … more denial and desperation.  Maybe a new frauduct … slightly “lower market” than other recent “opportunities.”  Ladies :: brace yourselves for a trip to stupid town …

:: The Hypnotic Secret ::

“Attention: Disillusioned Readers of “The Secret” are about to discover..The Dirty Little Secret Benjamin Franklin Tried To Conceal That Has Absolutely Crippled Your Chances To Automatically Begin Manifesting Massive Wealth…Deep, Enriching Relationships…And Enduring Health.”

Yep! … The Secret :: The Fucking Secret! Because there has never been a better time to latch your bloodsucker on to that colossal train wreck of a scam.  People are talking about it … what more do you need?  Sure they’re talking about it killing people and ruining lives … but whatevs … all press is good press … am I right people?  People?  Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

See some of these other DeathLodge mother fuckers got The Secret all wrong :: They were just trying to make a buck at your expense {from the promotional email spam} …

“So people start out following the steps and unfortunately…
THEY ARE LIED TO.
You know by who.
The big shots making the entire living teaching the Law of Attraction.
They are the ones bragging about their Rolls Royces, huge mansions, and private planes to rub in your faces their success.
I’ve got new for you.  If they weren’t teaching the Law of Attraction, they’d all be DEAD BROKE.”
But Not-Doctor Kilstein ain’t like that.
Oh Hellz No! He’s 110% Str8 4Realz :: 120% of the time.
Suck on that disingenuousness!
He’s got the real secret to The Secret that Benjamin Franklin didn’t want you to know :: and he’s living proof of The Law of Attraction in Action™ …

“And it just keeps getting better and better.  Now I approach life as the master.  With this knowledge I feel like I finally own my life…I now have complete control of where I’m going.  At last… it’s like I can do, be, or have anything I want…AS IF I HAVE THE ALADIN’S GENIE BY THE THROAT…forcing him to grant my every wish.”

Love the Aladdin reference Not-Doctor K :: it reminds me of the James Arthur Ray Aladdin sequence in The Secret {link}.  The Droid has a D.F.A. in Metaphor Completion Studies :: so let me finish that bad boy off for you.

ShitStein:  I demand, nay FORCE, you to grant my every wish.  First, make hot young chicks lust after my lumpy sack of potatoes body.

Genie: Why are your puny little hands around my neck guy?

ShitStein:  I forcing you to grant my every wish dirtbag! Now get started.  Young chicks dig me … NOW!!!

Genie: {laughing out loud} Umm … I’m a genie you stupid fuck.  Maybe you don’t understand the genie game … but we have like super powers and stuff … so step off punk!  And why does it smell like a ferret has been nesting its dead babies inside of your mouth?  You should really get that shit checked out ASAP.

ShitStein {meekly removing his filthy hands from the giant blue neck}: You’re peeing on the wrong people here genie.  I know Frank Kern!  Frank Fucking Kern! So you aren’t going to grant my wishes?

Genie {channeling David Puddy}:  That’s right. {end channeling} Oh and I’m sending you back to World War I Europe … good luck manifesting your way out of the trenches you pasty little douche {puff of smoke … and maybe some Sheryl Crow for mood music}

Buy this product now and be manifesting LearJets by Christmas.  Kilstein needs new victims so that he can afford to pay refunds to his old victims {more about that later}.  Perhaps if we join together and buy enough of his crap we can stave off the inevitable Harlan Kilstein …

Mom and Me
{Boobs vs Moobs}
Incestual Wet T-Shirt Contest

… for another year.

>> bleep bleep

36 thoughts on “Kilstein’s The Secret Secret”

  1. Recall Alert: Issued 11.30.09 from a big ass brown 6 track nomadic Jawa headquarters in the middle of fucking nowhere…
    Details: A glitch in the targeting calibration protocols has been identified in all F-U series droids.
    Affects: This glitch inhibits a droids ability to discern a ‘schlub’ from an ‘alpha male’ or ‘alpha female’
    Risk Level: : : :  Moderate to high risk of excessively using the word ‘moobs’ : : : Danger of loosing all snarkyness

