Spider ShitStorm Redux

Funny and Righteous go to SpiderTown

Have you heard about not-rocker Dave Navarro’s funny news?

No?

Good :: then I get to be the one to tell you … he abandoned his kids {in the worst way} and his wife {in the worst way} for a fake business and a fat girl.

Hooray!

LOL

Hooray!

LOL

Says Dave in a pathetic fucking sales email last week …

So I have a bit of funny news for you.
As of Monday morning, my heart and mind belong to IttyBiz.
Which is a bit of a laugh for me because I’d swore I’d never take a “day job” again.
But this is my last week as a free man.
Come Monday, I work for Naomi.

Gosh :: I haven’t laughed this hard since the last time a piano dropped on my face … those were funny times.

Says Naomi in an equally pathetic sales email …

Now, speaking of contractual obligations, the charming and handsome Dave Navarro has come over to the side of good and righteousness and will be an official member of Team IttyBiz as of Monday.

Team IttyBiz is a team :: and is on the side of good and righteousness … in much the same way that I was just laughing about a piano crushing my fucking face.

In celebration of this funny and righteous event I thought I might open up my Naomi Dunford file and pull out something turdish. See it’s good to fill a file full of turdish stuff before you open your robot mouth :: just in case some psycho starts accusing you of murderous crimes against humanity. Then later :: once the hard job is mostly finished :: you can just let that file drip … and drip … and drip … until the dumpy spider learns what “Game Over” means to a skank with no quarters …

 


 

Naomi Dunford :: I think the overwhelm is finally going to do me in. :)

Dave Navarro :: Noes! Don’t be done in! If I can do it so can you (I say as I’m about to crack)

Naomi Dunford :: Exactly. :)

I may finally be at that point where I’m like, you are SO not cut out for this, lady.

Dave Navarro :: Isn’t that generally “the dip” we have to push thru to get to the other side?

I’m having those same scaries too

just remember it wasn’t too long ago you were selling 2 hour blocks of time for $99 or something

and you’ve come so far

Naomi Dunford :: Can you please just fast forward time to when you’ve released the thing so you can quit fighter jets and wave a magic wand over my life?

Does somebody have a fast forward button? Because I would pay good money for that.

Dave Navarro :: Oh, hell yes, I’d be on the Advance Discount List for that

Naomi Dunford :: In other news, I reread what I had so far on Marketing School and it’s the favorite thing I’ve done so far. I’m really proud of it.

Dave Navarro :: Oh, that “why we’re broke” thing was genius. Was muy jealous.

Naomi Dunford :: Yeah, that was pretty hot. But it was free. :) I like good things that people have to pay for better.

Dave Navarro :: Indeed, It’s a good product, I’d bet you could turn that into a big teaching sells course.

Off topic, kind of, I’d be breathing easier if Brian Clark would return my fucking emails. Sweating a bit about that one. He may flake out and I’ll need to find a way to work around that.

Naomi Dunford :: Ah, yes.

To my knowledge, he’s ignoring pretty much everybody.

Dave Navarro :: I should have scheduled an interview the fucking second he said yes

Naomi Dunford :: I want to get in touch with him for a far less noble reason, which is the TS affiliate stuff.

Dave Navarro :: When is payout on TS?

Naomi Dunford :: If it’s the same as Thesis, it’s the end of the same month. So we’d get paid out on the 30th or the 1st. But I have residual concerns that because of the dollar amount and return rate, they might make it later.

But I don’t know how to ask without looking like a whining infant.

Dave Navarro :: You could always wrap it in the “I’m trying to schedule stuff for the cambodian school” thing

Naomi Dunford :: That’s what Jamie says. But I’m lazy and burnt out and would rather keen in the bath.

Dave Navarro :: I understand. I’d rather do the same, except with a fifth of jack daniels and not a bath

Naomi Dunford :: Exactly.

OK, hard and ill-timed question time…

Megan wants to know if you have an ETA on quitting LM.

We’re not looking for written-in-blood, just an idea.

Dave Navarro :: Oh, absolutely

Launch is 10/12-10/16. At that point I should (hopefully) have all the money I’d need to quit. The week after I have my trip to NY, and I’m planning on giving my notice immediately afterwards. Likely a 4-week notice.

Naomi Dunford :: So, last week of Novemberish?

Dave Navarro :: that’s my hope.

Naomi Dunford :: Alright.

I’ll try to make sure the place doesn’t fall apart between now and then.

:-D

Dave Navarro :: Though after the launch, I’ll have decidedly more bandwidth

As in, I’ll have made a bunch of money, so I won’t be hustling to make new products

and I can start taking on IB stuff after I get back from NY

Naomi Dunford :: Sweet.

Dave Navarro :: I’m a little concerned if I can’t get Brian in on this.

Naomi Dunford :: M and I are figuring out a promo/launch schedule on Thursday, so we know what the fuck we’re selling and when.

Understandably so.

Dave Navarro :: But I also know Brian isn’t the be-all-end-all

but it’s a huge help if he’s in.

Naomi Dunford :: Yeah. Totally.

Dave Navarro :: it’s pretty frustrating not being able to go public with this yet b/c I can’t be sure if he’s in

I may just have to work out alternate people

Naomi Dunford :: I’m guessing you’ve already thought of going public and alluding to VIPs?

Dave Navarro :: Well, I’ve dropped the hint about Brian on my blog, because I thought he was a shoe-in

but Brian said he was getting Brogan, and I don’t see that happening now

Naomi Dunford :: Especially since Brogan is pimping every hour god sends.

Dave Navarro :: My hope is that my pre-launch contest will get a lot of affiliate action. I’m giving away a netbook, and ipod, a flip camera, and amazon gift certs. $1,000 of stuff.

Naomi Dunford :: Ooh, cute.

Can we rig it so I get the flip? ;-)

Dave Navarro :: And if you’re up for it, we can use that $2,000 marketing package of yours as a grand prize

LOL – I’ll send you my own fucking flip!

he he

Naomi Dunford :: HA!

