10 Easy Steps to Professional Blogging

... write like a pro in zero easy steps

Have you heard the great news?  You can make lots of easy money with the Internet blogging :: and ANYONE can do it!

That’s right I said ANYONE.

The Internet has finally leveled the playing field … allowing ANYONE to have ANYTHING … RIGHT NOW. Just follow these ten easy steps … and I’ll see you on the beach!

 

1. You don’t talk about fight club.

Always the first rule. If we talk about fight club … pretty soon everyone will have a fight club … and then our fight club won’t be special anymore and everything will get all gay and stuff.  So don’t fucking talk about fight club … capisce?

{occasional exceptions :: see step #8}

2. Become a writer.

This one’s important people. Professional blogging is all about writing great content … so you’re a writer now.  See how that worked?  It’s just that simple on the web.  Before you weren’t a writer :: not even that much of reader really :: POOF! :: holy fuck now you’re a writer!  How easy was that??  Thank you internets.

Now go write some posts about what inspires you to write.  People care :: because you’re a writer now. Tell them what it’s like to do writer type stuff … you know … because you’re a writer!

3. Be successful.

This one’s important. I know I said that the last time too :: but this one really is super important :: so I had to say it again … no hype.

No one will care what inspired you to write about writing if you’re not successful. So be successful … NOW.

When is NOW the right time to be successful?

NOW! … oh my gosh this is easy.

It’s not like you’re lying … you’re just borrowing from the obvious future success that will come as a reward for being the sort of action taker who has amazing success right now … or yesterdayish.

$250,000 in four weeks!  OMG that’s amazing!

Oh :: and you have a staff now … but my fake secretary is already taken so get your own.

4. Buy frauducts.

Sure :: you’re a writer. But don’t you ever wish that you were even more of writer? Of course :: we all do … that’s one of the things that inspires us to write about writing.

Giving other writers credit card monies is one great way to become even more writerish in your blogging style. The act of transferring money to other professional bloggers will remind you of what your blogging is all about. It’s bloggers who help bloggers who get helped by bloggers.  Know what I mean?

5. Attend conferences.

Conferences are a great place to for writers to learn about getting jacked up on coke. Surprise! … now you’re even more successful. Can’t you just feel it? OMG you could do anything right now!

Like Aderall?

Well okay … since you asked … just however much you’ll let me have. Wouldn’t want to take more than that … unless you don’t want yours.  Were you gonna use that?  Cause I was wanting to use it for my writing.

6. Sell frauducts.

Successful professional blogging is all about helping other bloggers blog more successfully. Non professional bloggers have a hard time making money with blogging :: so once they find out that you’ve already had professional blogging success yesterday :: they’ll want to give you some monies to support their inspirations.

7. French for trade union.

Anyone can be a professional blogger … but not everyone.

Get together with some friends :: or some people you hate :: and decide who are going to be the professionals :: and who are going to be the other 99% who can maybe become professionals later if they’re committed enough to steps #4 and #5

8. Brag.

You did it.

You’re a star.

You’re a professional writer.

Other people want to be you :: but they can’t be :: because you’re you. So be a dick about it … seriously. This is your chance to compensate for the insecurities that are starting to creep past the cocaine. You’re a fucking professional legend :: everyone in your french for trade union says so :: and you’ll be respected goddammit!

Schedule things and then don’t show up. Say you’ll do things … and then don’t. This will allow people to see you as the special person that you wish you were.

9. Develop a Personality Disorder.

Everyone hates you!

They’re coming for you … and this time they’re serious.

But it’s fine because everyone adores you. You are heroic … even for hero. In many ways you are Jesus Christ himself … if you think about it. Perfect in all things …

Oh shit :: what was that?? Did you see that?

Anyway :: rules don’t apply to you … you’re different. Like Napoleon :: but taller …

10. Self-Destruct.

Nothing lasts forever that’s the way it’s gotta be :: there’s a great black wave in the middle of the sea.