    Background: In 2008 Jawa supreme councile refitted 9 F-U series droids for the purposes of “Harassing, Haranguing, Exposing, Belittling, Debilitating, and Destroying” the reputations and livelihood of known and unknown disreputable charlatans in the Internet Marketing and Personal Development Snake Oil Sales fields.
    These droids have served the greater good very well and have been directly linked to massive losses in reputation and earnings for figures such as Perry Belcher, Andy Jenkins, and Mike Filsaime… Simaltaneously, one of these Droids id number:  – FU&U2 – (nicknamed “Saltydroid”) has sparked a prestigous worldwide discussion surrounding the exploits of the FU series droids.
    Unfortunately: We at the Jawa Droid Repair Center have discovered a glitch in the targeting algorythms of these droids which causes them to exhibit ‘obsessive’ behavior upon the sight of “moobs” and disregard their primary targeting parameters for sake of picking on fat losers no one actually gives a flying fuck about.
    Case In Point: Who the fuck is Harlan Kilstein? And Who cares? If he makes no money, then he isn’t alpha now is he? He has moobs, and lives with his mom, who cares?  If he defaulted on a refund, contact the authorities, sort it out…  It’s a small fish in a big pond not worthy of the time energy and attention the droid is giving him…
    The Problem in Detail: This infatuation with moobs has allowed tremendous targeting oppurtunities to slip right by unnoticed as actual alphas go unchecked pillaging relentlessly…
    All FU Series Droids Please Report to the Big Ass Brown 6 Track Immediately for Targeting Systems Patch ID ::: FU-Alphas…
    For Droids unable to find the BIG ass 6 track: Please deploy these temporary patches
    1. If you find yourself reduced to religious degradation (mormans, jews, satanists, whatevs)  ::: { REDEPLOY “snark mark-up protocols” }
    2. If you find yourself obsessing on ‘moobs’ : : : > GO play Modern Warfare 2 Live and steal any creative insults you hear…
    3. If unable to find good alpha targets [use list below] : : : >
    3a. Anthony Robbins : : :  Teaches ‘Relationship Mastery’ : : : Just had a miserable divorce because “She’s too old, I need a young hot chick that can keep up with me, I’m a friggin star man!”

    3b. Rhonda Byrne  :::creator of the secret ::: set up an intricate network of shell companies to hide profits from the Secret, is now being sued by her own partners and co-creators about all the hiden assets and royalties  — Potential to be upgraded to International Fraud Charges…

    3c. Murray Smith: Co-Founder of One Coach with John Assaraf lead Indian Motorcycles to a $300 Million dollar successful year, then lead it into bankruptcy 12 months later, now teaches “How to be a Successful Entreprenuer”
    3e.

    Eckhart Tolle: Misanthropic Ego Maniac on the verge of suicides claims he loathes the world so much that he needed to teach them how to become enlightened like him.  Claims to be ego free, and shuns big business :  :  : then launched a line of “Eckhart Tolle is Wonder Full Calenders” and his own TV channel… Eckhart Tolle TV…

    3f. Steve Pavlina ::: Defaulted on his partners, went bankrupt, lost $200k of investor capital, claims people who work for a living are brainless turds, and people who employ others are modern slaveowners…  Now is a personal development and entrepenuership coach.  Has a website with 2 million monthly pageviews and a forum where users must sign away their right to freedom of expression before they are allowed to participate. Pavlina is so bold as to ban disenters and then place banned users profiles in front of his forum community for public belittlement and beratement { he allows the banned person read only priveledges so they may enjoy the results of their desire to disagree }

    3g. Anthony Robbins 2 : Teaches Welath Mastery based on his claim that his company “Dreamlife” did $400 million in one day. The truth behind the story is that “Dreamlife” was a reverse merger front that cost hundreds of people their jobs as Robbins forced the price of the stock down for the intitial offering… Using his cloat and reptuation he took >$400 million in other peoples money and lost it all… Now, Dreamlife has been liquidated, and renamed EOS Intl with a market value of -$11 million dollars.  IE. He claims a $400 million dollar day, but fails to mention invetors lost $411 million to make it happen… Now teaches welath mastery…

    3h. James Arthur Ray : : : “DeathRay” <– good one : : :  But what about the fact that he is liquidating all his assets in preparation to flee the country?  Set up a google alert on this huckster even if he doesn’t have moobs…

