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Salty Droid

Beached Whale Millions

Not-Doctor Harlan Kilstein’s latest too dumb to be true frauduct :: BeachMillions! It works like this …

  1. You never :: ever :: never :: ever go to the beach … just like Harlan.

  2. You don’t make any money … just like Harlan.

It’s been over a year since my first post about Not-Doctor Shitstein. During that time he has become less and less popular :: even among life long assholes. His perverted shenanigans aren’t appreciated by ANYONE :: and the prospect of Law of Attracting my attention by promoting him has made him a virtual untouchable {obviously he’s been physically untouchable since at least the 70’s}. So complete is my glorious fucking victory that Kilsten has disclaimed himself and started writing in the third person. First person pronouns :: like trips to the mirror :: have become too painful …

This Man is Running A Seven Figure Business – While Taking A Stroll On The Beach!

In fact, since he personally developed the secrets of Beach Millions program, his life seems like a chapter from a completely different book. He now has plans to start new projects, goals that were fantasies a few short years ago, and friends that are really curious about his business all of a sudden.

And when they ask him what he does, he looks at them and replies naturally, “I go to the beach, put my feet up, open a book, and the money comes in”.

And I’m sure it sounds totally “natural” coming out of his pasty-as-death fat face. He could have gone with something slightly more honest :: like :: “I go to the bathroom, take off my shirt, open some porn, and the shame comes pouring in.” I don’t know :: maybe that’s not Six Figure Copy. Please continue Shitstein …

“He’s more fit than he’s been in more than ten years; he has time to run and time to work out.”

Wow really? That seems impossible. Maybe ten years ago he was a paralyzed manatee :: in which case he has actually shown some marginal improvement in fitness.

But watch out :: not all ridiculous ripoffs are on the up-n-up …

“Even money-from home money making schemes usually put people into debt. I’ve seen these online schemes and their victims first-hand. They’ve invested their time and money, and haven’t seen the rewards. It’s not what you want.”

Fuck! What kind of world is it where “even money-from home money making schemes” are bullshit? If you can’t trust ConMen selling golden unicorn turds :: than who can you trust? Oprah? Tony Robbins? Mork and Mindy? We’re all doomed!

So what’s the cost of this self-parody of a product?

“The price of the entire Beach Millions system is $97. The value is priceless.”

Finally something we agree on :: this “value” can’t be fairly priced.

Hey Harlan,

Remember last year when you thought you were going to get into the price fixing cartel :: and you were peeing in your Depends over the prospect of 100’s of orders for shitfest Tactic 7 at $2000 a pop? How’d that work out for you?

You’re welcome. Have fun at the beach.

>> bleep bloop