>> bleep bloop

62 thoughts on “10 Easy Steps to Professional Blogging”

  1. Brutally honest description of the rules that these fuckers use to con gullible people.
    On a side note Salty, a couple of days I found a book that is from the 1940s and describe the tactics that the scammers used those days and still use now…”Yellow Kid” Weil- “The Autobiography of America’s master Swindler”…Being that old I reckon the copyright is obsolete…Might be a good idea to attack it on the website so that everyone can learn how to protect themselves from swindlers, scammers and other parasites…

    1. @Arvin, if you do a site search on bizop.ca for “yellow kid”, site:bizop.ca yellow kid, I think that you will find 3 or 4 articles I wrote in last couple of years about the Kid.

  2. One of your best SD.

    Lets all blog about how to blog about blogging to make money off blogging.

    And then we’ll start to slowly push affiliate products to our naive and unsuspecting list of guys deep in our asses – AKA our disciples who comment using words like “Awesome” “Killer” “Amazing” when responding to a blog post about a slice of bread.

    Be nice to here the responses of the bloggers who post on here regularly.

    1. @Steve Steiner,

      Just read the chapter on get rich quick bank…it’s amazing how tactics are being used today in the biz op world

      there all updated to today’s world but they still exist

  3. You come to this website again and again and you read and watch video about the scams perpetrated and your thinking what?

    What is your intuition telling you?

    Well here is what Master scammer Irwin “frank’ Kern has to say on intuition

    This is from Frank Kerns Mass Control website…this was Franks have to have product and a MULTI MILLION DOLLAR payday for the syndicate

    Funny thing is the site hasn’t been posted to since March 10th…2010…guess he’s busy controlling the Masses

    Here’s a Kern nugget for you:

    ‘If your gut tells you that Mass Control is a good fit for you, listen to it. Your intuition is almost always right.”

    Ladies and gentleman what is your intuition telling you about Frank Kern and ALLLLL his accomplices – especially in light of what you have read and listened to as he conspires with his accomplices conspire to lie and steal from you?

    Remember what Frank says: ‘Your intuition is almost always right.”

    Maybe your thinking that this group is TINY and just a few strong…you would be wrong

    Want to know how big the syndicate is?

    Go to Kerns website {masscontrolsite.com/blog} and scroll down to the comments section

    Kern lets users make their names active links to whatever site they want

    Click the names of the people COMMENTING and see what kind of website you land on

    Count how many sell BIZ op and MLM and every other scam on the net

    It will give a real good idea how big the syndicate actually is

    Now what is your intuition telling you?

    They need to be stopped

      1. @McAfee Works,

        That’s so funny.

        I went via Google since I didn’t have the url memorized – guess I’m out of the syndicate.

    1. @Shit Storm, Since you mentioned Kern, I had to post this gem. Frank at his hilarious best. BTW what’s happening to Kern’s eyes, they seem to be closing shut – permanently.

      Anyways, here’s how it goes and btw its “cool, amazing, killer” as always. Yes Frank, of course Frank. He’s basically doing a Mass Control 2.0 Sale, badged up as a Discount deal. Bottomline he needs a new 60″ plasma to watch more monkey porn.

      You optin to get on the early bird list for his – soon to be back on the market for a limited time only and at a massive discount – Mass Control 2.0.

      Check this email, it will literally make you piss your pants… or puke! Wait for the P.S. its classic…

      Subject: “open up (testing something cool :-)”

      Message: Hey – I’ve put up a LIVE order form for Mass Control 2.0
      and I’m not going to leave it up long.

      I’m just testing two things:

      1. To make sure it’s working properly (so far so good).

      2. To see how many people who register for the early
      bird list actually do what they say and jump on this.

      So far, it’s working really well :-)

      I’ll release an official case study once I have more data.

      Anyway – if you want a HUGE DISCOUNT on Mass Control
      2.0, then you can claim your early bird copy here :-)

      Frank

      P.S. Please don’t share this. It’ll mess up the test!”

      Frank you prick! Just put it up for sale 24/7/365 without the pathetic psychology. Its called E-commerce. You know like Amazon… That’s A—M—A—Z—O—N.