    3i. Ryan Diess : : : Has just launched a new product “Why I Use Cheap Outsourced 3rd world Intellectual Property Sweatshops to Make this Crap you Idiots Keep Buying From Me – And how you can do the same thing!”  aka. “Only Idiots Make their Own Products”
    3j. John Reese : : : Failed at every business he ever launched until he launched a “How to Make a Successful Business” product… Made about $1.7 million, then launched three new businesses which all failed including a “How to Make a Successful Business” product… Is now nearing broke, and launching another, “How to Make a Successful Business” membership product…

    3k. Eban Pagan : : : D-bag extraordinaire…  Okay, Kilstein wrote the copy (we get it, you hate Kilstein – small fish > easy target)…  But what about the douchebag that told him what to write?  The fact that this waste of breath teaches the advantages of christian blowjobs under one name and the secrets of entreprenuership under another?  Too much good easy alpha male targeting to even go into…

    3l: Rusell Brunson : : : Please, Salty, Please… Please go opt-in at Brunson’s house… Get on his list, get a call from the boiler room, experience the Brunsonness first hand…  Yes, we get it, Kilstein is selling a Secret Secret product and has moobs… But Brunson is actually ruining people’s lives… Your calibration is all wonky little FU droid…  The damage being done by finger healing and the 10 members of Tactic10 (you know that’s why he calls it Tactic10 right? because only ten people signed up) is piddling in comparison to what Brunson is doing…
    A Little insiders tip to get you started ::: (Kern, Robbins, Reese, and Brunson penned the recent “New Money Masters” launch….)  Robbins provides the reputation, Reese has good hair and a big list, Kern has a southern accent and plays the guitar { Robbin’s handlers are rebranding him as ‘the likable badboy of self help’ and are using Kern for his crossover appeal – and list } —> then the whole kit and kaboodle funnels into Brunson’s Boiler room… Where the fatal four have devised a sinister plot to do this: { Robbins Personal Development Clients become ‘Wealth Mastery Proteges’ Under the “New Money Masters Start Your Own Online Business Program” } —> Robbins has found a new way to milk out the last cents from his audience by going b2b with false hopes and “What’s your credit Limit?” tactics in an effort to avoid bankrupting EOS which is loosing $10 mil a year, meanwhile settling out of court on 7 fraud charges, and being found guilty of copyright infringement on the whole wealth mastery thing anyways!  Get it?  He stole the program (found guilty in court fined $800k), lost >$400 million, then teamed up with Kern, Reese, and Brunson to try and take his fan base to the Boiler Room selling good old fashioned “Get Rich Quick” scheme for your entire credit limit…  These guys aren’t just hurting people, they are literally ruining the lives and livelihood of entire families…

    Meanwhile the droid is staring so intently at Kilstein’s moobs that he failed to run even a cursory background check on Vicky Polin and got sucked right into her scam…  Yes, scam.  Our beloved droid, hero to the Jawa and Jedi alike has been scammed right before our very eyes…  The finder of frauds, the outer of insiders, sucked into a clever trap designed to drive alexa sparky’s to targeted landing pages and make sure he refuses to focus on the actual alphas… (the new algorithms are heavily alexa biased – nofollow tags are now MOOT)

    Closing Protocols: Please little droid, we need you back… Your kind are the shiny light on the internet, the beacons, the heros, the ones that discovered that the entire deathstar was vunerable to an accurate pellet gun shot…  For thousands of years you have protected civilization from the evil doers, if you are unable to come in for the targeting patch upload, use any of the 12 pre-approved alpha starts…  Just type any of them into Google and you can verify them easily, it’s a cornicopia of snark waiting to be found… Or if you want, just ask and i’ll provide you with validatin glinks to any of them…

    There is real darkness out there.  Real people are being robbed, ruined, and even killed… It’s all funny stuff behind your snarky protocols, but what you’re doing here is real, you took down Belcher, crippled Jenkins, and got Filsaime to wince before the attack even landed, your power is great….  The Kilstein thing has gotten old, FU@U2 – you’re capable of so much more then relentlessly attacking the fringe…

    Inadvertantly, you have become the leader of the sheeple, the voice to which the others now tune to : : : like bahhing sheep your followers are looking away from the real villians and staring hypnotized at ….