Yeah, I’m game. As long as we figure out parameters so I don’t end up spending 4-8 hours with someone I can’t stand.

The key is going to be that if we give it to the highest selling affiliate, we’ll end up giving it to somebody who really doesn’t need it. So we’ll need to find a way to work it in so that it’s actually valuable.

I mean, Mark Silver doesn’t need me, you know?

Dave Navarro :: Should we offer it to an actual public person, not the affiliate?

I was thinking if I could get a bunch of people to give a sliver of time or a product I could make it this big-ass grand prize

Naomi Dunford :: Could totally work.

Dave Navarro :: I think that for my affiliates, the $ is really the motivator

that and jockeying for position, maybe

Naomi Dunford :: Brainstorming… I wonder if we could totally disarm them by being completely honest.

“Dave is about to become the **** of IttyBiz, but he can’t do that until his wife lets him quit his day job. He can’t quit his day job if this product doesn’t make a fuck ton. Therefore, Naomi is going to donate a $**** prize to the top selling affiliate. Yes, she wants Dave that much.”

Might be crazy, but it’s worth putting in the idea pot.

Dave Navarro :: My only fear on that is that if somehow Lockheed gets wind of that, they’ll stop letting me work from home and stop letting me bring in my laptop to work, which would totally sink my ability to make anything work.

BUT …

but ,…

Naomi Dunford :: if it just went out in an email to your affiliates…

?

Dave Navarro :: if we just dropped the day job part …and made it “Dave Navarro :: said if you can help me with this, I’ll be your business manager”

Naomi Dunford :: We’d have to think of how to make it sexy. But yeah. Could work.

Dave Navarro :: Yeah, it’s just you know how nothing can be private on the net

And I’m amazed that lockheed hasn’t found me out already

I mean, I’m working with the most high0tech people around

Naomi Dunford :: Right.

They may just know and not care?

Dave Navarro :: maybe they just don’t care as long as I’m doing my job :-)

but if it’s hinted that I’m out, then boom

Naomi Dunford :: Well, it’s not that little boys dream of the day they can work for LM, you know?

Dave Navarro :: LOL

Naomi Dunford :: It’s not like you work for the Catholic church.

We’ll keep noodling. I’ll keep keening and boring Megan. All will be well.

Hey, remind me what your target $ figure is on this?

As in, your portion?

Dave Navarro :: (one sec, Brian DM’d me)

Naomi Dunford :: Take your time, honey.

Dave Navarro :: Ok, if I can manage 20K before taxes – that’s about 425 seats @47 take-away, I’d be golden with two full months of money in the bank

Naomi Dunford :: OK.

Cool.

Dave Navarro :: I’m hoping the fact this pops to $197 after launch convinces our peeps to get it at $47

Naomi Dunford :: Oh, hey, I meant to send you an email about this… I just remembered that you paid me out early last month for HtL, etc, so the payout this month isn’t going to be from the first like normal.

Just to put in your mental data banks.

Dave Navarro :: yeah, I paid a few days early, I think we only had a few sales for the rest of the month, was just going to wrap it into the next month;s payment to you if that’s cool. Or if you need earlier, I can do the math and get it to you

Naomi Dunford :: No, I just went through and eliminated Jamie’s and my affiliate portions and realized that the payout was going to be closer to $1800 than $1000. Which was pretty awesome. But I wanted to remind you that it goes from the 28th instead of the 1st. I’m sure you remembered, I just wanted to let you know while I still remembered. :)

Dave Navarro :: oh, gotcha, I will make a note. BTW, anytime you need early payouts, LMK

Naomi Dunford :: Cool. Thanks. I have so much money going out this month, my breath is literally taken away.

This is the last month that we still have to pay 2k to rent in England, which is nice. But fuck, it’s been like we’re burning money around here.


 

Oh but no worries Neigh-Neigh :: cause you Dave are rich remember?

… you’re rich {or not} :: i’m rich {or not} …

>> bleep bloop

81 thoughts on “Spider ShitStorm Redux”

      1. No puppies until you’ve completed the rigorous certification course demanded by the sensibles over at The PETA …

        … just make babies :: there’s no restrictions on who can have those things. Naomi knows what I’m talkin’ aboot.

      1. @SD :: I was also thinking that upon reading that line.

        What a dumbass worried about LM when there is SD!

  1. I wonder what idea Naomi will come up with to make fathers abandoning their children to pursue life ruining bullshit fantasies ‘sexy’.

    1. @jacqui,

      Oh, that’s easy.

      Works for IttyBiz == Rich

      Used to work for Lockheed Martin == Ex-spy (ooh! super-sexy)

      Abandon wife and kids family == Eligible bachelor (Hellooo ladies!)

    2. @jacqui ::

      I think maybe her version of ‘sexy’ involves being covered in bile and rolling around in the mud like a rutting moose. So her ‘sexy’ sales metaphors are probably in keeping with that general theme.

      1. @SD,

        Backdoor Bile Loving Internet Marketers Part Nine (Director’s Cut). It hurt to watch. And you can’t even bittorrent the porn without signing up for an eBook.

  2. “Naomi Dunford :: Well, it’s not that little boys dream of the day they can work for LM, you know?”

    This is just so manipulative and wrong!! Actually lots of little boys dream of working on rockets and planes when they grow up. It’s a future of scamming people with empty ebooks, bad coaching and lame workshops that would send EVERY little boy screaming in terror.

    1. @Shorty,

      I’m glad you mentioned this part, because I had the exact same thought. “It’s not like little boys dream of the day they’ll become a useful member of society and do something incredible for a living.” Yeah, fuck that, sell eBooks.

      That’s what John von Neuman was going to do before those bastards at RAND forced him to use his math skillz.

      1. @Peter,

        And it’s not even “yeah, fuck that, sell ebooks,” it’s “yeah, fuck that sell someone else’s ebooks.”