    2. @Shit Storm,

      “If your gut tells you that Mass Control is a good fit for you, listen to it. Your intuition is almost always right.”

      That one I think is OK, because probably because of mr. Kern’s importance he was given the advanced copy of Professor Charle’s Yoe’s Principles of Risk Analysis: Decision Making Under Uncertainty.

      Either that’s it or also maybe it could be him using modified Senn-Condon Senn Condon Recognition-Primed Decision Model passed throughout the Syndicate/A-Team:
      http://www.flickr.com/photos/56079685@N07/6086124107/in/photostream

  4. Thank Goddess I’m a hobby blogger instead of a pro. Of course some critic-watchers have criticized us hobby bloggers, claiming that the only reason we blog for free is that we can’t get anyone to pay us for our writing skillz.

    These are great suckcess tips for professional bloggers, Salty. The only missing tip is to write a book, which of course can be done in less than a week, especially if you let your minions write most of it for you. Or you can just recycle old blog posts and turn them into a blook.

    It’s best to work that in before you get to Step 9, though.

  5. This is such exciting news! And such perfect timing too. I was just saying that I wanted to make $250,000 in the next four weeks. Maybe all the members of @Jack’s ‘x’ syndicate…I mean trade union…need to have a conference immediately.

  6. This is a great post. This is one that I will direct people to as a salty droid welcome mat.

    Having had a “hobby” blog (I thought a blog was a blog was a blog) way back in 04 to 07 that I updated three times a week to bitch about work, these grifters really chap my hide. I’ve been reading them wondering what they hell they want me to buy from them, why everything is about “branding,” and had them all instill in me that there was Something Very Wrong with me because I never made money off my blog.

    I could always see through the Kerns and Andros type people, but these blogger types have blindsided me time and time again. Not where I’ve lost money, thankfully, but where I’ve lost faith in humanity. They use words like Crazy, Hot, Sexy, Radical, Goddess. When they do something, the don’t just do it, they Rock It. They write about things I think I’m interested in as a bait and have a weird undermining subtext of hitting insecurities. Then they conveniently have a podcast sale, a teleconference, or an on the ground Power Summit.

    One of these people who I read recently cross promoted a weekend retreat with her book agent. “Get your book published! I know I am!” When I looked at the agent’s accomplishments, one was that she co-authored a book called Harmonic Wealth.

    I nearly puked. This woman lists this as an accomplishment. It’s such an incestuous hot tub that these people bathe in.

    Keep up the good work, little robot. I love what you do but I will never buy your podcast.

    1. @Silver Agave, Yeah, you kind of have to wonder why that agent/ghostwriter would continue to put Death Ray’s book on her resume.

      I’ve given up feeling inadequate because I’m not making a ton of money off my blog. As long as it continues to amuse me I will probably continue to blog. That’s something the “pro bloggers” and hustledorks and scammers just can’t seem to understand.

      1. @Cosmic Connie,

        Oh, I don’t feel bad about not having made money off my blog- it’s just a reaction that these people can still get out of me, with me thinking, “Gee, what kind of chump am I, giving away my talent/fire/passion for free!”

        Then I come back down to earth, and I realize who the chump is. (Hint- not me.)

        What I was writing on my blog was seriously just job catharsis. It wasn’t any kind of positivity up with everybody oprah and gratitude kind of crap, nor was there any way I could write about that and stay true to my passion, which just so happened to be bitching about people to make myself feel better. No way to claim guru status out of that- oh wait, I’m sure there is, but I’m not comfortable fleecing people.

        Connie, I hope your blog continues to amuse you for some time, because it amuses me.

  7. I wonder who is going to be next. Looks like it’s probably going to be one of the 3rd tribe lunatics who try oh so hard to appear honest but can’t help themselves and end up pushing affiliate crap.

    What they don’t get is the distinction between the honest pro bloggers and the dishoneset ones.