    Oddly enough, your biggest fans at supporters at the Jawa Owned Droid Family Repair Center have become the disenting voice hoping you recalibrate your targeting parameters and find someone worthy of your design…

     

    1. I really hope Droid repair center’s comment is taken onboard as constructive criticism and not an attack.  It’s right on the mark…you have the audience now Droid, set them loose on the big dogs

  2. You missed one dufus and that would be Dufus Dave from Downunder, you know the DS fullo BS guy from OZ.  He’s apparently begging, yet again, for people to pay him for another Platinum year Downunder.  If I recall correctly he was supposed to pay profits to a group of people from his first two platinum years because he claimed he made 123% profit and didn’t fucking share it like he promised but boasted about the house, the car, the blah blah blah.  He needs your bloody money NOW …. How else is fatty-fatty-bag-o-donuts gonna pay the bills? How about someone do another movie called The Fraud! And feature the best takeoffs of these idiots ever.  We could do with a few good AHA moments.

  3. @DroidRepair :: I thought that was pretty cute. Good job.

    However :: there is a reason why Mother Fucking Generals don’t consult with grease monkeys in the repair shop about battle tactics.

    1.  Fights here are fights to the finish.  That’s exactly why I’m so goddamn scary. Kilstein needs to disappear himself … or I’ll be shaking my robot rattle until he is in the cage he so richly deserves {or maybe he’ll see the cage even if he does disappear himself … stay tuned to find out}.

    2.  Kilstein has filed 10+ false DMCA claims against this blog.  Including the most recent 3 which resulted in the deletion of my Vimeo account.  Notice how all the videos on the site are dead?  To include one {Colleen’s messages} which was totally devastating to James Ray and his henchwomen.

    Why are people always telling me to attack people who are already on my list?  Brunson :: Deiss :: Ray :: Schirmer :: yeah … I know for christ sakes … obviously.  I can’t write about ALL of them every day people … BE REASONABLE!

    Everyone who’d like to complain about who or what I’m writing about is requested to please direct their energies toward helping me get my social media accounts back.  Tell YouTube :: Twitter :: Vimeo :: et al :: that THEY are hurting the cause of justice. I’m pretty sure the mega-corps could be doing a lot more … and that my robot ass is doing more than should be asked.

  4. I for one am thankful for Jason helping me with Harlan@droid repair

    I agree there are big guys ruining more lives than Harlan but that does not mean salty should not post about him because there is something very strange going on about kilstein very strange and sick.

    How much damage does a person have to do to society and families does a person need to do in order to warrant salty’s attention here on this blog?

    1000 people?
    3 million?

    What number of victims do you use as a gauge@droid repair?
    ARe all the people and their families and children that were victimized unimportant and not worthy of help unless it is a large enough number of them?

    If you are so concerned about the victims of Filsaime Kern Brunson why are you bitching? All that time could be spent doing somethiNg like doing your own sites.

  5. “Every victim deserves to have things made right”  A bloody men!  These guys will not know peace until they stop what they are doing and make good.  Good work Salty, keep it up.