        Naomi’s schtick was to sell the independent lifestyle. Blow off the man, be your own boss, insert new cliche here. Then Dave started peddling that garbage too. But then he sold off all his inventory for cheap to….work for someone else anyway? I hope everyone on their mailing lists are thinking, “what kind of bullshit is this?”

        I know of at least ten people who received Dave’s email and each one of them contacted me with a “What the fuck?”

        Anyone who is still buying into the IttyBiz lifestyle, after all that’s been revealed here, is just plain delusional.

        Folks, I have a wake up call. Only one person here is going to get rich and it’s not going to be you. It’s not even going to be Dave Navarro.

    2. @Shorty,

      I know, right? What kind of crazy kid would dream about working at a company that builds stuff that goes into space or blows up other stuff? Dave was already living somebody‘s dream, but he abandoned it all to pursue the unicorn dream.

      This other part stuck out for me:

      Can you please just fast forward time to when you’ve released the thing so you can quit fighter jets and wave a magic wand over my life?

      Like, just in case you rethink this and decide fighter jets are awesome, Dave, remember that your working a regular job is fucking over my life. XXO, Naomi

      And so much for Naomi as a “visibly powerful”, independent woman. Poor Lady Naomi is crying hysterically, and her handmaiden Megan wants to know when brave Sir Dave will ride in on his white unicorn and fix everything with his magic wand.

      1. @Lanna, I tried to make some sense of cashandjoy, but she has the paywall in now for being able to see the right side of comments.

        1. @Jack ::

          It’s designed for people with enough Cash & Joy to afford 2700 pixel screens :: helps filter the tire kickers from the action takers.

          1. @SD, man, that crazy bitch’s site irritated me so much I had to leave a few comments. The complete and utter devastation to basic common sense and logic on that site is a crime. Death threats are NEVER justified? What a dumb cow. I am sure anyone with a functioning brain can think of several times they are. Hell, like I said on her site, there are times a bullet to the head is actually justified. Threaten the life of my child because you are a sick fuck who broke into my house? Boom. Dead sick fuck on my carpet.

            And then…later…one of her “intelligent” powerful women advocates titty twisting and Cathy (the owner of that shitty site) applauds it. So I asked if it would be ok for me to twist HER tits. I bet they are not going to like that. Honest to God the complete lack of basic rationality there upset me probably more than the whole Naomi being a lurid, pig-like, thieving, lying, sack of shit thing.

            People like that seriously disturb me. It’s like their basest emotions have completely interfered with their ability to do the most minimal amount of basic thinking. It’s truly the real cause of essentially almost all misery on this planet. Fucking stupidity on that level should be grounds for forcible education.

          2. @SD, Not even an hour later and she took down the whole thread where I used her own fan’s idea of twisting titties back at them…man…seriously…how large is the cognitive dissonance in these people’s brains? There has to be a void of at least 60% by volume in their cranium. Assuming you need about 39.999999999999% of a brain for autonomous functions. Although in that case we would then have proved spewing bullshit is an autonomous function.

    3. @Shorty,

      The thought that comes to my mind…

      … couldn’t a lot of people who work for Lockheed Martin be considered “rocket scientists?”

      If you ask children what they want to be when they grow up, I am sure a statistically higher number of kids would agree that being a “rocket scientist” would be a much more worthwhile career than “repackager of incomplete and overpriced information products stolen from other people.”

      But what do I know?

      I still want to be a dragon when I grow up.

      Still hopin’…

      1. @,

        Sure, you think you want to be a dragon, but just wait till you find out about the bureaucracy, the nepotism, the long hours and the weekly TPS (Towns Pillaged and Scorched) reports!

      2. @anonymous, “repackager of incomplete and overpriced information products stolen from other people.” could fit nicely for “alternative clip ending” here:

  3. What depressing lives. Just reading that transcript brings me down.

    Dave Navarro left a beautiful wife and kids for this?

  4. TIP: If Naomi Dunford offers you a “cold one,” or especially, a “warm one,” poured from HER pitcher, say “NOOO!”

    If you’ve read all the other posts and comments about her here, then you’ll vividly recall how she openly bragged on her blog about urinating in a juice pitcher while sprawled under her kitchen table.

    Don’t let this happen to any pitcher you know and care about. Rememember: only an industrial-filtered pitcher is a Dunford-Safe® pitcher!

    1. @Wyrd ::

      I guess she’s too busy managing the Human Resources department over at Team IttyBiz.

      Here’s a bit from the end of this that I cut for editorial type reasons :: Dave asks about Team IttyBiz expenses … says neigh-neigh …

      My mother makes $2500ish (£1250) for doing basically nothing.
      As of next week, she’s back on transcription, which should keep her busy for a long while.
      I have NO idea how that’s going to continue. If she does well with the transcriptions, I may ask IttyBiz to cover some of her salary, if she can continue to justify it. Otherwise, I’ll figure something out on my own. (We’re playing with the unschooling curriculum idea, and I’m sure she can be put to some use there.)
      Megan is on a six month contract and currently kicking fucking ass for IB. She’ll probably have three months left by the time you come on board (my dates are fuzzy.)
      If it were me, I’d probably consider keeping her on IB salary and doing our payouts after that business expense, just because nobody on earth works as hard as her and she’s a tremendous asset.
      At the same time, depending on income over that time period, I could probably just keep her on myself.
      We can discuss what she’s doing and what she could continue to do when you take over, but if it were me, I’d keep her on. I’m going to sort of fall off the earth once you take over, and she’ll be a good transition for you because she knows it pretty much in and out.
      She’s 2k a month.
      And that’s it.

      I’ll bet Megan will be thrilled to learn that Mommy made more for doing nothing than Megan made for doing everything. Incidentally :: depending on where she lives and if she has kids … that’s near poverty level wages.

      Thanks Internet Marketing!