    Honest problogger = blogging about stuff that is to do with blogging or something else they are interested in without selling anything, without pushing affiliate products, without running an affiliate scheme, without selling conference tickets, without pimping conferences, without doing anything illegal and without hurting anyone. Honest pro bloggers then make money by putting up ads on their own blogs for stuff related to what they blog about or stuff like amazon or audible or a hosting company. You know, something that isn’t a fucking scam. A honest blogger can make some money like that or, here’s a thought, use a blog for a good purpose like promote a worthwhile business or something genuine, honest and real.

    Dishonest problogger – blogging about how to make money whilst telling people how much money they make and then doing fake reviews for affiliate products basically saying “buy this for $97 and it will make you rich” or “join this fat australians edge thing for $97 a month and become a successful website money making machine”. That kind of thing. Or, even worse, selling your own product that makes those claims as part of the syndicate – just like Ed Dale’s boyfriend Dan Raine did with scam wordpress silo plugins or Laura Roeder with her just for women program that costs thousand of bucks or whatever it was called.

    Could be Darren Rowse http://www.problogger.net or maybe even John Chow http://www.johnchow.com but since you mentioned the syndicate and conferences it might just be everyones best mate and all round fat douche bag who uses his kids for publicity Ed Dale. Dale loves the conference method. Get a load of gullible fuckwits in a room and sell them stuff that will make them not rich.

    Knowing a little bit about how Ed Dale responds to criticism and how he sends in his affiliates to swarm around anyone who calls him out as a scammer I really do hope Dale is going to get torn a new one soon. It’s probably more Brian Clark, Naomi Dunsford, Yano or Yaro or whoever he is (can’t remember his surname), Jeremy Shoemoney and the other bloggers who tell everyone that they need to buy syndicate products in order to make a million a day with adsense or some other crock of shit.

    Having said that… Please be Ed Dale, please be Ed Dale, please be Ed Dale. Destroy him then mop up the rest. Although with him gone, there will be a lot less of the rest around.

      1. @Juice, Never was so many Fucks so richly deserved, that fat fucking antipodean Twunt. (new hybrid species).

    1. @Please be Ed Dale ::

      I like your devotion.

      This post doesn’t have any names on it … so it can be about whoever you want.

    2. @Please be Ed Dale,

      I highly suspect it’ll be Copyblogger and his associated Syndicate. Means Problogger is probably in, and Ed Dale is probably not.

    3. @Please be Ed Dale,

      You mentioned Yaro Starak. I wanted to provide his link for those who don’t know: http://entrepreneurs-journey.com

      As far as I can tell, his recent “entrepreneur’s” journey includes blogging about blogging. Then making products about blogging. Then blog reviews of syndicate products and cash in.

      Within the past year or so his blog has followed more of the copyblogger model (many guest posts).

      I don’t know much about the guy on a personal level. I met him back in 2006 and he was a big cagey (or just shy).

  8. Great work Salty,

    You could turn this into a profitable frauduct if you just added about 100 pages worth of fluff, double the font size, and then convert it to a PDF with 1-1/2″ margins.

    Sell it for $47, or even $97!

    As a person who possibly impersonates a woman on the Warrior Forum, I could give you a nice fake testimonial.

    Anyhow, great work!

    1. @Alexa Smith,

      Agreed, and if he reduces it form 10 steps it to magic number 7 hell get higher conversions

    2. @Alexa Smith, Haven’t you learned anything here? Make it two easy payments of $97 not one! Come on! You’re slipping.

    3. @Alexa Smith, $97? To get to MMS-$1997-$5000 level it’s an easy recipe of making 3-6 hours of DVD vidoes into 10 – 20 shorter ones, go ahead to include the audio-only of the DVDs, make your idea of the 100 page pdf into the physical-binder with just one-side print for each page. Put also in some checklists, and old interviews laying around into the binder so we can get it to 300+ pages, call buddies and see if they have old stuff laying around we can put in and…

      THUD!

      POOF!

      $97 is now into $1997 – $5000 real-frauduct price range.

      Total cost for bulk runs for DVDs…
      http://www.mixonic.com/dvd/

      Cosmic Connie probably can give us better information about all of it and the full costs.

