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Salty Droid

The Year of the Dragon

2016 is over now.

It was the worst year ever :: with the possible exception of 2008 … 2001 … oh and also maybe 100% of the other years before I had access to decent broadband.

Life’s been all about plague / disaster / genocide / catastrophe / extinction / etc. … for hundreds of millions of years.

You weren’t so bad 2016 … get over yourself.


2017 is going to be all about Donald J. Trump {again}.

But not for me!

Fuck that guy … he ain’t my problem now.

He was going to be my problem. Because he was going to lose the election :: but win the game … by building a ‘holy shit’ marketing list that could have been worth more than a billion dollars in scam monies.

When Trump Org started mailing that ‘holy shit’ list Tai Lopez / Don Jr. marketing seminar offers :: the press would {as ever} fail to allow itself to understand the problem for reasons of self-interested expediency … and I’d feel like it was my problem.

But that didn’t happen. Instead :: Trump’s The President … and has access to enough nukes to melt the fucking moon.


> > goodbye moon :(

But it’s not my problem.

I fight industrial strength scams :: that’s hard enough y’all … I can’t be saving the moon as well.

unless ::   

of course ...
would they start marketing to that mega-list anyway?

So :: I’m hoping it’s not my problem … but I guess you never really know with this dickbag.

Donald Trump is a conman :: not in the “all politicians are bullshitters” kind of way … but in the “late night get rich quick infomercial backending to a boiler room” kind of way.

Thus beginith the 9th year of The Salty Droid … holy fucking nine years.

For the last eight :: I’ve been trying to warn all you dumb dumb dummies that if we don’t make rapid changes to the crime cartel revenue model funding the internet {by eliminating it} … web scams would completely take over the world.

{cue circa 2010 eye rolling from all sorts of important people}

So now it’s happened :: and in such a spectacular way … it defied even my own insane expectations about just how insane things have become.

Of course it’s bad for America and society and humanity and all life on Earth :: but still … I did want to just say …

{dramatic pause}

I told you so!

Ah fuck! :: that felt so great … seriously … so great … suck it eye rollers!

Welcome to the year that scammers took over the world.

… best ever time to be SaltyDroid?
… worst ever time to be SaltyDroid?

I really don’t know :: but either way … it’s not going to be boring.

Trump’s win presents the future to me with bright font one word clarity.


That’s all it takes :: that’s all they want … inaction.

Scammers don’t need to change laws in their favor … because they completely ignore the laws. What they need-to-breed is reliable long-term inaction … and there’s almost nothing easier than getting nothing done in Washington.

But it doesn’t necessarily have to be a totally terrible thing.

Federal action :: the panacea of civil activism :: is clunky at best … blatantly counterproductive on average … and savagely corrupt at its worst.


In the first years of The Salty Droid … I’d write fun holiday posts reflecting on the year that was. In later years :: as the depth of the despair became more clear to me … reflecting on the year didn’t feel fun … and I used a couple years worth of holiday posts to tell you {and me} that I was going to have to quit us.

Jason decided to get his law license back :: and just start suing some scammer bitches … it won’t fucking change the world … but it’s not like I was really accomplishing anything anyway.

I couldn’t even keep this fake robot site consistently available on the Internet … and got myself banned from all the gatekeeping platforms. At least as a lawyer … some people could get some of their money back.

So that was the plan. It required getting a law license in my newish home state … retaking the bar exam ten years after deciding that ‘small pox nurse’ was a better job than ‘corporate lawyer’.

You can’t be a lawyer and a SaltyDroid at the same time … you can’t. FakeRobot half-lawyers telling hardass jokes for justice :: as a division of Scientology told the Oregon Attorney General … it’s ‘certainly not how reputable attorneys operate’.

… certainly not.

But then came the prospect of a miracle. Eliminate my disease ridden database :: serve the site as static rain from two levels of clouds … and I might become unhackable to anyone with a finite budget.

In 2016 :: for the first time ever … my site was always up for six uninterrupted months. Every single time I needed it … it was there. Every time someone asked Google about ‘Frank Kern’s net worth’ … it was there.

All of the sudden my original plan 👉 ignore everything and tell internet jokes forever! 👈 was back online. But now my backup plan … was also newly online.

It got me thinking … why can’t I be a lawyer and a SaltyDroid? Because it may cause “a certain amount of emotional distress” among Scientologists and their attorneys?

I’m pretty sure I just answered my own question.

I’m fuckin’ doin’ it.

Please feel free to pre-file your complaints:

:: Ohio Bar Ethics Complaints ::
Bar #: 0095384

Where should we start? {#alreadystarted}

How about maybe multi-billion dollar snake-oil hydra head Herbalife?

Carl Icahn :: President Trump’s new special advisor on regulatory reform … owns the biggest chunk of cult-Herbalife. Edith Ramirez :: who is not not a foe of the company :: is stepping down as chairwoman of the FTC … leaving three of the five commissioner slots open for The Donald to fill. I’m sure HotCarl will have some super duper great ideas about how to ‘reform’ the agency.


There’s gotta be more than one way to skin a dragon.


>> bleep bloop