      1. @SD,

        Ah I see. So this clarifies then, that it is still Dave’s/Naomi’s plan that Dave take over not that he just “work for Naomi”. I suppose, as per that conversation they had a while back, it is still the plan that most of the time it will appear as though Naomi’s running the show.

        And in a way, I suppose she will be. Like as in: at any time she could just phone up Dave out of the blue and say “$#$%#$ Let’s do erasdfjklsdfe right now!” and Dave would have to jump and do it.

        You know, I think I’m starting to see how this makes a lot of sense for Naomi. I still fail to see how this makes any kind of sense for Dave.

        For Naomi, it’s all win–she gets to throw away all pretense of managing any sort of day to day operation and leave all that “grunt work” (I’m guessing that those would be her words) to Dave.

        Dave gets ownership and control… in name only. No matter what Naomi tells Dave, and no matter even if they make it legally binding–for all practical purposes (except perhaps the law-suing-criminal charges kind) Naomi will be still be in control of Ittybiz.

        I’m trying really hard to see how this is any kind of a win for Dave. … … …

        I’m just not seeing it. How in the world is it progress to take over a fledgling, scammy, pseudo-business from a sociopath whose pathetic attempt at accounting makes even me look organized by comparison? (I’m pretty disorganized.)

        Every time I try to read those paragraphs of Naomi’s explaining the status of her “employees” (W4’s much? Tax IDs? Yeah I didn’t think so.) it makes my head go funny like trying to stare into Cthulhu’s home on R’lyeh.


        Furry cows moo and decompress.

        1. @Wyrd ::

          And don’t forget that NeighOhMe also gets :: “Dave and Naomi go galavanting all about the globe on credit cards and second mortgages” … the burdens of which will fall mostly upon Dave’s unsupported children.

          It doesn’t make sense for Dave. He got played like a fool … and by this point he fucking deserves what he has coming.

          1. @SD,

            Ah ok,

            I partially forgot and didn’t totally appreciate the using-Dave-as-a-no-strings-attached-line-of-credit thing.

            That could actually explain part of why Dave’s so unwilling/unable to see how far down he’s really gone.

            A lot of people–once they’ve sunk a significant amount of cash into something–will become even more committed to it (or in this case “her”) no matter how dumb it is.

            It’s the gambler thing. You know where initially the person hits a small jackpot. Then they do that dumb “go all in” thing. After that fails to hit the way they wanted, they go in debt for larger and larger amounts trying to recapture that elusive luck thing to win it all back in one fell swoop. The swoop never comes. Like the hair of the dog that bit you, throwing good money after bad just makes the bad much, much worse.

            The deeper they go, the more desperate they become, and the more fiercely they cling to the false hope that they can win their way out of it.

            I don’t know if Dave’s coming back from this ever. Certainly I don’t think any recovery for him can happen as long as he’s with Naomi.

            Furry cows moo and decompress.

            1. @Wyrd,

              Ah, the old sunk cost fallacy. I got curious about the sunk costs, and then I wondered what an IttyBiz financial statement might look like. I’ve estimated that in exchange for assuming $200,000 in liabilities, Dave has purchased the opportunity to make $16,800 annually:

              $ – For purchase of IttyBiz
              150,000 Tax liability assumed
              30,000 Second mortgage on his kids’ home
              + 20,000 Conservatively estimated credit card bills for global travel for two
              —————————————
              $200,000 Initial liabilities assumed by Dave

              $ 8,000 SpeakEasy calls
              900 Advertising – all Dave’s
              + 2,000 Affiliates
              —————————————
              $10,900 IttyBiz monthly revenue ($130,800 annually)

              $ 2,500 to Naomi’s mom for doing nothing ($30,000 annually)
              2,000 to Megan Morris for doing everything ($24,000 annually)
              + 5,000 to Naomi for 50% of non-Advertising revenue ($60,000 annually)
              —————————————
              $ 9,500 IttyBiz monthly payroll expenses

              $10,900 IttyBiz monthly revenue
              – 9,500 IttyBiz monthly payroll expenses
              —————————————
              $ 1,400 to Dave ($16,800 annually)

            2. @Lanna, That paints a pretty sad but probably very realistic picture of this mess. Maybe Dave is putting a high value on some gnarly non-financial “compensation.” Looking closely at Naomi though, I’d consider that punishment, not compensation.

          2. @SD,

            You said: “It doesn’t make sense for Dave. He got played like a fool … and by this point he fucking deserves what he has coming.”

            Seems to go against the very reason why you started this site, no? To help protect people from being played by the likes of Naomi Dunford?

            1. @Nonny Muss ::

              It’s a continuum where the victims are put on a pathway to becoming the predators. It’s complicated and confusing about who’s who … and to date my tone toward David Navarro has been all full of grace.

              But there’s a line :: and for me in this case … it came when Alison’s water got turned off.

              Never reject grace … or you’ll have regrets.

  5. HOLY BAG OF YEASTY CROTCHROT (That would be you Naomi)…Where do we begin? That entire IM script literally sucked the life force out of my being. I cannot imagine living a life expending that much energy scheming, lying, manipulating, and thinking up new ways (or rather, recycling the old classics) to bafflegab people into buying information that is free of charge to anyone with a library card and an imagination. I guess working technology for a company that provides a steady paycheck, benefits, and cachet in a field that a lot of people would love to be involved in is too much hard work for Dave ‘Warm Itchy Balls’ Navarro. After all, it takes integrity, grit, and an overwhelming sense of personal responsibility to yourself and a family to stick to a job that may not measure up financially or be as personally fulfilling as spending evenings fantasizing about how to hawk shellacked garbage to people for a buck over Jack Daniels. Now, that’s sexy, Dave.

    Creepy, low, parasitic, nasty, and evil. They both belong behind bars with the rest of them.

    Thanks Droid for all attempts to put these lowlifes in their place. To Alison, I am so sorry for your pain and loss and chaos, but I think you are – ultimately – better off.