  9. I just need to know what their ‘secret sauce’ is, then I can get out of the rat race, and into the chips!

  10. Yes, I’ve received more than a few of those emails telling me that for so much money I can attend their webinar, teleseminar, emailinar (cause lordy, we sure don’t want to see how dumb they look and act in person!) and they can guarantee me that I can be a successful blogger, book author or whatever and make a fortune — yep, guaranteed! — even if I’ve never written a single word in my life before — ever!

    Ok, so I’m illiterate — let’s go, cause it’s guaranteed!

  11. In the quest for fresh meat, these scammers are preying on young people. There’s a been a “young entrepreneur” / “teen entrepreneur” trend for the past year or so. One of the big players in this is IncomeDiary(dot)com. This kid previously owned Retireat21(dot)com << pffff!.

    Of course, this kid hasn't had any "real" success. But he's gonna show you how to live the "Internet Lifestyle". His jig is to introduce you to pro scammers online and collect his commish. The site is almost a record of who's who of pro blogging scammers.

    Most of the comments on the site are from young aspiring scammers.

    Lately they have built a (photography) blog. An attempt to be legit? To prove they can do what they're talk about? Not surprisingly, the photo blog is going nowhere real fast. What a joke.

  12. The assholes in the “subjectories” list on the right hand side of this webpage fit this description perfectly. Their greed was like fast food, went in as fast as it came out their asses leaving them with sore ass syndrome or was that tight ass. Either they’ve been left with diarrhea.

  13. “It’s not like you’re lying … you’re just borrowing from the obvious future success that will come as a reward for being the sort of action taker who has amazing success right now … or yesterdayish.”

    this one is genius!

  14. dear david ::

    don’t you think now would be a good time to finish our conversation?

    i find half conversations quite irksome. a couple of your old friends also don’t want to finish already started conversations … irksome. so so irksome.

    was it something i said?

    still lowest regards …

    sd

  15. Hi guys, Ed Dale here (not really), I’d really like your input on the changes we are making to the super new amazing awesome billionaire making challenge this year.

    All comments welcome (until the fat little turd closes them like he usually does so get in quick!)

    http://www.challenge.co/blog/general/changes-are-afoot

    It launches on september 1 and Dan Raine and I would love to have you along for the ride. It costs just $1.00 but we rebill you for hundreds and then thousands without telling you. We call it brining the awesome.

    Don’t forget all my little gullible fools, come and pay me money to teach you how to buy a domain name that will make you millions in minutes. Awesome!

    http://www.eddale.co/dominiche/yes-lord-vader…-new-dominiche-episode-out

    Love from your favourite scamming australian con man who can’t hold down a marriage but still uses photos of his kids to drive traffic to his sites, Ed Dale (not Ed Dale), brining the awesome since meeting Frank Kern all those years ago.

  16. I am a member of Scientlogy, New Acropolis and Pro-Life.

    I have plenty of money.

    What Internet marketing you guys recommend me that is legit?

    1. @True Believer, you may join the Church of Dan Kennedy and if you are lucky enough you may be a platinum member.

      1. @Dyler Thunder,

        During one of his “Renegade Millionaires” events a few years ago, Dan Kennedy boiled his “success” system down to a nutshell.

        To paraphrase, “Don’t believe in ladders but sell ladders to others who have been conditioned to climb them.”

        In other words, declare yourself an instant guru without paying your dues.

        However, there are plenty of suckers who will gladly pay for your Silver, Gold, Platinum, and Platinum Plus rungs on your ladder of success. Buying their way into the next level of access is a success in and of itself.

        Some trivia for you. Did you know that Kennedy lived in the same town as Gary Halbert and worked for him in high school?

        1. @Ladders to Kennedy Heaven, nice.

          Another Kennedy adagio is: “Beware of wizards, but be one of them”, in other words be a guru instead of sucking other dicks guru.

          By the way, Kennedy indeed has good, useful, pratical advice.

          However we must pay attention to not only what he says, but what he does.

          Same goes to Gary Halbert.

    2. @True Believer, If you want to get started to make at least make $25K in the first 45 days and $100K in the first six months we know about some good coaches for you, but can you tell us about how much room you now have available on your credit cards and in your bank, maybe?