  6. The Jawas at the Jawa Family Owned Droid Repair Center have reviewed the preceding information and would like to thank everyone who has helped bring things to our attention…
    We were aware of the targeting parameter glitch but had no idea of the severity…
    Saltydroid, to be clear: We adore you and you’re work and by no means would suggest, hope or intone the notion that you are alone in your plight or are in anyway defective… You are a  good droid, fighting a good fight and we merely seek to support you…  The information provided in the  {starts} was meant to give you ample verfied ammunition for future fights, never meant to dissuade or discourage your ongoing battles…
    Bruce: We intentionally left DS from Downunder off of our list because we want to steer as far away from moobs as possible { his are ample and very distracting } the Jawa repair center wants to help all droids overcome their addictions, and not merely substitute one set of moobs for another… Plus he’s a schlub…
    Enigma: We at the JAWA Droid Repair Center care very much about each and every droid.  Efforts to manipulate, defraud, abuse any droid are taken very seriously.  We were entirely unaware of your effrots to manipulate the Droid.  After doing a cursory background check on you (we typed your name into google) – – –
    Dr. Enigma Valdez “Doctor of Metaphysics”  Self Proclaimed “Internet Visionary” While not publically attacking his former teacher: Published <a href=”http://www.scribd.com/doc/13896964/Enigma-Valdez-The-Money-Magnet”> “The Money Magnet – Keys to Creating Unlimited Wealth Using the Universal laws of Attraction”</a> –  <a href=”http://www.thefreelibrary.com/How+to+Learn+Any+Language+in+1+Hour+Quickly+%26+Easily-a01073854872″>”How to Learn any Language in an Hour”  </a> –  the now defunct “SevenFigureCopywriting” –  “How to Play Thousands of Guitar Songs Instantly” simaltaneously affiliating everyones products from the same people you chastize…
    Did you bother to mention to the droid that you published a testamonial regarding Kilstein at Amazon?  <a href=”http://www.amazon.com/review/R26QYZT85AZXC8″>Enigma Pimps Kilstein</a> Did you bother to mention to the Droid that you are an affiliate marketer for David Schirmers partner Bob Proctor?  <a href=”http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Does+the+Law+of+Attraction+Really+Work%3f-a01073944912″> Enigma Pimps Proctor</a> Did you mention that you’re like 140lbs over wheight and still have the audacity to teach “How to Use the Power of Suggestion to Loose Weight”  <a href=”http://duallifesuccess.blogspot.com/2007/08/how-to-lose-weight-with-law-of.html”> Engima Teaches how to Loose Weight</a>  Or that you publically boast about how sucessful your internet career is while telling Droid and all of us here that you are struggling to make ends meet? <a href=”http://duallifesuccess.blogspot.com/2007/08/use-law-of-attraction-to-boost-your.html”>Enigma Boasts of his successes</a>
    It seems Dual Life really is a very appropriate title for his work…
    Droid, I sincerely apologize for attacking your poster child, I know the only thing you really hate is when someone attacks the victim… However, just type in Enigma Valdez into any search engine and you’ll see that this guy has hundreds and hundreds of bogus offers and false claims litering the internet… Everything from color therapy, seven figure copywriting, all the way to get rich schemes and his very own make believe Doctorate…
    We Jawas strongly agree with protecting the victim, especially when the victim of the scam is one of our beloved Droids…
    Thanks for the heads up on the plight of Enigma Phil…
    End Note: Salty, our whole point isn’t to say stop attacking Kilstien, we support whatever you think is best, your the general we’re just little greasy mechanics… Mindless glowing eyed fools… We mostly work on condensor droids, not the high tech F-U units [ you’re a bit out of our league ]  We’re just saying that obssessing on the eastern front may leave you vulnerable in the west
    How could the legnedary SaltyDroid be affiliating himself with a Schirmer Affiliate?  Egnima Valdez uses hidden madatory continuity in his Bob Proctor pitch for fucks sake!   The only explanation is that the scam buster is getting scammed…  Or there are 2 Engima Valdez’s out there selling frauducts – One who loves Kilstien, the other who hates him…
    We support you in defending the victim, just want to make sure we know who the real victims are….
     
     

    1. The thing is Repair Center :: most of the victims are doing shady shit on the Internet … because that is what wank liars like Harlan Kilstein are telling people to do {for thousands a month in “coaching” fees}. It’s part of what makes this whole thing so disgusting. They teach you how to go on to the Internet and ruin your reputation … while not making any money.

      All of the people here who have talked to me … Enigma included … have been gently encouraged to see the error in their current thinking.

      I will help :: talk to :: and keep the secrets of people whose current and/or past activities I do not endorse.