    1. @SD,

      Yeah, I miss them too.

      Let me see if I can help…

      /* Begin Troll Rant */

      {
      profanity: high;
      literacy: low;
      delusional-vitriol: extreme;
      vandalistic-tendencies: compulsive;
      }

      fuckyou!!!!!!!……

      youf ucki.ng pieice of shitttttt!!!??***))))!

      ….!!!!!???

      !

      alw.ayz eat a bag of dix!

      sooper salty lib driod!

      I’m rich cuz Naomi tuaght me howz to maniputlate peoplez for moniez!

      I’d still be homeless on pearl street giving hand jobz for crack if it waznt for Namoi.

      fukcing foch you!

      Your a focking coak-ass!!”

      /* End Troll Rant*/

      FTW?

  6. Haven’t you driven a stake through this evil bitch’s heart yet? Of course, assuming Naomi has a heart is probably my first mistake. This woman has abandoned children the way other people abandon clapped out cars…if the kid isn’t working for you anymore…leave’em behind! She can always squeeze out another one, (pass the eye bleach for that image), and pimp them out till they lose that new kid smell.

    This woman is so seriously fucking deluded that she thought she looked good in jodphurs, otherwise known as her human-sausage impersonation. But Naomi bragged that she looked “hawt”. Everyone else in the known universe was immediately reminded of the old saying about ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag.

    Anytime you want your trolls back, you can have’em. They’ve been busy emailing me for the last three months.

    1. @Barbara :: Naomi Donefor Trolls still email you related to your commenting on the SaltyDroid?

      My only email encounter with a Donefor-Troll ended up in said troll writing a 5000 word essay to respond to a 50 word question … and that was the end of that for me.

      What do they say when they email you @Barbara???

      1. @Doctor Mario,

        It was not actually Naomi who emailed me, it was two of her most vocal defenders who obtained my email address during that template mix-up. They changed their yahoo and google addresses as fast as I could block them.

        But there was another person who emailed me about my participation at this site who was very sincere in their conviction that my commenting here had damaged the Droid’s “brand” and caused friction among members. Since that was never my intent I went into lurker mode.

        But I honestly can’t say I’ve seen much of a difference in the site since I stopped commenting, except maybe I was attracting trolls…I just don’t know.

        1. @Barbara ::

          wtf? really?

          that’s bullshit your comments are great … and there aren’t any “members” here … and whoever said that doesn’t understand the Internet … because even bad comments are good comments.

          tell me about that by email if you please.

        2. @Barbara,

          “But there was another person who emailed me about my participation at this site who was very sincere in their conviction that my commenting here had damaged the Droid’s “brand””

          It’s something I can’t imagine even trying to fathom about what it means…unless you made some definitive proof that Salty Droid is Frank Kern.

        3. @Barbara, Your dilligent research and investigative work has been of paramount importance here. Even the world famous Barnaby Jones, as shrewd as he was, could not hold a candle to you, regardless of whether it be of the “birthday” or “votive” variety, or even a standard tea candle, for that matter.

          In fact, I believe it was you who blew the lid wide open on PitcherGate®. For that, you are to be commended, and will one day be honored with a bronze statue (110% actual size) in one of the Salty Droid Hall of Fame and Gift Shoppes® which are anticipated to open in every major city and a few minor ones at some future date to be announced (SFDTBA).

          Your much-lamented absence has left a big gaping void (BGV) here, and hampered the flow of glorious sordid details (GSD), so now that you are back, please go straight to your desk and commence the continuance of shocking revelations (COSR).

    2. @Barbara, Sheesh. That sounds awful. I’ve missed your smart as a whip comments too. I’m glad you were at least lurking. I particularly liked your response to someone who asked if you were Salty in a dress. Welcome back!

      1. @Anna,

        Well, that was weird, I tried to reply to Dunford-Safe Technologies and a blank appeared…

        I feel like Sally Field at the Oscars, I’m overwhelmed. I would like Dunford-Safe to punch up my resume for me however.

        Telling the truth about Naomi really was like shooting fish in a barrel. Not only had she posted about her disgusting attempts to conserve her precious bodily fluids in Tupperware she also bragged about lying ( “I don’t even know what product I’ll be selling but I’ve already announced the launch of something big!”). She spoke openly of her clearly dangerous drinking binges including what she thought was a “funny” story of getting her hand stuck in a wine box. Reading her own words would give Children’s Protective Services plenty of ammunition to remove any minor children from her care.

        Then there was her clear disdain for the people she was attemting to dupe out of their money, it was obvious Naomi had no morals or ethics of any kind. She had convinced herself that she was superior to other people, (based on what I’ll never understand, it couldn’t have been her looks nor her abilities), and that people were be sheep to be fleeced by her and the other “clever” IM’ers.

        But the story that showed how truly sub par Naomi Dunford is was the one she told about how she had to lie her way into a waitressing job. Just think about that for a moment. A waitressing job, one of the lowest rung jobs in our society, one some people feel the need to lie out of but Naomi had to lie her way IN to it. And she was fired.

        Doesn’t that say it all? Naomi Dunford…Failed Waitress.

        1. @Barbara, As Executive Director of Failed Waitresses of America, I want to state for the record that we would never entertain the idea of having Naomi Dunford on our membership rolls. We may be failed, but we do have standards.

        2. @Barbara, As Executive Director of Failed Waitresses of Canada, just as my counterpart at Failed Waitresses of America stated, I would like to state that we, too, would never entertain the idea of having Naomi Dunford on our membership rolls due to similar standards.

          Also, we would never entertain the idea of her having anything to do with a serving pitcher at our luncheons.

          1. @Failed Waitresses of Canada, As a card-carrying member of your association I second that. I failed because I’m slow and clumsy and have the memory of a gnat, NOT because I peed into the customers’ tea, sawed part-way through one of the legs on the children’s high-chair or hit on the male patrons in front of their wives- the sort of little ‘jokes’ I assume, from her writing, that got Dumbfor fired.