    3. @True Believer,

      I have several issues with your post

      Why would you feel the need to start your post with where your a member?

      Why inform us you have lots of money?…nobody here cares how much money you have

      On the outside chance your being sincere, which I truly doubt:

      Why not go the traditional route that EVERY successful business around the world follows when looking for growth in their business:

      Hire the appropriate employee with the skills and experience you desire

      If you wanted a software customized for your business would you study coding…no you would hire someone

      Want to expand into online media buys…hire a person with that background and experience

      Last I checked there are a great deal of talented people unemployed at the moment…many with the skills and experience you desire

      Doubt that’s what you were looking for

    4. @True Believer, If you want the simplest, quickest way to have more money, that’s easy. Quit Scientology. Someone is currently offering a WSO on the Warrior Forum under the title, “Cult Cash Method.” (“How ANYONE can have an extra $3,250 in their bank account just by joining, and then immediately quitting, a cult that I reveal in this amazing 136 page LIMITED EDITION collectible ebook.”)

    5. @True Believer, When i first say the comment from you I thought it was a joke, but now that I know much more about it I probably am sure it’s all a joke.

      1. @Jack, Hi Jack, I think maybe you should just say:

        ____ __ __ ______ ____ __ __
        /\ _`\ /\ \/\ \/\ _ \/\ _`\ /\ \/\ \
        \ \,\L\_\ \ `\\ \ \ \L\ \ \ \L\ \ \ \/’/’
        \/_\__ \\ \ , ` \ \ __ \ \ , /\ \ , <
        /\ \L\ \ \ \`\ \ \ \/\ \ \ \\ \\ \ \\`\
        \ `\____\ \_\ \_\ \_\ \_\ \_\ \_\ \_\ \_\
        \/_____/\/_/\/_/\/_/\/_/\/_/\/ /\/_/\/_/

        ______ __ ____ ____ ______
        /\ _ \/\ \ /\ _`\ /\ _`\ /\__ _\
        \ \ \L\ \ \ \ \ \ \L\_\ \ \L\ \/_/\ \/
        \ \ __ \ \ \ __\ \ _\L\ \ , / \ \ \
        \ \ \/\ \ \ \L\ \\ \ \L\ \ \ \\ \ \ \ \
        \ \_\ \_\ \____/ \ \____/\ \_\ \_\ \ \_\
        \/_/\/_/\/___/ \/___/ \/_/\/ / \/_/

        1. @Luther, Hi Luther. I mean, Jack. I’m Luther. Well, I guess that didn’t work. Four hours down the drain measuring semi-colons and such and I could have been doing something useful instead like putting a ship in a bottle or something. Oh, well. That was supposed to say SNARK ALERT in 3-D but it came out 0-D. Note to self when you copy and paste do not use real paste.

          1. @Luther, it will teach me to scroll faster, because I already spent the hour trying onto deciphering it and when I kept putting it in through Google Translate it came out all the same way for every of the languages, so it made me think it was Esperanto, which i don’t know how to speak or read.

  17. Cutting but very true … your best article to date (imo).

    Should be required reading for anybody who wants to venture into the blogging for big unicorn bux overnight arena.

    Maybe your buddy at SEOBook could feature it somehow for the people who really need to read it.

    There is legitimate money to made on the internet but it ain’t easy and people desperately need to know that going in.

  18. Can I copy your blog post and sell as an ebook? I’ll call it ‘salty blogging’. Then I will make big monies on the internet and be a star. :D Of course I won’t give you any credit. Except if you join my trade union.

  19. This is most true, especially for those bloggers who are “conning” peoeple. I especially like “frauducts”, a lot of them are scattered in the web today. Really funny but sharp and witty post =)

  20. Well for me, all I can say is that try to be yourself at all times and don’t write about something you don’t have a wide knowledge of. With the web as it is today, you can easily write about anything and easily publish your blog. But people would not read your post if you don;t have great knowledge about it because they will definitely see through it! Now I will share this post to my friends =)

    Risha of http://www.4thebeach.com

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