  7. @droid repair center
     
    Have you checked the dates on that ?  You will see it was in the same time span I was involved with IM including Harlan’s coachings. At the time I didn’t know that all that I was being taught by the IM gurus was scams…because over and over so many IM gurus would tell us to model them.  So I tried as best I could. Although, it didn’t feel quite right to me, I ignored my gut and trusted the experts. I didn’t think they would tell me anything wrong.  Afterall, it must be all good otherwise guys like Dr. Joe Vitale wouldn’t have been on The Secret and Donny Deutsch and Larry King.
    I never deceived anyone about the metaphysics degree, especially when they asked me about it, and basically used it for writing article writing  on the law of attraction and similiar topics.  I never sold a thing based on it and I never pretended to be a medical doctor to sell anyone crap , nor did I ever pretend to be a professor or high school principle.
    Furthermore, I have not broken any laws nor have I scammed anyone out of their money. I was told I “sucked at selling”  by wonderful IM gurus, because I could not bring myself to persuade someone to max out what was left on their credit card for a sales letter.
    Over and over I was told that “if you close them right they will max out their credit card to get what they want”. Things like that caused conflict in me and I think that’s why I was never able to get anywhere in the IM world.
    The leads I was sent were always people living off credit cards. I just couldn’t be part of that.
    Droidrepair center, it seems you are focused on the wrong thing. I thought you wanted big time guru scammers on here?  My gut feeling tells me you have ulterior motives and you don’t really care about helping people.  It seems you have a vendetta for a group of IM guys, and I suspect the reason isn’t because they’ve hurt people, I suspect they have crossed you  personally.
    Yes, people who get scammed often end up looking like a fool because they were ignorant.
    But if Oprah and other big time celebs can make a mistake in judging someone’s character, then anyone can.
    Your efforts have been directed at me, you must think I’m a big time guru milking people out of tons of cash, but there’s nothing here.
    This brings up a good point. I’m not the only one that has followed a trusted coach or mentor and has wound up doing something unethical because they blindly followed the word of someone else.
    An extreme example of this is the Holocaust in Germany. My great grandmother  and grandmother always told me that during that time they had no clue about the Holocaust. She said that she used to ride the bicycle to work and pass this area where starving people in uniforms were behind these barb wired fences.  It was against the  law to talk to them or give them anything, and she said that they would beg her for food, so she would take pieces of bread and quickly throw them over the fence while pedaling as fast as she can to work so nobody would see.
    She told us that people joined certain military parties because they wanted to protect their country and change the world for what they thought was the better.  She told us about the rallies and how they were all excited about their families and their country.  But we all know what ended up happening. Everyday normal people ended up being part of something very horrible.
    Why are you here saltydroid repair? Do you enjoy trying to make a fool out of people who’ve been scammed and were at one time ignorant of the facts?
    My first impression of you is correct – you have no genuine concern for people.

  8. He said “7 figures,” did he? I assume that includes the two on the right side of the decimal point.

  9. “Egnima Valdez uses hidden madatory continuity in his Bob Proctor pitch for fucks sake!”
    LOL wtf is is a hidden madatory continuity??? And I never sold anything for Bob Proctor, he was too cheesy even for me. FAIL.

    1. @Enigma –
      We at the Jawa are simple minded pedantic empirical heuristic gymnasts, as an online acredited Doctor of Metaphysics, surely that requires no explanation to you…
      That being said, we would like to sincerely apologize for any misunderstandings in our previous comments regarding your expertise…
      For Clarity’s Sake: Someone, probably the Nazi’s, Oprah, or Kilstein is publishing under your name as recently as September 3rd, 2009…   { http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Dr.+Enigma+Valdez%2c+C.H./Contributed-a211745 }
      This evil doer masquerading as the real Dr. Enigma Valdez is hucking all sorts of internet frauducts with reckless abandon, color therepy, instant language learning, drum skills, play guitar in an hour, hypnosis, NLP, and of course Bob Proctor’s 11 laws products… { http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Does+the+Law+of+Attraction+Really+Work%3f-a01073944912 }
      It is easy to see how we could have been confused because the fake Enigma Valdez (the one impersonating you) is so bold as to to be selling Proctor’s forced continuity program using Enigma007 as his affiliate id!
      After a little further research, we discovered that this is your clickbank affiliate id!
      Can you believe it !?!
      The Nazi’s and Oprah are so unscrupulous as to be setting up false article postings under your name and then using your real affiliate id in an effort to embarrass you publicly…  The depths these people will go…
      So as I said, we Jawa are so heuristic as to be borderline retarded, it’s easy to see how we could be confused, hopefully you can accept our apologies.  We had no idea of the depths of the conspiracy against you…
      In fact, upon rereading the article about your refund plight, we were shocked to see that you were over billed $1,000 bucks and then had it refunded!  These evil doers actually refunded your money?  The levels these people will sink to, it boggles the mind…
      In any Case:
      We Jawa are amoral people.  We have no actual opinion or compassion whatsoever, we care for robots, that’s what we do…  Dr. Valdez, you are of absolutely no concern whatsoever to us in anyway…  We’d like to have compassion for you as Oprah is so clearly out to get you, but we don’t, don’t take it personally, we simply don’t have compassion, it’s a Jawa thing…
      Secondly:
      For final clarity, we have no vendetta’s or ties in the IM or Personal Development industries, a recent development contract for the New Tenga Droids has made us utterly financially secure, our concerns are for droid welfare, not debunking, defrauding, or outing people…
      As a we always say at the Droid Center, “A happy droid is a thing of beauty.”
      Finally: Heurism
      We think heuristically, we’re fucking jawa what do you expect?   We’re not able to follow the elaborate non-sequitorial logic you lay down…
      So to reassemble your self contradicting diatribe of victimization from a heuristic perspective and set the record straight once and for all:
      Either: Your Book, “The Money Magnet” is a real, valid, and sincere truth and you are totally lying about having financial worries, scamming all of us loyal Salty fans, while manipulating the system to place aggression on one of your enemies….
      Or: The Money Magnet is a frauduct and you actually are broke because of a failed attempt to defraud others of their hard earned money with a bogus claims of success and false claims of expertise…
      Either: You are an unscrupulous malignant boil who seeks to pin his own delusions of grandeur on others while refusing to take responsibility for the consequences of his own actions…
      Or: You are a broke over weight wannabe con-artist who borrowed $6k from his dad to learn the art of the con,  now wants his daddy’s money back, because he failed so badly at conning others…
      On what planet and at what age does, “My friends told me it was okay to call my self a fake Doctor and sell bogus products…  They made me try to cheat others!” hold any weight at all?
      In anycase, you are of no concern to we Jawa…  You want to blame others for your own malign intentions, we don’t care, The Droid has made it clear that you are a marienette dancing on a string in his war with Kilstein…  And that’s more then good enough for us…
      If you delight the Droid, you delight us… Other than that, you just another failed con-artist complaining about his own inability to cheat people…
      In Conclusion:
      We are most sorry to hear that Oprah, the Nazi’s, and Kilstien have launched this conspiracy against you…  And wish you all the best with your vindication, surely your powerful knowledge of the Laws of Attraction will in the end prevail…
      @Droid
      Keep up the good fight little Droid…  Just remember, the only army that doesn’t march on the back of it’s mechanics and grease monkeys is the Girl Scouts…
       