            And Barbara, let me add my voice to the collective cheer going up on your return- missed you!

            1. @Wanderlost,

              I think you’re right…employers tend to frown on little ‘jokes’ like that. And so do the customers. Who would’ve thought?

  7. I have no idea what Dave saw in Naomi, who is one hideous looking she-bot.

    Besides the grotesque thought of even accidentally rubbing against that skank on a crowded bus, her vile, psychopathic personality pretty much says “RUN LIKE HELL” louder than any air raid siren ever could.

    On the plus side for her, Dave’s far more appealing and desirable ex should eventually have no shortage of applicants to fill the position he couldn’t responsibly handle.

    1. @Bow Wow ::

      IMO …

      Initially he sees her as access to the Copyblogger vein of the sick machine :: which is just what she is … it’s all about french for trade union networking.

      See how in both chats he’s very softly trying to involve her in helping him get more traction with the other Copyblogger A-teamers?

      He’s right about that … and she’s playing off of knowing that he’s right about that.

      When he tells Alison that “they’ll buy any old crap that Naomi puts out” … he’s tacitly acknowledging that the contents of the fraudduct mean zero-to-nothing in comparison to one’s position within the echo machine.

      But this was YEARS ago … by now it’s devolved into something much sicker and darker than the sick and dark thing it already was.

      1. @SD,

        But this was YEARS ago …

        Yeah that was what I was afraid of.

        by now it’s devolved into something much sicker and darker than the sick and dark thing it already was.

        Damn that’s sad. I mean like real-world-tragedy sad.

        I wish Dave could have one of those “moment of clarity”-epiphany things and make a mad dash out of there. Maybe run off to a church or something. They’re good for that sort of thing.

        Furry cows moo and decompress.

  8. On a more upbeat note, this video reveals some breakthrough technology from Allen-Bradley that will soon change the lives of every single one of us:

    1. @Truly Mind Blowing,

      Um… the use of big words hurts my brain.

      But I think you are trying to say that this is SD’s cousin?

    2. @Truly Mind Blowing,

      Wow. At first I was thinking, “ok, so what’s the point?” But the big words just kept flowing.

      Btw, all those companies and such like are real. I used to work in wastewater treatment. Allen-Bradley controls, Rockwell software, etc, yada yada. And yes there’s always big-weird-dangerous electricity and somewhere along the line the whole point is it’s driving a powerful electric motor (and the motor is usually driving a pump).

      We didn’t learn any of those fancy words though. They didn’t pay us enough for that. ;-)

      Furry cows moo and decompress.

  9. Ever wonder why or how these 2 got together (Dave and Naomi) ???

    It’s somewhat simple ( think. Everyone makes bad decisions…I mean some really embarrassing ones too…

    But it takes a certain type of person(s) to be able to up and ditch your innocent kids and wife…

    And it doesn’t matter what happened to DN as a child in that it would excuse this behavior. This is because there are just as many or more people with equal and worse past circumstances who simply decided that they didn’t want the same for “theirs.”

    99% of the population couldn’t consciously walk around daily knowing they had devastated their kids and wife’s life. But DN and ND are special.

    And they will go to any ends to manipulate people…It is who they are! Be careful out there.

  10. I wonder if Dave saw it as not having too many choices. He couldn’t go home because that would mean he’ll have to face a whole lot of people, do a lot of apologizing and pay back a lot of debt from his jet setting lifestyle.

    Could he get a traditional job? More likely not once folks started Googling him, and it would make him look like more of a fraud if he took a job after telling everyone about his wonderful not having a job lifestyle.

    Could he continue to sell fauducts? I think perhaps not. SD turned a lot of people off and I’m willing to bet he took a major hit in sales.

    What can he do but work for IttyBiz? He does all the work and Naomi writes up a couple of blog posts. He’s stuck. Even if he realizes he made a big fat mistake, and if he doesn’t he’s flat out stupid, it becomes harder for him to turn back every day he stays away. The damage is done and he knows it. He’s sentenced to a life of Naomi Dunford.

    The future doesn’t look good for Dave Navarro. If he’s lucky he’ll get thrown in jail for fraud or tax evasion allowing him to break from Naomi. Not that she’d stand by him.

    1. @Spidey,

      Except that sometime after he quit LM and disappeared, people from the company he used to work for, which got bought up by LM, tried to contact him because they had a traditional job for him.

      I re-read some of the Letters site the other day. There’s a lot of emphasis in the letters on Dave returning to head his household. I keep thinking it’s too late for that. I just don’t think that’s the best thing for the kids anymore – to have dad disappear twice and then just come back like everything’s OK. That expectation puts so much pressure on Dave, too. To me, at this point, I’d just like to see baby steps back in the right direction from Dave. If anybody reading this talks to Dave, encourage him to just call his kids – himself – instead of having/letting Naomi or a VA do it for him.

    2. @Spidey ::

      The time to make a course correction was last July when I left that letter on Anthony’s site … and then when I contacted Dave directly. Having The Droid call on you is a super good reason to stop and think … “wtf am i doing?”

      Dave instead chose to lie to me like I’m a fucking idiot … which last time I checked was not the case.

      I hope to not be speaking publicly again of what Dave should or shouldn’t do regarding his kids and family. But I know that it’s never too late to change your path … never.

      I’ve thought a lot about how much I plan to forever haunt people for their mistakes. If someone decides that they made mistakes … and they are willing to talk about the truth … and move on … then I thinks I will show forgiveness in the SEO. Not like I ever have that problem with this lot of bastards :: but if it were to come up … then that’s how it would be dealt with.

      1. @SD,

        If someone decides that they made mistakes … and they are willing to talk about the truth … and move on … then I thinks I will show forgiveness in the SEO.

