The Great Fingering
Are you having problems? Sure … we all are! Not enough money? No confidence? Recently refinanced at an overly optimistic valuation? Spouse leaving you for someone slightly less soul numbing? Losing control of your weight? Sure … we all are!
Fortunately for humanity, Dr. Harlan Kilstein has found the solution to ALL of these problems {AND MORE … if you act now}. You are going to feel like such silly goose when you find out the answers have been right there at your finger tips this whole time.
Yes the power of the Universe is all in your FINGERS {Link} :: Suck on that TOES!
“My name is Dr. Harlan Kilstein, and until very recently I was clueless these forces even existed. I had a access to a tradition which deliberately concealed this information”
Now, for the record, Dr. Kilstein isn’t an actual doctor {nor does he play one on TV}. But still :: It’s fun to call yourself Doctor … why shouldn’t we all be allowed to do it? Calling yourself doctor is just another one of the things that The Man is deliberately concealing to keep us all unhappy.
“More than Judaism and Christianity, every major religion has used hands and fingers as incredible symbols.”
Don’t let the piss poor structure of that sentence distract you from its important message. Why do all the world’s major religions use both hands and fingers? It’s absolutely perplexing! There are so many other body parts available :: Could this simply be a coincidence? Dr. Kilstein and I think NOT.
“I found there were specific finger positions which would bring about rapid change into anyone’s life.”
Now :: Don’t you feel silly? Here you’ve wasted all this time suffering {maybe your whole fucking life} when all you had to do was make shadow puppets with your fingers and rapid change was assured. Jokes on you!
“An entire generation in the 1940’s took two fingers and made them a symbol of future hope in an Allied victory. Led by Winston Churchill’s V symbol, the image spread around the world.”
That’s right :: Even Winston Churchill had fingers! It’s also rumored that Sir Winston used his fingers for smoking cigars, and putting food into his tea-and-cake hole. Yet MORE proof that people have {and use} fingers.
“But Droid,” you beseech {in a pleading voice that disgusts me} “I don’t have fingers … I lost them in the Iraq war because we had no exit strategy.” Yeah … Well you’re fucked friend. Don’t even bother sending Dr. Kilstein the $109 for Finger Healing. You have literally severed your connection to ALL the power in the Universe. Not even Kilstein can save you now. He’s a fake doctor :: Not a fake miracle worker.
>> bleep
-------------More fabulously hilarious writing ::
- The Anatomy of a Physiology Our good friend Not-Doctor Kilstein calls himself a copywriter...
- Tactic 7 :: The City of Gold Not-Doctor Kilstein :: To know him … is to...
- Meditations on a Fat Man Harlan Kilstein isn’t a doctor :: and he isn’t...
- Kilstein’s Conning Questionnaire When we last checked in with Doctor Harlan Kilstein...
- Beached Whale Millions Not-Doctor Harlan Kilstein’s latest too dumb to be true...
:: read one now before you die of stupid.
What finger do you get when you ask for a refund?
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LOL that is a hilarious post. Fingerluscious….
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wow thanks for pointing this out to me. no wonder i am having problems. i can’t wait to sign up
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Harlan Kilstein certainly needs the finger alright. My favorite “finger position” would be Kilstein’s fingers OFF my money. If you want to be healed, start with asking Kilstein for a refund.
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WHO in the world would ever buy something as ridiculous as “Finger Healing?” That is just very strange. I guess there must be idiots out there who will pay money for anything. What is next? Perhaps “shit on a stick?”
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[...] Harlan Kilstein isn’t all about Finger Healing, bad posture, and Internet scams. He has other hobbies too. Here are some of Dr. Kilstein’s [...]
omfg!
[Reply]
[...] 2. Use secret success bringing finger gestures {or your money [...]
[...] Terrible writing, bad ideas, ludicrously false claims, strange pictures, fake testimonials :: And still somehow not quite as stupid as Finger Healing. [...]
[...] first Droid Post about Doofstein was June 1 {link} :: So sufficient data is lacking :: But the trends are looking strong :: and I predict many more [...]
[...] products so stupid that you might actually get a few people willing to pay $100 just for the irony {Finger Healing :: One of this years hottest ironic gifts :: Buy one for a hipster friend of yours [...]
harlan scammed me out of over 6k
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Yeah? Please email me and tell me about it :: The Droid loves details! saltydroid@gmail.com
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[...] what bitches? He’s willing to sell them to you! That’s right :: along with being a finger healer {possibly not a real thing} :: hack marketer :: certified pervert :: terrible copywriter :: and all [...]
This is hysterical! Are people actually buying such a thing as “Finger Healing?” I think I will pass, thank you. My fingers are just fine as they are. This has to be one of the silliest things I have ever seen.
[Reply]
[...] been over a year since my first post about Not-Doctor Shitstein. During that time he has become less and less popular :: [...]
[...] same way that Newt Gingrich has a million Twitter followers. In the above pic Harlan demonstrates a Finger Healing meditation position for his Facebook fake-fans :: which he calls … “The Seven Purples [...]
His Grandfather warned him “Don’t look or you’ll go blind”… It’s like one big fuckin’ circle jerk and there’s always some poor schmuck willing to play the pivot man!
His opening line should read “Don’t look…. cause I’m robbing you blind”
[Reply]
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