       

      1. Is your goal to communicate or to bask in your own pretentiousness? If it’s the latter, you’ve succeeded; if it’s the former, you need to get over yourself and dispense with the pompous and laborious veneer. You’re not on Broadway – you’re hunched over a keyboard. There are no theatrical awards here.

  10. This is going to be my last reply to the Jawa droid repair

    I have not made money with bob proctor before this blog I didnt even know what hidden matadory continuity was and up to this very day I would not know how to even set something like that up

    Jawa droid repair Dont waste your time here instead just go and tell the FTC.gov
    District attorney’s office
    Sheriff

    Have a nice one, and thank you, goodbye :)

  11. Kilstein to FTC –> Fuck you!

    “I received an email from a fan of The Hypnotic Secret who has manifested an additional $20,000 in the few weeks since using the product.

    That’s an incredible level of success!

    I’ve also received testimonials from psychologists, therapists, and all around folks telling me what the recordings have done for them.

    But the only success story that matters to me is… YOURS!

    This is the holiday season and more and more people are realizing another year has come and gone and they have not gotten the results from the Law of Attraction they wanted.”

    1. I think Kilstein is so desperate and greedy that he’s decided to play chicken with the FTC to keep his meager profits rolling in.

      That, or he believes he’s such a small turd in the self-help cesspool that the FTC will ignore him.

      Either way, it’s fucking pathetic.

      1. Unfortunately for Kilstein, he’s alienated a fair number of people. Many of them may be watching him, taking notes, and reporting him as appropriate. Sooner or later, the FTC will have a look.

  12. Kilstein don’t think we’ve forgotten about you. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I WILL make sure you pay me back every last cent if it’s the last thing I do on this earth. After that, I’m going to help speed the process along to give you a first class vacation in a 9 x 6. Period.

    1. Wow… that’s really super psycho. Why not ship some of your own leftover “how to get rich using the secret” products to Kilstain and maybe he’ll make enough money to pay you some.

  13. And by the way, (you KNOW who you are) anyone emailing me with bullshit scam opportunities (and trying to pick information from me) under the guise of some legitimate business opp will not only be tossed into my spam bin, but will ALSO be promptly reported to the proper authorities. “I know what you did last summer”.

  14. Harlan Kilstein’s latest “product” of the moment attempt:

    “The Hypnotic Secret”

    Advisory: secure your credit cards before viewing the video to remove any “hypnotic” temptation to purchase whatever Kilstein’s mumbling on and on about. On second thought, just try to stay awake:

    httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJ-FJvuIpag

    tags: hypnotic secret, copywriting, copywriter, six figure copy, overnight copy, OTC Publishing, piano tuning, fried eggs.