        Do you mean you would actively work to alter page-rank such that all the negative stuff relating to the person (at least the negative stuff that’s on this site) would get buried deep in Google/Bing search results?


        Furry cows moo and decompress.

    3. @Spidey,

      Well. I read what you wrote and I stand by my comment regardless. Stuck? Stuck is what he did to his family. Like I said people make mistakes, some very embarrassing and wrong.

      But to suggest that his only option is to continue down this road, seems a bit narrow minded. It’s funny how when people make a mistake and own it, those hurt have a tremendous tendency to forgive.

      I’ve studies psychopaths and narcissists. The one thing they lack is empathy for others. Assuming all is true, this fits the bill.

    4. @Spidey,

      It’s probably not wise for me to comment on posts that have to do directly with my situation, but this comment sort of gets to the heart of who my husband was, I think.

      Several years ago, one of our neighbors quit his job as a manager at a local fast food chain. It was a good job, relatively speaking – good hours, good pay, great benefits. He had two children and a wife he wouldn’t let work (it was a cultural thing rather than some sort of domineering man-thing, before your eyebrows meet your hairline) who depended on him fully, a mortgage on a nice house, two cars – the dream he’d brought his wife to America to fulfill was in both hands.

      But he quit his job because he wanted to work for himself rather than just be part of a chain. Dave and I couldn’t understand it at the time, but what can you do? It’s not your life – rather the life of friends who, while you care deeply for them, you can’t control – nor should you. Our friend and neighbor, after quitting his job as a manager, started his own business in construction (which he knew nothing about, other than that the siding business was booming); he went about $20,000 in debt in materials according to his wife, bought a new truck for the business, traveled an hour every day to Fayetteville where the housing market hadn’t been hit yet due to the military family needs there.

      I spent a lot of time with his wife. She smiled a lot, joked a lot, loved her kids (and mine) a great deal. She loved her husband and had to watch his business fall apart and him fall into a sort of depression as he took several door-to-door type jobs over the next year. She’d tell me about once a month that they were going to have to move back home, or move in with family members, or *this* was the week the house was going to get foreclosed. By the time she told me for the last time that they were selling all their things and leaving, I had stopped believing her.

      Then I watched them sell everything they owned one month to try to make ends meet. All of their furniture, all of their sons’ toys, their clothes, everything. And all the while, while my friend cried her heart out over everything she knew being sold away, her husband sat on his couch watching soccer on his satellite TV.

      And time after time, do you know what Dave said to me? “I don’t understand that, Alison. If that was me, I’d take whatever job I could get – I would work three fast food jobs before I had my family’s dreams stolen away.” It wasn’t about material wealth; it was about family, security, providing – Dave was big on providing.

      This is what Dave said, word for word. I’m not making this up – I wish I was. The man who swore to me that he’d never let our kids down, that nothing could keep him from providing a future for our kids, that he’d never see me sobbing hysterically into a pillow while he sat back and did nothing – that man walked out to follow the internet marketing dream.

      I don’t say this to create animosity towards David – God knows he’s got enough of that coming from all corners right now. But I wanted you to understand: On some level, Dave knows he has options. On some level, Dave knows that he can get out of the hole he’s dug, that it’s never so deep there isn’t a way out, whether that’s a hand-up or a hard, one-person climb.

      Could he come home right now? Not without therapy, rehab, counseling – whatever it is that he needs to get his head and priorities straight, that’d have to happen first. The boys have stopped asking about him – when they’ll see him again, when he’ll call again – but that doesn’t mean they don’t love him. We pray for his safety every night, and Joey would love nothing more than to pray, “Please God send Daddy home,” but I won’t pray that with him anymore. Instead I pray, “Please God, let Dave be safe, let him get right with his family, his boys, etc”.

      There are no closed doors over here. I love him and I miss him, but I doubt we could ever go forward in marriage after this. I do, however, believe in miracles and I have faith in people’s innate goodness. I think at his heart, Dave is a good person and would have remained so without so much negative influence in his life. It doesn’t excuse what he did (that negative influence) but it does make it closer to understanding.

      I think, at his heart, he’s still the guy who’d take 3 fast food jobs to take care of his kids; I just think he’s spackled over that with someone else’s dream for his life.

      I hope that makes some sort of sense – I haven’t had my caffeine yet. :)

  11. Our friend Naomi (or the Fairy godmother as she now prefers to be known)seems to have some time on her hands.

    The short version (from me):
    She’s hurt her leg during a team building salsa dancing class, and as a result all of her income streams have dried up.

    So now she has a month of nothing to do, and she and David will help people fix any or all problems of their businesses for between $100 and $5000 (or more)
    So hurry, hurry, hurry or you’ll miss out.

    Well, That’s all from me.

    You can now read the full version below , from her latest newsletter:

    I have a little story to tell you.

    If you have been paying attention – you have been paying attention,
    haven’t you? – you will remember that I have been talking about the
    Camino de Santiago, an 800-odd kilometer hike across the south of
    France and north of Spain.

    (If you have not been paying attention, please start. You never
    know when I will start giving away fudge, and one doesn’t want to
    miss free fudge, does one?)

    The Camino – or The Way of St. James – is a 1000-year-old
    pilgrimage that is said to bring blisters, sunburn, spiritual
    peace, and (of course) absolution and subsequent indulgence.

    Well, if walking 800 kilometers is what I would need to do to gain
    absolution, then walking 800-odd kilometers is what I would do.

    I was to leave tomorrow and it was to take between 31 and 35 days.

    However!

    Somebody who works in this office suggested that we all go salsa
    dancing as a team building exercise and I messed up my knee.

    Now I am now no longer walking anywhere.

    In response to all of this, I have spent the appropriate 10 days
    pouting, interspersed with occasional bouts of reading Norman
    Vincent Peale.

    The Norman Vincent Peale part is where this all starts to get
    interesting.

    It occurred to me that there are two positives that come with all
    of this.

    One, I don’t have to get my own tea anymore.