  15. Love it! You’ve saved me some money and given me a laugh into the bargain! I was looking at the hypnotic secret with a view to buying it. I got sucked in by the “hypnotic copy” but took time to do some research. So thanks a lot to all on this blog, keep it up!
    Wendy

    1. Oh, that’s beautiful. A work of art even! Back when Salty was blogging on the WordPress domain, Kilstein tried every trick in the book to silence him (including dubious DMCA claims, fake spam implications, and more). Of course, the WordPress guys saw right through all that trickery and dismissed him, much to Kilstein’s chagrin. Kilstein also reportedly hired some eastern european seo “outfit” to put up junk sites for him in an attempt to game the system, which also failed.

  16. Harlan Kilstein,

    When would NOW be a good time to remove the Fake Karin Hiebert Blog?

    Really how do you do that? How does that blog STILL show up consistently on the first page of Google… when I have so much other stuff going on out there???

    What’s up with that? ANYONE?
    Any One?

    @Ego?

    “Harlan Kilstein” put up a Fake [Karin Hiebert’s Blog]
    Does Google prefer “Quotation” marks? … or without?

    P.S. Harlan Kilstein is a mean, miserable and cruel man.

    1. @Karin Hiebert, You are back? Who the fuck asked you to come back. Everything is about you. We are here celebrating asshole getting what’s coming to him and you are here talking about your favorite topic – you. Why don’t you get the fuck out of here. You mislead everyone here while you took money from Kern. You fucking lusr.

    2. @Karin Hiebert, Kilstein’s not going to remove that, ever. Why would he? You’re on his “forever” shit list. You should know him well enough by now.

      There’s nothing to stop you from returning the favor though. That’s probably the only leverage you could have, since you have none now. Don’t whine and despair, get cracking. WordPress.com and blogger blogs are f-r-e-e. Knock yourself out and have fun with it. Be as they say, “creative.”

      By the way, that hostile blog is showing up well because A.) It’s a blog, and google loves blogs, and B.) It’s a blog, and google loves blogs.

      Most people search google without the quotes, by default.

      Now, go put up some blogs! Remember the adage: “two can play that game.”

      1. @Hornswoggled,

        Appreciate it! Thing is There is a LOT of content out there from over the past 3 years that I have been online…

        like *really old content – as well as some very recent new stuff…
        and still working on a few things out there… new and old – updating etc.

        looks like no matter what I do… or put out there … It seems like I just can’t bump that boy off of MY first page of Google! :)

        Really it doesn’t bother me so much as it does perhaps confuse SOME people / clients etc. searching me out- or rather – checking me out.

        I’ll continue to work on it… Maybe I need to get a hold of the guy Kilstein uses … apparently his SEO “guy” or whoever, is back in India after serving his country … (seriously!) … so rumor had it…!

        I, as well as ALL of my alter egos Thank you for the reply and help.

        Enough about alters and egos~
        NOW – What about ME?
        ;)

    3. You annoy me… you “can’t stop talking about yourself woman” you. Why not just go straight to speaking in the 3rd person?

      Sorta like this…

      “Just in case of someone clicking on Karin’s above comment… Karin supposes it would help if Karin enterED the www. properly for it to actually go to a page.

      Karen IS so00 pathetic ALL the time…

      1. @KarinBigShotEgo, now, now. You’re speaking as if you know which personality has made its appearance here, and that usually isn’t apparent until the fourth or fifth comment. For example, personality #36 is actually quite humble and jovial, although there is room to believe that personality #28 has locked it in the cellar.

        1. @Wilma,

          Close… it’s actually the other way around. Very observant though! ;)

          @BigEgo,

          I don’t like you much either … since neither of us are going anywhere … can’t we just get along?

          @KarinBlows,

          There is a part of me that wants to say “Go Fuck Yourself” as well! … WHAT THE HELL –

          ~ Go fuck yourself.

          1. What happened to “MarcKarinsHusband?” Did you lock him inside that stainless steel refrigerator? If you did, hopefully you thought to put him in the crisping compartment to keep him fresh.

  17. thanks for the warning, have a legitimate business and would not want to be tied in any way to this type of activity. to bad, wish it was real.

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