    Two, I have nothing to do in May.

    Like, nothing.

    So perhaps I could make myself useful to you?

    ==============================
    Here’s what I’m proposing
    ==============================

    As we have absolutely nothing to do for an entire month, and even
    whining gets old after a while, I thought we could do something a
    little different.

    You could tell us what you might like or need or want, and we could
    help you with it – or do it for you, if you prefer that.

    After working with about 150 Karma Consulting clients in the last
    little while, it has come to my attention that many ittybiz owners
    can’t find good help these days.

    If you’ve ever wished you could just get someone to fix some
    particular problem your ittybiz is having – or every problem, for
    that matter – perhaps we can help. We just happen to have an entire
    month with nothing to do.

    (Also, we have ninjas.)

    It seems to me that the kinds of situations people tend to fall
    into are one of three main types. (Which I have subcategorized and
    named for my own amusement.)

    =====================================
    The dazed and confused, aka The “Lost Lamb”
    =====================================

    This may be you if you have found yourself saying, “Somebody, for
    the love of all that is holy, PLEASE tell me what I’m doing wrong.
    Please?”

    This is perhaps something you might like if you have been DIYing it
    and it’s not really working very well and you’d like some help,
    some direction, or some action steps.

    We can look at what you’ve got going over there, maybe chat a bit,
    and tell you what’s working, why people aren’t getting on your list
    or buying your stuff or whatever, and what you can do to get it
    going right.

    This represents about 50% of the consulting and reviewing we do,
    and depending on the amount of time you need for this, you’re
    probably looking at something in the $100 to $500 range.

    ==============================
    The “I Need A Hero”
    ==============================

    This may be you if you have found yourself saying, “Something about
    my business or website is horribly broken – or conspicuously absent
    – and I just want somebody to fix it.”

    “I have no tagline!” “I have no website header!” “My home page copy
    is a disaster!” “How in the hell am I supposed to launch this
    thing?” “What is a list and how do I get one?”

    We do a lot of this kind of stuff on request from existing clients,
    though we don’t generally publicize it, and if this is you you’re
    probably looking at something in the $100 to $1,000 range.

    (For some reason, people seem to particularly like us to do things
    with lists, autoresponders, and so on here.)

    ==============================
    The “Damsel in Distress”
    ==============================

    Dave used to write a lot on his productivity blog that “no one is
    coming to your rescue.” As with most things he says, I
    respectfully disagree.

    This may be you if you have found yourself saying, “EVERYTHING in
    my business is horribly broken – or not yet existent – and I just
    want somebody to make it work.”

    These tend to be bigger jobs that require a bit more finesse or
    technical work, and if this is you you’re probably looking at
    something in the $2,500 to $5,000 range.

    (We’ll definitely be able to give you a custom quote for your
    particular needs, but this gives you an idea of “taking care of you
    will probably be a lot more affordable than you figured it was.”)

    We can rescue all kinds of things for you, whether it’s via
    consulting, copywriting, setting up a new website, fixing your crap
    free ebook, ripping apart your pricing, packaging and positioning
    and putting them back together again properly this time – those
    sort of things.

    We also can probably help if you have NOTHING and you want to have
    it done already.

    This is the, “Please, Naomi and Dave, I don’t mind spending some
    money on this, but could you just come in, tell me everything
    that’s wrong and then fix it all for me?”

    Or the, “I’ve had a bit of money set aside to get my business going
    but I haven’t got a damn thing done because I didn’t know where to
    start, but if you could just do it all for me, that would be
    lovely, thank you.”

    Or the, “I don’t even know what I don’t know, but if I could start
    now and have this whole disaster sorted out by the end of May, I
    think I would like that very much.”

    ==============================
    Now, on to the “rescuing you” part …
    ==============================

    So! If you would like to avail yourself of my infirmity and Dave’s
    remorse, here’s what you do:

    1. Click reply to this email.

    2. Type the words, “Dear Fairy Godmother”, followed by a comma and
    two carriage returns.

    3. Describe your problem and the solution that would, ideally,
    cause you weep with relief. If your answer is “OH MY GOD I DON’T
    KNOW ACK SHRIEK ACK” then you should say that, and we will talk on
    the phone and figure it out together.

    (If you want to use one of my helpful category names to describe
    your situation, that would be nice, but it’s not compulsory.)

    4. Give us a vague idea of what you can spend. (Breathe. Vague is
    fine. If you’ve no idea, we can help, but you have to give us some
    sort of range to work with.)

    5. Take a big gulp of wine and know that help is on the way.

    We will get back to you within 24 hours. (48 if we get totally
    inundated, or Dave finds a way to break both my wrists.)

    Seriously. Ask me. You’d be surprised what we can come up with.

    While you type, I will read Peale.

    xx
    ND

    1. @EricG, Oh, Brother. Naomi is still jumping that shark.

      Here’s my interpretation:

      Naomi doesn’t have ANYTHING going on, period. And there was no trip ever booked, either, for lack of funds.

      That’s her story though, and as the adjusted saying goes, “She’s stinking to it.”

      1. @EricG & @Otter :: LULZ!!!

        At least it is funny & gratifying to see that her Pitcher-Pissing ways have led her down to the lowest of the low where she belongs.

        Of course there was never any trip planned. Of course she has no money. Finally!

        Huzzah for Naomi jumping the shark (and still not even realizing it). I hope she ends up living in total destitution … begging on the street or something similar. Maybe one day we will see her on Intervention as she spirals downward into the dark oblivion she deserves.

        Good riddance.

    2. @EricG, Is it really a “team-building exercise” if it’s just two people? I mean, isn’t that more like a “date”? Sounds like just another desperate money-grab for their next team-building outing.

      1. @Anon,

        Would that make it a “Team-Building Aggrandise”, then? ;-)

        (think you’re spot on, though – it’s getting ever harder for her to filter out the desperation)

Comments are closed.